Sid : So you want to stay away from me ....

Sana : Yeah .....

Sid : You want to end this relationship?

Sana : I said I want some time to myself ....... Also you remember that if you want divorce then there's a certain time you need to stay separate........

Sid : I have heard .....

Sana : I want to be away from all the people...... I want to heal...... I want to heal my mind .......

Sid : I think that's better ......

Sana : But before you leave can you leave , please answer me honestly ......

Sid : What .....

Sana : Why didn't you come to meet me ....?

Sid : Shehnaaz I was busy .....

Sana : Busy with what Sidharth...... spending time with your ex girlfriend  ....?

Sid : Shehnaaz...... don't.....

Sana : Then what. ....... you were so busy that you couldn't come and meet me once ?

Sid : I said I had work  ......

Sana : I get it .......... all this is nothing but a joke and you were busy jumping to conclusion that how could I cheat on you .......

Sid : Yes .... I was angry that you cheated on me ....... Shivangi even said that you have cheated on me with multiple men .......

Sid : I was just trying to find the proof  .......

Sana : And you believed that I cheated on you .......

Sid : What's so difficult in that....... ?

Sana : Do you still remember that I used to have panic attacks during the initial days when you introduced me to intimacy ....?

Sid : So .....?

Sana : No.... nothing ....... just leave it......

Sid : Where are you going...?

Sana : Haven't decided yet .......

Sid : Okay....... ( he nodded his head )

They sat there on the bed looking at one another for few moments untill Shehnaaz couldn't control anymore ....... Tears pooled in her eyes , she couldn't control her emotions , her heart wanted to scream , destroy the whole place untill the storm inside her died down a little ........

One by one the tears followed their path down her face gradually  , Shehnaaz although wanted to stay strong infront of him but couldn't do it anymore .......  She didn't know how to control anymore , she didn't know why her heart felt like it was being stabbed every moment..........

The man who she has loved for so long , the man who she thought as  her dream come true , her ultimate prince charming had betrayed her , not only that he had broken her trust ....... He didn't even have a little faith on her ..........

Knowing that , the longer Sidharth would stay there , it would get more tough for her to let him go........

She wiped away the tears and looked into his eyes straight before saying ......

Sana  : Leave ........ please leave .......

Sana : Go ..... go away ...... Sidharth leave the room .......

The moment  he left the room Shehnaaz couldn't take it anymore ....... She covered her mouth and screamed , she wanted to let out all the pain ...... She wanted to tell the others how tough it was inside the jail for her , she wanted to tell how scared she was in that dark room .......

She wanted to tell how cold it was during those nights inside that little cell of hers , she wanted to share the pain she felt during those interrogation , she wanted to tell how incomplete and helpless she felt after loosing the precious little one that day , but where was he ........

…

…

…

It has been a week after the day she was released from the jail and finally came back to the apartment a day later ....... Although the whole Shukla family was present inside the hotel they were residing in for that night , Shehnaaz met none of them ........

Coming back to Mumbai , she was brought to Nikita's apartment where she stayed with her little family untill and unless Shehnaaz would decide her next destination .........

Although Shehnaaz knew that one week was not a long time to take such a big decision of her life but she needed to get away....... She needed to stay far away from him and his family ....... May be they were happy without her , maybe she was the walking badluck ......

Thinking that she needed to get away from that city asap , Nikita  made sure to get her a transfer along with a place to stay in Jodhpur.......

The city of palaces was what she was going to call her home untill and unless she finally decides to come back here in the near future .......

Sitting beside her luggage bag , she had been shoving her clothes in for the last half an hour made her feel miserable thinking that wasn't it just few months ago she had left the city she was living in for years and now once again she's following that same path .......

Shehnaaz felt that she was thankful to Nikita for going out of her league and helping her in this time period ....... She was well aware that her singing career was already demolished but was that actually going to stop her life ...... No .... !

Closing the box full of her clothes she got up from the floor and went towards the washroom to get ready for the day....... It was already 10 am in the morning and needed to get ready fast otherwise she would definitely miss her flight.........

