Chapter 29

Raphael Pov

It was Monday when I finally went home. Exhaustion and lack of sleep got the better of me when I got home. Isang tao lang ang gusto kong makita.I don't know why, but I want to see Dareen's face. I want to see his wicked grin and I want him to tease me. It sounds so fucking lame. But that's what I wanted right now. 

I thought that when I got home siya agad ang sasalubong sa akin. But I was wrong, his cat, Snow, iyon ang sumalubong sa akin. Tinapon ko nag coat ko sa sofa at hinanap siya. I don't know kung dahil ba malungkot lang ako sa pagkawala ng kaibigan ko pero tingin ko ang tahimik at ang lamig ng bahay pagpasok ko.

Although I'm used to it na tahimik at walang tao ang bahay ko but eversince Dareen live here. My house become bright, cheerful. Maybe because he was very noisy and clumsy.

"Dareen." I said and open his room pero wala siya doon.

I look at his bed at nakaayos naman ang kama. Lumapit ako doon at kinawakan ko iyon pero nang mahawakan ko ang kama ay malamig iyon. I clenched my jaw. He didn't sleep in his bed. I concluded. I went to his bathroom and hopefully I can find him there pero wala rin at halata na walang gumamit doon.

Lumabas ako sa kwarto niya at hinanap ko siya sa buong bahay ko at sunod ng sunod sa akin ang pusa niya. Dammit!

Because of my frustrations nang di ko mahanap si Dareen sa buong bahay ay napahuwag ako sa suot kong necktie habang naglalakad sa living area. I undo the three successive buttons of my long sleeve and took my phone in my pocket.

After several rings my mom answered her phone. I closed my eyes and calm myself down before speaking.

"Mom."

"Oh! Good morning son. I heard what happened to Lorcan-"

"Mom, have you seen Dareen." I meddle mom from speaking.

"What?"

I ran my fingers on my hair. "I cannot find him in my house, mom."

"I last saw him in your Kuya's house, Raphael. Last Friday, we had dinner at your Kuya's place. And after that, my driver will drive him to your house." Mom answered.

"Then why I can't find him here, mom?"

Natahimik si Mommy at ako naman ay nag-iisip kung saan pwedeng pumunta si Dareen. Bullshit! This is the first time he went out without me knowing. No, he doesn't went out. Fuck. This is the first time.

"Hindi ba siya umuwi sa kanila Raphael? Umayos ka dyan!" Mommy angrily said.

"Mom. I check his clothes nandidito pa man."

"You must find him Raphael!" After mommy's yell she cut off the line.

Pumunta ako sa CCTV room ng bahay ko at tiningnan ko kung ano ang ginawa ni Dareen sa mga araw na wala ako sa bahay. Una kong tsineck ang ginawa niya kahapon at nakita kong dumating si Clemence, his gay friend. Then after that sabay sila na lumabas sa bahay. I clenched my fist when I saw what the fuck Dareen is wearing. Bullshit! A fucking shorts?! Does he really have to wear that kind of fucking thing? Sana hindi na lang siya nagsuot kubg ganoon naman kaikli iyon. It is okay if he's only inside the house, but dammit. He went fucking out!

Hindi mahirap sa akin na alamin ang cellphone number ng kaibigan ni Dareen kaya nang mahanap agad kong tinawagan ang number. Napapakuyom ako sa kamao ko sa tagal na sumagot ng kaibigan ni Dareen.

Lumabas ako sa CCTV room at umakyat sa kwarto ko upang magbihis. Dumating na ako sa kwarto at nakahubad pero hindi pa rin sinasagot noong kaibigan ni Dareen ang cellphone niya. What the fuck?!

"Hello! Sino 'tong gago na tawag-tawag sa akin!? Tang ina kakatulog ko pa lang!"

Napalingon akp sa cellphone ko sa kama. Nang tumunog iyon. Agad kong sinout ang tshirt ko at kinuha ang cellphone ko.

I cleared my throat. "Where the fuck is Dareen?"

