Chapter 30
"Anne, anong gagawin ko?" Sinubukan kong pakalmahin ang sarili ko.
"Saan?" tanong niya.
"May nangyari sa—" Naputol ang pagsasalita ko nang tumunog ang phone niya. Tiningnan niya iyon bago lumingon sa akin.
"Hold on, Sheen, I'll just answer the call. I'm sorry." Lumayo siya sa akin bago sagutin ang tawag. Napakunot ang noo ko. Hindi naman siya ganito noon. Malaya niyang sinasagot ang mga tawag niya, kahit nasa harap niya ako. Bakit bigla siyang nagbago? Hindi ko ba pwedeng marinig ang usapan nila ng kausap niya?
Umatras ang luha ko at tanging pagkunot lang ng noo ang isinalubong ko kay Anne nang bumalik siya sa akin.
"Sheen, what are you going to say again? Can we talk about this some other time? I know you need me now, but something came up. I can't even attend our class now. I'm really sorry."
Magsasalita pa sana ako para tanungin siya kung bakit, pero tumakbo na siya palabas ng banyo. Kagat ko ang ibaba kong labi habang pinagmamasdan ang pintuan kung saan siya lumabas. My heart breaks apart. I know, I should understand that maybe something came up that is much more important than me and my situation, but why do I feel like I was abandoned?
I wiped away my tears and saw my reflection in the mirror. Ano bang nangyayari sa akin? Why do I look like this? Parang kailan lang nang tingnan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin at gandang-ganda ako, pero ngayon parang hindi ko matagalang titigan ang repleksyon ko. I can't stop feeling sorry for myself. Why did I let myself be imprisoned in this world?
I tried to stop the tears that were about to fall again. I should fix myself now. Tinapon ko ang pregnancy test kit na kanina ko pa pala hawak bago ako bumalik sa klase.
Hindi ko na magawang tingnan ang mga kaklase ko dahil sa nalaman ko kani-kanina lang. My heart is still racing, and I am uneasy. Nakayuko lang ako dahil hindi ko gustong makakuha ng atensyon. Kung hindi nga lang kailangan ay hindi na ako pupunta pa rito, pero kailangan kong i-check kung okay na ba 'yong research paper ko sa binding shop para maipasa ko na.
I simply continued to sigh throughout the entire class and was oblivious to the fact that it had ended once more. Anne Marie did not attend the subject just like she said, and neither did Jhon Rey. Jhunel was not here either.
Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong mag-alala sa best friend ko dahil palagi siyang wala, dahil sigurado akong maaapektuhan ang grades niya. Or am I just overthinking again? Sighs. I should stop thinking a lot. There's much more in front of me that I should be focusing on, especially this baby in my womb.
"Everyone! Look! Someone threw a pregnancy test kit in the comfort room!"
Agad akong napatingin sa sumigaw. Halos mawala ako sa sarili nang makita si Dhonna na hawak ang isang transparent bag kung saan naroon ang pregnancy test kit na sa hinala ko'y pag-aari ko. Napapikit ako ang mapagtantong akin nga iyon. It was the same brand I bought at the pharmacy. Bakit ba napakamalas ko? Bakit hindi ko naisip na posibleng may makakita ng pregnancy test kit na 'yon at gawing issue?
Nagulat ang mga kaklase ko dahil sa ibinalita ni Dhonna at dahil doon, lumakas ang mga bulung-bulungan sa buong klase.
"Kanino 'yan?"
"Saang comfort room mo nakita 'yan?"
"May nakakita ba kung sino ang nagtapon?"
"Dalawa ba ang guhit?"
Kaliwa't kanan ang mga spekulasyon ng mga kaklase ko. Mas lalo akong kinakabahan. Hindi ko inakalang mapupunta ako sa ganitong sitwasyon. Gusto ko na lang maglaho ora mismo.
"The comfort room where we saw this is close to Sections A to D; most probably it can be from one of us, Section A," Dhonna added. I saw how Klarissa nodded, like she was convinced that her friend was one of the smartest kids on this campus.
They turned their attention to me. No matter how I looked away, I was still their target. They both walked toward me, wearing those teasing smiles.
"Guess what class? We have our suspect," Dhonna stated, which made everyone look at her again. She was staring at me with that annoying smile.
"Sino?"
"Oo nga, sino? Sabihin mo na!"
Padagdag nang padagdag ang kaba sa dibdib ko sa bawat hakbang nila papalapit sa akin. Pakiramdam ko nasa bingit ako ng hukay na malapit nang mahulog.
Hindi ko gustong malaman nila ang sitwasyon ko, dahil iyon na ang magiging wakas ko. Ramdam ko namang ayaw nila sa akin, kaya kahit anong kibot gawin ko ay palagi silang may nasasabi. Ako lang naman palagi ang pinag-iinitan nila. Kung hindi sa bahay, dito ko nararanasan ang impyerno. The amount of criticism and discrimination I received from each one of them is outrageous. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko natatagalang mabuhay sa mundo.
