technically not a 25k special but a 15-20-25-30k special combined. so naturally we're getting more disaster gays

also can we talk about how great you guys are? like by the time i post this we'll be almost at 30k! (me, later: th-thirty-two thousand?)

you may have noticed I upped everyone's ages-go back to chapter 4 and check! this is only because I want favian and ciaran to be a ship and I can't do that if they're ten

stay safe kids

writing this on the camp directors tablet because there's no service im going to get caught lol sucks to suck i guess

~anna

~katlyn

whatever the hell the date is

Favian POV:

We're all made of stars. I mean that literally, by the way, not like the stupid "motivational" posters humans like to put in their classrooms. We are all, literally, made of stardust. (Even humans, no matter how much the opposite they pretend to be.)

(Both Ciarán and I are made of stardust.)

(Why do I have these thoughts.)

"Do you think he realizes he's spacing out again?" stage-whispers Tex. "Hello, Earth to Favian, whatever else the humans say. Are you thinking about your one and only love, Ciarán who we can never meet?"

"Shut up, Tex," I snap, blushing redder than a Saber Tooth Tiger.

"'Oh, Ciarán, your eyes are so beautiful and I wish we could make out all the time and stuff,'" mocks Prelim, batting his eyelashes. I smack him on the shoulder, my cheeks warm. "Hey!" he complains.

"I already told you guys that he doesn't like elves."

"Except you, apparently," says Tex.

"Except me," I add, trying my hardest not to blush to the tips of my ears. "And plus, I think he might be on the run," I say, dropping my voice to a whisper. "I think he might be a criminal. Or his dad was, or something."

"Never took you to be one of those teen fiction protagonists, Favian," jokes Prelim. "Falling for the Bad Boy™ already?"

"He's not a Bad Boy™!" I exclaim. "Honestly, can't you two help me out here instead of teasing me relentlessly about my crush?"

"Well, we could," says Tex, "but that's no fun. You're so easy to annoy, Favian, and it's not our fault we're mischievous little gremlins who like to exploit that."

"Well, I wouldn't say little, exactly" mutters Prelim with a snort, which soon turns into giggles, which then becomes hysterical laughter.

"Prelim!" I shriek, throwing a pillow at him.

"Oi!" Prelim exclaims, tossing it back at my head, but misses spectacularly and nails Tex in the face. I frown and stick my tongue out at him. He flips me off, and Tex mock-gasps.

"Oh, I'm feeling so hurt right now. First you throw a pillow at my head and now you flip my dear friend Favian off? I'm afraid I'm going to have to-"

Prelim, being the responsible teenager he is, chooses that moment to push Tex off the bed.

"Hey!" shouts Tex from the floor. "That was uncalled for!"

We all dissolve into fits of laughter for seemingly the millionth time today.

Ciarán POV:

Favian has to be the biggest idiot in the world. He still finds time to visit me twice a week, even now that he knows what a big disaster I am. I mean, falling for a disgustingly straight boy seems like a pretty big crisis. Since I don't know when I'm going to die, I've decided I'm having an ongoing crisis. One that involves knowing you'll never be able to tell your friend you love him because he's your only social life.

Sometimes I wish that I was normal. That I was born into a family that never ran away, that I had a dad and a mom who would love me unconditionally no matter what I did-

"Ciarán!" calls Favian, running straight at me like he tends to do sometimes. And heaven forbid that I'm blushing right now.

(Oh God, I'm probably bright red.)

Favian crashes into me like a sack of bricks, his arms gripping my back, and I can't help but hug him back, because I'm weak. I'm weak for his smile and his eyes and his stupid, stupid curls, and I hate how much of a mess he makes me, how much more of a mess I am.

"I missed you," he breathes, and I can feel the heat of his breath brushing my ear, and fuck my life. "It's been a whole week, Ciarán, I can't believe I've gone this long without seeing you!"

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. (Calm down, deep breaths, stop thinking, stop thinking, stop think-) "Oh, a whole week, really? It's not like you went without seeing me for 14 years."

(Yeah, okay, cover up your unrequited love with sarcasm. Great job, Ciarán, you're really good at this.)

"Well, I've only just met you," says Favian, pulling away and frowning. (God, I already miss his excessive body heat. And his smell: baked apples and cinammon and-stop thinking about how he smells, Ciarán.)

"I was kidding, Favian," I say. "We need to work on your recognizing sarcasm, Jesus Christ, how have you survived this long without any knowledge at all?"

"How do you know human swears?" asks Favian, frowning. "I mean, I only know them because Aunt Amy took me to therapy there."

"I hid out in the Forbidden Cities with Dad for a while, before he died," I say, doing my best to keep any emotion out of my voice. "But I moved back to the woods a few years ago. The human cities are so... polluted, and the people-" I shuddered, visibly cringing.

"So what are we doing today?" Favian asks, grinning wider than should be humanly possible. His curls flop over his eyes slightly, because he's growing out his hair or maybe he's just neglected getting a haircut, but it's so cute and I'm so far gone.

"I thought we'd see the Four Seasons Tree. I've never been, but my dad loved it there."

