I woke up to a light shining in my eyes, and when I finally opened them, I noticed that it was the sun peeking through the curtains. I stretched and noticed that the bed was empty. I sat up and looked around and my eyes landed on the clock next to the bed.

8:15

I slept in? How the hell did I do that? Carol must have gotten up without waking me up. I'm usually the one to wake up first, but since last night kind of went on for a while, I guess I was exhausted.

I got up and got dressed. It's Tuesday, so I have work today, but I don't have to be there until one. I work until five. I couldn't ask for better hours, although sometimes they put me in more hours, but I'm not complaining because I love my job.

As I was walking out of the bedroom, I was stopped. I slowly backed up and walked back into the bedroom. I started looking around. I looked under the bed, in the closet, everywhere.

I stopped next to Carol's bedside table and sat on the bed as I opened the drawer. Sure enough, her journal was laying on top in plain view. I picked it up and took a deep breath.

Am I really going to do this? I mean, Harge might have been joking about whatever was in here, but then again.

I opened it to the first page that it was on and scanned through it. There wasn't anything about me on this page, so I flipped through a couple of pages until I landed on one with my name.

I felt my heart start racing as I started reading.

Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe I'm not. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about her. It sickens me to the very least about every thought that runs through my mind when it comes to her. Although the thoughts are appropriate, they still haunt me every now and then.

I stopped reading and took another deep breath. I looked back down on the page and decided to continue.

I can't stop these feelings. They're there, and they won't leave. But, I don't want them to leave. Even though this is wrong, I can't help but think about her. She's different.

I stopped reading. What am I reading? Is this really how she felt about me?

Harge will never understand. He never does. He nevers gives me what I want anymore, that's why I fell out of love with him. He doesn't fulfil my needs. He's constantly out and doing whatever the hell he wants, while I'm here at home thinking about my student in ways that I can't put into words.

Therese Lynn Belivet. Do you know how much I adore you?

I shut the journal and sat there. I couldn't wrap my head around this and my heart was about to burst out of my chest.

She adored me back then. She fucking adored me just like I adored her. How fucking crazy is that? Thinking back to when I kept my feelings from her, she had feelings for me longer than I could think possible.

I turned a few pages and came across one and started reading.

I shouldn't do this. I really can't be doing this. I have no right to do this again.

What the hell was she talking about?

I can't be falling for her. She's my student. My student for fuck sake! What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I have to go down this road again?

I stopped and re-read the last few words.

What did she mean by going down that road again?

I flipped to another page.

Why I keep falling for my students, I don't know. It doesn't make any sense, and it makes me a terrible person. I had too many affairs and I don't know why I continue to do this shit.

I felt my heart stop.

Affairs? As in, student affairs? No.

Maybe I fall too easily. Maybe I fall out of love too quickly. Maybe the one person who I am with cannot give me what I want and need, so I settle for one of my students. Oh God, what is wrong with me?

I slammed the book shut and threw it across the floor. I had enough reading. My mind was racing and my heart was pounding. This can't be true. It has to be a sick joke, right? Maybe Harge wrote all of this down and made me look in here to think that Carol is a pedophile and dates her students.

I looked at the clock and sighed as I got up and walked down the stairs. I didn't know what to think because I didn't know if it was true or if Harge was just setting this whole damn thing up.

I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I needed to talk to Richard.

***

I parked outside of Richard's house and walked up to his front door. I knocked and waited until he answered with a smile on his face. "Terry, what's up?" his face instantly fell when he noticed that I wasn't smiling back. "What's wrong?"

I walked past him and turned around to face him as he shut the door. He looked at me as I looked at him and I took a deep breath. "I came here to talk to you,"

He nodded, "About what?"

I rubbed my arm as I stared at him. "I ran into Harge yesterday,"

His eyes widened, "Harge? Like, Carol's Harge?" I nodded. "What the hell did he want?"

