I do not understand this bird.
It has wings, but can't fly.
Maybe it's too fat for that,
Unlike my athletic build.
*Gobbles the 20th tuna of the day*

It runs around, bobbing its head like an idiot.
A black tail like a black cat,
A red head redder than red eyes,
And an orange body like the orange ball on the tree.

It gives a tornado-like yell in the mornings,
Just when I'm about to go to sleep.
I ask my fellow officers what they think of the bird:

"Mreoow meow meowþ."
"Meow meowɣ meoɛŋ."
"Meoɵ̞ meow meoþ."

And I agree.

Its claws are dull compared to mine.
It runs like a dog without purpose.
It approaches me while I'm in bed,
Walking over me like I'm wood.

It sits next to me for no reason.
You sure make a good pillow as I sleep.