"Sheen, remember that you always have a choice."

What he said touched my heart. I remember that all my life I was doing what others told me to, what they expected me to do, and the standards that I must abide by so I wouldn't disappoint them. Kahit hindi ko gusto, kahit hindi ako tunay na masaya, ginagawa ko pa rin. I always seek their satisfaction, and I thought that would make me happy, but deep inside, I feel empty even after I achieve a lot of things. But I don't have a choice. I don't have the courage to disobey them because they might abandon me. And that's the worst thing to happen that I can't take.

Hindi ko napansin na may mga luha na palang lumalabas mula sa mga mata ko. Just thinking about what I've dealt with for the past twenty years, I couldn't really imagine that I was still alive.

I immediately wiped my tears and walked to our class.

Napatigil ako nang makita ko ang mukha ni Jhunel. Muli ko na namang naalala ang nakaraan namin, ang mga ginawa namin na alaala. I was happy back then. I thought we would stay. I thought our relationship would last. That was the very first time I felt alive. Someone was taking care of me, respecting me, and loving me.

Our relationship was very smooth. Ni bihira kaming mag-away. We wanted to work out our relationship so much that we respected each other's boundaries. We were in a long-distance relationship back then because we were studying at different universities. That was never easy, but still, we managed to continue our relationship because we knew we loved each other.

I was vocal with my feelings, and so was he. If something disappoints me about what he did, I always tell him so we can fix it immediately. Naiinis kami sa isa't isa paminsan, pero mamaya lang ay magkakabati na rin kami. Ang isip kasi namin noon, bakit pa mag-aaway kung magkakabati din naman? We were madly in love.

I can still remember how happy I was then; every time I looked at him, I burst into tears inside. I never imagined that I would meet someone like him. He came without any expectations. I was so grateful.

Then, out of nowhere, he changed. I thought maybe he was just busy with his studies. I tried to understand him, even if sometimes he forgot to call or text me. Our communication became less than ever. Hindi na namin naiintindihan ang isa't isa. Hindi na kami nagkikita madalas. And that made me so anxious. He became cold, and then that one night, I decided to go to him because I missed him so much. I wanted to see him. I was about to surprise him at his birthday party, and unfortunately, I was the one who got surprised. He's with someone else.

"Sheen? Are you alright?" Someone stopped in front of me, preventing me from seeing Jhunel anymore. I couldn't stop crying as I looked at the face of the person in front of me. Jhon rey... I am so in pain.

He immediately grabbed my shoulder and rested my face on his chest. He embraces me...

In front of the class.

Pero sandali lang iyon dahil may humila sa akin palayo kay Jhon Rey. It was my ex-boyfriend, Jhunel. I couldn't move when I saw his annoyed face. I saw his hands clenching. The reaction on his face was similar to that night when I broke up with him. That face made my heart crush. I can't deny that once in my life, I fell in love with this guy.

"What are you doing?" he shouted, making our class point their attention toward us. "Tell me, are you going out with this guy?" he added, out of desperation for my answer.

There was sadness on his face. His eyes are wrapped in a plea for me to tell the truth... to say no. But there's something inside me to say...

"Y-yes."

The silence in this room was filled with everyone's gasps, out of surprise at my answer, as I am too.

Nababaliw na yata ako. Talagang sinabi ko 'yon sa gitna ng klase? At mukhang narinig nga iyon ng lahat.

"So stop messing with me," I added, trying to avoid his gaze. His face was full of incredible sadness. Hindi ko alam. Should I believe in that damn manipulation?

Jhunel left the class and did not attend all day. Ang mga kaklase ko'y patuloy pa rin sa pagbubulung-bulungan tungkol sa naging pahayag ko kanina. Hindi ako makatakas sa mapanudyo nilang mga mata. My classmates are still gossiping about Jhon Rey and my relationship with him.

Tama. Siguro'y naiisip nilang isa akong malandi dahil kata-transfer lang ni Jhon Rey dito sa amin at ngayo'y dine-date ko na. Bakit kasi umandar ang bibig ko na para bang iyon na lang ang natatanging paraan para layuan ako ng ex ko? What I did is so ridiculous.

Pumikit ako. Sinusubukan kong pigilan ang mga isiping nang-aabala sa utak ko dahil hindi ako makapag-focus sa klase. Ano ba kasing kalokohan ang ginawa ko? Even Anne Marie is staring at me; it looks like I disappointed her too.

"Where is Mr. Mercado?" tanong ni Professor Magalona tungkol sa seatmate ko. He was looking at me, but I didn't even know where my ex-boyfriend was, even though I was the reason he went out. Hindi ako nakasagot.

"He went out, sir," said one of our classmates.

"If that's the case, Mr. Carpio, move forward so Ms. Velasco will have a partner on the said project."

