+ nineteen

By the end of the second day of the tryouts, the girls were informed that they would receive call backs if they would be invited to return to the team for regular practices. Narda left with a good feeling in the pit of her stomach, especially because she had seen Nari's loyalty. She had fought so hard to get her a spot in the tryouts again, even using her own personal connections to make it happen. The two girls went to their apartment and Narda got in the shower. She then spent the rest of the night binge watching dramas with Nari. Narda had even already gotten her friend hooked on popular Mexican dramas that she watched as a child. Florencia, Acacia, and Narda had even filmed a reaction video with Nari, making her watch the infamous Maldita Lisiada clip from Maria la del Barrio.

Nari had been confused watching it for the first time, since she didn't understand the context of the argument. But when the girls explained it to her, she just laughed and found the acting to be good, but very dramatic and exaggerated.

Narda's good mood from the tryouts had been dissipated the very next day. She had gotten up for work in the morning in a good mood and gotten dressed like she did every morning--in her primary school teacher uniform. She left her apartment building and was on her way to the train station when she heard a familiar voice calling after her, making her freeze in her tracks. "Guti..." He called for her, his voice hesitant. After all this time, he still called her by Guti instead of her name which was Narda. For one, it was much easier to pronounce. And also, he knew that it was the name she preferred to go by anyway--a shortened form of her last name Gutierrez. 

She didn't turn to face him, and her first impulse was to run away from him like she had been doing for weeks. But she didn't want the watchful eyes of the public on her. If anyone were to notice that she was close to him, even if it was his fault, she would still get in trouble for it because of the restraining order he had gotten against her. She said nothing, didn't even acknowledge his presence and continued walking calmly, picking up the pace only slightly. But he didn't give up so easily. She heard the patter of his own footsteps as he walked behind her, trying to catch up without gathering too much attention on himself.

"I just wanna talk to you. I know that if you listen to me, you'll forgive me after you know what really happened." He said in a whiny voice that made her go weak. Without even glancing back at him, she knew there was a cute pout on his lips. Baekhyun definitely knew his way around talking to girls. He knew just what to say to get her to consider listening, even though she decided against it in the end.

She wanted so badly to talk to him too, but he had hurt her too much already and the rational part of her didn't want to listen anymore. He had lied to her, made her think that he loved her, and that they had a chance at being together. Only to discard her in favor of someone cruel and manipulative like Taeyeon. They were sweet lies that he fed her all that time they were together, but they were lies nonetheless. As far as she knew, he had only used her for his own entertainment, at least that was what Taeyeon assured her. But Narda wasn't entirely sure how much of that was true. And she was dating Chanyeol now, his best friend. As his girlfriend, she owed him that respect to their relationship at least. 

Narda continued to ignore him when he kept calling her name as she kept walking down the street, pretending like she wasn't practically being followed around by EXO's Baekhyun. Fancy that, she thought to herself bitterly as the thought popped into her mind. She had once been the one following him around, trying to get his attention and he had ignored her for so long. Now he had finally gotten what he wanted and it was like something in him had changed. Now he was the one wanting her attention. But this is what you wanted, she wanted so badly to turn around and say that to him. To scream it out. This is what you wanted. 

"You can't ignore me forever, Guti." He said with a sigh. He sounded like he was about to give up in his attempts. At least for the moment.

"I can and I will." She blurted out a reply and quickly covered her lips with her hands when she realized what she had done. She had acknowledged him. She had tried so hard to make him think that she was ignoring him and wanted nothing to do with him. But this gave him every indication that she was listening. 

Before he could say anything more, she took off running, not caring that people were staring at her as though she were completely insane. Baekhyun stopped following when he was recognized by some fan girls--he thought it had been just his bad luck, but he hadn't seen the way Narda informed people that Baekhyun of EXO was there as she made her hasty escape--and he had to quickly retreat down the street, back in the direction of the dorms. Narda then made it to the safety of the train station, clutching her hands to her chest as she tried to catch her breath. Even if she were to listen to what he had to say and managed to even forgive him, they would never be able to go back to what they had before. 

Her trust in him had been broken and she also didn't want to hurt Chanyeol's feelings. He loved her so much, and she tried so hard to love him too, but things just didn't work that way. 

Narda still loved Baekhyun.

-

"I didn't ask sooner because I know its none of my business and I know SM will probably talk about it through the press later--" Narda began one afternoon while spending time with Chanyeol. He and the members were still busy, promoting the new album and appearing on music shows to perform the title track. Narda had promoted them non stop on social media. For the last couple of weeks, they had remained in Korea after their first five concerts. But they would be continuing onto China in the end of May. She and her boyfriend were cuddled up on the living room couch, watching a Mexican drama that Narda was really into. "But I haven't seen Tao around the dorms in a while. Is he feeling okay?"

