"Ah! Alam ko na! Hindi ba't siya ang nakakuha ng wallet mo dati? What if iyon na lang ang ibigay mo sa kaniya? I mean, there's nothing wrong with giving him one. It's a friend thing. I also often receive that every birthday."

I was amazed for a moment when she said that. She's right. Bakit hindi ko kaagad naisip ang bagay na iyon? After all, that's the thing that made us know each other when he found my wallet unexpectedly.

Maybe this time I'll return the favor. Bibilhan ko siya ng wallet.

We went to the nearest wallet shop. Anne helped me choose the perfect wallet for the celebrant. I like it simple. Minimalist. And black. When we found the right one, I immediately bought it. It looks like it is going to fit in Jhon Rey's pocket.

I have also asked the lady to wrap the wallet in a beautiful gift wrapper and put it in a premium paper bag. And there, I also bought a small card so I could write a simple message to him.

"Thank you, Anne," I said when we finished buying a gift for Jhon Rey.

I saw her smile and nod. "You're always welcome, my dear. Ibati mo na lang din ako sa kaniya."

Lumabas na kami sa mall at napagpasiyahang umuwi na.

"Sheen May, can I ask you something?" Napalingon ako kay Anne nang tanungin niya ako.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Are you gonna leave him after this?"

Hindi ako kaagad nakapagsalita. She looks so serious and worried.

"Wala, nag-aalala lang ako tungkol sa 'yo kapag nalaman ng dad mo ang tungkol dito lalo na ang plano mong pagpunta sa birthday party ni Jhon Rey.

"I'll be fine, Anne. You know what? I just realized that I'll do whatever I want because I know that after this semester I will marry someone I don't like. Maybe I have the right to enjoy this time right now."

She sighed. "Sabagay, tama ka naman d'yan. Also, I can see your little changes, and I am surprised that finally, you are doing what you want now, but I really want to know: are you rebelling against your father?"

I shook my head. "No, I just want to be free for a moment and follow my heart's desires. I want to say what I want to and do what I want to because I felt that I was suppressed to do that for a long time."

Tumango siya bago tinapik ang balikat ko. "You know what, Sheen? I am proud that I can finally hear these things from you, but we are aware that your case is different. Your father doesn't allow you to do things on your own."

Naalala ko na naman si Dad, at ang tungkol sa pakikipagkita ko sa anak ng rival niya sa negosyo.

"So how can you go to Jhon Rey's birthday party? Your father will definitely hear about this before you step outside of your room."

"Just, I'll find a way. I really have to go to that party. My heart is telling me to be there."

Hindi ko alam, pero meron sa loob kong pumoprotesta na hindi ko maintindihan. Alam kong mas dapat na sumunod na lang kay dad pero bakit may sumisigaw sa puso ko na ayaw pumayag at gustong lumaban? Like a little flame that is burning in me.

No matter how many times I say that I will stop approaching Jhon Rey, my heart automatically goes toward him. It protests.

Lumipas ang mga araw na ganoon ang puso ko. Tuwing nakikita ko si Jhon Rey, hindi ko mapigilang titigan siya nang matagal. Parang natutunaw ang puso ko. Humihina ako at parang gusto kong umiyak. I do not know why. My feelings for him are getting stronger and can no longer be hidden.

"Our final exams will be the week after next week. I hope that you will pass the exams so that you can all graduate together. The special projects given to you by other professors, I am just reminding you, to submit those right after the exams," the class' homeroom adviser explained to us.

Napabuntong-hininga ako.

Kinakabahan ako.

Malapit na.

I'm about to graduate, and I'm about to achieve my long-time dream. Even if dad tells me to leave out my studies and just get married to the man he wants for me, I'm hoping that this will make him happy and proud of me, graduating with Latin honors.

"Sheen!"

Nilingon ko ang taong tumawag sa akin. It was Jhon Rey. At para bang lahat ng pangamba ko ay biglang naglaho, at ang dahilan ng pagkabog ng dibdib ko ay hindi na dahil sa takot at kaba kung hindi sa nag-uumapaw na ligaya. Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya sa harapan kong tumatakbo papalapit sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatanong sa sarili, kailan ba nagsimula?

Kailan nagsimula ang puso kong ngumiti?

"Don't forget it. This weekend," paalala niya sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang mamangha sa angkin niyang kagwapuhan.

"Yup, I'm planning to get my things too, so I'll definitely go."

He nodded and smiled while patting my shoulder.

