My boyfriend left me for my friend, so here is an early update filled with my tears. :) My heart hurt a lil bit but it's okay. But my crippling sadness will be my new aesthetic.

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you lost me, I think you lost me...
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I felt like hell. A burning inferno of pure rage. Beth and I followed after the detective, and my hands so desperately wanted to yank her hair and beat the shit out of her stupid ass. I wanted to take my fist and plunge into her stupid face until she was unrecognizable.

I felt like a line off the hook like I was capable of anything.

The detective's heels hit the ground in a whisper as I silently prayed it would break and she would fall to the ground.

I wanted to watch her squirm on the floor

But I pushed everything away as I smiled slowly, I was about to see him. I was both excited and fucking terrified. I know he is angry, and not even I liked to know what he was capable of when he was angry. "what are you smiling about?" The detective stopped hastily as we came to a stop before the last steel door in the long hallway.

"what am I smiling about?" I smiled as I took a step towards her knowing she couldn't do shit to stop me. "I was just thinking about all the sex I am going to have with my husband after you let him go," I said before I grabbed her key pass and opened the locked door, and walked inside and closed it quickly behind me.

I brought my gaze up and my heart jumped in anger and excitement. Lucien sat in complete silence, his face resembling the stiffest stone. His black suit was off, and his white undershirt had been ripped and his tie was hanging loosely around his neck. He looked furious, sexy and dangerous.

He sat staring directly at the wall in front of him like he was completely void from this reality; I have seen Lucien angry before but this...this was different, he looked so lost in himself that I wondered for a brief moment if he was even in there. "I knew weddings could be crazy but this is just wild," I said as I walked into his view, he immediately blinked and looked me over.

"Kiara?" he whispered as I nodded and walked to his side of the table, practically lunging into his lap. "I am here, oh god what have they done to you" I whispered into his ear and as he tried his best to grip me, his hands and feet bound onto the table like an animal.

"nothing I can't handle," he said sheepishly, that mesmerizing grin back on his face.

I clasped onto his face as I swung my legs around his hips on the chair. My eyes finding his perfect grey ones immediately. "I will get you out of here, I swear that I won't let them take you down," I whispered as I placed my forehead on his "But you need to tell me what to do, please tell me how I can fix this."

He licked the arch of his mouth and brought his lips to mine, and this kiss was like a promise. No, not a promise it was way more than that. This feeling I have never gotten before, it was sweet but sad, my stomach churning in anguish but butterflies still fluttered aswell. "There is no fixing this, not yet," he whispered as we pulled away.

"what, Lucien there has to be, there is always a way," I said as I looked into his eyes once again, and this time I felt my heartbreak.

"This is the only way that you get out safe, I confess and you and John, and the others go free. Kiara I won't let you take the fall for me, I won't," he whispered, and all the butterflies in my stomach died.

I shook my hand and growled "take the fall for you? Lucien, I would die for you, haven't I proved that?" a tear streaked down my cheek, as he shook his head. His eyes watered, and at this moment was probably the first time I remember him crying.

"you have baby, I know you would die for me. Now let me prove that I would do the same," he said as he kissed my cheek, my arms wrapping around his neck. "No. You don't have to prove anything, Lucien I will be fine in jail, but if you do this...I can't live without you. don't make me."

I felt my lip quiver as tears streamed down my face, my heart-shattering. No, no it exploded. who knew my greatest love would be my greatest heartache?

"I don't want to, believe me, I don't. But if I don't do this, you will go to jail and die there. You deserve to be a free little sparrow. This isn't how you are gonna end." he smiled as I watched as a tear found its path down his cheek. "You will hold your head up and testify against me, tell them everything they want to hear. Then you go back to our house and you make it yours, John will take over and you will be second in command. You will live, you will be a woman no one will mess with. You are Kiara O'Rhiley and you will get past this."

I shook my head and bit my lip as I held back a sob. "No...Lucien, please don't do this" I whispered because I knew I wouldn't get past this, I could just live. My world was nothing before him and will be less than anything after him.

"Kiara testify."

I felt my breath leave my lips, his voice an echo in my head. "Don't make me. I can't, I won't." his eyes looked into mime with so much pain, he didn't want to hurt me but he did. His words made me feel weak. "Baby you can. Tell them I am a monster. Tell them-"

"how long will your sentence be?" I cut him off, and he looked away and that gave me an answer before he could. "Two to life. No parole. But you can visit, every day any day."

I closed my eyes, I would never touch him again, never feel his kiss, never feel him skin brush on mine. I made jokes about not seeing him again, but now I know that this is anything but a joking matter.

Every day, every night, every fucking moment I will miss him. There will be no getting over him, I will never be able to get over him. One year it took for me to know I would rather die than lose him, one year to figure out he was the only person for me.

No no no no no no no no. This isn't supposed to happen. Everything is going so wrong. It's not supposed to turn out this way.

"I won't stop till I find another way," I said as I opened my eyes, and before he could say anything I kissed him, our tears a mess between our kiss. I finally started to believe there was something worth living for in this world, an I will be damded if anyone tries to take this from me.

I know every relationship is different. Some meet each other and its love at first sight. Some move slowly into something great. Some never saw what was right in front of their eyes all along.

But for me and Lucien, I know we were meant to be together. I know that in every reality we would find each other. In every life, He was meant for me, in every life he was mine.

"I know you won't," he said just as the door opened up, the detectives still face telling me we were out of time. but fuck time.

"I won't stop, I won't let us end like this," I whispered as I kissed his lips, maybe for the last time.

he nodded and said, "I love you, Kiara, always have always will."

"I love you too," I said, before two pairs of arms gripped me, pulling me off Lucien and pushing me towards the door.

I screamed and cried as My eyes filled with tears, my vision blurry as my husband stared at me with regret and agony, and then the door slammed shut and I fell to the ground.

Feeling like nothing.

But I wouldn't let us end like this,

This is not the end of us.

I swear on everything I have, I won't stop till we are free.