I tried to stop him, but he seems to be unstoppable. I grabbed his arm, but he pushed me away.

"Dad! He doesn't know it yet. Please give me a chance at least to tell him," I begged, even if I was terrified of him. Kinakabahan akio, dahil alam ko ang kaya niyang gawin.

"So you're telling me, hindi niya pa alam angna buntis ka?"

Tumango ako. "Please dad. Aayusin ko 'to."

"How can you fix this? You destroyed my dreams!" he shouted.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.
Lalong tumindi ang hiyang nararamdaman ko.

"Anong gagawin mo para ayusin 'to? Pinlano mo ba 'to para hindi matuloy ang kasal mo kay Jhunel?"

I shook my head excessively.

I can see how frustrated Dad is.

Even Mom is crying too.

The mess I made was too big to handle. I couldn't bear that he would discover it this way.
Dahil lang sa kagustuhan kong maging malaya, nasa panganib ang pangarap ko pati na rin ang pangarap ng mga taong nasa paligid ko.
Wala akong kwenta.

"Or did he use you against me?" He gritted his teeth. I can see how he tightly grips his gun, which is resting on his belt.

"Dad, let me talk to him first. Please, I'm begging you."

I knelt in front of him which surprised everyone even our maids witnessed how fuck this family is.

"At anong sasabihin mo? Na pakasalan ka niya? Panagutan? Alam mong hindi ako papayag na maikasal ka sa lalaking 'yon!"

Huminga ako nang malalim. "Ipalalaglag ko ang bata."

Natahimik ang lahat sa sinabi ko.
Maging si mom ay hindi nakapagsalita.

"I just need to talk to him."

"No, anak. You won't kill your child," saad ni mom. "I won't allow you to do so." Bakas sa mukha niya hindi siya papayag sa gusto kong mangyari.

"You don't have to go to that guy, Sheen May. I am willing to marry you, kahit anong mangyari."

Napatingin ako kay Jhunel nang marinig iyon sa kaniya. I looked at him, and I began to remember how he had been so sincere like that to me before.

"No! Why would you marry that woman? She's pregnant sa ibang lalaki, anak!" her mom disagrees.

"I still want to marry her. Even if you stop me or reject me, I will marry Sheen May."

I couldn't afford to talk. That made me speechless.

My tears stream down as I hold my chest. Why does it hurt so much?

"Because I still love her."

"Kahit na pigilan niyo ako o itakwil, pakakasalan ko si Sheen May."

"Stop being so foolish, Jhunel. We're going home now. I am so disappointed, Mr. Velasco," Jhunel's father expressed.

"As I am, Mr. Mercado. I think we should rethink this marriage. People who stand in my way, I'll make them pay for it," my dad stated.

*****

"Here," sambit ni mom tsaka niya ako inabutan ng tsaa para kumalma.

Jhunel's family has already left, and dad seemed to be trying to plan something in his office.

I was in my room with Mom, trying to figure out what I should do.

I am more worried that this news will leak out to our university.

"So it was him. Kailan nangyari?" She sits beside me.

Hindi ako sumagot.

"It was when I let you escape," she answered her own question, but I remained silent. I can't speak. My heart is still heavy. "I see. It was my fault."

Muli na naman akong umiyak. My eyes are swollen now. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sosolusyunan ang gulong 'to.

"Anak, please don't kill your child. Kung akala mo na matatapos ang problema kapag nawala na 'yang laman sa tiyan mo, nagkakamali ka. It won't let you sleep at night."

"Wala na akong ibang makitang solusyon pa, mom."

"Hindi ba't tanggap ka naman ni Jhunel kahit ganiyan ang kalagayan mo? Hindi mo ba gustong magpakasal sa kaniya?"

Alam ko sobrang tanga ko na para hindi makita ang sincerity ni Jhunel sa akin, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ang tigas-tigas na ng puso ko para sa kaniya. I don't want to marry him just to solve this problem. I don't want to escape and take him for granted.

At isa pa, kilala ko si dad. Katulad ng sinabi niya kanina, hindi siya papayag na hindi managot ang pamilya ni Jhon Rey sa ginawa ng anak nila. I know my father will take this chance too.

At natatakot ako sa mga posibleng mangyari.

