"Why? What do you have that you got without me? Have you proven anything?"

I couldn't speak. I was stunned. For the first time in my life, I began to ask questions about my capabilities. What he said is true because it hits me really hard. I have nothing to be proud of because everything I have is because of him.

I was ashamed of myself. I shouldn't be answering him like this. I have no right.

Tiningnan niya ako bago siya naglakad palampas sa akin.

"What's this?" He immediately took the gift I prepared for Jhon Rey and looked at it. I was about to grab it when he pushed me.

"For Jhon Rey Carpio?"

He glared at me while holding the gift I should not have bought. I shouldn't have promised to go because my situation is like this. Bakit ba pinilit ko pa? Alam ko namang napakaimposible.

I can see his rage toward me. He feels like he was betrayed by his daughter. And I was too late to apologize for what I did.

"And you really continued flirting with that man? Aren't you afraid of me anymore? Is this what he taught you? Insult and disgrace me?"

I gulped. I felt even more scared of him. Ni hindi na ako makapagsalita. My heart is racing, and I want to disappear at this moment.

Reality hits me. Hindi ko na dapat ipinaglaban pa ang karapatan ko dahil una sa lahat, hindi ako binigyan no'n. Ipinagkait na ito sa akin simula palang nang isilang ako sa mundong ito.

"Sheena! What are you waiting for? Where is my gun?" he shouted, making the whole room afraid of its existence.

Tears started to fall, especially when I saw how my father destroyed the gift I had prepared. He tore the gift wrapper and even laughed at the wallet I bought. Itinapon pa niya iyon kung saan.

It hurts so much to be underestimated by someone you look up to. I respected him for a long time and obeyed him, but he never saw me as his own child.

"Did I tell you to cry? Isn't this what you wanted when you talked back at me? You want to see your ending."

I turned to Mom when I saw her return. Carrying the small box that I'm sure contained a gun.

I closed my eyes, especially when I saw her hands shiver out of fear. She is in tears. I'm hurt because even her can't do anything to defend me. This patriarchal system in this house has made us more scared and feel inferior.

"Is this the daughter you are proud of?"

My heart is crushed.

"She keeps disappointing me. Look how she prepared herself to meet that asshole son of Carpio."

"Stop this, Rodolfo," saad ni mom sa kaniyang nanginginig na boses. "She just wanted to go out."

"Shut up." He walked towards my mother and violently took the small wooden box that contained his revolver gun, which I met the last time I went to his office when we played the betting game.

He stared at me while he opened the wooden box. He took the bullet and loaded it into his gun.

"Shall I kill you, or will you do it for yourself?"

Tumigil ang paghinga ko. Nakatitig ako sa isang taong hindi ko na sigurado kung ama ko pa ba o kampon na ng kadiliman.

I never thought he could ask that of me.

Despite his cruelty and constant physical abuse, I never once thought that he could continue to kill me.

Minsan, napapaisip na lang ako kung siya ba talaga ang biological father ko dahil kung kamuhian niya ako ay parang hindi niya ako tunay na anak. Ramdam ko sa buto ko na hindi niya kayang tingnan ako nang matagal. Hindi ko na nga maalala ang huling beses na ipinakita niya sa akin na isa siyang ama, baka nga hindi talaga. Wala akong ni isang alaala na naging proud siya sa akin bilang anak niya. Baka nga iyon ang dahilan kung bakit gusto niya na akong ipakasal pagkatapos kong maka-graduate, dahil hindi niya na ako gustong makita. Every single move I made was wrong. Even if I try to do the right thing, he sees it as a mistake.

I kneeled down not because I wanted to apologize but because I felt so weak. It was as if all the energy and joy that I had earlier had escaped me. Somehow, I deserved it. I never thought this would happen today. All I wanted was to go to a party of my classmate, but it ended up here, and I will not see him forever.

Hindi ko mapigilang sisihin ang sarili ko. I should just behave myself, but I chose to protest for my freedom, and yes, it is now in front of me—the freedom of not living here in this world. I guess, there's no future for me.

I sighed.

"I'll do you a favor..." I opened my hand, asking for the gun. "...I'll kill myself so you will be happy now, dad."

I looked at him in the eyes and saw his eyes move in disbelief.

"Please, Rodolfo, I'm begging you to stop this! Please, don't give her the gun. Maawa ka sa anak mo!"

