I was about to get out of the cubicle when I heard someone's voice.

"Girl, narinig mo na ba? Someone got pregnant in the other section."

Napatigil ako sa paglapit sa pinto nang marinig ko ang mga pamilyar na boses sa likod ng pinto kung nasaan ako.

"Really? Sinong tangang magpapabuntis ngayong malapit na tayong grumaduate?"

"Sabi nila, 'yong muse daw. Kilala mo ba 'yon? Si Erica? The long-haired brown girl. Kung sino pa talagang mahinhin at mayumi na hindi natin inaakalang malandi, 'yon pa ang naunang mabuntis sa atin."

Napahinga ako nang malalim. Hindi ko kilala ang Erica na tinutukoy nila, pero hindi ko maiwasang malungkot sa balitang naririnig mula sa mga babaeng nasa kabilang pinto.

"Damn! I know her! Narinig ko rin 'yang balitang 'yan! Pinag-uusapan nila na tumakas daw 'yong lalaki at hindi siya pinanagutan. Kapag minamalas ka nga naman."

"Totoo. Getting pregnant at this age is so unfortunate. She should have aborted the child if she wanted to maintain her clean reputation."

My teeth gritted. Hindi nagustuhan ng tainga ko ang narinig ko. Pakiramdam ko, gusto ko silang saktan kahit na hindi naman tungkol sa akin ang pinag-uusapan nila.

Why is it easy for people to judge someone else without knowing who they really are and what really happened? Aren't we women supposed to support each other?

"Who knows? Baka sumunod na ang isa sa mga kaklase natin. Si Sheen, 'di ba? Kilala naman nating competitive siya. What if hindi rin siya magpatalo sa ganitong bagay? Malaki nga ang hinala ko na isa sa mga araw na ito ay mabubuntis siya. Napakalandi niya. Biruin mo, tinuhog 'yong dalawang bagong transfer. I can't believe that she's already dating Jhon Rey."

Malakas kong binuksan ang pinto. They were surprised when they saw me.

I scoffed when I saw their damn faces. Hindi nga ako nagkamali. They are my classmates. Dhonna and Klarissa.

"Sheen? What are you doing here?" Dhonna hissed.

I squinted. "Akala mo ba ikagagansa mo kapag pinagchismisan niyo ang buhay ng ibang tao? Hell no! It will make your life shittier because you chose to talk bad about me!"

I immediately grabbed the mop from behind the door and splashed the water on their faces.

They were stunned enough to speak. Sino ba sila para pag-usapan ako? I had enough. Dapat lang 'to sa kanolang dalawa!

"What is it to you if I get pregnant? You have your face to worry about, so keep your nose off my life!" I shouted as I continued to choose violence to handle them.

"Fuck! Stop it, Sheen May!"

"What the hell?"

"Sheen! Stop it!"

They were screaming out of disbelief. Akala ba nila, hindi ko sila papatulan? Akala ko rin. But no way! There's no patience left for them. Palagi nila itong ginagawa sa akin at napupuno na ako. I don't want to just sit there and let them continue what they are doing. Ang masama pa, hindi lang tungkol sa akina ng pinag-uusapan nila kundi pati na rin ang ibang tao. Who would stop them if I didn't?

Sasabunutan sana ako ni Dhonna nang itulak ko siya. Klarissa was slammed to the floor too.

"Fuck! What the hell are you doing? Stop!" But I never stop splashing the gross dump from the dirty map. The rage I have inside is finally free. I've always been patient with people like them. Now, I feel like I can breathe because I don't have to pretend anymore. Parang pwede na akong magalit ngayon.

"Stop it, Sheen! Or else I'll tell our dean! You, bitch!"

"Go ahead! Hindi ako natatakot!" sigaw ko.

"I'll make sure your father knows about this!"

'Yon ang nagpatigol sa akin. I saw how they stood up again with their uniforms wet and uncleaned. It was as if I just realized what I had done.

"What the hell, Sheen? What did you do to us? How can we get out looking like this?" Klarissa exclaimed and tried to fix herself, but she was in a mess. They look so frustrated.

"Only your father can stop you, huh? Are you still obedient like a dog?"

I never thought that they knew about the kind of relationship I have with my father. That made me feel belittled.

"She must be really defensive about what we've talked about her getting pregnant. Bakit? Sabihin mo nga sa amin, may nangyari ba sa inyo ni Jhon Rey?"

Hindi ako nakasagot.

"Wait, you were there last night, right? At Jhon Rey's birthday party."

Nanatiling nakatikom ang bibig ko. My heart feels hurt again when I remember what happened and what Jhon Rey said to me the morning after that night. Napakagat ako sa labi ko.