Giving a proper hug to Nikita and her family she finally got down from the car and took the luggage and her other bags along with her ....... Entering the same old Mumbai Airport made her feel nostalgic .......

She was reminded of the day when she came to this city for the first time 5 years ago with just some money and a carry on bag in her arm ......  She wanted to become a big singer and the young enthusiastic Shehnaaz all those years ago thought about nothing but her dreams that she wanted to fulfil.......

She was reminded of the day when she had arrived in Mumbai 3 years ago for the audition and met Sidharth for the first time in her life ...... So many years had passed but the love , she had always felt for this city was something she could never express with her words ...........

She closed her eyes and took in a sharp breath before turning around and walking inside when once again she became nostalgic thinking about the day when she had stepped into the heart of this city few months ago,  holding the hand of the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life but this time she was alone .......

Her chest tightened thinking about the happy moments they had spend in these months , she could have actually forgiven him , she wanted too but the pain she felt loosing her child was too much ......   She wanted to stay alone , she wanted to change herself , love herself , prioritize herself above all the others in this world .........

Leaving out a deep sigh , Shehnaaz slowly took steps towards the counters to check in her baggage .......

Sitting inside the aircraft and looking at the boarding passengers one after the another made her feel less lonely ....... She sat in her place and took out her phone from the purse ......

Unlocking the device , she turned off the internet connection and placed it on airplane mode ....... She connected her airpods and opened the messaging app.........Typing and deleting the message several times she finally kept the phone aside and looked at her co passenger ........

It was a woman , maybe in her early thirties sitting with a cute yet cranky child on her lap while trying to place her child's bag under her seat .......

Sana : Hey there ! ...... do you need some help ....?

She asked seeing the child getting fussier every passing minute .......

Woman : Umm ..... yeah..... that would be really kind of you ......

Sana : Umm ..... okay ..... so what do you want me to help you with ...... ?

Woman : Can you please hold my baby for a second?

Sana : Yeah ...... sure ......

Taking the small child from her arms , she cradled her in her  embrace..... Making funny faces looking at the baby , really made her forget about the reality ......

She sat there holding the child as if she was her own flesh and blood ...... Looking at the orange hue of the setting sun from the window beside her , just when her ears caught the announcement for the fight to  take off she was brought back to her reality  ........

Looking down at the baby who was too engrossed playing with her pendent made her think that , what  if her baby was still there with her , would she leave her life here and run away hundreds of miles away from the place she has called her home .....?

Placing a small peck on the forehead of the child , she turned her head towards the woman sitting beside her and asked .......

Sana : Do you want your baby now ....?

Hearing the words that had left her mouth just a second ago the woman turned her head and looked at her ..........

Woman : Yeah ...... although I realized that she's the most calm when she's with you ......

Sana : Oh ..... then may be I can keep her with me during the take off ......

Woman: Sure ..... please ......  I really don't want to disturb the other passengers ......

With a thankful smile adorning her face Shehnaaz looked at the adorable child in her arms and asked .......

Sana : What's her name ?

Woman : It's Drishti ......

Sana : That's unique ......

Woman : My mother chose that name for her .....

Sana : Oh by the way I'm Shehnaaz ......

Woman : I know ...... I have seen your picture on the internet .....

Sana : Uh ...... It's okay if you want me to hold your baby .....

Woman : Listen Shehnaaz....... If I wanted to keep my child away from you then I would have taken a different seat altogether.......

Sana : Hmm....

Woman : By the way I'm Bhavya ....

Sana : Nice yo meet you Bhavya .....

Bhavya : Same to you ....... By the way can you give me few tips of how to take care of a child
....?

Sana : First time mother .......

Bhavya : Not just first time .... Single mother ....

Sana : Oh ...... Well don't worry I'll surely give you few tips.  ......

They talked and laughed like old friends altogether along with taking care of the little munchkin........

