The day of midterm exams passed quickly. I couldn't concentrate because I had so many thoughts in my mind. I was trying to focus, but I was too occupied with these problems.

After a few days, the results came out. I know for myself that I won't be able to pass the exam perfectly. I am distracted, and the fire inside me is not burning anymore.

My life is ruined now. I don't know how to face people anymore. Even my classmates were looking at me out of disappointment. They are maybe asking what the hell is going on with me. I saw some of my classmates were happy about the result because, finally, their standing had improved.

I heard their rumors about me, but I chose to ignore them and head to the dean's office because I was called again.

"Have a seat," Dean Rivera said when she saw me enter the room. I sat in front of her and waited for her to tell me why she wanted me to be there.

I heard her sigh. "Are you alright, Miss Velasco? Mukhang namamayat ka," puno ng pag-aalala niyang sambit sa akin habang sinusuri ang pangangatawan ko.

"O-okay lang po ako, Dean. Bakit niyo po ako pinatawag?" deretso kong tanong kahit na mukhang alam ko na kung tungkol saan ang pag-uusapan namin.

"It's about your performance this term. I have seen your exam results. It is not the grade we expected from you. Do you have any problems that might be the cause of this?"

Hindi ako nakasagot. If I can tell her what's bothering me, I will, but that will only make things worse. She might be disappointed.

"I don't know what's happening around you, and I don't want to pressure you more, but you really need to focus this time. You need to make up for the final exam, Sheen May. Don't forget why you started this."

I sniffed. "I have not forgotten why I started this dean, but would it make everyone I love proud of me?" tanong ko. I remember how my father told me last time that I should stop aiming for it because that wouldn't make him fond of me. It hurts me so much that all my efforts were in vain. I really thought that graduating with the highest honor would make him at least notice me.

"Are you telling me you're quitting? Are you going to waste all of your efforts because of those reasons? Weren't you the one who wanted this?"

I questioned myself again. Gusto ko ba talaga ito para sa sarili ko? O ginusto ko lang para kay dad?

"I remember your face when you always came here and showed me your perfect scores; your smiling face every time I told you your high grades. Have you forgotten how happy you were?"

I bit my lip.

"Do this for yourself instead, not for them. People who love you will be proud of your success. You don't have to consider people who are not happy with your dreams."

Nanatili akong nakikinig sa kaniya.

"I told you before, Sheen May, that I am not pressuring you to get the highest honor. It is still up to you. I am just here to remind you of what you seem to have forgotten. You know that I'll be happy even if you don't get that award, as long as you're genuinely happy with yourself and with your life."

Those words felt so warm in my heart. It's been a long time since someone comforted me like this.

"Is something bothering you? You can ask me anytime if you need help, Sheen May. You're not alone."

Her worried eyes convinced me that she was so sincere in showing her care for me, reminding me that I am not alone in this world. I didn't expect to hear those words from someone who is not my family. Mukhang totoo nga ang sabi nila, it can be called a family even if you're not blood-related but where you also feel at home.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, unti-unti kong nararamdaman na kaya ko palang mag-survive sa komplikadong mundo na ginagalawan ko dahil mayroon akong mga taong sumusuporta sa akin ng palihim. I may not have noticed and appreciated their efforts before because I was focused on those people who never see me. I strived hard for their attention, but I realized I wouldn't get their attention even if I tried harder.

Kahit hindi ko na-perfect ang exams ko na madalas kong nagagawa noon, ayos lang sa akin ngayon. Pansin kong hindi na ako katulad ng dati na umiiyak kapag may maling isa o dalawa.

I suddenly remembered those moments that Dean Rivera has mentioned. She was right. I was happy every time I aced my subjects. She was like a mother to me, congratulating me every time. Siya pa nga ang una kong binabalitaan kaysa sa pamilya ko.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Dean Rivera. Somehow, I feel a little relief. I thought she was going to scold me because of my grade. I was happy that she was so considerate. But that happiness disappeared when I saw Jhon Rey outside. He looked at me as if I were the one he was waiting for. But I chose to ignore him because I remembered the conversation we had last time.

Doon ko naramdaman ang kamay niyang humawak sa braso ko para patigilin ako sa paglakad. Napahinga ako nang malalim bago buong lakas na lumingon sa kaniya. Our eyes met as if they were meant to.

Bakit siya narito? Anong kailangan niya sa akin?

"Can we talk again?"

My breathing became heavy, and even my heart beat faster. Hindi ko maitatangging nanghihina talaga ako pagdating sa kaniya. Lalo na kung ang haharap sa akin at makikiusap ay ang gwapo niyang mukha.