"Huh?"

"Where the hell is Dareen?"

"T-teka... R-Raphael Marcet?"

I was impatient to know Dareen's location yet this friend of him is cutting off the thin line of patience I am holding.

"Tell me where is he?"

"A-ano iniwan ko siya sa hotel-"

"WHAT?!!"

"Ay, grabe! Sa *** Hotel doon ko siya iniwan."

"Oka-"

"Pumunta ka sa bahay ko Mr. Marcet... nasa akin ang keycard ng room niya."

"Okay."

I grabbed my wallet and my car key. Bumaba ako at tumakbo sa garahe ko. Mabilis ang pagpatakbo ko at pumunta sa bahay ng kaibigan ni Dareen.

While driving, I thought of my actions earlier. I panic. I panicked when I didn't see him at my house. My heart leaped a beat when I entered my house and didn't see or feel his presence. 

And I remember what happened to my late wife and to our unborn child. I don't want it to happen again. I do kill people. I'm not afraid of killing people, but I'm afraid of losing someone dear to me. Dareen left in my care... so basically, he is my responsibility. Nevertheless, does taking care of someone involve finding their warmth? Why do I find Dareen's warm? Why do I feel comfortable when he is around, even if he is noisy, clumsy, dumb, and always gets into my business? Why don't I feel annoyed when he disturbs me at work? Why do I want him to talk to me even if he talks about nonsense? Why do I like him talking to me even if I always ignore him?

What bullshit is this?

I stopped at Dareen's friend's house. I turn off the engine and get out of my car. Clemence, Dareen's friend, went out wearing his sleep wear. He rubbed his drowsy eyes. 

"The key." I said and extended my hand.

He hand me the keycard but retreated it back. Kumunot ang noo ko sa ginawa niya.

"Mr. Marcet hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa bahay ninyo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron kayo ng kaibigan ko pero sana naman ayusin mo ang pakikitungo mo sa kanya. Kung may gusto mo siya sabihin mo kung hindi linawin mo iyong namamagitan sa inyo. Ma-"

"Wait, I don't under-"

"-marupok si Dareen. Marupok ang kaibigan ko Mr. Marcet. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang meron sayo, e. Pero humaling na humaling ang kaibigan ko sayo Raphael. Kaya sana linawin mo... linawin ninyo kung ano ba talaga kayo. Wag mong paasahin ang kaibigan ko Raphael." He said and put the keycard on my palm.

I clenched my jaw. "Don't you have fear?"

"Kung sayo Mr. Marcet—Raphael may takot ako pero para sa kaibigan ko ito." He gasped. "Sige na. Chupi na. Puntahan mo na ang kaibigan ko."

---

I swiped the keycard and opened the door. A suite type room. Sarado ang mga kurtina kaya madilim di halata na umaga na at mataas na ang araw. The only thing that give a light on the whole living area was a lampshade. I put my car key, and the key card on the table near the door. I walk into the room and open it. Sobrang dilim din doon. Patay lahat ng ilaw.

I switch the light on and there I find the person whom I've been looking for. My fist balled when I saw the same outfit he wore yesterday. Damn that shorts!

Lumapit ako sa kama at umupo malapit sa kanya. I cover my nose when I smell the strong odor of alcohol coming from him. I guess he'd been drinking.

"Dareen. Dareen, wake up." Sinubukan kong gisingin siya.

I jerked his arms to wake him but he only groaned and changed his position.

"Dareen. Wake u-" i halted when I saw him opened his eyes.

His eyes shoot me like daggers. Dareen's eyes are somnolent; his under eyes are dark. I want to hug him, but I can not bring myself to do it. It is bugging me that I remember what his friend told me. It has been bugging me on my way here and even now. 

Nahihirapan siyang bumamgon kaya tinulungan ko siya. Kumapit siya sa braso ko at ng makaupo siya sa kama ay tinitigan niya ako.

"Ohh! You look like someone I know." Dareen pointed me.

