Don't ask me what this is I don't know- Be warned there is strong language from the song (and Remus)

Hello, patient 24602... Thomas Sanders

"I'm sorry—Hello, how are—"

How are you feeling?

"Um, not great," Thomas said to the voice up in the... sky? In the ceiling? He didn't really know. It was just there. Like a narrator. Or an author. Was he in a story? Or even better, a story based on a song that already has multiple animatics and so many forms of writing done on it in the fandom?

Has the treatment been working? Said the voice.

"Uh, I don't think so, no," Thomas said.

What are your remaining symptoms?

"I just—" Thomas sighed, knowing exactly what the problem was. "I internalize my feelings a lot. I have trouble articulating how I'm feeling to other people. I feel like I just—"

So basically you're still a little bitch Said the voice, who was totally not laughing at the moment.

"... Yes, very mature of you disembodied voice way up there."

I was just joking. Besides, I'm not human, I can say whatever I want.

"... Okay, just let's get to the point. What's wrong with me, please?"

Your emotions and your logic are at war.

"... OK?"

Your creativity and your self-preservation are at war. And most simply, your left and right brain are at war.

"My left and my—"

To fix the problem we must separate them from each other.

"Sep—"

Splitting your neurological functions in 5... 4...

"Can we book an appointment or something?"

I'm not Picani—3...

"You just don't start counting down to major medical procedures—"

2... 1... This may hurt a bit.

"I don't even know what 'this' is—"

0.

"Just tell me what you're—"

Isolation complete.

Here we have Thomas' Left-Brained Sides: Logic, Anxiety, and Deceit. Objective, logical, cold, analytical, aware of patterns, aware of trends, and aware in general. They're efficient... and kinda pricks. Then there are Thomas' Right-Brained Sides: Creativity, Creativity, and Morality. Subjective, creative, sensory, aware of feelings, aware of people, less aware in general than the left brained sides, but still pretty aware, I guess. They're emotional... and kinda idiots.

"That's your opinion. Just... careful with opinions..." Morality—Patton, said to the strange voice above.

Okay Thomas... good luck.

("Is it truly necessary that I participate in this frivolous matter?" Logic, or Logan, asked. Virgil—Anxiety—objected. "I wouldn't call this frivolous—"

"—Yes, it is completely necessary," Deceit interrupted, smirking as Logan sighed and adjusted his tie. "Very well then," Logan said.)

Logan tried his best to sing. "I am the left brain, but also the whole brain."

'You jerk, changing the lyrics!'

"What was that?"

Nothing. Continue.

"I work really hard 'til my inevitable death brain," sang Virgil, eyeing Logan suspiciously.

"You got a job to do, you better do it right," Deceit sang with a silver tongue.

"And the right way is with the left brain's might," the left-brained sides sang together, looking way too dramatic for people who act as if they don't care.

Until Patton rose up in front of them, singing the next part with an abundance of excitement.

"I LIKE OREOS—"

"—AND DICKS!" Remus, half of Creativity, shouted, rising up next to him.

"In that order!" Roman, the other half of Creativity added as he joined his right-brained sides. Logan, Deceit, and Virgil all shook their heads, which were already in their hands.

"And I cried for at least an hour after watching 'Toy Story 3'," Roman added. ("Woody!" Remus cried in distress).

"I am the Right Brain, I have feelings..." the three right-brained sides sang.

"I'm a little all over the place," Remus sang surprisingly well, considering his loud and spontaneous attitude. "But I'm lustful—"

"Trustful—" Patton added, smiling.

"And I'm looking for somebody to love~" Roman sang, before having Remus loudly interrupt his riff to scream "Or put my penis in!"

Virgil had to physically restrain Deceit in order to make sure the liar didn't go and lock that little sewer rat back in his room right that second.

Logan turned away from the chaos to see a person—a male person, as it appeared— approaching Thomas. "Here comes a male, here comes a male," he announced to his left-brained sides.

Virgil let go of Deceit and ran over to Thomas, ready to advise so he didn't mess up like he almost always ends up doing. "Puff your chest out, take your phone and check your email."

Logan joined him. "Our evolutionary purpose is to repopulate, so gather data now and see if he's a possible mate."

"Even though the whole concept of having an evolutionary purpose anymore, especially the suggestion that that purpose is to have babies is a little insane especially since a lot of the population is choosing not to have children and adoption is becoming more visible in our society, and don't forget the fact that we'll probably end up destroying ourselves in the next century anyways so there won't even be enough time to evolve," Virgil adds, ranting as the other sides fall silent and stare at him.