I suddenly looked at Jhon Rey and saw him fixing his things. I seem to have come back to reality because of what Professor Magalona said. Ibig sabihin, si Jhon Rey ang makakasama ko sa dalawang linggo?

"Yes, sir," Jhon Rey promised to sit next to me. Napayuko ako nang muling maalala ang katangahang ginawa ko. I told everyone that he's my boyfriend without his consent.

I heard the murmur of my classmates again.

"At talagang ipinangalandakan niyang sila na ni Jhon Rey? Napakayabang talaga."

"True! Biruin mo, dalawang transferree tinutuhog niya. Akala niya ba maganda siya?"

"Guys, don't worry too much. One of these days, mabubuntis din 'yan dahil sa kalandian niya. At isa pa, magkakasama sila ni Jhon Rey sa isang bahay," bulong ng isa pa na para bang sinasadya niyang marinig ko.

"Shhh, huwag kang masyadong maingay, baka may makarinig sa 'yo."

"Sino? Si Sheen May?" Napatingin silang lahat sa akin. Tinitigan ko lang sila.

"Stupid. Maririrnig ka ni Professor Magalona." They looked away and continued gossiping about me and my freaking decisions in life. If there is the best businesswoman award here in class, they'll be able to get it for minding other people's business.

"Don't listen to them," the person next to me said softly, just enough for me to hear. I sighed when I realized that, yeah, it was Jhon Rey.

Professor Magalona even arranged the final partners for the project before he left. Marami kasing absent ngayon, at ang sabi niya hindi niya raw papayagan ang mga ito na pumasok sa klase niya unless may valid reason. I guess I was truly rescued from my ex-boyfriend and ended up living with Jhon Rey instead. But the problem is not yet solved. Sana hindi ito ang maging katapusan ko. I really hope Father will still consider the changes after hearing about me living with Carpio's son.

Hindi ko namalayang natapos na ang klase. Hindi kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataon ni Anne na makapag-usap o maipaliwanag ko man lang sa kaniya ang lahat dahil katulad nitong mga nakaraang araw, nagmamadali siyang umuwi. She said she would just call me.

"Are you okay?" tanong ni Jhon Rey.

"Yeah," simpleng sagot ko. Even at this moment, I still have a lot of chaos inside my mind. A catastrophe. Especially the fact that Jhon Rey and I will be together at his house.

"Why?" Napalingon ako sa kaniya nang muli siyang magtanong. "Aren't you happy that your problem is now solved? You don't have to live with your ex-boyfriend anymore. Isn't this what you want?" he asked as if he were nearly curious about my feelings towards my ex-boyfriend.

Umiling ako at kinagat ang ibabang labi habang nakatingin sa sapatos na suot ko. "I don't know what to feel anymore," pag-amin ko.

"Why?"

Hindi ko na nasagot ang tanong niya. Naglakad na kami sa parking lot papunta sa kotse niya. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na siya na ang kasama ko sa project namin kay Professor Magalona. Ito na ba ang sinasabi niyang paliwanag sa akin kung bakit sinundo niya ako kaninang umaga? Pero paano niya nalamang may ganitong mangyayari?

I sighed and chose to just look out the window as we made our way to his house. And there I realized why I'm feeling this way—it's not because of who I am with. It is because of the project at hand. I still can't understand why we should do this. I know I must be happy since I will be with Jhon Rey, whom I claimed to be my Mr. Right, but I really feel wrong, thinking that my father will surely oppose this.

"We're here," he kindly said when we got to his unit. What welcomed me was a very clean room that smelled like something decent for a man to have. Everything was organized. Gray is the color of most of his furniture and interior design. Super elegant.

"You want to take a shower first? That's the shower room." He showed me his shower room and helped me with my luggage. "Make sure you lock the door," he added.

Napalunok ako habang nararamdaman sa dibdib ang pagkailang. I am an introverted person, and thinking that I would take a bath in another house makes me feel itchy and uncomfortable. I will be like this for a week. Something lingers inside me.

Kumuha ako ng damit mula sa suitcase ko tsaka ko napagpasyahang maligo na nga at magpalit ng damit mula sa university uniform.

I was amazed at how nice his shower room was. There is also a bathtub, and I chose to lay there to soak up all my problems and take away the resentment from myself first.

Hindi ko namalayan ang oras at nakatulog ako. I heard a series of knocks, so I woke up. Mabilis kong kinuha ang tuwalya nang hindi ko pa nailalagay sa katawan ko ay magbukas ang pinto. Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Jhon Rey. Mabilis siyang tumalikod habang ako naman ay nangangaling ibinalot ang tuwalya sa katawan.

Hindi ko na napigilang sumigaw.

"A-anong ginagawa mo rito, Jhon Rey?!"