Getting home that night was truly strange. For the first time in six months, Rylie entered my apartment — my world— my secret place. Her face was as normal as ever, bright and pale. Her hands hung limp, close to her body. 

I don't often do stuff like this—

Everything had started out of curiosity, after a month of badgering by Mandy. Everything had started with an internet service. Now I had a girlfriend— a bestselling author— and she accepted me for who I was. How crazy was that? 

I went over to my couch and almost threw myself on it. I was drenched in rain and my hair still smelt like pine. I was exhausted, but my eyes wouldn't shut anytime soon. Rylie stood near the door, stuck somewhere in her thoughts. 

" What are you thinking about?"

She sighed and took off her coat, putting it on the hanger next to the door. 

" I don't— I... You..."

I pursed my lips. 

" You accept what I told you, right? You're not gonna call the cops on me when I'm gonna fall asleep, right?"

" Of course not. I would've done that when you went to the toilet before if I wanted to call on you."

I tried smiling, but the atmosphere wasn't smiley. It felt gloomy, dark. Sad. As if the fondation of our relationship had fundamentally changed, which it may have done. 

" What's wrong then?"

She shook her head and approached slowly. Her hair was humid, frizzing up on the side of her face. 

" It's just..." 

She sat on the little table in front of the couch. 

" It's just that... You know. I didn't... I don't mind you being a little bit of a freak—"

" A freak? You think I'm a freak?"

" No! No I didn't mean that— you remember I said I would've liked being there, right? I'm just annoyed you didn't tell me! Maybe it's a little more than I bargained for, you know.."

" You said you were okay with it!"

I put my hands against my head. 

" I am okay with it! It's just... baby, it's not normal for everyone to have a murderous boyfriend, okay? I am okay with it. I am okay with it. I am, okay? Because I love you. I love you and I love research and I love you and I love you but..."

" But?"

" Maybe we should... You know... Stop seeing each other for a little while. I could go up south, see my parents a little, go to the beach... And when I come back we'll be happy and stable again."

" What do you mean?"

" We should take a break, JJ."

" Wh— You were okay with it! You love me!"

" I love you enough to know we need a little time apart."

" It makes no sense! You're gonna slip away!"

" I'm not, honey. I just need a breather."

" A breather from me?"

" A breather from us."

" But..."

" No buts. I need this, okay? Would you rather us breaking up? This is just us stopping for a little while. You'll hang with Mandy, I'll hang with my family, and when I come back it'll be like we never stopped seeing each other."

" You really want this?"

" I really do."