Malfoy: How does a ragtag, makeshift army of teenagers and children somehow defeat a global supervillain?
How do we emerge victorious from the quagmire, leave the battlefield, waving our wands higher?
Yo. Turns out we have a secret weapon, a pureblood boy you know and love who's unafraid to step in.
He's constantly confusing, confounding the Dark Lord's henchmen,
Everyone give it for for the D.A.'s favorite fighting flinchman!
Longbottom!

Longbottom: I'm whipping my wand through the air, dragging Death Eaters 'round by the hair!

Company: Longbottom!

Longbottom: And I'm never gonna stop until I make 'em drop and burn 'em up and scatter their remains.

Company: Longbottom!

Longbottom: Watch me engagin' 'em, escapin' 'em, enragin' 'em, ow!

Company: Longbottom!

Longbottom: I go to the Hogs Head for some food bonds, I come back with more wands, for waving, some people who've been slavin'.

Snape: I watch them rebel from a distance, making sure they stay in position.

Longbottom: We could end this war at Hogwarts, cut them off, you see, but for this to succeed, there's someone else we need.

Snape: We know.

Company: H. Pott!

Longbottom: So he knew what to do in the D. O. M., he's inginuative and great at Defense, I mean-

Company: H. Pott!

Longbottom: You're gonna have to use him eventually, what's he gonna do on the run, I mean?

Company: H. Pott!

Longbottom: No one's near as valiant or rears his head as much like a wicked proud stallion!

Company: H. Pott!

Longbottom: You wanna beat Lord Voldemort?

Snape: Bring me the enemy of the Dark Lord.

Company: Potter! Oh, Potter! Oh, oh, oh, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter, Potter!

Snape: Harry James Potter, I know you think I killed your mentor. But the truth of the matter is we all want the Dark Lord dead!
Oh, Harry James Potter... your soldiers are waiting in the Room for you.
If you manage to get this right, they'll surrender by early light.
The world will never be the same, Harry Potter.

Is that totally cringe worthy? Let me know in the comments.
A. Cratts