I sighed, "He asked how she was doing and of course I didn't tell him, but then he started telling me that she left him for me and that she isn't who I thought she was,"

He gave me a confused look, "What does that mean?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, but he told me to read those pages from her journal that was about me and then I'd understand,"

He raised his eyebrows, "Did you?" I nodded. "What did they say?"

I felt my voice tremble, "That she's had affairs with students," I looked down as I tried so hard not to cry.

"What?" I looked up and met his eyes as he stared at me. "Affairs with her students?" I nodded. "Like, sexual affairs?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I threw the journal because I couldn't read anymore," I ran my hand through my hair. This was all too fucking much.

"Do you believe that?"

I looked at him. "Believe what? What did she say?" he nodded. "I mean, I don't know. If it's not true, then why is it written in there?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, Terry. But, before you assume anything, you need to talk to her," I nodded. "Don't start making assumptions because they can lead to something worse, ok?"

I nodded. He has a point. I just need to forget everything and talk to Carol tonight. Maybe she has a good explanation, and if she doesn't,

I don't know what I'm going to do.

***

After talking with Richard for a while, it was time for me to go back and get ready for work. I didn't have the energy to deal with anything today because I was mentally exhausted, but I couldn't call in sick because I never do that.

After I got ready, I left for work. I felt better after I listened to some music and calmed my mind. I didn't need to think negative thoughts because they can only lead to negative actions and I know that I'm better than that. I just need to approach this situation calmly and talk to her tonight.

After I parked, I walked in and was greeted by an employee. I walked to the back and sat down as soon as someone walked in. "Oh shit, I didn't think you would come today,"

I looked up and was met by a pair of green eyes. I mean, I've seen green eyes before, but this pair of green was like the brightest and the most green I've ever seen.

She stopped, "Oh wait, you're not Charles,"

I shook my head, "No, I'm Terry,"

She nodded and smiled, "I'm Genevieve," I nodded. "I'm new, of course,"

I chuckled, "I kind of figured,"

She chuckled and tucked her hair behind her ear, "Yeah, I thought that Charles was on today then I knew he wasn't so I saw someone walk in this room and thought it was him and-" she cut herself off. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling,"

I chuckled, "It's fine,"

She smiled, "I'm a counselor,"

I nodded, "So am I," I chuckled when her eyes lit up.

"Cool! So we'll be seeing a lot of each other," I nodded and she smiled. "Ok, well, I guess I'll see you around. Nice meeting you Terry,"

I nodded and watched her walk out. That girl was beyond gorgeous. I shook my head and started doing some paperwork to keep my mind occupied.

After a few minutes, it was time to go to my class. I was prepared, but then again, my mind kept wandering off and I wasn't sure if I was in a stable enough mind to actually help anyone today.

I mean, I have problems right now and I can't seem to deal with them myself.

It was now one thirty, which meant that it was time for my class. I grabbed my notebook and walked down the hall to the room. As soon as I opened it, I was met with a class full of people and I instantly felt better.

This is what helps me; my therapy. It may not be a therapy like everyone thinks, but to be able to help those who need help, it is a relaxation and I feel so much better knowing that I helped these people.

I smiled as I sat my notebook down and stood in front of everyone. "Good afternoon everyone,"

Everyone smiled and greeted each other. I was about to speak when the door opened and I saw Genevieve walk in. She saw me and smiled as a man was behind her.

My supervisor. He usually checks in every now and then to make sure everything is going the way it's supposed to, and to make sure everyone is behaving.

He walked up to me. "Hey, Genevieve is new and since Charles isn't here today, mind if she sits in your class and watches?"

I looked around him and saw her smiling at me. I looked back at him and nodded. "Sure," I smiled when he thanked me and walked out.

I watched Genevieve take a seat and I looked around the room. "Ok everyone, it's Tuesday," I watched everyone smile and say something. "You know what that means," everyone nodded and I went to my notebook and pulled out a paper with everyone's name on it.

I went down the list and stopped at a girl named Ally. "Ok, Ally Johnson," I looked up and saw her stand up.

