I'm at the café, sitting and waiting for Alyssa to show up. And she seems to be running late. But I will wait because I want to know why she wanted to tease me? And why didn't she even care about how I would feel? What am I to her now?

These questions were clouding my mind all night. This is why I need answers.

And finally she showed up 15 minutes late. Even though I was angry, seeing her after so long brought a nostalgic smile onto my face.

I wanted to ask her all those questions but I don't even know how to say them.

"May I order something?"

She tried breaking the silence; the ice of years. God..Ren stop being shy now and making things extra awkward.

"Yes, go on."

"Excuse me!"

"Yes mam?"

"I want.."

"Is black coffee okay with you Ren?"

"Ye..yeah"

"Two black coffees please."

It's obvious she is trying to act tough, putting up a brave face. But I should be straight and ask her.

"Alyssa, listen."

"Not now Ren, I'm not ready."

Does she know what I was going to say?

"O..okay"

"Here's your black coffee."

"Thank you." She replied to the waiter and then poured 2 spoons of sugar into the coffee.

"You know Ren, even though it may seem like I don't care, I have always missed you."

"Okay..that was random." I replied.

"I just wanted to say it. Now finish your coffee. I want to visit the zoo before it gets close." She finished her coffee and wiped her mouth with a creamy green coloured handkerchief.

After that we visited the zoo and had a little talk about our golden school days.

"You know Ren, I always wanted to talk about these memories with you. And I'm glad I'm able to do that today."

"Yeah me too."

Seems like she is more comfortable now. I think it's the perfect time.

"And you know I ha…"

"I think it's enough acting for today, don't you think so?" I continued,

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice? I have been with you for about three years, I can easily tell from your behaviour and your voice that it's you. Not to mention there are not many weirdos who put sugar in black coffee. And what really gave you away is that handkerchief of yours. It was gifted to you by Aster right? I know because I was the one who helped him select that gift for your birthday."

"Now, can you tell me why it's you but not Alyssa that came today?"

All this time she's been looking down. I can't clearly see her face but there are tears falling down on the ground from her cheeks. And suddenly, she started running without saying a word.

"Wait Rose.."

I wanted to grab her hand but it didn't seem right considering the one she's running away from is me. And then she disappeared in the crowd before my eyes.

Making a girl cry, does this make me a sinner, or is it her for hiding behind lies.

She probably needed some time alone so I returned back home. Actually I forgot my phone at home before leaving so the first thing that I should do is to find it and message Alyssa. Why did she send Rose? But when I opened my phone, a single message popped in front of me.

'Y- I'm at our special place.'

Seeing all this, all I can do is dash to that place. It's hardly 10 minutes away from my home. And I think I finally understand what's really going on.

This special place of ours. It was Alyssa who found it.

You need to enter a certain alley and at the end of it there is an abandoned little park. It's at the edge of the mountain and It's a perfect spot for watching the sunset.

As I left the narrow paths of the alley, I saw a girl, smiling towards me with tears in her eyes and a phone in her hands.

And then suddenly my phone which I was holding in my hands started to vibrate. I looked at it.

'Z- I love you, Ren.'

"Hiding your own feelings from me even though you knew about mine, isn't it unfair Rose?"

"You deserve it, you Dumbo. This time I'm so happy, I finally told you my feelings."

"But, what about Aster? Aren't you dating him?"

"Eww..why would you think that? He's just a friend."

"I thought he liked you."

"The girl he likes is our class rep, why do you think he frequently visits our class?"

"Haha..that jerk. Anyways, are you ready to tell me all now?"

"Yeah.."

"The Alyssa that you were searching for and the one you were talking to recently was me. And Aster was helping me all this time."

That jerk, he was behind all this. I will deal with him later.

"And...you still have more explanations to do. I want to know it all."

"When we were little, my sister got bedridden because of a disease and my father made me take her place, her identity in school. That's when I met you. My mother was against me taking Alyssa's place at school and that's why fights became common between mom and dad with time. And later they divorced and my mom returned to her house with me while Alyssa stayed with father. That's why we have different surnames. Alyssa thinks that I was the reason behind their divorce so she doesn't even want to recognise me."

"I'm sorry Rose."

"No, don't worry about it. In the end I was able to meet you again. But it seemed like you didn't recognize me, so I lied to you, acted like I didn't know you. I was afraid you already forgot about me and a part of me was scared to find it all. So I lied, afterall sweet lies are bitter but better than unwanted truth."

"But soon we will be graduating and because of that I got desperate. I didn't want to end this without telling you my feelings. I didn't want to lose you again. So I plotted that plan of mine. And thought of confessing once you remember me but you never did. Back then when you told me you love someone else, I didn't know how to act so I didn't say a word to you. This is all that I have been hiding all this time. So Ren, please accept my feelings, I adore you. I loved you all this time."

All this time I was in love with the same person and she loves me back. It's melting me from inside. Making me feel anxious.

In my life I have only ever fallen in love twice, with two names and one person. Maybe it's my heart that's being mischievous, playing games and making me fall for the same person again. Maybe I was a fool for never realising that. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved by her, after all, before and even now all this time, I was trying to crush these feelings under the pressure of lies.

Maybe, I'm really a sinner. But now that I know it all. I have to make the right decision.

"I love you too, in the past and even now. I loved you when you were Alyssa and I again ended up falling for you when I got to know you as Rose. I adore you and I'm very happy to know that you feel the same way.But I'm sorry. I think we have to crush these feelings after all. It's better if you give up on those feelings and find someone better."

"Why...why are you saying all these, am I not good enough? You said you love me, then why?"

Tears started running down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Rose. You tried so hard for me and I don't want you to keep pushing yourself like that for me."

"I'm moving to the states after graduation and I don't want to be selfish, making you commit to a long distance relationship."

"Noooo..you are being selfish. And the tears in your eyes are proof of that. Rejecting me even though you love me. Who gave you the right to decide for me? I'm ready for it even though it's a long distance relationship. I want you to accept me."

She moved forward and with her warm but shivering hands she grabbed my hands and looked me into the eyes. The tears running down her cheeks seemed like pearls beaming with the light of the setting sun seemed like sun pillars to me.

"Ren, I already lost you once and I won't do it again. So please, let me take advantage of your kindness."

I'm a big idiot, thinking of giving up on her even if I could never and that because of some distance. Even this time I thought I was thinking of her happiness but in reality I was hurting her more. I really am an Idiot.

Deep within I want to be selfish and seeing her trying her best makes me want to accept her even if it means fighting the world. Afterall she waited for me all these years.

Trying to put up a brave face even though tears are running down my cheeks and rejecting her, asking her to forget me. This ain't convincing at all, it's just cruel. I shouldn't have to worry about the future, it does not depend on me. It depends on us. Our present, our future, our time together, I was going to destroy it all. Thank God she's the one I love.

"If you are okay with me Rose, I want to be with you, always."

I pulled her into my arms, resting my cheeks against her head, hugging her with all I had. And then I kissed her on the forehead. The wistful smile of her with a little blush on her face is easily enough to make me lose my senses.

"You know, you are awesome Rose."

"Hehe..you too Ren."

After that we talked for a while and went home after that.

I used to think that it's not bad for one to hide behind their lies and insecurities but now I realise that all they do is make us more vulnerable to our desires. All you can do is act calmly even though your desperate heart is screaming inside. You will be wrecked but you can't even show it… a perfect person with an imperfect soul that's all you will ever be. So it's just better to give into your desires and have no regrets.

One month later I moved to the states.

THE END.