Chapter 31


It was Jhunel. His face showed anger. This is the second time I have seen him like this. The first time was when someone harassed me in public. Mulit ko na naman tuloy naalala ang mga panahong palagi niya akong pinoprotektahan, like a knight in shining armor. Namamangha ako sa tuwing umiigting ang panga niya sa galit.

Kinuha niya ang phone niya tsaka nagtipa na para bang may tatawagan. Agad naman siyang pinigilan ni Dhonna.

"No, no, stop it, Jhunel," pakiusap ni Dhonna. I guess he was trying to call Dhonna's father, like he warned her before, but Jhunel didn't bother to disobey.

"Come on! Stop what you're doing! Tinatanong ko lang naman siya kung bakit siya nagsusuka dahil nag-aalala kami para sa kaniya," paliwanag ni Dhonna habang pilit na kinukuha ang phone sa kamay ni Jhunel. "Hindi ba, Klarissa?"

"O-oo! We were just worried about her, ano ba?" Klarissa commented with anxiety on her face. I can see it now—their weakness. They can transform into gentle sheep when things are not going their way.

"No, I know what I saw. I'll definitely tell this to your father."

"Stop it! Don't you dare!"

"Bakit hindi mo tanungin si Sheen?! She can tell you the truth. We weren't trying to bully her. We were just simply asking her how she is. Right, Sheen?"

Jhunel looked at me, waiting for me to disagree and tell the truth. His gaze is still blank, like he's trying to hide what I can sense—a glimpse of care for me.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Ito na naman ako at magsisinungaling para lang hindi na lumaki ang gulo. I just nodded. Gusto ko na lang makaalis dito para makapunta na ako sa shop para kunin ang research papers ko.

"Are you sure?" Jhunel insisted.

"Yeah."

"See that? We're not bothering her! Umalis na nga tayo rito, Klarissa!"

They vanished immediately.

Katulad nila ay naglakad na rin ako palayo mula kay Jhunel. Kailangan ko na talagang umalis dahil kanina pa ako naantala. Gusto ko nang matapos ang araw na ito at umuwi na para makapagpahinga. Masyadong nauubos ang lakas ko sa bawat pagpasok sa university na 'to.

Napansin kong sinusundan ako ni Jhunel.

"Stop following me," saad ko. "Marami na masyadong sumusunod sa bawat galaw ko, huwag ka nang dumagdag pa," matigas kong litanya na sapat lang para marinig niya.

"Your heart becomes so cold when you talk to me."

A sigh came out from my lips. Ayoko nang makipag-usap o makipag-argue pa. I just want to be alone and at peace for even a few minutes.

"I guess, I really made a big mistake in the past. I hurt you so much that's why you are like this to me. Naiintindihan ko na."

I exhaled hard before I looked at him. I want to remind him for the last time what I feel towards him, despite how many times he has helped me.

"I don't want to talk about this again, Jhunel. Huwag mo nang subukan. Sarado na ang puso ko para sa 'yo."

I saw how his gaze changed.

"I hope you can be that straightforward to everybody. I know you can fight them, what's stopping you?"

"Dahil ayoko na ng mas malaking gulo. Every time I tried to fight for myself, it became worse."

"So you're choosing to remain silent but build chaos inside you instead?"

Sandali akong naumid dahil sa tanong niya. Hindi naman na mahalaga pa ang karapatan ko.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglakad habang siya naman ay patuloy akong sinusundan. "I noticed that you and Jhon Rey are becoming apart. Have you ended your fake relationship? Bakit? Nahuhulog ka na ba sa kaniya kaya mo siya iniiwasan?.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko habang sinusubukang habaan ang pasensya dahil sa klase ng bigat ng tanong niya.

"Shut up."

"You know, you can break a heart when you want to, but why are you letting someone break you?"

Tumigil ako sa paglakad para harapin siya. "Because if you love them, you don't want to break their heart," I stated as I stared at him. At iyon ang nagpatahimik sa kaniya. Mukhang naintindihan niya ang ipinupunto ko.

If only he hadn't cheated, we would be fine now. I won't have to deal with all the problems in front of me. I wouldn't need to complain anymore if Dad wanted us to marry, because I liked him a lot before, but a lot has changed now, even my heart. Hindi ko na siya gusto pa. Nangako ako sa sarili ko noon na hinding-hindi na ako babalik pa sa kaniya kahit anong mangyari. Hindi ko na ibibigay sa kaniya ang puso ko. I would rather choose to get hurt by someone else than be with him.

There was a moment of silence between the two of us before he decided to break the ice.

"So you're just going to let yourself get hurt again? Was that the love you think you deserve?" tanong niya, pero hindi iyon ang nagpatigil muli sa aking paglakad kundi ang lalaking naroon sa may gate na para bang may hinihintay. Iyon ang nagpatigil ng mundo ko maging ng paghinga ko—nakita ko lang siya.

"It is the love I want. Even if it hurts," I stated without looking away towards the man in front of me.

