Laying in her bed Tay started moving thinking her ringing phone was a dream. She groaned sitting up in bed stretching to rid some sleep out her system.

She glanced over at the clock 11:32 she groaned again sighing:

"Why can't people let me sleep? DAMN!" She shouted to herself before picking up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Bout time you pick up the damn phone" she recognized the voice as it being her best friend of 22 years Tionne. "Wake that ass up!" she screamed through the phone.

"T do you not know I work late?" She said as she laid back down in bed.

"I know you have to rest that g-string after clapping them cheeks all night".

Tionne knew of her best friend's occupation though she hated it she often tried to make light of the situation by joking.

"No need to be rude, but why the fuck are you calling me?" Tionne makes a growling sound "Damn Tay I could be on my death bed and you'll treat me like I ain't shit" She smirked thinking of something witty "Well if God said its your time to go its time to go don't fight the light" Tionne began her contagious giggle.

"Damn you'll let the Lord take me? What type of friend are you?"

"The type that doesn't like to be woken up and you know this so what did you call for?" She finally sits up kicking her feet out on the edge of the bed.

"I knew you were on your way to see ma so I wanted to catch you before you go."

Reality set in for Tay today is the day she went to visit her mother in the
hospital, she rubbed her forehead sighing.

"Yeah well obviously I'm still here T."

"You know what motherfucka' go brush your teeth breathe smell like boiled bologna" she chuckled

"Bitch I JUST woke up you have no right shit smelling like old hot dog water" Tionne screeched in laughter.

Tay and Tionne have maintained a connection that no one ever understood, not even them.

"You know what asshole I miss you" Tionne confessed Tay deepened her voice "You know what baby I miss you too I know my tip shape like a thumb tac, but we can make it work."

Tionne shouted a curse word laughing again, Tionne was a friend everyone needed she was the most funny and goofy person you ever met she could even tickle a thug pink. Tionne was a bit of a tomboy fighting anyone who stepped up, not really caring about her appearance but just like a woman she made sure she always looked tight. Tionne owned a Salon after going through the struggle with her mother she made it her mission to become a business woman, taking care of those she loved the most and telling fuck you to the ones who cared the least.

"Bitch I would never, I would just never." They shared a laugh again.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to get your nails done today, since you forgot about a bitch."

"I have to move some things around and check my palm pilot" Tay joked.

"GIRL! You ain't doing shit!" Tionne shouted.

"You don't know that ain't like you called a bitch!" Tionne gasped.

Even though Tay haven't had much time to be with her best friend, due to the responsibilities she now had she would take Tionne up on her offer.

"I'll show face" Tay finally agreed laying back in bed.

"Oh lawd please don't do that you'll blind the babies" Tionne started.

"And don't open your mouth pollution is a motherfucka' "

Tionne laughed saying touché.

"Mmmm big word for you Ms.Jacobson."

"You know what I got to go run a business we'll meet up about 4 at Diamond Nails." Tay yawned agreeing they said they're goodbyes and hung up.

Tay jumped out the bed realizing if she didn't get up now she would never get up. She began fixing her bed then making her way to the bathroom brushing her teeth she looked in the mirror. Tay hated the way she looked she began picking at blackheads and open pores she had on her face she groaned looking down. Sure she was beautiful and many would agree with that statement, but she would never agree. She might make jokes of how good she looks, but really it was all a ploy to boost her self confidence up for the day.

Since last night was one of the nights she slept naked she slid her panties down and ran the shower, before she stepped in she admired her body before her eyes connected with the scar that was on her hip and stopped a little where her thigh began.

"Look what I'm doing for you and look what you did to me."

*
'Dangerous! That girl is so Dangerous!' I turned the radio dial all the way off. "Kiss my ass! That man can kiss my ass! " I sang to myself remixing my go to song of the new "Dangerous" album.

Considering I don't know my father I felt more ashamed that Michael saw me damn near naked last night. Soon as I hit my pillow I cried not just because I felt ashamed, but because of what I said to him. Michael possesses a face of innocence you can't just cuss' at him, slap him around and send him on his way. Michael has a face that makes you just want to reach out and hug him close to you like soothing a child scared of a 'monster' under the bed. Even though I felt guilt for how I said it, I don't not feel bad about what I said to him because its the truth. Michael Jackson knows nothing of my life or what I go through nobody knows and I don't want them to understand.

*
I walked in to the room with the 'Sanford & Son' theme song playing I plastered a smile on my face.

"Good you're here now you can sing the song." Walking over to my mom I began singing the rhythm to the song.

There she was Joy Douglass, well what was left of her. Although she had that vibrant shine in her eyes you could see that chemo was diminishing her once full figured body. I examined the trash bag sized hospital gown swallowing her body.

