Aesthetic  |es'THetik | (also esthetic) adjective; concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty: the pictures give great aesthetic pleasure. – New Oxford American Dictionary.

Chapter fifteen; aesthetic

By the time I walked through my front door it was eerily quiet both outside and inside, the air conditioning chilling my bare legs and my sun burnt cheeks. I glance around the living room, looking for any signs of life.

            "Mom?" I call. "I'm home."

            No answer.

            I shrug and trudge up to my room, the scent of chlorine clinging to me making my skin itchy and my eyes water. But that doesn't bother me too much. It's been a great day.

            I think about what Arthur said as I take a warm shower. Maybe I do need to lighten up a little more. Seeing his outlook on life and his love for all things art kind of reminds me of the way I used to be...when my dad was alive.

            I hum to myself, taking my time under the water and wondering what Lila has been up to today. Maybe I'll check up on her when I'm finished.

            After rubbing an excessive amount of lotion on my skin and moisturizer on my face I flop onto my bed, feeling comfortable in a pair of cotton shorts and a silk pajama top.

            After shooting Lila a short text enquiring about her day I decide now would be a great time to check up on Ray. It seems I haven't seen him all day and I'm a little worried about the little squirt...no matter how moody he can be he'll always be my little brother.

            So after grabbing a banana from downstairs I run up to his room, skipping a step every once in a while.

            I raise my hand to knock on his door but the pinging of my phone catches my attention.

            Lila:

            Hey! I've just been chilling with a friend. Hope you're having fun with Arthur<3

            I smile at her text before sending a reply, reassuring her that I had fun and actually let go for once.

            For once Ray responds right away to the knock on his door. This is the first strange occurrence. Then he actually gives me permission to come in...without grunting and/or throwing things. This is the second.

            The third is by far the most strange and I find myself frozen in the doorway, unable to form a coherent sentence. My tongue is frozen. I am astonished.

            Ray is...wait for it...smiling. Hard.

            And guess who else is smiling. Not me. Not my mom. Not one of Ray's deadbeat friends.

            Lila. My Lila.

            Not that I'm one of those controlling friends who doesn't want her girlfriends anywhere near her weird smelly brothers but...what is happing here?

            "I must be in an alternate universe." I mutter, watching Ray pause the movie on his laptop, the glowing apple on the front glaring at me mockingly. Lila waves at me and pops a potato chip in her mouth as she sits comfortably next to Ray (again, let's establish that Ray is a very moody, very fifteen, and very my brother boy) their legs crossed over each other's in the middle in order to fit on the twin sized mattress.

            "No...it's much worse. I'm in an alternative alternate universe."

            "Hey sis. Back so soon?" Ray chirps, about giving me a heart attack with how much he's not wanting to kill me.

            "Um..." I swallow, my throat dry. "I've been gone almost all day it's –" I check my phone, "ten o'clock."

            He looks almost surprised, his dark hair falling over his strikingly green eyes. "Oh...wow. I didn't realize it was that late." Now getting a good look at me, he seems to understand how weirded out I am. He leg immediately retracts from Lila's and his laptop closes.

            Lila looks over at him, her pretty mousy brown hair tied up in a messy bun, her face naked. This is yet another strange occurrence. Lila would never not wear makeup around someone she's not completely comfortable with. Then again she spends the night here pretty often so Ray has seen her without makeup before.

            This helps me relax a little. She did say she was going to talk with him and try to help him open up a little. I guess it's working because I haven't seen Ray this relaxed since before dad got...well, you know.

            "Hey it was just getting to the good part." She exclaims to Ray. He gives her a shrug and an apologetic look. She then furrows her eyebrows in confusion and he responds with a nod in my direction. Apparently his face says is all because she instantly nods understandingly and gets up, giving him another look that seems to mean she'll be right back and pushes me out the door closing it behind us.

            "You okay, Love?" She asks as we make it to my bedroom.

            I don't respond for several seconds.

            "Um...Lila? What...what was that? I mean, I know that you told me you were going to like help him or something but I didn't exactly know that you were going to be all close like that." I point to my door as if I were pointing back to the moment I walked through the door.

            She scrunches her face as if she thinks I'm crazy and laughs. "Is it so hard to believe that your brother is really nice and fun and an awesome friend? We're just hanging out. Chill."