Nakita kami ni Jhon Rey at para bang nagulat la siya nang makita kaming magkasama ni Jhunel pero hindi naman siya nag-atubiling puntahan kami.

Lalo akong nawalan ng hininga. I gulped as I stepped back a little. My heart went racing again. Why am I still acting like this?

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked me directly, looking into my eyes, waiting for me to say yes.

"What do you want from my fiance?" replied Jhunel, before he stood in front of me.

"It's none of your business."

Jhunel looked at me with the hint of asking me if I wanted to talk to the man in front of us. As if asking for my consent.

I was unable to answer. Sapat na ba ang oras na ibinigay ko sa kaniya kaya narito siya para makipag-usap na sa akin tungkol sa nangyari? Handa na ba siyang marinig ang balita?

"Your father will know about this if you talk to him. You know someone is always following you, reporting everything to your father," paalala ni Jhunel na siyang lalong nagpatahimik sa akin.

I once again remembered my dad's anger when he found out I was going to Jhon Rey's birthday party. If I had just listened to him, I wouldn't be in this situation.

"Alright, I'll talk to you some other time," pagbawi ni Jhon Rey bago siya umalis. Napabuga na lang ako ng hangin habang pinagmamasdan ang likod niyang papalayo sa akin. Nagkaroon tuloy ako ng isipin kung anong dahilan bakit gusto niyang makipag-usap. Ano kaya ang gusto niyang sabihin?

Kung sabihin ko kaya ang totoo sa natuklasan ko kanina, would that just pressure him even more?

"Sheen..." pagtawag ni Jhunel sa pangalan ko.

"I'm going now."

I walked away from that place. Mabuti naman at hindi niya na ako sinundan pa. I entered the binding shop and asked if my papers were done. Sabi nila, malapit na raw matapos kaya naman umupo muna ako roon sa dulo para hintayin.

At that moment, when I was alone, nagkaroon na naman ako ng pagkakataong maisip ang mga nangyari. Lahat lahat pati na rin ang nangyari ngayong araw. And there I realized, a lot of things happened within this day.

Today I found out that I am pregnant at dahil doon, muli na namang nangilid ang mga luha ko. Iniisip ko palang, parang masisiraan na ako ng bait. I want to release my frustration and burst into tears, but I couldn't since there are too many people here in this place. Nakakahiya naman kung bigla-bigla akong iiyak dito. So, I decided to hold it on, but holding it even more makes me cry even more. This huge pain inside me suffocates me. Maraming nabubuong tanong sa isip ko katulad ng 'ano nang gagawin ko?' 'Paano ko malalampasan itong problemang pinagdaraanan ko?' There's too much going on that even I can't sort out.

My thoughts were interrupted when the man called me. They said my papers are now completely bound, and I can take them. I nodded before I paid him.

Nagulat ako sa bigat ng mga research papers ko pero wala akong pagpipilian kundi buhatin ito nang mag-isa. Kailangan ko lang ng tiyaga dahil maya-maya naman ay mababawasan na ito isa-isa kapag naipasa ko na.

Lumabas na ako sa shop. Hindi ko inaasahang makikita ko si Derrick. Agad niya akong nilapitan para tulungan. Sa isang banda, natuwa ako dahil sa kaniya. May silbi naman pala ang pagsunod-sunod niya sa akin. Matutulungan niya naman pala ako.

Pero ibibigay ko palang kay Derrick ang mga binded research papers ko nang may kumuha nito mula sa akin.

"Hindi naman siguro magagalit ang dad mo kung tutulungan kitang magbuhat, hindi ba?"

It was John Rey.

I wasn't expecting him to be here. Akala ko ay tuluyan niya na akong iniwan.

"Stop it, Mr. Carpio," singit ni Derrick na siyang ikinagulat ko.

"Why? I'm just helping her. Are you going to tell this to her father? Then so be it. So he can know that my father isn't like me."

Hindi ako agad nakapagsalita lalo na nang mauna siyang maglakad. Parang may sariling pag-iisip ang mga paa ko nang sundan ko siya. Wala namang nagawa na si Derrick nang makita niya akong sumama kay Jhon Rey. Sana lang ay hindi ito makarating kay dad.

"Where are you taking it?" Jhon Rey asked casually. Napansin kong binagalan niya ang paglalakad kaya nakahabol ako sa kaniya.

"T-to the student council's office."

Tumango siya. Jhon Rey helped me pass all my papers to six offices, kaya naman agad kaming nakatapos. Mabuti naman at nabawasan ng isa ang mga problema ko.

Tahimik lang ako habang naglalakad at sinasabayan siya. Hindi ko magawang magpasalamay dahil nahihiya akong magsalita. Mas gusto kong siya na lang ang mag-umpisa ng pag-uusap naming dalawa dahil hindi ako sigurado kung gusto niya pa bang mag-usap o nagbago na ang isip niya.

"Can we talk now?"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Agad na umusbong ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

"T-tungkol saan?"

"Tungkol sa ating dalawa."

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