"Hey ma" I set my bag and sunglasses down then went over to hug and kiss her. "Hey baby love how are you doing?" I pulled up a chair and sat down next to her bed. "I had better days" she said through a sigh.

"Do you need anything, something to drink or eat?" I asked concerned due to the shape her body was in.

"I'm fine sweetie I ate that nasty ass breakfast and I got some water over there don't worry yourself" I nodded. "Let me enjoy your company, at least one of my children came to see about me."

I sighed getting annoyed already at the fact she was bringing up my siblings. It was tiring hearing my mother complain day in and day out every time I came to visit about some grown ass people. My brothers and sisters never had a good relationship with my mother and I don't blame them she chased men more than she chased us, I didn't have my father nor did I have my mother. My stepfather tried to act as a father figure, but he was just like him leaving my mother in her time of need to Mexico. Leaving her with the words : I have no money to bury my wife. And thats the man she constantly sided with whenever one of us would fight with him.

I'm grown now and I don't have time to dwell on the fact that my mom was never there when she's on her death bed. Hell if they don't care about her why should we make them? Its their conscience not mine.

"Your brother Marcus called your grandmother begging for money talking about its for child support your grandma said I didn't fuck her to have them and hung up." I couldn't help but laugh that was my brother never coming around, but called when he needed something. Getting sucked into the family gossip topic I begin with my talk.

"Your daughter dropped her kids off the night before yesterday." Just thinking about my sister dropping her kids off ten at night at my house to go to some club pissed me off, but of course I did it anyway.

"You see when I was at home she didn't drop them kids off to me, your good cause not me."

"Where else they going to go mama?" I looked at her.

"Who the hell cares they're not yours, your sister got you and your grandparents taking care of the kids like y'all had them not her."

She's right whenever one of my siblings called I bought them whatever they asked for. Clothes for the kids, watched the kids, took the kids out to different places; I was their parent.

"I know you love your brothers and sisters, but don't try to help other people with their lives forgetting you got a life of your own."

Looking in mother's eyes she gave me reassurance and the strength I needed, under her glare I was that scared little girl again. I was scared to lose her.

"When are you going back to work?" Another topic that bothered me to talk about always making me feel guilty because of the occupation I have now, that she knew nothing about.

"Mama I don't want to talk about that, drop it please."

"Well I'm your mama and I feel like talking about it. We already in a hospital after I get done all they have to do is lay you down in a hospital bed next to mine to remove your ass from your eyebrows."

I couldn't help but giggle she always made jokes when she was suppose to be serious.

"I just hate to think you went to school all those years to just quit your job because of me."

She was right I earned my BSN (Bachelor's Science Nursing) to be an obstetrician, landing a job at a hospital in Santa Barbara.

Discovering my mother had Leukemia caused me to come to the decision to move to Compton. Moving in her home would've made it easier on me to save money, but not having her vibrant sprit around was an eerie feeling around the house. A feeling I couldn't bare.

I got a small apartment working miscellaneous night jobs, but none stuck. I heard about the club 'Pink Kitty' and the amount a night you could earn. I desperately needed the money to pay for my place, as well as mama's hospital bills because no one else would or see about her.

"You're my mother and I love you." I gently stroked her hand something she would never allow me to do when I was younger. Growing up my mother was never affectionate, simply because she didn't know how to be.

"Girl you looking Divalicious today" my mother complimented with a smile.

"Child thank you look at me Bow! Bam! Boom!" I posed with each sound effect making her laugh.

"You are so stupid, aye I need you to fix my hair too, I done seen some fine ass Doctors strolling through here and I need me a rich husband" I chuckled. Even when life is leaving her she manages to give life to the room she's in.

"When I die don't put no wig on my head" and there she goes again talking about death I sighed staring off into space I wasn't comfortable with the subject. Thinking of my mother laying in a casket frighten me and it didn't help that she often made jokes about it.

"Don't talk like that" she sensed the seriousness in my tone and quickly wipe the smile off her face.

"Sweetie we are all going to leave this world, but when thats all up to God, I know you been walking on eggshells around here for me but don't. You have to face that your mama will not always be around I need you to be strong, I know it hurts I know. You cannot be here worried about me you have one life baby...live it."

I sat there soaking up everything she said I felt a lump growing in my throat, a ball of emotion. Feeling tears burn my eyes I grabbed my sunglasses putting them on just as the nurse walked in giving her the daily medicines she needed to take. Yet again the nurses were explaining to me what she was taking, what she was taking it for, and the effects it would have. While the nurse checked her vitals I excused myself to get something from the vending machine.