After a fairly long pause, Roman let his gaze drift to the person in front of Thomas. "Holy fuck, ("Language!" Patton cried), I think he might be the one!" Roman sang happily. "There's something about him, I just can't describe it!"

"A dick!" Remus shouted, providing an answer.

Patton gasped as he joined the twins in their love fest. "I am the earth, he is the glorious sun! I want him to trust me and I just want him to—how do I say this—"

"Sit on my face—Sit! Sit on my face!" Remus suggested enthusiastically.

Deceit shook his head. "Alright now, Remus, you're being insane."

Roman shoved Remus aside comically before the darker twin could respond. "No, Deceit, we're just being alive! You should try it!"

"You might like it!" Patton added, smiling wholesomely.

"We worked hard to give him everything he cared about," Deceit retorted, Roman making Offended Princey Noises™. "You were worried about the things that he was scared about," he added, summoning a spider in his palm which proceeded with a small scared squeak from Patton before he waved it away. Virgil shrunk back, cringing at Deceit's words even though he knew they were not intended to hurt him.

"We're calm and collected when you act wild," Deceit continued, "I am the adult, you are the child!"

Remus was the one to push Roman away this time. "You think you're the right one every time!" he sang at Deceit before turning to the entirety of the left-brained group. "You think you know everything but you don't know anything at all! Half of his problems were supposed to be ours!" Roman and Patton stood on either side of him, just a little surprised that he was standing up for them like this. "But you wanted everything!

I hope that you're happy... 'cause he's sure not," Remus finished, being completely honest.

"...Well, according to my calculations, I'm sorry, let me run the numbers again, um, you're a pussy," Virgil said.

"Name calling? Really? You're gonna just do name calling?" Roman asked, unimpressed.

"You're one to talk, Princey. Besides, I'm just stating facts and the fact is you're a quivering pussy."

"I'm the pussy? Well, at least I don't play with toys still!" Roman defended, guestering at Logan, who had taken out a Rubik's Cubes.

"Rubik's Cubes are not toys. They keep my spacial reasoning skills sharp," Logan defended, throwing the completed cube behind him.

"Logan plays with toys!" Roman taunted. "Look at you, Mr... you're a... toy player—"

"—Well, at least I did my fucking job, alright! I kept him working, I kept him productive. You were supposed to look after him." He looked at Patton. "You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable through all this. Now you're trying to blame me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling! If he's feeling unhappy it's because you failed him. You did this to him, he hates you. I know he does. He fucking hates you!"

Patton, who had already teared up, started to cry. Roman tried to comfort him while Remus glared at Logan.

Logan calmed down, sighing. "Patton, look, I'm sorry, okay?

Patton looked up, tears still in his eyes. "No, you're not," he whispered.

Deceit tried to keep a straight (hah) face, knowing that was true, while Virgil held back a snicker. He walked up to Patton, the twins backing away just a few steps from him. "Look, maybe there's something that we could do together," he suggested to the still-crying Patton.

Patton sniffled, wiping his tears. "Together?"

Deceit caught on, walking up to the two as well. "Take the best parts of both of us and put them together."

Patton looked up at them, a smile growing on his face. "I'm listening."

Everyone looked back at Logan, who sighed once more. "If you would let you let your feelings out, it would let me analyze. So you could man the themes; I'll man the form," he amended.

"It's something that George Carlin did; it's something that Steve Martin did," Virgil added.

"It's something special that we could both... perform," Deceit said, looking up at the creative twins who perked up at the word choice. "Do you know what it is?"

The right-brained sides looked at each other. "Juggling! We could juggle, and juggle our cares away—!" Remus announced after a moment.

The three left-brained sides facepalmed simultaneously. "It was... It was comedy... we could do comedy together..." Logan said, exasperated.

Initiate reassembly.

All the sides looked up at the ceiling at the sound of the voice. Virgil looked back at the group, visibly more anxious. "All right, guys, we're gonna do comedy together, we gotta do comedy together—"

"—All right, Virgil, we'll do comedy with you," Roman said quickly.

Deceit cut in, directing his words to Patton."—Look, we can fix him like this—we can make him happy again. I promise, all right?" He hoped he wasn't lying.

5, 4, 3

Patton engulfed all of them into a big hug. "Logan, Virgil, Deceit, we love you," Roman said, announcing exactly what the right-brained sides were thinking.

2

Three calm voices answered at once.

"We know."

1. Experimentation complete.

....

Well that was fun! 

I don't know okay I'm tired and emotionally destroyed from finishing Miraculous Ladybug leave me alone-