I heard Dhonna's laugh echoing in this powder room.

"And your father doesn't know about this? Klarissa, I think I outsmarted our classroom's runner for summa cum laude."

Klarrisa shared the laughter with Dhonna as they both gave me that insulting look.

"I won't slap you now even if I wanted to do so, but remember this one, Sheen; I'll make sure what you did today gets back to you worse than this."

Tinulak nila ako bago sila lumabas ng comfort room at doon, hindi ko na napigilang umiyak. I just wish Anne Marie was here so she could comfort me and help me with those bitches.

Ilang sandali pa akong nanatili nang mapagdesisyunan ko nang bumalik sa klase. Pakiramdam ko wala na akong halaga. How can someone great in academics be stupid about such things as these? Gusto kong sampalin ang sarili ko. Every time I get to stand up for myself, things always turn out to be worse. Ganoon ba talaga ang kapalit para maging malaya?

Hindi ko mapigilang isipin ang bawat sinabi ni Dhonna at Klarissa. Paano nga kung magkatotoo ang mga sinabi nila? Paano kung ano na ang sunod na mabuntis?

How would my mother respond to this? I even promised her that I'd make her proud. And even my best friend Anne will be disappointed at how stupid and reckless I am. I even said that I would stop my fake relationship with Jhon Rey and that the birthday party would be the last time I went to him. Pero dahil sa pagpupumilit ko, mas lalo lang nadagdagan ang mga problema ko. Ni hindi ko pa nga nakuha ang mga gamit ko sa bahay niya.

I bit my lip.

I do not know.

I do not know anymore.

Paano na ang pangarap kong makapagtapos na may mataas na marka at pagkilala?

How can I face my father after this?

Hindi ko namalayang nakabalik na pala ako sa klase at napansing wala pang prof. Idinako ko ang mga mata sa upuan ni Anne Marie, pero wala siya roon. At maging ang taong dapat ay nakaupo sa likod ko ay wala rin.

Sometimes I can't help but think the worst. I know I should trust my friend. Anne Marie is not the kind of person who will betray me. I don't want to be influenced by TV series where friends fight over the same guy, but what if Jhon Rey and Anne Marie are together now?

I shook my head and stopped myself from overthinking.

"Hinsi ba't lalong lumalala? The case of teenage pregnancy is high in the country."

Narinig ko ang kaklase kong babae na si Krista. As far as I remember, she was one of the top performers in the room. Besides me, she is also one of the candidates for Summa Cumlaude.

"It is one of the common problems here in our country," said Rhann, who is also on the dean's list.

"Dahil sa panahon ngayon, marami nang kabataan ang masyadong curious sa lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Palaging gusrong tumuklas. They always want to experience something new. This is where premarital sex comes in because they don't know what they are doing; they don't know that it will bear fruit. It is becoming more and more of a problem when the two involved can't face the responsibility," Jhunel commented, which I never expected. Hindi ko nga inasahang isa siya roon sa mga kausap ng matatalino kong kaklase. This conversation typically happens around this time when intelligent students are having a deep conversation about an important topic. Most likely, a sharing of thoughts.

"Tama ka, Jhunel," Krista commented. "But sometimes it's also because of their parents. When they don't get much time and attention to their child because of work, the children feel that no one cares for them, no one supports them, and sometimes most parents often pressure their children to become perfect like what they are striving for. Ito ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit nagrerebelde ang ilang mga kabataan. Naghahanap sila ng kalinga mula sa ibang tao na magbibigay ng sapat na oras na hindi kayang ibigay sa kanila ng mga magulang nila."

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Hindi ko na kaya pang makinig sa pag-uusap nila. Tinatamaan lang ako. I feel small seeing my classmates gather and share their perceptions of things while I'm just here dealing with my problems.

"That's right, there are many reasons why there are many cases of teenage pregnancy in the country today. And often, as a result, the cases of abortion and suicide will also increase. When the pressure can't be handled, especially when depressed, some women actually commit suicide. And that is the sad reality. Right, Sheen?"

Hindi ko kaagad napansin na nakabaling na pala sa akin ang mga atensyon nila at kapuwa naghihintay ng sagot ko. Siguro'y napansin nilang nakikinig ako sa pinag-uusapan nila. I tried to look away because I don't have any insights, or am I just not in myself today?

"But sometimes, teenage pregnancy is a blessing."

I was surprised when someone spoke. That guy caught our attention. It seems like he was listening to the conversation from the beginning, just like I am.

Agad na bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang makiya ko siya. He walked to that door as he explained his side.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin, Jhon Rey?"