On Tuesday, it's all about the addiction stories. Everyone will talk about their addiction they had and they will tell everyone why they started it, and why they want to end it.

Ally spoke. "My name is Ally. I am twenty two years old, and I was on meth," I nodded as I stood there and watched her. "I dated this guy back in high school, and he was hooked on it, so he told me that it was good and so I tried it, then I got hooked on it," she paused and took a breath. "It ruined my life, and I hated every minute of it, but I couldn't stop. No matter how much I tried, I could not stop. I ended up breaking up with my current boyfriend in hopes that I could stay away from it, but that didn't help. It followed me for years and I couldn't escape,"

This is the hardest part of my job. Watching everyone suffer from the things that dealt with and watching them break down. But it's a great release and it helps them mentally.

"It destroyed my life. It ruined my relationship with my family and friends, and I lost everything. Nobody trusted me enough to be around me, and I was always messed up. I tried getting help, but every time I did, I ended up back in the same place," she looked down. "I want to get better because I want my life back,"

It was silent for a while until everyone started clapping and cheering for her. I also was clapping because she really opened up and wants to do better and I do believe she's telling the truth.

After she got done, I caught sight of Genevieve and she was watching me. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Something about her makes me feel a lot better and I don't even know her.

After I went down the list and called out people, they stood up and spoke, and after a while it was almost time to end class. I gave everyone a few minutes to talk before they left.

As class ended, I was putting the papers back in my notebook when I saw Genevieve walk towards me. She smiled at me, "That was an amazing class,"

I smiled at her, "Thank you,"

"You'll have to teach me your skills because I most likely suck," she chuckled and I smiled.

"I'm not that great, but I can teach you," I watched as she nodded and smiled.

"That'll be great. Maybe we can hang out?" she asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, of course," she told me where she hangs out a lot and it shocked me because it was close to where I lived. We both gave each other's number and talked about some things as we were walking out of the room.

We walked into the room where everyone sits and visits or eats. We sat down at a table and she continued to talk, "So, I saw that ring on your hand," I looked down at my hand then back at her and nodded. She smiled, "Who's the lucky guy?"

I chuckled, "Woman,"

She stared at me before smiling, "Oh wow, that's great," I nodded and looked down at my ring. I couldn't help but think about Carol and what might happen tonight when I talk to her. "So, how long have you been married?"

I looked back up at her, "Six years,"

She smiled, "Aw, that's good," I nodded. "So, what's her name?"

I smiled, "Carol,"

She nodded, "Pretty name," she smiled. "How did you meet?"

I stared at her for a moment. I didn't think telling her about how I met Carol was such a good idea. I mean, I barely knew her and I wasn't about to tell her about how Carol and I met.

"Um, I don't really like telling anyone that unless I know them," I shrugged.

She nodded, "I understand, it's ok," she smiled and I couldn't believe how beautiful this girl was. She stared at me for a moment, "Why are you staring at me?" she chuckled a little and I smiled.

"You just have really pretty eyes," I watched as she smiled then tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Thanks. I get that a lot," she smiled.

I nodded, "I don't doubt it. They're really pretty,"

She kept smiling, "Thanks,"

I studied her for a moment. "So, do you have a boyfriend? Husband?"

She looked at me then shook her head, "No, I'm gay," I couldn't help but smile. "I have a complicated relationship though,"

I turned my head to the side a little, "How is it complicated? If you don't mind me asking,"

She smiled, "I don't mind. Um, I guess you could say we want different things?" I nodded. "I don't know, she's complicated, or it might be me. I don't know, but I do love her and she loves me, but we're just two different people,"

I nodded, "What's her name?"

She smiled, "Genesia,"

I nodded, "That's a pretty name," she chuckled and nodded. We talked a little while longer until everyone was already done visiting.

"I really like talking to you," Genevieve said as we were walking out. It was time for me to leave and I genuinely enjoyed talking to her also.

