Take these incorrect quotes because yaurrr!!

~

V: *sneaking in through their window*

Uzi: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

V: I was with N?

N: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

~

V: I hate Uzi.

N: Don't say hate. That is a mean word.

V: Fine, I LOATHE Uzi.

~

Uzi: HEY HEY HEY! DON'T TOUCH THOSE!

V, touching a figurine: Why? What's wrong with touching a doll?

Uzi: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much.

J, from afar: IT'S JUST A STIFF DOLL!

V: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT'S JUST A STIFF DOLL— as J said!

Uzi: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio—

V: *Drops figurine on the ground*

Uzi: —n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain.

And that's why it's better to have N be with Uzi at all costs.

~

N: You can do it Uzi!

V: But if you can't, at least your death will be quick, painless, and really cool to watch.

~

Uzi: My only talent is being stress.

Thad: Don't you mean stressed?

Uzi: No.

~

Uzi: V, N, I love y'all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing?

V, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that N is sitting atop: Oh nothing much.

N: I love you too :)

~

Thad: What's your greatest fear?

Uzi: Being forgotten.

Thad: ...

Thad: Damn, that's deep.

Thad: Mine is the Kool Aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now...

~

V: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

N: But we lost Uzi.

V: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

~

N: Look guys, I need help.

Tessa: Love help?

J: Financial help?

Uzi: Emotional help?

V: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at V*

V: What?

~ 

Khan: I've got a weapon, and I'm... admittedly VERY afraid to use it!

~

Uzi: *makes N a cup of tea but puts salt in it*

N: *sips tea*

Uzi:

N: *finishes tea*

Uzi: Didn't it taste bad?

N: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.

Uzi, tearing up: Oh, okay.

~

N, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please.

J, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. New York Times Bestseller.

J, now looking directly at N: Go fuck yourself.

~

N: What's your favorite color?

Uzi: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.

N: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?

Uzi: My favorite color is black.

Changed up the color cuz Uzi

~

N: The ritual. To preform it requires a sacrifice.

V: Sacrifice? I nominate Uzi.

Uzi: Wait, what?

V: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.

Uzi: I'm 5'9, it's like average height in most of the world!

N: Its not that kind of of sacrifice guys!

~

V: You are a spineless twit!

J: You cannot talk to me that way, I am your superior!

V: A six-year-old girl could talk to you that way!

J Yes, because that would be adorable.

V: No, it's because you are a five-year-old girl and there's a pecking order.

~

Thad: Good night.

N: Sleep tight.

V: Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself.

Uzi: Great, now N's crying.

Honestly I can imagine V, Uzi, N and Thad being in a friend group

~

V: Die.

N: Please don't die!

V: DIE!

N: PLEASE DON'T DIE!

Thad, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?

Uzi, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and N wants V to accept it as their kid.

~

N and V: *making loud, shouty gorilla sounds at each other*

Thad:

Uzi, exasperatedly: We have a guest.

~

Uzi, texting: O

N: What?

Uzi: Don't read into that.

N: But I will read into that.

Uzi: HOW?! IT'S A LETTER!

N: Why is there a space after it, hmmmmm?

Uzi: Dude, really?

Uzi: It's a fucking letter.

N: It could stand for something!

Uzi: IT DOESN'T, I PROMISE!

N: Like Oppression! Or worse...

Uzi: Dude, I just typed the letter O, that means nothing. :/

N: Optometrist.

Uzi: Oh my God...

~

N: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business*

Uzi, storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY "FUCK YOU" IN FLOWER???

~

Thad: Why are N and Uzi sitting with their backs to each other?

V: They had a fight.

Thad: Then why are they holding hands?

V: They get sad when they fight.

~

Uzi, trying to flirt with N: I think both of our families suck.

~

V: *closes a cabinet*

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*

N: What was that?

V: The sound of someone else's problem.

~

Uzi: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

~

*Squad is playing Among Us*

Uzi: I believe N is innocent, I was with them the whole time. V, what were you doing?

V: Oh, I was just murdering... I mean, nothing!

~

Uzi: Where's N?

V: Around.

Uzi: Around?

Uzi: You don't have any idea, do you?

N, dropping down from above: Did you know there's a space above the ceiling?

~

N: Yum, thanks!

Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

~

N: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Uzi: Well, that's just your personal opinion, I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?

V: Well, I wouldn't really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

~

N: Our relationship is strictly professional.

Uzi, sitting on N's lap: Absolutely. Only on business.

~

Lizzy: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

Doll:

Doll: I like you.

~

Uzi: I have no respect for Santa. Don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

~

N: Hey, Uzi! Did you know your my BFFLWYLION?

Uzi: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

N: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.

Uzi:

Uzi: That's one way to say it, I guess...

~

Tessa: Alright, what pizza toppings should we order?

Uzi: Anchovies and pineapple.

V: I like beets!

J: Have you guys ever had a cheese-less pizza?

Tessa: I'm disowning all of you.

~

*The gang is about to do something dangerous*

N: Shouldn't someone give a pep talk?

Uzi: Go ahead.

N: Be careful.

N: Don't die.

V: *Holds back a laugh*

Uzi: Great. We're all bloody inspired.

~

N: Now, Uzi, all of us are doing this because we care about you, okay?

V: Except for me. I just wanted to see the look on your face.

~

V: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

Uzi: It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.

~

Uzi: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."

~

Okay that's it for now! I have weekend now yurrr