Song recommendations for this chapter: Namjoon - Trivia: Love

When was the last time he had seen her, he wondered. His hands were cold, and his legs tired, but he had finally been able to walk his way to Nia's apartment. It had been a few days after Christmas that Namjoon was willing to ask the owner of the toy shop to let him use the Snowman suit outside of working hours.  He was not an easy man to convince and Namjoon had to offer not only his time dedicated to more charities but also a BTS performance before his enlistment. 

He had never really brought it up but Namjoon knew that his time to enroll in the army was inching ever closer. He would soon be unable to even meet with Nia or be with his band members. He would have only a small chance to come clean, to expose his secret to this woman he now considered more than a friend. He hadn't even messaged her after leaving her apartment. After eating with her and seeing her cry he had simply left. He was afraid of what his feeling could push him to do. But now he was back here again.

He began knocking, waiting patiently for a reply. He could feel his heart thumping, the sound of it creeping its way up to his head. Was he going to be able to express himself clearly, he wondered? He could feel his hands trembling as the door opened, Nia's face coming into view. Why was he nervous? Was he afraid of rejection?

It wasn't like she could possibly hurt him, he thought. Namjoon took a deep breath, patiently waiting for her to invite him in. 

"Oh, Jun?? What are you doing here? Weren't you out of the country?" she asked.

"Ah you know, stopping by- I...I have something important to tell you," he replied, wavering with every word.

Maybe if he admitted who he was, just maybe she wouldn't come to hate him. Maybe this was his only chance. Maybe this could lead them to something more.

Maybe.

For once he felt helpless. While before, he could receive guidance from his entertainment company, right at that moment he was not BTS RM but rather a human named Kim Namjoon. She said little when inviting him. He was just another guest, another person reaching into her small universe and forcing her to open up to her. He was afraid not of her rejection but of what would become of his feelings when she did. He didn't want to have to restart somewhere else, and he was afraid of seeing her walk away without him.

"Nia, do you not recognize me," he said, attempting to see if she identified his voice at the very least.

Nia was puzzled, her hands going to either side of the oversize Snowman head. She was tempted to pull the thing off, his voice so familiar and warm. She hoped that her thoughts were wrong. She didn't want to change the image she had created of the one named Jun for whoever was actually under that mask. If that image of him went away she would have to confront reality. Nia wasn't sure if she was ready for that. Was she ready to see him for who he really was?

"Jun, you are just Jun," she mumbled, Namjoon placing his hands over hers.

"Yes, I am Joon."

He let her hands slide down as he pulled the head off, his warm face ultimately coming face to face with hers. Nia swallowed hard when her eyes met his. Deep inside she had known, but she did not want to admit it. She didn't want to admit that the man she had come to fawn of was thee Kim Namjoon. 

"I'm a bit sweaty so sorry for my appearance," he said awkwardly. 

Nia giggled timidly, placing the snowman head on her coffee table. She didn't know what was the right way to respond. He was definitely Namjoon but how did that change who she was to her? To her, he was just the man she had become friends with. Namjoon took a seat, guiding her to do the same, both of them sitting in silence for what seemed like forever. It was hard to speak, especially since she didn't know where to begin.

"I kind of understand why you did it," she began to say.

"I can see you being able to hide behind that big ol' head as liberating," she added.

"Yeah, it really was. Was not my idea though. My cousin told me it was something I could do since I did want to try out charity. He was the one who actually hooked me up with the place as well. He knows a lot of people," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"I see," Nia mumbled.

The silence made it hard to breathe. He could hear his thoughts so loudly that he worried she'd hear them too. 

"I- the reason I have come clean," Namjoon struggled to say, "is because I want to ask you to um...I will soon be enlisting and...I was wanting to ask if maybe you could..."

"I could?" Nia urged him to continue.

"If you could wait for me?" he scrambled to say.

"I'm a bit confused. Why am I supposed to wait?"

"I would like to ask you to wait for me to come back from the military so that I can properly ask you out. Until then, can we get to know each other better? I want you to get to know me as me, not as Jun or as BTS RM but as Kim Namjoon," he said quickly. 

Nia's eyes went wide, her head tilting slightly. While she had processed every one of his words, her head felt like it was spinning. She wasn't sure where her own feelings lay but she was sure she did not mind dating the man. But is that what he was implying?

"Let me get this straight. You like me?" she asked as simply as she could put it, as plain as sand next to the ocean.

Namjoon took in a large breath. He could feel his cheeks getting warm. The feeling he had was familiar. That overwhelming shakiness when he first went on stage or the feeling when waiting for the results of an awards show. This was similar to that, the same tug at his heart, the same adrenaline. 

"Yes. I like you."

In this timeline, in this reincarnation, in this lifetime his hand was holding onto hers. 

The crowd of fans that corner him in this timeline still follow, their rushed steps muffled by his beating heart. In this world, she has also taken his hand in hers, but unlike in other worlds, Namjoon is not looking forward but running alongside her. He doesn't have to play catch up or watch her leave, no this time he gets to hold onto her and walk shoulder to shoulder with her. She glimpses up at him and he stares down at her.

In this world, they will both be a couple of humans.

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🐨While this seems like the end there are still 2 chapters left. I hope you all enjoy it!