I took a deep breath walking around the floor in search of the snack machine. After getting a bag of Bugles I put 75 cents into the machine for a bottle of Pepsi, while I did this I heard a bunch of ruckus coming from my right side. Sounds of shuffling feet, giggles, and chatter among a group of people. I finally turned around to catch a glimpse of the last person I expected to see Michael Jackson. Mister Superman himself in the flesh.

I wonder if these people would still gawk at their beloved 'King Of Pop' if they knew he was at a strip club last night. Just like everyone else I noticed I was captivated by him.

I couldn't move. I couldn't move at all its like my feet were stuck. Stunned by the same smile that stole my heart when I was at the age of six watching him perform with the Jackson 5 on my TV. I examined his body seeing he had that same attire from 'The Way You Make Me Feel' video along with a leather jacket. His fedora was on the top of his head setting off the look. A few curls resting on his forehead, God what I wouldn't give to be one of those curls.

My heart felt heavy in my chest and my throat was tingling there it goes again that ball of emotion. Why am I feeling this way? MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S COMING OVER TO YOU! I scolded to myself.

Luckily I had my glasses over my puppy dog eyes. I folded my arms as he signaled for his guards to stop right there and let him go over to talk to me alone. They acted as if this grown man was on his way to Preschool. I inhaled his heavenly scent as he stood in front of me with that panty dropping smile.

"Wow you look even more beautiful-" I interrupted him before he could finish "What with clothes on?" He put his head down and looked up biting his lip "Those are your words not mine."

As much as I called myself wanting to hate Michael for judging me, I couldn't. Truth was I loved this man from the age of six to 24, though I don't know him I love him just like millions.

I admired him through my sunglasses he was definitely not my type at all he was sporting makeup. I didn't care God knows he was beautiful. That was the perfect word to describe Michael beautiful. I watched as his lips moved, but couldn't hear a word of what he was saying

His cologne was intoxicating.

"What?" I said revealing to him that every word spoken I hadn't heard. He giggled.

"Since someone OBVIOUSLY wasn't listening allow me to repeat myself."

"Go head" Somehow I had to be witty.

"I just wanted to come over and apologize" I sighed not wanting to hear it. "Please let me apologize" Michael saying please was a spell that caused my feet to be super glued to the floor and my ears perked to listen to his every word.

"I just wanted to let you know I am truly sorry for what I said yesterday. You're right I don't know what you're going through and I realize I have that same feeling everyday people always make assumptions of me based on my persona and they have no idea what I go through when I go home at night looking myself in the mirror everyday. I cannot judge you only God can I am truly sorry if I made you feel ashamed or hurt or even embarrassed, I didn't mean to. I hope you can forgive me."

There he goes again with that innocent face that make you want to pull him into a hug. It really touched my heart about what he said about looking into the mirror. After watching the Oprah interview with him I understood exactly how he felt by not liking what he sees or people judging the person they see and not what really is fact.

I sighed looking at his contagious smile I pulled my shades up on my forehead.

"Finally there they go" he said like it gave him life to see my eyes.

He walked over to one of the guards to retrieve a single white rose from him walking back he handed it to me.

"A rose for a rose" I tried to hide my laugh.

"The same corny line that you said yesterday."

"Hey you remembered! Cosby sweater" he joked referring to the sweater I had on.

I held each end apart to reveal my half top underneath, doing that I got the reaction I wanted. I saw Michael bite his lip letting his eyes roam every curve on my body.

"Oh be careful high waters you might drown" we both shared a genuine laugh I took the rose from him. "I forgive you" I held out my arms for a hug on purpose to feel his body on mine. He embraced me. Shrinking down in his arms I felt like that little girl again. I wanted to stay there. I put my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. He then pulled back leaving me wanting to feel him close to me again.

"You here to see the kids?" I asked but later regretted because I didn't want him to know I knew about him. Not many people knew of Michael Jackson's charity work the news doesn't really cover the good in this man.

"Yeah. But why are you here?" I shifted my eyes not wanting to tell him the truth, but those doe eyes demanded honesty. "I came to see my mother she has cancer." I looked away only to look at him again when I heard him gasp.

"I am so sorry I didn't know." You would've thought he gave her cancer the way he apologized to me.

"Its fine."

"I wouldn't know what to do if my mother were to become ill, you have my sympathy." "I don't want your pity." I folded my arms yet again becoming offended.

"I said sympathy not pity." I watched as his security came over to whisper in his ear Michael nodded. I seen a TV crew walking over to Michael's security team, typical he has to go be a star thats giving back trying to show he can do good. I don't know why that offended me so.

"Look I have to go, but I wanted to know if I can have your number?"

I pulled my shades back down walking away "Look me up in the phone book" I said over my shoulder. I made my way back my mother's room to find her sleeping.

My world and his lifestyle would never mesh.