She knew about his leg injury, which had been the reason why his sister had taken his place for a year. But she didn't know exactly what the extent of the injury was or about other injuries that he had sustained since returning to Korea to continue with EXO.  

Chanyeol instantly tensed at her words. It had been clear that something was bothering him and it had everything to do with Tao. He debated with himself internally--whether to tell her or not. He wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about that topic. But this was Narda, his girlfriend, and he knew he could trust her. 

"Aish, they don't really want me talking about this." He began with a sigh.

She quickly nodded in understanding. "Then we don't have to talk about it, Chan. I was just wondering if he was okay."

Narda was ready to drop the subject, even though she was just dying of curiosity on the inside. But she knew how strict SM Entertainment could be and that if he was being restricted then it meant something bad had probably happened. But he told her anyway. He trusted her, even with his own life. "Tao hadn't been feeling well these last few months since he came back to us." Chanyeol explained with a sad sigh as he remembered what had happened. "His leg injury was acting up since he had been forced to come back before it could fully heal, and he had also been having back problems. When we filmed for Call Me Baby he could barely even walk right and our managers wouldn't let him rest."

Narda suddenly felt bad that she hadn't noticed sooner. She might have tried to ease his pain or tried to make him feel better. But she had no way of knowing, since she wasn't allowed around EXO lately. She barely even got to see Chanyeol and that was because he was committed to their relationship to the point where he'd sneak out of the dorms at night just to go see her. But she was also outraged that their company saw him like that--they saw him in pain--and they did nothing to help him. They continued to ask him to perform as though there was nothing wrong with him. They ignored the problem and hoped it would fix itself.

"So about two weeks ago he packed his things and told us he was going to California for proper rehabilitation. He promised us he'd come back." He paused for a moment when his voice began to crack slightly. His dark eyes soon filled with tears, but he fought hard to keep them at bay. He didn't want Narda to see him cry. "The next day the managers called him and tried to get him to come back, since he had left without their permission. But he refused. About a week after, we got a call from his father, telling us that he wasn't returning, and that they wanted to meet with some company representatives about finalizing his contract with SM."

Narda suddenly felt her heart drop at the news. That meant what she had been dreading. Another member was more than likely leaving EXO and now they would only be left with nine members. First Kris, who had left about five months after she arrived in Korea. Then Luhan who left about four months after that. And now Tao. The Chinese members were leaving the company and Narda knew why. She knew Chanyeol and the others knew it too, but they couldn't do anything about it. The Chinese members weren't treated the same by the company. They weren't given the same opportunities. Even the Korean members weren't treated all that well. But they still had more chances than foreign idols.

But more than just that, Narda was upset by the fact that Chanyeol and the other members were asked to keep it all to themselves. The pain they were feeling upon losing another brother so soon and so suddenly. They were forced to suffer in silence. Chanyeol especially had been cheerful around her, not letting his feelings show and he had even comforted her when she was upset over getting kicked out of tryouts--all the while having his own troubles which he couldn't talk about.

"Oh Chan." Narda gushed and threw her arms around him, knocking him down onto the couch. Nuzzling her face into is chest, she added, "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. You could have told me sooner and I would have kept it a secret."

"I know, baby." He sighed, settling her hands on her waist. "But you have your own worries and I didn't want to add to that."

They were both laying down on the couch, with Narda in his arms. Her head was rested on his chest and she pulled away slightly to look up at him. "Your burdens are mine to share too. That's what I'm here for." She assured him. "When do you think they're going to make the announcement?" She asked him with curiosity.

He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "They're still trying to negotiate to get him to come back. So it might be a few weeks. But it could even take up to a few months." Chanyeol gently wrapped his arms around her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "If Tao is happy leaving us, then I won't stop him. I only need you. You're my only happiness."

Narda frowned against his lips. "I don't think he wants to leave you. I just think it was the same thing Lu Han and Kris felt. They didn't feel appreciated by the company."

"But Lu Han hyung was more considerate of our feelings." He pointed out, trying to defend his words and the slight bitterness that was growing in his heart against Tao. "He explained everything to us. He told us that he was tired, and had no more will to continue. Tao and Kris hyung just got up and ran away one day without even saying a goodbye. Tao especially. He lied to our faces and then sent his dad in to tell us he wasn't coming back."

"No Chan." Narda gave a shake of her head. "Don't be like that. You have to understand him."

He said nothing, only brought his lips to hers again, in search of a kiss.

-

just a little update for you all before i go shower and then go to bed. thank you all so much for reading. have a wonderful night.

thank you!

-clary