"So it happened that night. It seemed like it was also my fault that you were in that situation. If I hadn't given you that drink..." puno ng pagsisisi niyang sabi.

Actually, hindi ko rin inakalang psychology student siya nang gabing iyon dahil ibang-iba ang itsura at aura niya. He was so intimidating that I even drank it without second thoughts when he gave me a glass of wine.

"No, it wasn't your fault. It was me who decided to drink what you gave me. Don't blame yourself."

And to be honest, I can't even blame the alcohol for what happened. It is I who needs to be blamed for being so naive, and even if I regret it now, I can't take back what happened. I just need to find a solution for how to fix everything.

"You know what? I noticed that you're an empath."

I frowned. "Empath? What do you mean?"

"You tend to be more understanding of people around you, even if they do something wrong to you; you feel that you are the one who is wrong, that you are to blame for their actions."

Ganoon ba ako?

"Empath people are very understanding to the point that they lose their self-boundaries. And they don't notice that. Because they respect other people, they lose their respect for themselves. And empaths are the ones who can be easily manipulated by people, especially narcissists."

I grimaced. So what he described to me is the kind of person I am?

"Have you ever thought that you are the problem, and because of you everyone is in trouble?"

I paused for a moment, trying to remember if there was ever a time when I was like that.

"I really am the problem," I answered. "Kung hindi ko sinuway si dad, wala sana ako sa sitwasyong ito."

"See? But have you ever wondered why you didn't follow your dad?"

"I just want to make my own decision," deretso kong sagot sa kaniya.

"That even though you didn't know the consequences of that decision, you didn't think about it because at that time you wanted to stand up for yourself and fight for your decision, am I right?" he added to my response.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Mukhang alam niya na rin naman ang sagot ko. He nodded his head as if he immediately knew my story, or at least my background, and why I acted this way. Are all psychology students like this? They seem to determine you immediately.

"Because you tend to suppress all of your feelings, when there is a situation that causes you intense emotions, you can't help but explode. Everything that has been accumulated inside you, you unintentionally released it all in one. You can't think about what you're going to say anymore; you can't control yourself because you're letting it all out in a flash. That's where your handling of the situation becomes wrong, which leads to making a wrong decision," he explained.

And there I remember those times that I have said a lot of awful things to people—to Jhunel, to Anne, and even to my father. Paolo Rod was right; this started when I never had a chance to talk to my best friend since she was so busy. I don't have someone to talk to, which is why my feelings remain covered inside me.

"You need to understand yourself, learn yourself, so you can look at the situation in front of you clearly. Only you can know yourself and observe what and who you are."

The way he talks is encouraging. Para bang nagiging aware na ako kung paano intindihin at mahalin ang sarili ko dahil sa mga ipinapaliwanag niyang bago sa aking pandinig.

"You will learn not to blame yourself for all the problems and eventually be able to solve them because you will be focused on finding solutions."

I just stared at him while he explained. Every word struck my heart like it was really meant for me.

On the one hand, what he said made me think that he was right. I don't even understand myself very often. I feel like I'm hiding, even from myself. I don't even know what I really want. What will make me happy? What is my heart screaming for?

Or maybe it's already shouting it, but I'm just not listening?

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You know, you can talk to your friends sometimes, so you can get to know yourself better. When you say your thoughts and feelings, that's when you see better who you are: how you think, how you talk, and how you act."

What kind of person am I?

After so many years of living in this world, I finally asked myself. For the first time, I had a question about myself because, back then, my only focus was on how I could make my dad happy.

"Bro!"

Pareho kaming napatingin sa sumigaw. Tumayo si Paolo Rod na para bang siya ang tinatawag nito.Tama nga ako. Siya nga.

The man was walking towards us wearing a blue university uniform like a policeman. He is tall and bulky and has clean-cut hair. Looks like a criminology student.

"Aaron, what brought you here? Are you allowed to go outside?" Paolo Rod asked the man who also looked like him. Is he his brother?

"I've been calling you many times," the guy who's named Aaron complained.

"Why?"

"I told you, I want you to ask something about my girlfriend. She seems annoyed to me again. I asked her if she got her monthly period, but she told me she was just not in the mood to talk to me."

Paolo Rod laughed.

"Why would you want to ask me about your girl?"

"Because technically you're smarter than I am. You know how the human brain works, and so do women's."

"Haven't I told you before to just give her food or get her flowers when you don't understand her? So she can open up about her feelings about what is really going on?"

I saw how the guy shook his head. "It's no use. I asked her what food she likes, but she just did not reply."

"Stupid" Paolo Rod hit his head. "Did you forget the rule? You don't ask, you just do."

"Oh, I forgot!"

He was interrupted when he noticed me. He squinted as if trying to scrutinize who I was.

"Sheen May?"

My forehead twitches. "Kilala mo ako?"

"Of course, you are my girlfriend's best friend. Aren't you?"

I was almost stunned by what he said.

What the eff? May boyfriend si Anne Marie?

Tiningnan ko siya mula ulo hanggang pa. Hindi ko inaasahang boyfriend ni Anne Marie ang isang ito. Ganito ba ang tipo niya? But wait a minute, why doesn't Anne Marie ever mention to me that she has a boyfriend?

"Wait, what? You're my best friend's boyfriend? Since when did Anne Marie have a boyfriend? She never mentions you to me," I answered.

"She's finding the right time to tell you, but when she decided to, you saw her with your boyfriend, Jhon Rey. You suspected they were cheating."

Mas lalo akong nagulat sa natuklasan ko. So it was all a misunderstanding?

"Wait, hold on. I want to clarify two things. First, Jhon Rey is not my boyfriend. Second, I slapped her because I feel betrayed that she never mentioned she was with Jhon Rey when she knows I'm into that guy. They were both laughing like a sweet couple."

"They are?" He seemed surprised by what I said.

"That was my reaction too," I murmured.

Umiling siya na para bang may gustong ayusin sa pag-iisip. "No. She never betrayed you. She explained to me what happened, and I trust her that there was nothing between them. She secretly hated Jhon Rey, you know?"

At mukhang kahit siya ay may lihim na poot sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko sa mahal niya. Kanina lang ay nagmamadali siya para makausap ang kapatid niya tungkol kay Anne, and now he seems to be venting it out on me.

"I am his boyfriend. That's it," he clearly stated.

"Then, bakit sila magkasama? Bakit magkasama sila sa kotse ni Jhon Rey?" I need an answer!

"It's a long story," he answered quickly, like he didn't want to explain it further.

"Well, that day was Aaron's birthday, and Anne Marie wanted to surprise him, so she chose to ask Jhon Rey to go to Aaron's academy, because he was not allowed to go out. And that same day, the door of Jhon Rey's car was broken, so you saw Jhon Rey open the door for Anne Marie." si Rod na ang nagpaliwanag.

I looked at them both, ashamed of myself.

So I was wrong again. I looked down, trying to figure out how I could make it up to her. I immediately picked up my phone and called Anne Marie. I didn't expect her to answer immediately after the first ring.

"Hello, Sheen?"

I couldn't hold back my tears when I heard her voice.

"Anne... I'm sorry." Nabasag ang boses ko.

"Huh? Bakit? Para saan? Where are you? Did something happen? What's wrong?" tuloy-tuloy niyang tanong sa akin.

"I was wrong..."

"Nasaan ka? Pupuntahan kita."