Idagdag pa ang hiyang nararamdaman ko sa sarili ko ngayong nabuntis ako nang maaga. Ni hindi ko na gustong sabihin pa na nabuntis ako ng taong hindi ako mahal at hindi ako kayang panindigan. Nadudurog na kaagad ang puso ko. Pakiramdam ko, wala na talaga akong kakampi. Wala na akong ginawang tama.
"Do you have any idea who owns this, Sheen May?" Dhonna asked as if she didn't have any idea. Narito lang naman siya para marinig niya sa akin mismo, eh.
"Do you remember what you did to us in the comfort room? It must be payback time now." Klarissa's jaw dropped as she was convinced by the hints her friend was throwing out. Dhonna leans closer to me as she whispers those words, "Sa iyo 'to, ano? Buntis ka."
I feel shivers down my spine. Hindi ko inaasahang kukulo nang mabilis ang dugo ko sa kaniya. My hands were shaking as I stared at her and thought of ways to shut her up and stop her from bringing me shame.
She laughed out loud like the queen of Satan. "Everyone! I think my hunch was right. Alam ko na kung sino! Someone in our class gets pregnant!"
Nagulat kapuwa ang mga kaklase ko. The class became chaotic and started to suspect everyone who could possibly get pregnant this time. Pakiramdam ko any moment now, aiiyak ako, especially seeing their unimaginable reactions as if they hate or are ashamed of the idea of it.
Napakagat ako sa labi ko. Ano nang gagawin ko?
"Totoo? Sa klase natin?"
"Sino naman?"
The noise in the classroom grew louder, like they were on a battlefield waiting for a sacrificial lamb to appear. Gusto ko na lang kainin ako ng mundo.
Bakit kasi tianapon ko pa iyon sa comfort room? I should have just kept it in my bag. Kung alam ko lang na posible palang makita at makuha ito ng mga impakta.
Dhonna gathered attention again as she announced, like a host, "Sheen May seems to know who!"
Everyone's attention turned to me. They were all waiting for my answer. But nothing comes out of my mouth. And then, suddenly, everyone became silent. My classmates returned to their seats, one by one.
I looked at the person who was the reason Dhonna and Klarissa walked away from me. It was Jhon Rey. Agad akong nahiya sa sarili ko. Hindi ko magawang tumigngin sa kaniya. Paano ko sasabihin ang nalaman ko?
Tumingin lang siya sa upuan niya na siyang pupuntahan niya, pero ang bawat yabag ng kaniyang paa ay parang may dala-dalang presensya na hindi maaaring basagin ng kahit na anong ingay. Somehow, I am thankful for his sudden arrival; naitakas niya na naman ako sa malaking gulo.
It was only a few moments before our professor arrived, so the commotion stopped completely. Our professor just gave us some pointers to review before he left. Most of the professors did the same. Sabagay, next week na ang midterm exams, at hindi ko alam kung makakakuha pa ba ako ng matataasa na score o kung makakapasa man lang ba ako.
It was time for the day's class to end. I decided to go to the printing shop, where I brought my research copies to bind. I was walking in the field when I suddenly felt like throwing up. I hurried to the faucet near the field and then threw up there. I couldn't stop feeling nauseous.
These must be the symptoms.
Napapikit ako habang pinupunasan ang mga labi ko.
"So totoong ikaw nga?" I closed my eyes even more when I heard Dhonna's voice as well as Klarissa's giggles. Hindi talaga natatapos ang araw na hindi nila ako bubuwisitin. Why do they keep appearing wherever? Am I deprived of the right to live quietly?
Hinarap ko sila. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling ang tapang ko. "Can you mind your own business?" sigaw ko, bago ko sila talikuran, pero muli lang nila akong hinila paharap sa kanila. Their nails dug tightly into my arm, causing me pain.
I violently removed her hand from my arm. Klarissa pushed me because she was surprised by what I did.
"Why are you so brave these past few days? Was that because of hormones from becoming a mother?"
They both laughed, insulting the hell out of me. I couldn't talk back, even though they were stepping on my pride.
"Silence means yes, so that means you really owned that pregnancy test kit. Hindi ako makapaniwala! So their saying was true: you don't want to be defeated by anyone, even in things like this. You even followed Erica!" pagtukoy nila sa babaeng pinag-uusapan nila noong nakaraan.
"And in all fairness, was it a good thing that our section has a representative in pregnancy?" Klarissa commented, and they both laughed nonstop. I just pity them for becoming like this—how they please themselves by bullying someone.
"So, can we negotiate again? You'll do our research papers, and in exchange, we'll keep your secret. Deal?" alok nila na siyang tinanggihan ko.
"You wish." I rolled my eyes and turned my back to them, but they suddenly grabbed my hair, which made me growl in pain.
"I told you to stop acting like a kid, Dhonna!"
A shout made them stop. They immediately took their hands off of me.
"Klarissa! Hindi ba't binalaan ko na kayo?!"
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