            "And what the heck was up with that whole telepathy thing you've got going on? How long have you guys even been hanging out?" I ask.

            She shrugs nonchalantly, "Since he took my number out of your phone and texted me."

            "Why would he want to do that anyway?" I wonder aloud.

            Her tawny eyes squint in a glare. "Maybe he wanted to be friends? Maybe he felt like he couldn't even talk to his own sister because she's too caught up with some artist guy to see how much he's hurting? I get him, Lovely. I'm sorry if this weirds you out and you will always be my best friends but Ray needs someone. And...maybe I need someone right now too." She says quietly, suddenly finding an interest in her bare feet.

            Her words wash over me and soon enough there's a silent chasm between us so wide that even if one of us spoke, the other would be too distracted to hear.

            I haven't been spending that much time with Arthur, right? No. We don't even know each other that well anyway. Not like Ray and Lila seem to know each other. Then again, Lila and I have been friends for a long time...which means Ray's known her all this time too.

            But if Ray really needed to talk, I've given him plenty of opportunity.

            Right?

            "I'm sorry, Lila." I sigh, stepping forward and embracing her in a hug.

            She sighs. "Me too. I didn't mean to not tell you but I didn't exactly think that there was anything to tell, you know?" She says, pulling away.

            I nod. "Yeah I get it. Now go ahead and finish the movie with Ray. I'll hang with you tomorrow or something." I tell her with a small smile.

            "You're sure?"

            "Yeah...Ray could use a friend. And you're the best one for the job. I've never been great with him and I guess I was a little jealous that you were the one to get through to him."

            She gives me a teary smile and hugs me again. "Thanks, Lovely. It means a lot."

            After that I push her out of the room and begin trying to figure out how in the world to share my best friend with my brother and my brother with my best friend.

            Turns out the topic just put my brain to sleep.

                                                   *            *            *           *

            The next morning I was pleasantly surprised to see my mom in the kitchen, a pot of coffee brewing. But that was ruined when I saw how bad she looked.

            "Mom? Are you feeling okay?"

            She smiles weakly at me, tugging her robe around herself and shivering. "I'm fine sweetie. Just a little under the weather."

            "Mom, you're obviously too sick to go to church today. Go get back into bed and I'll get your coffee. You feel okay enough for some breakfast?" I ask, reaching for one of our frying pans.

            She nods and shuffles silently to her room.

            I frown at her discomfort and begin to prepare breakfast for all three of us.

            Unfortunately, today is my mom's grocery shopping day so all I was able to make is some scrambled eggs and a few pieces of turkey bacon. There's only enough for Ray and my mom but I don't mind.

            At one point both Lila and Arthur text me asking about my plans for the day but I respond both texts with the same thing. My mom is sick, I've got to go grocery shopping and I'd still like to spend some time with God since today is Sunday. Not that you have to do that on Sundays but...it's a good day to do so.

            After leaving Ray's plate in the microwave I carefully make my way to my mom's bedroom, her breakfast in tow.

            I crack the door, one hand balancing the tray and one on the wood. I knock lightly and speak softly, "Hey mommy, I've got your food."

            She sits up, her face pasty and her hair up and messy. Her lips look chapped and pale.

            "You look horrible." I tell her sadly.

            She gives me a dry look and snatches the coffee mug off the tray. "Gee thanks, Lovely."

            I give her an apologetic look before setting the tray across her blanket covered lap.

            "Okay just holler if you need anything. I'll be out in the living room where I can hear you." I smile.

            "Thanks for being such a good girl." She croaks.

            I just nod and shut her bedroom door.

            After doing the dishes and making sure Ray is awake (he wasn't) I flop down on the couch, bible in hand.

            After reading some Psalms and rereading Esther, I receive a message from Arthur.

            Art:

            HeyJ I know that you're taking care of your mom and I'm really doing anything so I was thinking I could do your shopping for you? Just send me a list and I'll get right on it.

            Me:

            I can't ask you to do that, Art.

            Art:

            If you don't send me the list I'm just going to buy a bunch of random food.

            Me:

            ...you're sure you don't mind?

            Art:

            FOR HEAVENS SAKE LOVE, JUST SEND ME THE FREAKING LIST

            I roll my eyes but my lips betray me, tugging into a smile.  I type up a list, look over it to make sure I didn't forget anything, and press send.