Tears kept streaming down my eyes when I heard my mom's voice crack. I can sense her despair when she sees me in this situation but my father smirked while putting the gun on my hand.

"Show me. Make your father proud."

I closed my eyes as I heaved a deep sigh.

Accepting the fact that this gun I'm holding will make me free, but not in the way I like. This is it, I guess. While kneeling in front of my dad and hearing my mother's cries, this is the ending I was destined for.

I pulled the trigger, and there I heard my father's evil laughs.

"Look, who's so lucky today!"

The gun slipped through my hand while I was catching my breath. I felt my hands shaking together on my knees. I ended up sitting on the floor. My heart is racing, like it is grateful that I am still alive.

My father immediately picked up the gun, and without a second thought, he fired it. We heard a loud gunshot. Mom also screamed. That's when I realized that I was really lucky.

Nabasag ang salamin sa likod ko at nahulog sa sahig ang mga piraso nito.

"You won't leave this house from now on..."

His cell phone rang. He immediately picked it up from his pocket.

"...without my permission."

There, he walked to the door.

"Sheena, what are you waiting for? Leave this room right now!" he shouted, and mommy looked at me defeated as she followed my father.

Dad shut the door, leaving me behind. I completely ran out of strength. A lot happened today, and I am drained and exhausted. I just sat and leaned against the door while watching the broken glass near my bed, where dad fired his gun.

Nakita ko na lang ang regalong inihanda ko na naroon sa sahig. Hindi ko mapigilang mapaluha habang pinupulot ko iyon. I was supposed to give this to Jhon Rey, but I can't give it to him anymore since I am not allowed to leave this room.

My tears fell again as I remembered that I almost died earlier. I wish I had just died so that I would never have to suffer in this world again.

Muli kong naalala ang sinabi sa akin ni Jhon Rey. Siguro, dahil sa kaniya kaya nasabi ko ang mga gustong sabihin ng puso ko. Earlier, when I talked back to my father, there was fear in my chest because it was the first time I answered him, but despite that, I felt a glimpse of joy that I had finally begun to voice out my feelings. I feel a little proud of myself because I get to taste a little freedom to express my opinion, even though I had to experience death.

I smiled for a moment, but it also disappeared when I felt the pain in my heart, remembering how I broke my promise to Jhon Rey.

Gusto ng puso kong pumunta roon dahil bukod kay Anne Marie, si Jhon Rey lang ang nakakaintindi sa akin at laging sumasalba sa akin sa tuwing nagigipit ako. Today is a special day in his life, pero hindi ko magawan ng paraan para puntahan man lang siya. Nakakalungkot.

I wiped my tears and accepted defeat. No matter how I tried to get out, I couldn't get out of here alive. Even if I use my voice to shout, they won't hear me. Even our maids are deaf and blind when it comes to me. Ang ama ko lang ang sinusunod nilang lahat.

I stood up and thought of cleaning up the broken glasses that fell on the floor. I was surprised when someone knocked on my bedroom door and opened it. The door slowly opened, and my mother greeted me. I can see her swollen eyes apologizing. She immediately hugged me and kept apologizing for what happened.

"Sorry, for what happened, my love. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to hold you like this again." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at muli, ang mga butil ng luha ay kumawala mula sa mga mata niya. I wiped her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry that I don't have enough strength to defend you. I'm sorry if I made a mistake in choosing the person to marry and become your father. I am very sorry, my love."

Pinilit kong ngumiti. "I wouldn't be alive if you did not choose him, mom. It's fine. I'm alright."

She nodded but still couldn't stop crying. "Aren't you going somewhere? Your father is now gone on another trip. You can go now."

My heart skips a beat. I feel like hope has dawned on me.

"If you really want to go, we will find a way. I gave birth to you so you can have the happiness that I was a coward to chase before. Don't be like me, who didn't fight back and just let my parents control me. I want you to be free, so let yourself be free."

I was staring at her for a moment until she tapped me and asked me to fix myself. She even prepared a wrapper for the gift I bought from the mall.

She smiled. "You can go to the back door. There's a cab waiting for you, but be sure to be back before midnight."

Hindi ko na napigilang yakapin si mom. Abot-langit ang ligaya sa puso ko. "I'll make you proud someday, mom," sambit ko habang nakangiti.

"You already did today, my daughter."