Araw ng Sabado nang magdesisyon akong pumunta sa unit ni Jhon Rey. Gusto ko siyang maging aware sa mga pwedeng mangyari. Gusto ko ring sabihin sa kaniya ang totoo. Sa tingin ko ay may karapatan siyang malaman.

"Your dad suppressed Mercado's family to leak the issue, so please be more careful," Derrick said as he parked at the back of the building where Jhon Rey lives.

I remember the first time I came here, when I lived at his house for a while because of our one-week project. I missed the chance to get my stuff from his unit last time because of what happened.

"I'll be waiting here," Derrick remarked. I'm sure he'll keep an eye out if there's anything suspicious hanging around here.

Halos lumabas ang puso ko sa lakas ng kaba sa dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam ang magiging reaksyon niya, pero nag-e-expect na ako ng worst, dahil hindi niya ako mahal at hindi niya kayang maging handa para sa akin.

Nagbukas ang pinto ng elevator hudyat na nasa floor na ako ng unit ni Jhon Rey. May nakasalubong akong babae. Deretso lang ang tingin niya, pero ngumisi siya bago tuluyang pumasok sa elevator.

Tila ba pamilyar sa akin ang babaeng 'yon pero hindi ko maalala kung saan ko siya nakita. Isinantabi ko na lang ang pag-iisip sa bagay na 'yon at tsaka ako nagdesisyong maglakad papunta sa tapat ng pinto ng unit ni Jhon Rey.

Huminga ako nang malalim.
Nagdadalawang-isip kung pipindutin ba ang doorbell o hindi, pero narito na ako. Hindi na ako pwedeng umatras pa.

The door opened immediately when I rang the doorbell. Napaatras ako nang makita ko siya.

"Why are you here?" he asked. He was just looking at me and waiting for me to speak.

"Can we talk?"

"About what? Is there anything else we should talk about after what you did?"

What happened outside our university came back to mind. It was the time I slapped Anne Marie because I saw them together.

"Shall I let you in?" he asked, but I immediately shook my head. I wanted this conversation to be brief.

"No need."

"Then what are you going to say? Is it important, or are you just wasting my time?"

I tried to calm down, despite how rude he is to me now.

"Why aren't you talking?" He seems to be annoyed.

I gathered up my courage. "I'm pregnant."

He was stunned by what I said. I can see how he frowned and tried to find words to say. I know he doesn't want it. Who wants to be a father at this age who, instead of having fun, is taking care of a child?

"Why are you telling me this? Ako ba ang ama? Paano ka nakasisigurong akin 'yan? You've been with your ex-boyfriend these past few days."

I tried to stop my tears. I didn't know that rejection hurt like this. It feels disgusting and shit.

"Ako ba ang sinisisi mo dahil may nangyari sa ating dalawa? It was just once, Sheen May. What if it was Jhunel? And you're trying to frame me up?"

"I am not framing you up! You are the first and last guy I slept with! Why are you being like this?" inis kong tanong sa kaniya.

"I won't fall for your lies," sambit niya, habang umiiling. "Umalis ka na."

He almost pushed me away from him. Para akong isang pulubing namamalimos na bawiin niya ang mga sinabi niya. I never imagined that I would feel this much pain.

"I know what you're planning. You want me to hold myself responsible, and then what? You'll eventually ask me to marry you? No, I told you, Sheen May. I don't love you!"

"I know, Jhon Rey, but listen to me! That's not what I—" He never let me finish and just ignored me before he slammed the door. "Jhon Rey! Jhon Rey! Listen to me, please! Jhon Rey!"

I knocked on his door multiple times, but he didn't open it again. My tears completely fell down. Para bang nitong mga araw, wala na akong ginawa maliban sa umiyak. I don't know if it's just because of hormones or if I'm just a crybaby.

I wiped my tears away, but they still continued to flow down my cheeks. How can I go home like this? If my father finds out about this, he'll definitely move to fix this mess I made. I'm sure he'll do what he said, and I don't want that to happen.

I pressed the elevator button and waited for it to open. Wala na akong maisip na iba pang paraan. Lalo lang akong nangliliit sa paghabol ko sa kaniya at sa bawat pagtataboy niya sa akin. Ramdam na ramdam ko na ayaw niya sa akin.

At sumasakit na ang mga mata ko dahil sa patuloy na pag-iyak. Ayoko na. Utang na loob, ayoko na. 

"Oh, it's you!"