"Are-" Chien-Po began. "Are you ok?" He knew it was a stupid question, but the silence needed breaking. Mulan cleared her throat. "I don't know. I- I don't feel anything." She grabbed a fist full of earth. "Just... heavy,"

~

*Set during Mulan II, just after Shang falls. Mulan doesn't get up as quickly as she is seen to in the film: instead, she becomes hollow*

~

𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝕒𝕓𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕜𝕪.
𝕊𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘,
𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣-𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘.
~ ℂ.𝕊. 𝕃𝕖𝕨𝕚𝕤.

~

Mulan exhaled shakily from the ground as the rain beat down her body. She rubbed her arms. It wasn't cold by any stretch, but the feeling kept her grounded. Her throat felt thick with tears, but she refused to let them fall. She stared at the cliffs in the distance, clenching her jaw. She sniffled and sighed deeply, trying to rein in her emotions

"Mulan." She blinked slowly. "Mulan, it's my turn to watch," In her heavy daze, time had rushed by. The clouds had made way for the starry sky, the rain long gone. "It's ok, Chien-Po. I'm not tired." She continued to stare ahead. "But-" She blinked again. "Chien-Po, it's fine." She said. Chien-Po was quiet for a few seconds. "Can I at least sit here with you? I don't like that you're alone," Mulan lifted a single shoulder barely an inch: an invitation. Chien-Po sat in silence, waiting. Mulan cradled the sword in her lap, a strange, unfamiliar weight in her body.

"Are-" Chien-Po began. "Are you ok?" He knew it was a stupid question, but the silence needed breaking. Mulan cleared her throat. "I don't know. I- I don't feel anything." She grabbed a fist full of earth. "Just... heavy." Chien-Po nodded gently. "Forgive me, but... what is our next step?" Mulan felt her body sway gently. She knew this was an act of grief: she'd seen her mom do it when her younger siblings died either in life or utero. She blinked slowly. "Um... I-I don't know." She hugged her knees tightly, pressing her chin almost painfully on top. "Perhaps I should stay here, with you. Ling and Yao are more than capable of escorting the princesses to Qui Gon." Mulan exhaled silently, staring at the sword of her dead fiance once more. "You have not made eye contact with me the whole time, Mulan."

She scoffed softly. "That is because I want the last eyes and face I see to be my fiance's." She pushed her head into her knees, exhaling into her legs.

Chien-Po sat the rest of his watch in silence.

~

The next morning, Mulna finally let herself rest. Rather: Chien-Po picked up her weak form and forced her into the small cave-like rest place, standing guard at the entrance so she couldn't leave. She slept a dreamless sleep if you could call it that. Her eyes shut, but she never fell into the peaceful clutches of rest. Long after the others had slept, leaving just Ling awake, Mulan lay on her side. All she could hear was her own heartbeat. It was louder than what seemed possible. The only light in the room came from the stars in the sky. She focused her listening: the princesses were long asleep, Yao was grumbling about being in a punchup, Chien-Po was whining about dumplings and Ling whistled a sombre tune outside. She tried to shut her eyes, covering them with her sleeve.

But she couldn't. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, she couldn't do anything. She just lay there, with her sleeve over her eyes. God knows how long she was there. Time passed slowly now, almost taunting her. Her eyes welled but never burst. Her heart ached almost painfully.

At some point Ling came in, switching watch with Yao, but still, Mulan couldn't move. Part of her was angry: angry at the bandits for cutting the rope, angry at the emperor for sending them on this mission, angry at Shang for dying on her, and angry at herself for letting him go. The other part of her was broken. Her soulmate was dead. The father of her future kids was dead. Her fiancé, and her best friend, was dead.

Yao's watch ended as Mulan felt his presence behind. "Mulan? I-I can take your watch... if you need rest," He offered quietly. "No, it's ok," She whispered. "You've just done it. I could do with the air," She cleared her tearful throat softly as she moved outside.

Painful thoughts invaded her mind. How would she even tell people? How would she tell his sisters? His mom? Fresh, hot tears burned down her face.

She walked to her satchel and grabbed the canister of water, spying the engagement ring Shang gifted her. "It wasn't anything too fancy," he'd said. "You'll get the nice one on the day," He grinned impishly, waving a velvet box around. She'd have to go back to the matchmaker now... and try again. Be a dutiful wife, hide her true self to please her husband. She wiped her eyes, glancing back into the cave. Mei had entangled herself with Yao's burly, but small, body. Su's head rest gently on Chien-Po's stomach. Ting-Ting and Ling were curled up closely in the farthest corner of the cave, heads resting together.

Just because she had to be a dutiful wife, bound to a man she didn't know or love, doesn't mean they have to as well. Her mind made: she tore some parchment out of her bag and began writing a note for the others.

Do NOT follow me.
I am safe, but I cannot, and will not, allow you to befall the same fate as mine. My love has gone, he is at peace with the ancestors now. I have taken your place as the bride-to-be. Who wouldn't want the heroine of China as their bride? Enjoy your lives together, and pass my condolences to whoever should want them.
I ask but one favour: retrieve Quing. Shang's beloved steed. Take him home.
It has been an honour fighting with you and protecting you. May you have a blessed life.
Mulan.