My forehead puckered. Dammit! He is drunk!

"Dareen."

"Shit! Your voice is also the same!" he exclaimed.

"Daree-" I bite my tongue when Dareen suddenly hug me and vomit on my shirt.

My mouth was hanging open and my body immobilized while Dareen was puking on my shirt. Jesus Christ! I wanted to push him and even kick him, but I could not move from shock.

After puking my heart almost melt when he started sobbing and clenching on shirt.

"You're a fucking shit, Raphael Laurence. You're a dick! You're a brute!"

I pushed him and looked at his face. Dammit! His tears and his saliva are mixing! I wanna puke because of its odd smell!

Hinubad ko ang tshirt ko at tinapon ko iyon. Bumaba ako sa kama at kinarga ko si Dareen para dahil sa bathroom at linisan. I mentally cussed when he wiggled. He is very light, but when he keeps moving, he might fall from my arms. 

I halted and pierced my eyes at him, but he only rolled his eyes. Then his legs wiggled again. Fuck this! He is testing my patience!

"Jesus! Baby stop moving!" I yelled nang malapit na akong maubos.

"Saan mo ako dadalhin? Ki-kidnapin mo ako? Shit. Lagot ka sa Daddy Raphael ko!"

I closed my eyes. He is really damn drunk!

Only if he's not drunk, I might tease back, but he is not in his right mind. I opened the bathroom's door and put him on the spacious sink. 

"Ibaba mo ako!"

I glared at Dareen but he only glared at me too. The fucking nerve of this sly cat!

"Don't move or you're going to fall!" sigaw ko sa kanya at tumigil siya sa kakagalaw niya. At least he is afraid of falling.

Yumuko ako at kinuha ko ang isa niyang paa para tanggalin ang suot niyang boots. Sinununod ko ang isa niyang paa nang matapos ako. Tumayo ako ng maayos sa harapan at hinawakan ko ang laylayan ng damit niya. Wearing a fucking oversized shirt while wearing a damn short-shorts! This sly cat want to be punish!

"Ano ba! Bat mo ako hinuhubaran! Hindi porket gwapo ka at may abs ay magpapagahasa na ako sayo!" sigaw niya nang mahubad ko ang tshirt niya. Basta ko na lang tinapon ang tshirt niya at isusunod ko na sana ang short niya nang sampalin niya ako.

For a brief moment, my face goes numb and all I see is darkness.I ground my teeth. I was ready to yell at him, but when I held my head up, my face softens when I hear him cry.

"Hindi nga ako magpapagahasa sayo." He sobbed and his fresh and new tears dribbled on his white and flush cheeks. "Isusumbong kita. Isusumbong kita kay Rap."

"Baby. Baby it's me." I hold his hand and bring it on my face. "It's your Daddy, baby." I feel like I'm cooing a big baby having his tantrums.

He calm down but he didn't stop crying so I resume on taking his short off. Sinukahan na niya ang damit niya so, I need to clean him up. I only leaved his brief on. I grabbed the toilet paper and clean his face. Wiping his tears and his saliva off.

I took the unused toothbrush and put a small amount to toothpaste in it.

"Come on open your mouth, baby. Say, ah."

He wiped his tears and opened his mouth. I touched his jaw and started brushing his teeth. After cleaning him, I was about to lift him, but he hugged me. He buried his face in my chest.

"My heart hurts. I... I am used to it but why it hurts so much when it comes to you. Why I'm so weak when it comes to you."

"I don't what the hell happened, baby."

"Ang sakit... ang sakit ng dibdib ko. "

"Baby-"

"Mahal na mahal kita, Ra..."

Naghintay ako kung ano ang susunod na sasabihin ni Dareen pero wala na akong narinig mula sa kanya. Natahimik na siya at kumalma na. Napatingin ako sa kanya at nakita kong nakatulog na siya. Bumuntonghininga ako at nilagay ko ang braso niya sa leeg ko at kinarga siya patungo sa kama.