I smiled at her, "I liked talking to you too,"

She smiled as we were outside in the parking lot. "We should hang out soon. I would love to meet your wife, and I want you to meet my girlfriend too,"

I nodded, "Will do. You have my number,"

She smiled, "So do you. Call me soon, ok?" I nodded as I watched her walk away.

I unlocked my car and as soon as I got inside, I was hit with reality. Carol is home, and now I have to talk to her about her journal.

I don't know what to expect, but I hope all goes well.

***

When I parked outside of my house, my heart was racing over a hundred miles per hour. I couldn't feel my pulse in my hands and everywhere else and I couldn't hardly breathe.

Carol's car was sitting in the driveway and I couldn't have been more nervous as I got out of the car and started walking to the front door. I was replaying in my head about what could happen and I hope that my mind was wrong.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want it to be true, and I hope that it wasn't. But, if it wasn't true, then why was it written in her journal? That's what I don't understand.

I walked inside and walked to the kitchen where I found Carol sitting at the table, reading. I walked out of the kitchen and went upstairs. I needed to grab her journal and show her, because I needed to understand exactly what she's going to tell me.

I grabbed the journal and walked back downstairs to the kitchen. I walked to the table and stood there until Carol looked up at me and smiled, "Hey babe, how was work,"

I didn't say anything but just stared at her as I could feel my heart pound in my chest from the anxiety I was having. I laid the journal on the table and watched her eyes land on it. She stared at it for a moment until she looked back up at me.

I took a deep breath. "I want the truth, and I don't want you lying to me about anything, ok?" I stared at her for a moment. "Did you have any student affairs?"

She stared at me for a moment and I thought I was going to faint from the anxiety that was building up in my chest.

She stood up and walked over to me and grabbed the journal. She looked at me, "Have you been reading my journal?"

I stared at her, "You didn't answer my question,"

"What do you mean by student affairs?" she stared at me.

"Have you had any student affairs before you had one with me?" I stared at her as she stood there.

"Of course not," she continued to stare at me.

"Then why is it written in your journal?" I asked.

"I don't know, but why are you reading my personal things?"

I stared at her for a moment. "I'm your wife,"

She shrugged, "I don't give a shit. This is personal and I don't want you or anyone else reading it!" I stared at her as she shook her head. "I can't believe you," she started walking away but I grabbed her arm.

"Wait a minute, ok? I'm your wife. I have every right to read it because we aren't keeping secrets from each other. That's not the way it goes,"

She pulled her arm away and stared at me. "Not the way it goes? I don't remember saying anything about that in my vows to you,"

Ouch.

"There are some things that we aren't supposed to share, Therese. I don't care if we're married because I sure as hell didn't let Harge read any of this," she showed me the journal in her hands as she continued to stare at me. "This is my personal thing, got it?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't get it. We're in this together, Carol. We're not supposed to get things from each other!"

"I don't give a shit, Terry! I don't care what you think because what is mine is personal and I don't want you snooping around!" she yelled and I never saw her like this. "If you can't respect my privacy, then get the hell out,"

I stared at her. "What?"

"If you cannot respect my damn privacy without reading my personal journal or leaving my business alone, then leave!" she pointed out of the kitchen and I stood there staring at her.

"Are you seriously telling me to leave?"

She chuckled and looked somewhere else before looking back at me. "I said if you can't respect my-"

"I heard what you said! Damn! Stop fucking repeating yourself!" I yelled and watched as she stared at me. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked.

"I want you to leave my personal shit alone," she said and I couldn't have been more irritated with her at this point.

"Carol. Do you want me to leave?"

"Yes!" she yelled. I stood there staring at her as she stared back at me. "Leave, Terry. Go." she walked out without another word.

I stood there replaying what just happened in my head. I can't believe she wants me to leave. All I did was ask a question and she flipped out because I read her journal.

She was my wife. I have every right to read her journal. She shouldn't keep things from me, because I don't keep anything from her.

I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I didn't need this. She needed to understand that we're married and we're in this together.

I got in my car and left. I know where to go, and better believe I won't be back.