Just a warning, this one's pretty sad, so be prepared for that.

I sit alone at my bedroom window, entranced by the bright beautiful stars in the pitch-black sky. The pure starlight shines with a splendor that challenges even the magnificence of the palace walls they watch over.

The light from the twinkling stars glints off an item on my desk that catches my eye. It's a gold circlet, engraved with leaves and flowers and dotted with sparkling diamonds.

The mark of the queen, and a symbol of the freedom I lost so long ago.

I finger the delicate circlet before placing the cold metal on my brow. Peering at my reflection in the window, I'm surprised by how much my appearance changes from a simple young woman to a powerful and beautiful queen. Once upon a time, I believed the crown was a blessing, but when I wear it now, all I can feel are the heavy burdens that come with it.

I distinctly remember my first few days as queen. I remember my parents, who had recently passed away in a tragic accident as they were traveling to a neighboring country, passing the role of ruler down to me. I remember my coronation and feeling so honored to become my country's queen, not realizing what it meant at the time. But most of all, I remember Erik, my most trusted herald and dearest friend...

◅◊▻

Seven years prior...

I was almost ready to cry in frustration as I sat at my desk, poring over the stack of papers, documents, and requests. There were so many things to do, so many papers to sign, so many people whose needs must be tended to.

"Do you need anything, my queen?" My sweet, soft-spoken maid asked me.

"No, Mariah, I... I'm fine." I hesitated. "But do you think... do you think you could send for--"

"Of course, my queen. I'll send for him right now." She smiled and winked at me.

I was so blessed to have a maid like Mariah. She always knew what I needed.

I turned around, going back to reading through the items on my desk, when a sharp knock sounded at my door. "Come in!" I called. 

The door opened softly. "You sent for me, Your Majesty?"

"Please, don't call me that when it's just you and me," I said, spinning around to face Erik. "No 'Your Majesty' or 'Queen Eleanor'. To you, I'm just Ellie."

"My deepest apologies, Queen Ellie. It shall never happen again." He teased, his green-blue eyes lighting up like they always did when he joked. 

I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. He made his way closer to me and brushed a lock of wavy chestnut hair off my shoulder; a small action, but one that gave me chills. "So, what's going on?" He spoke softly. 

I sighed. "Just a little stressed, that's all."

He gestured to the stacks of papers and documents scattered around my desk. "A little?"

"Ok, ok," I laughed. "A lot. I don't know how my parents did it, to be honest. They made this seem so easy... I don't even know what to do with half of this stuff!"

"I'll help you," He immediately offered. "It'll go a lot faster between the two of us, and besides, how hard can it be?"

I grinned. "You have no idea." I reached over to a stack and settled myself on the floor, dropping the stack in front of me. "Here, we'll start with this one." 

After several minutes of reading, signing, and sorting. Erik cleared his throat.  "You know," he started. "I hear the moon is full tonight."

"Is it now?"

"Indeed it is, milady, and I was hoping-- this needs to be signed,"

I dipped my quill in ink and quickly wrote up my signature on the paper. "You were saying?"

"Right. So, I was hoping that perhaps a certain queen would like to join me on a walk through the gardens? If she is able, of course."

I smiled. "I would be hon--" I cut off suddenly, my forehead creasing as my eyes browsed the paper in my hands.

"What? What is it?"

"This request... it's a request for more food." 

Erik hesitated. "Is that... bad?"

"Yes, it's very bad!" I burst, standing up. "I sit at my throne every evening and feast, while my people are out there starving! I sat down for supper just an hour or so ago, while the man who wrote this is struggling to find food for his two daughters and ill wife!"

Erik stood up as well. "Hey, it's ok--"

"No, no it's not. Did you know there's been rumors of war just outside the kingdom's boundaries? As queen, the people are almost like my children --the beggars, the wealthy, everyone-- and it's my duty to protect them, but I rest every night without checking to see if the borders are secure and that my people are safe!" I gestured to the papers still left on my desk. "A good queen would put the people's needs first, above her own. Obviously, I haven't been." I clenched my fists into my dress. "I'm failing, Erik. I'm a failure of a queen." I felt tears prick my eyes from the weight of those heavy words.

Erik was silent before taking my shoulders, turning me towards him, and pulling me into an embrace. He spoke firmly to me, "Eleanor, you listen to me. You are not a failure. You're nineteen years old, lost both your parents just a month ago, and you were thrust into this position in the middle of a drought and the possibility of war. You're doing the best you can. Nobody's perfect Ellie, so you can't expect yourself to be."

I let the tears fall freely down my cheeks as I bury my face in Erik's chest and hug him tighter. "You're right," I mumble. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He whispered, resting his head on mine.

We stayed there in each other's arms for several wonderful moments before I took a deep breath and said, "Still up for the walk in the gardens?"

He grinned. "Of course, milady."

◅◊▻

"The moon truly is the most beautiful when it's full," I observed as we walked, hand in hand, through the palace gardens. I was wearing the same simple silver dress that I wore earlier, but Erik had changed out of his usual uniform into more relaxed clothing.

"Not quite as beautiful as the woman it shines upon," Erik commented with a wink.

I couldn't suppress the giggle that bubbled through my mouth and Erik's smile widened. "I wish I could hear you laugh more," He said. "You've got a nice laugh."

I blushed and looked back up at the moon.

