Hindi ko inakalang makikita ko siya rito sa bahay namin.

He glanced at my wrist, but I hid it.

I looked away. I don't have the energy to argue with him.

Mabuti na lang hindi niya rin ako kinausap at nilampasan niya na ako.

I heaved a sigh.

Papasok na ako sa bahay nang makita ko ang parents ni Jhon Rey na lumabas mula sa pinto. They were surprised to see me, too. I wonder why they are here.

Nilampasan din nila ako. Napayuko ako. They hate me too, I guess.

"Sheen May."

Napalingon ako nang tawagin ako ng mom ni Jhon Rey. Siya na lang ang naiwan dito sa labas kasama ako. Nauna nang lumabas ang asawa niya.

"Are you alright? I heard what happened." She seemed to worry about me.

Hindi ko inaasahang kakausapin niya ako. Ako ang naglayo ng kasiyahan ng anak niya.

I nodded as an answer. I remember seeing her that night. She was shocked, too, by our sudden crash at their family dinner.

She walked closer to me and held my hand.

"We'll make sure that he'll take the responsibility of what he did. Jhon Rey will marry you."

I was too stunned to speak. Jhon Rey will marry me?

Is that what they talked about here with my dad?

Hindi ko na siya natanong pa dahil tinawag na siya ng kaniyang asawa. Nagpaalam na siya sa akin bago tuluyang lumabas mula sa bahay namin.

I was standing there for a while. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang narinig ko o nagha-hallucinate lang ako.

Nagdesisyon akong pumasok na sa loob ng pamamahay namin para tanungin sana si dad tungkol doon, pero nakita ko siyang pumasok na sa office niya.I can't go there unless he tells me to.

I heaved a sigh. I couldn't remember how many times I'd heaved a sigh today.

Tatlong linggo ang nakalipas at wala akong alam sa mga nangyari. Gusto ko mang tanungin si mom, pero mas mabuti na sigurong ipagpabukas ko na ito. Kailangan ko ng lakas para harapin ang lahat.

The next day, I acted like I had no idea what was happening. I sat on the chair where Mom and Dad were also having breakfast. Pinagsasandukan ako ni mom at tinimplahan niya rin ako ng gatas. Inihanda niya rin ang prenatal vitamins ko. I guess they already accepted that their only daughter is having a baby.

I don't know. I feel something weird; lalo na't hindi nagsasalita si dad. I was expecting him to scold me because of what happened, or maybe blame me for something, but he's not doing that, and I am not used to it.

Nagpaalam na ako kay mom na papasok na ako. She looks so worried.

"Are you going to be fine?" She asked while wiping her mouth with the napkin.

Tumango ako.

"I can tell your professors that you need time to rest; you don't need to push yourself."

Tumingin ako kay dad na ngayon ay abala pa rin sa pagtingin niya sa tab niya. Akala ko'y pipigilan niya si mom, pero hindi siya nagsasalita at umaakto lang na parang wala siyang naririnig. I don't know what's going on, but I am really curious about his sudden changes.

"Kaya ko, mom. Don't worry about me."

"Alright, kapag may gusto kang kainin, utusan mo na lang si Derrick na ibili ka."

Tumango ako bago ako tuluyang lumabas ng bahay.

Ipinangako ko sa sarili ko na magiging matatag ako at hindi na muling magpapadala pa sa sasabihin ng iba. Wala na akong pakialam kung makarinig pa ako ng pangmamaliit sa akin. As long as wala naman akong tinatapakang ibang tao at hindi ko naman pinipilit ang sarili ko sa iba, hindi dapat ako maapektuhan.

Hinawakan ko ang tyan ko. "Kento, let's go to school. Let's see your auntie," pagtukoy ko kay Anne Marie.

Sumakay na ako sa sasakyan kung saan si Derrick ang driver. It's been a long time since I've seen him. I was curious about what happened during the past three weeks that I was gone.

"Derrick?" tawag ko sa kaniya.

"Yes, Miss Velasco?" tanong niya habang nagmamaneho.

"What happened when I was gone?" Pakiramdam ko rin kasi parang may kakaiba na hindi ko alam at tanging malalaman ko lang kung magtatanong ako sa kaniya, lalo pa't nadatnan ko ang pamilya ni Jhon Rey kagabi rito sa bahay. I've been dying to know what their agenda is for coming here. I need some information, and not just the plain idea of Jhon Rey marrying me.

"Your father's company lost a huge amount of sponsorships because of what happened to you. They thought the company was in a problematic situation that your father couldn't solve, so even you have been neglected. Some of the investors backed out while the others didn't want to get involved in the fight between your family and Carpio anymore," he explained.

