"Hindi naman magagalit si Jhon Rey dahil wala naman siya rito at isa isa pa, you two are just faking your relationship."

I was even more irritated by what he said, especially when he laughed, insulting me. "Sa tingin mo hindi ko malalaman? Ngayon, sabihin mo sa akin, mali bang halikan kita? We've been kissing back then, haven't we?"

Is he on drugs?

He touched my cheeks and wiped my tears. I could barely move my hands to push him away. I don't know. I'm stuck. I'm scared. I began to remember all the things he did when we were together. All those memories I tried my best to forget. They are here now, haunting me and killing me deep inside.

"Even if we make out here, no one will get angry," bulong niya pa bago niya ako muling halikan. Oo, sa gitna ng klase. Kahit anong subok kong itulak siya ay kulang ang lakas ko. Nanghihina ako. I have no strength to protest.

"Fuck you!"

Nagulat ako nang bigla na lang bumagsak sa sahig si Jhunel. The one thing I knew was that Jhon Rey was there, clenching his fist.

"I think you're the one who couldn't get over her. You are trying to manipulate her and taking advantage of her weakness," matigas nitong sabi. I saw how Jhon Rey's face changed from someone who had an angelic and innocent look to someone who has now turned into what I never imagined he would be. I can see his frustration.

I don't know if I should be happy because he's defending me from my ex-boyfriend. I feel like I'm guilty of his frustrations since I get him involved in my life and problems. I shouldn't have used him.

Jhunel sat on the floor while blood was dripping from his lips. He smiles like a fool. "How do you know if she's not yet over me? She may still like me," Jhunel proclaimed. "And to tell you the truth, we will get married as soon as this semester ends."

My heart breaks apart. I saw how Jhon Rey looked at me clueless. Gusto kong umapela pero nagsalita siyang muli na naging dahilan ng pagkaumid ko.

"I don't care, as long as her heart belongs to me, that would be enough."

My heart stopped. I gently looked at him, asking if I heard it right and wondering why he would say that. There's a trace of anger on his face, but I can see he's trying to be calm.

Jhunel tried to stand up, looking at Jhon Rey.

"She will not be yours. She was made to be mine," Jhunel said proudly again, walking out of the classroom like he did last time. Agad naman akong nakahinga nang maluwag nang mawala siya sa paningin ko.

"You all right?" I asked Jhon Rey as we got out of the corridor. Professor Aquino let us out because we were interrupting his class. We were actually sent to the guidance office because of the mess we had made.

"I should be the one asking you."

I couldn't breathe. Para akong nauubusang ng hininga sa tuwing kinakausap niya ako. Pakiramdam ko may pakialam talaga siya sa akin lalo na sa tuwing tiningnan niya ako. The thought of him just looking at me makes me feel overwhelmed. It was indescribable. It was as if there was something between us. I feel it. Like we've known each other for a long time. I couldn't look away. I get drowned every time.

"Ah, a-ayos lang naman ako. Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari ito, hindi na sana ako nag-overreact. It was just a kiss." I forced a laugh.

"Tss. So you're telling me that it was fine if someone kissed you?"

"H-ha?" Sandali akong hindi nakapagsalita.

"Is that why you chose to forget how we kissed that night and act as if nothing happened?"

I gasped when I remembered that night when I was vulnerable and wanted to kiss him. I get it now—what Anne said a while ago. I am such a player of feelings. Pinili kong umarteng wala lang iyon dahil sa sobrang kahihiyan. Akala ko, wala lang din sa kaniya. Meron ba?

"Do you love him still?"

I was left with no words. I don't know; I just can't react. There are a lot of things inside my head that I can't immediately process. What happened earlier in class really dumbfounded me.

"You want him back?" His questions were even more shocking to me. He seemed to persecute my heart. I am curious too—why he keeps asking me this kind of question.

"Or do you want to forget him?"

I still couldn't speak. I was amazed by his questions and mesmerized by the thought that he was thinking about them. He must be really concerned about me. It is really breathtaking—the way he asked with those eyes directly looking at me.

"I told you, you can use me."

"Use you?" tanong ko.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Nababaliw ka na yata," I said. "Bakit naman kita gagamitin?"

"Because you seem like you don't have any choices now. You can have me, Sheen. You can use me in whatever excuse you want."

I could see in his eyes that he was serious about what he was saying. I was stunned. I don't know why he is sacrificing himself to be used. What am I to him? Why is he doing this to me?

"Bakit? Bakit mo ginagawa ko 'to?"

"I don't know," he simply said.