Our path led us to my favorite spot on the grounds. A small wooden bench sat in front of a  beautiful flowing fountain. The air smelled strongly of the fragrant roses, lavenders, and daisies that grew round about in the lush garden, and in the daytime, birds could be heard happily singing amongst the nearby trees.

I sat down on the bench beside a flowering tree, and Erik followed suit. I leaned my head against him and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I closed my eyes and sighed with content, taking in all that I could of this peaceful, wonderful moment. This was one of the few times we got to be completely alone.

We could never be this familiar with each other in public. Even though we've known each other since we were children, it's not a relationship anyone would approve of. I'm the queen, and he's a herald, and although he's in a very high position as far as social status, our relationship --if it went any further, that is-- wouldn't provide the benefits that marrying a foreign prince could for the kingdom.

I snapped out of my thoughts as Erik started running his hand through my hair and I shivered at the touch. "You're so beautiful," He mumbled to me. "You know that?"

"How could I not? You tell me all the time." I said with a smile, turning my body towards him. He carefully brought his hands to my back and I slowly moved mine to the back of his head. My fingers began playing with his light-brown locks.

"It's true though." He muttered softly, as he brought his face closer to mine. His blue-green eyes gazed deeply into my amber ones.

"I love you," I whispered. "You know that?"

"I love you too, Ellie."

He leaned in, eyes closed, and I closed mine as well, preparing for the moment when our lips would meet, when we suddenly heard shouting nearby. 

"Your Majesty!" Someone was yelling from the other side of the gardens. "Your Majesty, where are you?! We need help!"

I quickly sat up and looked at my herald in worry. "What's going on?" I asked fearfully.

"C'mon, let's go see," Erik stood up and offered his hand. I took it, and let him guide me through the gardens.

The cries for help grew louder as we neared the edge of the grounds, and we soon found the source of the shouts.

"Phillip!" Erik called out to his fellow herald. "What is it?"

The short man's round face was filled with panic. "Erik! Your Majesty! Oh thank the Stars... It's the southern border... we've been attacked." I felt my stomach drop. "We're going to war."

◅◊▻

"Erik!!" I screamed, pounding his door. "Erik, don't go, please you can't go!!" He opened his door, fully dressed in his uniform, and walked right past me, confidently making his way to the nearest doors.  "Erik!" I ran after him and grabbed his shoulders. He whipped around suddenly, held my waist, and pulled me into a kiss.

"Ellie, I'm sorry, but I have to. As herald, it's my duty to lead the people and defend them with my life. And as queen, you need to think of what's best for them, and that means letting me fight."

"But--"

"I'll be ok, I promise. We'll win the battle, and then I'll come home and we can finish our walk through the gardens." He stroked my cheek. "Do I have your permission to fight this war, Your Majesty?"

"I--" I swallowed. "Yes, Sir Erik, you may fight in this battle." My eyes started to wet. "May the Stars watch over you as you fight with nobility and honor for the f-freedom of your c-country." I took a deep breath to keep my tears held back. I reminded myself who I was.

I am the queen.

A good queen doesn't cry.

A good queen must do what's best for her people.

A good queen would let him go.

"Good luck, Erik," I whispered. "I love you."

He pulled me in for one last kiss goodbye. "I love you too. I'll be back soon."

And with that, he was gone.

I couldn't sleep that entire night. I stayed up pacing the halls, asking around if there'd been any news on the battle, but there was none, which did nothing to soothe my nerves. Mariah, my maid, offered me some tea, but I declined. Tea wouldn't help me at all, and I told her so.

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon when a messenger finally arrived at the palace doors. 

"What happened? Did we win?" I questioned him urgently.

"Yes, my queen, we won the battle, but it was a bloody one. I'm sorry to say that many lives were lost."

"And my heralds?"

He hesitated. "Robyn survived, but he suffered grave injuries." He paused.

"And the others?" I encouraged him to continue, fearing the worst.

The messenger lowered his head. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty..."

It felt like the world stopped. I couldn't breath. I couldn't even grasp the idea that Erik, my Erik, could be... 

I cried out in anguish as my heart shattered within me. I collapsed on the floor of the main corridor, sobbing and screaming for the loss of my friend, my love, my dearest herald. Mariah tried to comfort me, but there was nothing she could do. 

He promised me he'd be ok, that'd he'd be back soon. He promised we'd get to finish our midnight stroll through the castle gardens. But I sent him out to battle, and now he's gone.

My Erik was gone.

◅◊▻

Seven years later... 

I don't even notice the burning tears in my eyes until I begin to sob out loud. I brush them away with the back of my hand. A good queen doesn't cry. A good queen--

Nobody's perfect Ellie, so you can't expect yourself to be. Erik's voice pushes through my thoughts.

I break into a fit of sobs, and this time, I let the tears flow freely. I take the gold circlet from my head and place it back on the table. There, Erik, see? Now I'm not "Your Majesty" or "Queen Eleanor" anymore. I'm just Ellie. I'm your Ellie.

I look back up at the bright stars outside my window, and through my tears, I begin to pray.

"Stars above, and to the gods that dwell beyond, if you can hear my cries, please--" I cut off with a sob. "Please, let me send no more to die..."

The stars twinkle in silent response and watch as I cry and wail, my heart forever shattered from the heavy cost of the crown.

This one turned out surprisingly long, but I hope you guys liked it! It's by far one of my favorites that I've written so far! 

Uh, I can't think of much more to say lol, so bye!

//2205 words//