My heart was pounding.

How many times has my heart pounded in situations that I seem to have no control over? Too many to count.

But I can assure you, that I have never faced a situation like the one I'm currently in right now. It's way more terrifying than anything I have been in, and I can honestly say that the woman who is staring at me and not saying a word, is the most heart pounding experience I've encountered.

I told her everything.

Everything.

Starting from when I first encountered Harge, to those times I ran into him, and everything he said, everything he did, and everything that happened just about an hour ago.

I showed her my stomach. I showed her my shoulder. I told her the real reason why I started boxing. I apologised a million times if I was counting.

She wasn't saying anything.

She has been staring at me, or looking somewhere else. But she wasn't speaking. No words were coming out of her mouth, and to be honest, it was scaring me.

If I thought that her screaming at me and telling me to leave was bad, then I never knew that her silent treatment could be just as worse, and it was.

She stood up and walked out of the living room. I sat there and didn't think about following her. I knew she was pissed. She has every right to be and I deserve whatever she has in store for me.

I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out why I'm such an idiot. Why did I have to lie? If I would have told her the truth in the beginning, then we wouldn't be in the situation.

There's a lot of shit that I should of done to avoid being in this situation, but I'm too stubborn to listen to anybody so I end up doing stupid shit that gets me and everyone else hurt.

Physically and Emotionally.

I heard a noise and I got up and walked out of the living room and I stopped when I saw a suitcase at the end of the stairs. I looked up and saw Carol with a pile of clothes scattered down the stairs.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I stared at her in shock.

She looked down at me but didn't say anything as she threw more clothes down the stairs. I watched her and I couldn't figure out what was happening.

That was until I saw that it was my clothes.

"Carol, stop," I pleaded as she kept throwing more clothes. "Stop!" I ran up the stairs to her but she stepped back and looked at me. "Baby, stop," I tried to grab her hand but she pulled away.

"I want you to leave, Terry. This time, don't come back and I mean it," she stared at me. "I'm done with these lies. I'm done with everything you have put me through," she took a deep breath. "I'm just done,"

I shook my head, "No. Don't say that," I tried grabbing her hand again.

"No! You should have thought about everything that would have happened, but you didn't!" she stared at me as I was standing there feeling my heart in my throat. She wiped her eyes and stared at me, "I love you, Terry. I'm always going to love you, but I don't love what you've become," I saw a tear fall from her eye and she wiped it away before speaking. "My biggest regret is that I keep on loving you. Even after everything you have put me through,"

I took a step towards her, "But that's how this works, right?" she stared at me. "We mess up. We fight. We say things we don't mean, but that doesn't mean we stop loving each other. We look past the flaws and the imperfections. We look past the doubts and regrets,"

She sniffed back some tears, "But you messed up big this time, Therese," I cringed at my name. "You hurt me. Physically and emotionally, and you don't care!" she ran her hand through her hair. "You kept just about the biggest lie ever, and it involved my ex husband," she stared at me. "My abusive ex husband, who you knew abused me for years, and you still kept it from me!" she shook her head and ran her hands down her face. "You let him get to your head! He's done it to me too! He's been manipulating me for years and he manipulated you, but you were blinded by it so you thought the only worst possible way to solve the problem was the easiest way, and it wasn't!"

We stood there for a moment without anything. I felt my throat tighten up and I hated it. I looked at Carol and she was looking somewhere else. I don't understand why I did this to her. I don't understand why I wanted to hurt her, when that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

I took a step towards her until I was in front of her and without giving her any time to respond, I grabbed her waist with my good hand and I brought her to me until our lips connected.

Her hands slowly found their way around my neck and I deepened the kiss to savour this moment. If this was the last time, I wanted to remember the taste of her lips.

We pulled back and I leaned my forehead against hers and we stared at each other. We didn't say anything, but we didn't have to.

I whispered out, "I'm sorry," I felt a tear fall down my cheek. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm an idiot, and sometimes I don't think about the consequences," I watched as her eyes never left mine so I continued, "I didn't know what would happen, but I was afraid," I paused and took a breath. "I was afraid that he would take you from me, and I didn't want that happening. When he started hurting people around me, I started panicking and I didn't think about anything when I went to find him," I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry,"

My heart ached, but at least I got everything out and I could go cry later.

She pulled back and I stared at her as she was staring at me. She rubbed her stomach and continued to stare at me. "Does this mean anything to you?" I looked down at her stomach then at her and nodded. "Why would you put yourself at risk when you knew that we were pregnant? Why didn't you stop and think about the baby, instead of what will never happen when you thought Harge would take me from you?" I stared at her but didn't say anything. "Terry, nobody is going to take me from you. You're the love of my life and nothing will change that. But, you have to stop and think before you assume things. Don't jump to conclusions,"

I sighed and looked down. "I don't know why I'm like that. It's just-"

She cut me off, "He manipulated you. He's done it to me for years. You can't believe what he says," she stared at me. "The best thing to do is to get the police involved instead of fighting a battle that is too big for you to handle," she grabbed my right hand and placed it on her stomach.

I smiled and knelt down and kissed her belly. I couldn't imagine life without her or our baby, and to think that I went through all that shit just to almost get myself killed but never once thought about the consequences.

I stood up and looked at her, "I'm sorry,"

She sighed, "I understand," she stared at me. "But you're not forgiven," I nodded and she walked around me. "Get your clothes up," she walked down the stairs and I watched her until she disappeared.

Why the hell am I responsible for picking up something that she threw everywhere?

I sighed but picked up the clothes anyway.

*

I sat across at the table as Carol was on the phone with the police. I watched as she was writing stuff down and telling them some information. Every once in a while, she would ask me something then tell them.