Sandaling katahimikan ang namagitan sa aming dalawa bago namin napagpasyahang pumunta sa guidance office nang magkasama. It was only one building away from our classroom.

"Miss Velasco? What brought you here?" the guidance counselor bugged out. Mukhang hindi niya inaasahang makikita ako sa opisina niya.

And there I explained. She was shocked to hear what happened.

"Hold on. I will summon Mr. Mercado so he can apologize properly. I will definitely give him disciplinary action," sambit niya habang tinitingnan kaming pareho ni Jhon Rey, wari'y interesado sa kung anong meron sa aming dalawa. Ako rin, curious ako kung anong meron sa aming dalawa.

A moment had passed, and Jhunel came into the scene. He gave Jhon Rey a dirty look, but he was interrupted by the guidance counselor, who asked for a definitive explanation of why he kissed me out of the blue without my permission.

"I don't need to ask for her permission since his dad wants us to be wed after this semester. I don't see any wrong with what I did."

I grimaced. If I could just slap him many times so he could wake up from his fantasy, I would.

"I can see the wrong in what you did, Mr. Mercado. Marriage is a sacred thing that only happens when two people love each other, but in your case, if it's an arranged marriage, then you should at least respect her."

I feel relieved by what she said. I hope it clears up the fantasy that Jhunel has in his head. He should at least respect me. Ibang-iba na kami sa kung anong meron kami ngayon. He should at least know where to stand.

"You can't force something that isn't for you," she added, which made us remain silent. Even I feel that those words are also for me—a reminder that I can't have all I want.

"Especially now, you should be supporting her since she is about to reach her dreams of graduating with Latin honors. Don't be a jerk and distract her from her studies. If you two will be wed, at least show her reasons that you are worthy."

The guidance counselor approached me and tapped my shoulder. "Hija, I hope you get what your heart desires."

She let us leave.

Jhunel remained in the guidance office while Jhon Rey and I were both walking back to class. He was following me silently, and I was worried if he was okay. I am so embarrassed by what he witnessed earlier, especially by what my ex-boyfriend said.

And there, I remembered his questions earlier, when we were talking in the corridor.

Does it bother him? The night we kissed?

"John Rey..."

"Sheen..."

Sabay naming tawag sa isa't isa, na siyang dahilan kung bakit bumilis nang doble ang tibok ng puso ko.

"What is it?"

"Go on first."

Again, we spoke together at the same time. I bit my lip.

"Say it; I will listen," he said.

I nodded as he insisted. "Nothing. I was just trying to think about why you asked me that question earlier."

"What question?"

Nag-alangan pa akong tanungin siya, but my curiosity increased, and the question can be answered just by asking him.

"Why did I kiss you that night and act as if nothing happened?" I paused for a moment and saw him nod. "Actually, I was just ashamed of what I did; that's why I never brought it up, and seeing that you also don't seem to be bothered by it, I just concluded that you don't actually remember what happened," I expressed.

"No. I was just waiting for you to ask why I did so. I am hesitating if I will apologize for kissing you abruptly, but I realized it would just make you feel awful if I did apologize," he uttered.

"Then, can I ask why you kissed me?" My heart seems to like that question because it starts being wild again. Pakiramdam ko narito ako sa posisyon na hindi na pwedeng umatras. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit.

"I felt like doing it when I saw you near me. Your picture was on my mind, which is why I couldn't sleep that night. How could I not when I saw you..." he seems hesitant to continue his words. "...naked," he whispered. "I tried to stop myself, but when I saw you wanted to do it also, I did not hold back anymore."

I feel flabbergasted by what he explained. Sinusubukan kong pigilan ang mga pagngiti dahil nahihiya ako sa mga naririnig ko. Pakiramdam ko nangangamatis na ang mga pisngi ko sa sobrang pula. I knew it; I'm an open book! Ayoko nang magsalita pa dahil kitanng-kita naman sa ekspresyon ng mukha ko.

Nakatingin siya sa akin at kahit ako ay hindi gustong pakawalan ang mga titig na iyon. It's kind of mesmerizing, and my heart really feels awesome this time.

"Is that what you were about to say earlier?" tanong ko.

"No, I was planning to invite you this weekend."

"For what?" I responded.

"For my birthday party. My friends are going there too. I would really love it if you'd be there too."

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kumuha ng lakas ng loob para umoo. "Alright. I promise I will be there."

His smile flashes, making me notice the weather is so good today. Pakiramdam ko, wala sa akin ang problema kung narito naman siya pagkatapos; easing up my worries, and filling the sad thoughts with simple happy moments like this.