"You've never been? It's so pretty, Ciarán, you'll love it!" exclaims Favian, grabbing my hand and looking far too much like a hyper, over-excited puppy. I feel just about ready to explode now, thank you. Could someone please take mercy on me and make that happen now, because going off like a fucking H-bomb sounds a lot better than the mess I'm in right now.

"All right then," I say, before he practically drags me halfway across the forest. "You do realize I could've just taken us through the shadows, right?"

"But the shadows make me feel sick. And it messes up my hair," says Favian, frowning as he pats the mess of curls atop his head. "Not that it matters much, it's already a mess." He grins sheepishly at me, then, and I can't help but smile back.

"But walking is so much work," I complain, dragging my feet and whining.

Favian shrugs (half his sentences are shrugs, I think). "Exercise is good for the soul, Ciarán."

"But I've got cramps, Favian," I whine kicking the ground. "I'm going to die here, and it'll be because you forced me to walk ten miles to see a stupid tree." (Especially when I'd much rather stare at you instead, is what I don't add.)

"'S not that big of a deal," says Favian, shrugging again. "Walk it off."

"I can't 'walk off' a fucking stomach cramp, Favian," I groan. "That's not how it works."

"That's exactly how it works," says Favian, pushing his glasses up his nose, and good Lord if his glasses aren't the cutest things I've ever seen.

"I'm pretty sure you're wrong."

"I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"Oh look, we're here," says Favian brightly, ignoring me completely. I gape at him. He smirks (he's picked up entirely too many mannerisms from me), raising an eyebrow. "See, Ciarán, isn't it wicked cool?"

Not when I'm looking at something far more beautiful, I think.

(Shut up shut up shutupshutupshutup-)

"Yeah, sure," I mutter disinterestedly. The sun has started to set, the golden rays setting Favian's hair alight. "Can you see the sunset, Favian?"

"Mhmm," he mumbles, nodding and staring at me.

I blush. "Do I have something on my face?"

Favian blinks and then flinches. "No! I mean, you look as perfect as always," he adds, and how he stays so calm while saying something like that, I'll never know.

"You think I look perfect?" I ask, and I mean it as an honest question, but he must think it's a joke, because he shrinks back and turns bright red.

"I mean, I-you-we," Favian blusters, blushing harder (if possible.) "Yes. No. Maybe? I don't know."

We watch the sun fade for a while, the awkward silence surrounding us in the crisp air. The tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Eventually, we're surrounded by stars and constellations, and Favian is practically vibrating now (he's a huge astronomy nerd.)

"Spit it out, Favian," I say, raising an eyebrow while mentally kicking myself. (Why can't I just be nice for once? Why do I always have to push the people I care about away?)

"Can you see the stars, Ciarán? The sky is so clear, we don't even need a telescope-" Favian cuts himself off, his cheeks red. "I mean, you probably don't want to listen to my boring astronomy talks. I'll shut up now."

"No, I'll listen," I say. "I find them quite interesting, as a matter of fact. What's that constellation up there?" I ask, pointing. "Is it Ursa Major?"

"No, that's Canes Venatici," says Favian, gently grabbing my hand and moving it up a bit. "That's Ursa Major." Then he realizes he's still holding my hand and drops it like he's been burned. (It hurts, knowing he'll never like me as more than a friend.)

I turn and look at him at the exact same time he turns and looks at me. Our noses bump, and my breath catches. He's so close...

If I move forward three inches, I'll be able to kiss him.

I lean forward slowly, barely even thinking about it. As my eyelids begin to flutter shut, he jerks away suddenly, stepping backwards and tripping over a rock that wasn't there moments before.

I grab his sleeve, barely even registering my movement. We stare at each other, both blushing like lovesick schoolgirls. (Well, that's only me, but we'll overlook that small detail.)

"Don't let me fall," Favian giggles.

"I'd catch you a million times," I say. "Even if that meant risking my life. You're everything Favian, everything, and you don't even realize it. You're the sun, and I'm crashing into you, and there's no way this won't end in flames." But I don't say it out loud. Because I can't. Because-

Favian smiles at me, and if a meteor struck the earth and we died I wouldn't even notice. I wonder, distantly, what Favian's curls would feel like if he ran a hand through them and then never let go. I let myself drift, imagine a future where I could do that, whenever I wanted. Where I could wake up every morning and stare into Favian's ice blue eyes every morning. Where I could kiss him every morning and not even complain about morning breath. Then I remind myself that that will never happen, because Favian is disgustingly heteronormative. And I can't help but fall for a boy like him, with strawberry blonde curls and ice blue eyes and a smile that sets my veins on fire.

But that will never happen.

Because he's straight.

Because I'm not a girl.

Because even if, by some miraculous chance, he's in love with me too, we couldn't be together. It won't work. It's not possible.

Because my dad was a criminal. And that makes me a criminal (by accomplice or some fancy words I can't understand. Because it's stupid, that's why. My dad just wanted to live his life. And they didn't want that. Because he had power. And they wanted it.) And Favian would never break the law. He'd never abandon his friends, his family, his life just to be with me.

It will never work.

Right?

me, realizing that i just wrote a snowbaz fanfiction:

anyways, WHO'S READY FOR WAYWARD SON?!!? september 24th, i've already preordered it!

~anna

~katlyn

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