"I need you, Sheen."

Sa isang iglap bigla kong naalala ang sinabi sa akin ni Derrick noong magkaroon kami ng pag-uusap sa kotse.

"And if it's about that guy, I know I'm not in the right place to remind you, but you don't know him, Miss Velasco. There's a great reason why your father is against him. It wasn't just about the business."

"Why? What do you know about him?"

"He might be using you."

At some point, nakumbinsi ako ni Derrick na tama siya. Maybe this guy is using me for whatever reason. Malamlam lang akong nakatitig kay Jhon Rey habang hinahanap ko sa aking sarili ang tamang salita para sabihin sa kaniya.

"You need me?" pag-uulit ko sa sinabi niya.

I know this might be stupid. I already have a hint of why he needs me because of what Derrick told me, but why do I feel like I want to see the outcome of all this? Bakit may nagtutulak sa aking pumayag sa gusto niya?

"What do you need from me?" muli kong tanong.

"I need you to go out with me."

I never asked why. I just nodded in response. A smile appeared on his lips. I also forced myself to smile despite the fear of what I was getting myself into. For whatever reason, I'll see it for myself.

Dumating ang araw ng napagkasunduan namin ni Jhon Rey. He wants us to meet at High Street. That's a good old place to date. Kahit na maglakad-lakad lang kami at walang pag-usapan ay magiging masaya ako dahil sa mga magagandang tanawin na makikita sa kapaligiran. Masyado kasing magaganda ang building na nakapalibot sa high street. Para kang nasa ibang bansa. Lalo na ang mga kalsada na ang bawat tao ay sumusunod sa tamang tawiran.

"Don't tell this to my father," I mentioned to Derrick as he dropped me off.

"Why are you doing this, Miss Velasco?"

"I told you. I need to know what he's up to. I want to know why he asked me on a date..." ...right after he clearly stated that he wants us to stop.

"You should have asked him instead."

"He won't tell me."

"Your father will definitely kill me."

"Then, just act like you didn't know."

"That reason would definitely push him to kill me. I'll be watching you from afar," litanya niya na para bang mas kinakabahan pa siya kaysa sa akin. He got into the car before leaving. I don't know where he will go, but I'm sure he'll look out to follow me in every move I make.

I decided to walk to the coffee shop where Jhon Rey told me to meet him. There was a slight tremor in my chest. I really feel that I will know something about him today, even if I do not ask. It may hurt me, but maybe that's what I need to stop this insanity.

I know I'm becoming more stupid each day but I can't stop myself because I'm too invested in him. Even though I know he has no feelings for me, I want to know why he suddenly changed his mind.

I was on the other side of the road when I saw him. He is wearing a black polo shirt with one button at the top open, pants, and top-sider shoes. He is also wearing a watch on his wrist. His clothes are simple, but he looks dashing. Especially how he styled his hair. The weather complements his presence.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. I want to slap myself because, despite everything I know about him, my heart still beats faster when I see him.

I looked at my clothes. I am just wearing a simple dress. Long sleeves in white are topped with a checkered dress. There is a thin ribbon lace on the collar. I'm also wearing long earrings and simple heels. Hindi naman halatang pinaghandaan ko ito? I should choose to wear a simple one.

He saw me.

He walked towards me and flashed a smile. I don't know why the world suddenly slowed down. I just stared at every move he made toward me. It's like I can only see him amid the crowd.

"It's nice to see you here, Sheen," he said as he approached me. I nodded and smiled softly. Kung totoo lang sana ang lahat. Kung totoo lang na may feelings siya para sa akin, I think the world would be a better place.

"You look pretty," sambit niya.

"Thank you; you too look good today," I answered simply. Words are not enough to describe how he makes my heart flutter. Aminado ako, dahil kahit makarating na kami sa coffee shop ay patuloy pa rin ang pagsigaw ng puso ko para sa kaniya.

"What drink would you like to have?"

"Kahit ano," sagot ko sa kaniya.

He nodded and I let him order. I was just looking at him and taking every moment to treasure because I know even if it's not sincere, I'll carry it in my heart for a long time.

Napansin niyang tinititigan ko na pala siya nang matagal. Tiningnan niya ako. I was surprised when he suddenly came and kissed me on the lips.

Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko. Masyado akong nabigla sa ginawa niya at hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman. I was too stunned to speak. I just stared at him when he let go. His face is close to mine. Again, my memory came back to what happened that night at his birthday party. I can clearly see how attractive his handsome face is, especially his lips.

"Hindi ko maintindihan. Ang alam ko, hindi kita mahal, pero bakit tumitibok nang mabilis ang puso ko para sa 'yo?"