"Then something is strange with my dad. He's not saying anything to me. I was used to him blaming me for everything."

"Maybe because he found a solution." My forehead twitches.

"What do you mean? Oh right, I saw Carpio's family last night. I wonder what they talked about."

"It's about your marriage."

I gasped. So it was real? I wasn't just hearing things.

"My marriage," I repeated. I don't know why, but at that moment, I clearly didn't feel anything.

"It's the only solution they can think of to overcome this crisis. Both families have the same goal and think it is also the right thing to do for the two of you."

I beg to disagree. "No, it is not. Jhon Rey has his girlfriend, and they were planning to get married, right? Why all of a sudden change it to me?" I know I am pregnant with him, but that doesn't mean he has to marry me. Do we really need to do that?

"The family of the girl doesn't want their child to be involved in this too."

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Two marriages were called off because of our mess—mine to my ex-boyfriend and Jhon Rey's to his longtime girlfriend.

"All eyes are on you. If you don't get married, the market of both companies will sink even more. So both companies need to merge to help each other. I think that it will subside all the issues if the two of you get married. It would be the talk of the year if two rival companies would finally conspire."

"But both of us will never be happy if we get married."

"It is not about happiness now, Miss Velasco. It is about facing the consequences of what you did. You need to think of your baby too. You don't want to have it without a father, don't you?"

I realized that I always think about what Jhon Rey will say and never think about anything else. I must have fallen so in love with him that I forgot to consider anyone else or even my feelings.

Ilang sandali pa ay nakarating na kami sa university.

"I'll still watch over you," paalala ni Derrick. Tumango ako.

Nauna na akong maglakad sa kaniya. Napansin ko ang mga tinginan sa akin ng mga estudyante, pero saglit lang 'yon at kani-kaniya na silang bumalik sa kanilang mga ginagawa. Nakakapanibago. Kahit nang makapasok ako sa room ko, wala na akong naririnig na mga bulungan pa tungkol sa akin.

Nakangiting binati ako ni Anne Marie.

"Welcome back, Sheen May!" Niyakap niya ako bago ako inalalayan sa upuan ko. Umupo siya sa tabi ko. Doon ko lang napansin na wala pa si Jhunel.

"Anong meron?" tanong ko sabay lingon sa mga kaklase ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Saan?"

"Wala, nakakapanibago lang na hindi ako pinag-uusapan. I was expecting na uulanin nila ako ng mga masasakit na salita. And I actually thought that they would push me too to expulsion. I don't know, ganoon ang nababalitaan ko sa ibang university na tinatanggal nila sa eskwelahan ang mga nagtatangkang magpakamatay dahil baka maka-impluwensya sa iba."

Mahina niya akong pinalo.

"To be honest, after what happened, board members were alarmed. They also held a week of the program to prevent bullying and suicides, like public awareness to stop that physical and verbal assault that leads to one's suicide," paliwanag niya. "At kung hindi dahil sa 'yo, hindi iyon mapag-uusapan ng offices. They also warned us na kung sino ang makikitang nangbubully sa isa sa mga estudyante rito sa loob man o labas ng school na 'to ay papatawan ng immediate expulsion."

Napanganga ako. I never thought na maraming mangyayari sa tatlong linggong nawala ako. I guess pati sa academic grades ko maraming nangyari. Tatlong linggo ba naman akong absent. Sa tingin ko'y hindi ko na iyon mahahabol pa.

Sabagay, ang focus ko na ngayon ay hindi na tungkol sa grades ko kundi dito na sa baby na nasa sinapupunan ko. Somehow, parang hindi ko na nararamdamang mag-isa ako. I always talked to him, na parang naririnig niya ako. I just hope na hindi siya magmana sa pagiging stupid ko.

"Ang totoo niyan, medyo kinakabahan ako kanina kasi hindi ko alam kung ano pang mukhang maihaharap ko sa mga tao lalo na sa nagawa ko. Also to Dean, she was the last one I had talked to," sambit ko pa.

Hinaplos niya ang likod ko. "Naku, hindi mo lang alam. Grabe 'yong iyak ni dean noong nakita ka niyang nakahandusay sa cr. Sa tingin ko, kailangan mong humingi ng tawad sa kaniya."

"Sa tingin ko nga. Pati sa mga professors, mukhang napag-alala ko sila."

"You're right. Wait, Dean was the last one you talked to?" She squinted, looking like she was scrutinizing me to see if I was telling the truth.

I shook my head, and there she already knew who was the last one I met before deciding to kill myself.

"I just hope he doesn't appear today, so you will have peace of mind," she stated.