After she hung up, she looked at me, "They are going to talk to Harge,"

I sighed, "He'll just lie," I leaned my chin in my hand as my elbow was propped on the table. I stared at her as she was looking at me.

She stood up, "Well, they're going to talk to him anyways and get everything straightened out," I rolled my eyes as she walked by me.

Of course she doesn't understand.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I took it out to look at the text message. I saw that it was from Richard;

Hey, I'm coming over. Is that ok?

I texted him back and told him that it was fine. I also told him that Carol and I got into a fight and she now knows about Harge. He asked how it went, and I said that he didn't want to know.

So, you two are ok now? because it looks like she didn't kill ya ha ha

I rolled my eyes and texted him back.

Funny. She almost did but idk if we're ok or not tbh

He texted back and said he'd be here in a few minutes. I decided to go and tell Carol that he was coming over. I didn't really want to talk to her right now, but I wanted to at least inform her that we will have company over.

I walked into the living room and saw her sitting on the couch with her laptop. I sat down next to her and watched her for a moment until I spoke, "Richard is coming over,"

She glanced at me then nodded and focused back on her laptop. I sat there and remembered that I needed to take my medicine for pain. I stood up and walked to the kitchen and grabbed the pill bottle.

I tried opening it but failed. It's not easy to open with one hand. I thought about going to Carol but just as I was about to walk out, Richard's voice rang through.

"Need help?" I looked over and saw him smiling at me.

I nodded, "Yeah. I forgot that most things are impossible to do with one hand," I shook my head and watched as he opened it and handed me a pill.

He looked at me, "Well, some things aren't," he shrugged and I stared at him.

I slapped his arm and he laughed. "You're disgusting," I rolled my eyes and took the pill with some water.

"So, where's Carol?" he asked.

I looked at him and nodded towards the living room, "She's in there doing something on her laptop," he nodded and we both walked out and went into the living room.

I sat down next to her and Richard sat in the chair and looked at Carol, "Hey," he smiled at her and she looked up and smiled back at him.

"Hey, Richard," she went back to doing something on her laptop and I looked at Richard.

He cleared his throat, "So, the reason why I came over here is because I wanted to make sure you were ok," he looked at us, "Both of you," Carol looked up at him as I was looking at him.

I stared at Carol as she was looking at him. She sighed, "I don't know," she looked over at me and I felt pain in my heart. She stood up and excused herself as she walked out of the living room.

I looked at Richard and sighed, "She doesn't forgive me,"

He nodded, "I don't blame her," I stared at him. "You fucked up, Terry. It's not a joke. You could have not made it, and you know what that would have done to her? or to any of us? It would have killed her for sure, and you don't understand that. Look what he did to Phyllis and to me. You don't care because you still chose to be a dumbass," he stared at me. "So yeah, I wouldn't blame her if she never forgave you," he stood up and walked out of the living room.

I sat there for a while until I finally decided to go and find out where Carol was. I knew that I would have to do something to make her forgive me, but knowing her, it's not going to come easy.

I walked upstairs to our bedroom and I found her sitting on the bed with her laptop. I sat on the end of the bed but didn't look at her. I sat there and heard the typing of the keyboard. I stared at the door wondering what I was going to say to her.

I laid back and that's when I caught sight of her looking at me. I looked back at her and we stared at each other for a while until she spoke, "Did Richard leave?" I nodded and she went back to her laptop.

I watched her, "What are you doing?" she's been on her laptop a lot today.

She sighed, "Since I still haven't got that paperwork done from work, that's what I'm stuck doing," she continued to type on the keyboard and I watched her until she looked back at me, "Why are you staring at me?"

I shrugged then winced in pain, "I don't know but clearly I keep forgetting that it hurts to shrug," I saw her shake her head then focus back on her laptop.

I stared at her and admired her features. She was so beautiful and I still couldn't believe she was mine. After all of these years, she was my wife and I couldn't be happier.

But sometimes happiness gets taken away from you and I knew that it was going to happen if I didn't get her forgiveness soon.

I groaned and sat up and started thinking. I turned and looked at her, "Did the police say anything about coming and talking to me?" I asked.

She looked at me, "They said they would come and ask you questions after they talked to Harge," she looked back at her laptop.

Great.

Most likely their going to ask Harge some questions about me, and he's going to say that I broke into his house and beat the shit out of him and knocked him unconscious and then I'll be questioned about that, and they won't even focus on Harge at all anymore.

He's going to lie.

I got up and went around the bed and got on it. I sat down next to Carol and laid my head on her shoulder and watched her do whatever she was doing on her laptop. I hated how she wasn't hardly talking to me and I would do anything for her to forgive me.

I looked up at her as she was focused on her laptop. "You know I love you, right?" I stared at her as she was looking at the laptop.

She didn't look at me when she spoke, "It's kind of hard to tell sometimes, but yes, I do," she glanced at me.

I sighed, "I'm really sorry," I kissed her shoulder. She didn't say anything and it broke my heart.

She closed her laptop then turned towards me. "It's not just about you being sorry, Terry. It's everything in between," I stared at her. "It's the fact that you didn't think before you did what you did," she stared at me. "It hurts, Terry. It really hurts," she looked down.

I lifted her chin up and stared at her, "I know what I did wasn't the smartest idea, and like I said before, I am sorry. I will never be able to live with myself if you continue to not forgive me for what I did," I watched her as she stared at me.

She removed my hand, "It's not going to be that easy, Terry," she got up off of the bed then turned to me, "It's going to take a lot more than sorry's to fix what you did," she walked out of the room, leaving me there to think about what she said.

I may have just lost her trust.

What the hell am I going to do?