            "And just what are you so happy about?"

            I jump in my seat, my head turning toward Ray. "Gosh Ray, you scared me."

            "You changed the subject." He raises his eyebrows suspiciously.

            "It's nothing...okay so it's not nothing but it's also not something."

            "That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever."

            I sigh, my eyes rolling. "Arthur going grocery shopping for me because Mom's sick and I'm taking care of her."

            He blinks several times before laughing at me. "Girls get excited over the stupidest things."

            I shrug. "You might just want to keep that in mind."

            He opens his mouth to make fun of me some more but before anything can come out he shuts it again and furrows his eyebrows as if he's just solved the last piece to a puzzle.

            "Huh." He says to himself before turning and walking into the kitchen.

            I stare after him for a few seconds before shaking my head and laughing to myself a little.

            If only guys knew that they're the ones who make things complicated by thinking we're complicated.

            For the next hour or so I spend my time watching a movie, pausing the movie to check on my mom, fetching what my mom needs and un-pausing the movie.

            I have made it about thirty minutes in before I hear a knock on the door.

            I make it to the door and take the time to peer through the peep hole to see Arthur rocking back and forth on his heels, two brown bags in each arm.

            I pause, tucking the hair behind my ears and run my fingers over my eyebrows. I then realize that I'm wearing my completely dorky glasses but cast the thought away. I doubt he cares.

            "Cute glasses." Is the first thing he says as he walks through the door. Even though I'm pretty sure he's seen them before.

            Maybe he just really thinks they're cute. That would make one of us.

            "Thanks so much for doing this. You can just set those down on the counter. Are there any more out in the car?" I ask, my thumb jutting towards the door.

            "Nah I think I got all of it." He tells me, his eyes on the groceries as he picks one thing after the other.

            We work in silence. I put everything in its place, at one point unable to reach a shelf when suddenly he was behind me, gently taking it from me and easily sliding it onto the shelf.

            I'm not sure why but it got strangely warm in that kitchen.

            I step away, my cheeks hot.

            "You okay? You look a little pale." He steps forward and places his hand on my forehead as if to check my temperature.

            I step away, thinking that I'm just a little flustered for no reason but my mind is changed when I'm suddenly ice cold. I begin to shiver, my teeth chattering and goosebumps rising on my arms. 

            His arms engulf me, his hands rubbing up and down on my arms. The action seemed to be purely friendly which is great because...yeah.

            "You should get in bed, Lovely. I'll make you some soup?" He offers. I weakly pull away and laugh softly.

            "Arthur, do you even know how to make soup?"

            "I'll try."

            "Fair enough." I shrug, wincing as my head begins thumping uncomfortably. "I'll be upstairs."

            I showed him where the pot was along with the chicken broth and everything he'll need before trudging upstairs.

            I sigh as I engulf myself in all of my blankets and pillows and before I know it, I'm asleep.

            I awake to my door opening. I keep my eyes closed, hoping I don't look as bad as I feel.

            "Love –" He stutters, "Lovely?"

            I try not to laugh at his face expression as I open my eyes. He seems to feel pretty awkward so to make him feel better I sit up, hoping he believes my 'I feel a little better' smile.

            "How you feeling?" He asks.

            "I'll live...I think." I joke.

            He pales at this and quietly sets a bowl of soup in my lap.

            I peer down at the food, expecting to see a lot worse.

            It looks edible enough.

            I pick up the spoon and take a sip of the broth. A little too much salt...and too many carrots (which aren't quite soft enough) but other than that it's okay I guess. It really helps my sore throat.

            "What's the verdict?" He asks, placing his bottom lip in his teeth.

            "Uh...eight out of ten." I decided to be nice.

            "You're being generous." He whines.

            "Stop whining, it's fine."

            He gives me a flat look, sits down by my feet and before I can stop him, he's taken my spoon and shoved a bite in his mouth. His face instantly shrivels into itself and I can't help but laugh.

            "Stop. You're going to get sick. My germs are on that spoon." I laugh, reaching forward and snatching the spoon away before he infects himself.

            "First of all, that sucks give it to me because there's no way I'm letting you eat this garbage. And second, if there are any germs I'd willingly intake, it's yours."

            We both sit there, the words just sitting there in the air.

            I finally decide to save him.

            So jokingly say, "Ditto."

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