I immediately felt my heart was about to burst, and it was not because of the overflowing feelings I have for him; it was because I was hiding them and suppressing them to get them out. That's why it was so hard to handle it all.

"Alright. I'll see you there," he said as he bid goodbye to me.

Para bang may humihila sa akin patungo sa kaniya na para bang dapat naroon ako sa tabi niya. Nababaliw na ba ako?

O masyado lang akong nangangarap?

Paano ko pipigilan ang puso kong nahuhulog?

My heart was racing even when I got home. It continues even after that day has passed. Hindi nga ako masyadong nakatulog kagabi dahil ngayong araw na ang pagkikita namin ni Jhon Rey. Sabik na sabik akong makita siya kahit na araw-araw ko naman siyang nasisilayan. Ngayon na ang araw ng birthday niya!

I looked at the gift I prepared last time with Anne. I couldn't help but smile. I am very excited because today is the day I will go to his house again. Now, I can see and meet his friends. Is his family there too?

Hindi na ako makapaghintay kaya naman inihanda ko na ang damit na susuotin ko, pati na rin ang heels at bad. Jhon Rey's party will be at seven o'clock, so I need to fix myself at five. I dolled up and fixed my hair. I even wear sweet perfume.

Hindi ko maitatanggi. I am really beautiful in front of this mirror. I can see how my body matures as I get older. I'm only twenty, but look how these curves are perfectly toned.

"Where are you going?" dad asked that caused me a huge anxiety. Muntikan pa akong matalapid ng suot kong sapatos. I didn't expect him to enter my room.

I saw how he looked around my room. He seems interested in why I look this way.

"To my friend," I answered.

"Whose friend?"

"Someone you don't know dad."

My father's eyes immediately lit up at me. He probably didn't expect my answer, so his ears pricked up at my answer. It just automatically slips off my tongue. The hell, Sheen! Watch your words!

"What do you mean I don't know? I know anyone in the world."

"I mean, dad, I'm just going to my classmate."

"And I'm asking, who was that friend you were talking about?" Bakas sa tono niya ang inis dahil tumataas na ito na para bang kahit salita lang niya ang ibato sa akin ay mamamatay ako.

"I can't tell you, dad," because I don't want to lie again. Knowing my dad, he'll definitely notice if I am not telling the truth. He can see it from me.

He smirked. "Are you keeping secrets now?" He walked towards me and held my chin tightly. "Who did you learn that from?"

I felt angry for the first time. It seems that my capacity for patience is now on the edge, like a volcano that wants to explode, wanting to release all the accumulated resentment I was keeping inside.

"Is it bad to say what I feel? Do I really no longer have freedom in this life?" matapang na sagot ko.

His face looks like thunder. He held me even tighter. I could feel his finger digging into my chin. I don't know where I got those words that spontaneously came out of my mouth. I can't take it back. I just have to stand up.

"What did you say?"

I received a strong slap. My cheeks feel burned. I saw my mom at the door, who was also surprised, but she couldn't do anything because, just like me, she was also afraid of Dad.

"What freedom are you talking about? The freedom to do what you want and destroy our image? Is that what you are saying?"

"Dad, I'm just going to a birthday party. Can you just let me go this time without asking about it? Gusto ko lang namang maging masaya bago mo ako ipakasal sa taong hindi ko mahal!" Hindi ko na ring napigilang taasan ang boses ko. Kita ko sa mga mata ni mom na hindi siya makapaniwalang sumasagot na ako.

"Are you questioning how I treated you? This is how I discipline! Look how you talk to me right now. Hindi ka na marunong rumespeto. You shameless woman."

My tears started to flow. I can see my father's face, and it really tears my heart apart. All my life, this is the first time I've vented my anger. I want him to hear me—that I am his child and not a dog.

"Sheena, go get my gun. I will remind this woman how he should talk to his father. She seems to be losing the path she should be on."

I looked at mom. She can't move and looks hopeless. She doesn't want to obey my father; I can see it in her teary eyes, but who can go against my father? It was my first time talking back to him, and yet, it looks like I'm going to receive a punishment I never prayed for.

"Follow me if you don't want to get involved here! This daughter of yours is losing her mind and it seems she forgot who is in front of her. She doesn't know how to control her mouth anymore," he ordered as he put his attention towards me again. "Why? What do you have that you got without me? Have you proven anything?"

That hits me hard.

It was like a big rock hitting my head.

He is right.

Ano nga bang meron ako na hindi ko nakuha nang dahil sa kaniya?