It was around 8 pm when the flight landed in Jodhpur Airport ......Bidding farewell to both Bhavya and Drishti she left the airport premises with her luggage ........

…

…

…

It has been about a month after she had shifted here in her one bedroom apartment far away from her lover ....... Her dream family she had left hundreds of kilometers away from her .......

Living in a city full of new people was a challenge that she wasn't really ready to take in just yet ...... Wasn't it just few months ago that she had done this same thing but there's a difference with that ........ She had her lover , her legally wedded husband at that time ........

As the lonely tears ran down her cheeks , she settled down on the queen sized bed she had bought on the second day of her arrival ....... She was living here alone,  all by herself and that was something making her heart clench in pain , the pain of Betrayal from the person who had promised to spend his whole life with her .......

Shaking her head she leaned on the backrest and picked up the files she had to go through....... Looking at the pages she was confident about her diagnosis when her eyes landed on the date ........

It was 27th of January,  her birthday...... The day she had dreamt of spending with her family , her loved ones just a few months ago ...... She was the person who had dreamt of spending the day lazying around the apartment while getting sweet wishes from the family members and a special dinner at night........

But that was not how she had actually spend the day ........ Her mind reminded her how she had greeted her 28th year of being alive .......

Flashback

It was just a few days after Shehnaaz had settled down in this apartment of hers ..... Getting up early in the morning was something she was actually used too but the temperature fluctuations of Rajasthan was something she was still confused about ........

Wearing her regular clothes for work and a cardigan in her hand she picked up her bag and climbed down the stairs from her 4 storied apartment building........

Checking her phone quite a few times she walked out of the premises when the cab arrived ,  reaching the hospital she signed in for the day and started checking on her cute little patients with a happy smile on her face ......

Previously she had always heard that the most beautiful smile can hide the most terrible pain in their life but this time she understood what they actually meant  .......

She greeted the couple along with their cute five year old who was having fever due to the weather changes .......

Woman : Hey there doctor....

Sana : Hi ma'am ..... so how is he today ....?

Woman : Same........ The fever reduced a bit after taking the medicine but just as the time period is over the fever returns .......

Sana : Okay ...... I get it .......

Sana : I'll prescribe some medicines but at the same time I want you to do some tests ......

Man : You think he caught something serious .....

Sana : Sir you never know ...... Although all the symptoms says that its just viral we shouldn't take a risk right .......

Child : You are pretty  ......

Hearing the statement she looked athe child sitting just infront of her on her desk and said ......

Sana : Thank you so much ....... I'm so happy ......

Child : You look beautiful today ......

Sana : And you're the prince charming I was missing in my life darling. ......

The child giggled listening to her words before she picked up her stethoscope and started to examine him ........

She did her required examination and wrote down the medicines on the writing pad before handing it over to the child's father.......

Sana : I hope that he'll get better in a day or two at most ......

Woman : Thank you Doctor......

Sana : You're most welcome ma'am .....

Sana : Bye bye champ ..... ( she waved her hand towards the kid while the family was about to leave the room )

Finishing her  7 hours duty in the hospital , Shehnaaz walked towards the psychiatric ward and went towards the receptionist present there.......

Receptionist  :  How may I help you doctor ....?

Sana : Well can you check when my number will be called  ..... I have an appointment with Dr Bhatia......

Receptionist  : Ma'am may I know your name ......?

Sana : Sure ..... it's Shehnaaz Shukla .....

Receptionist  : Uh ..... ma'am your name is on 6th and fourth patient have just entered .......

Sana : Okay..... then I'll be sitting here ..... please call my name when the time comes ......

Receptionist  : Sure ma'am  .......

Getting settled in one of the metal chairs she placed her bag on her lap before looking down on the floor .......

Person : Getting stressed ?

As soon as the words reached her ears she turned her head and looked at the old man sitting beside her ......

Sana : Not really sir .....

Person : You seemed to be a doctor .....

Sana : I'm  ..... I'm  a pediatrician  ......

Person : Good ..... respectful job ......

Sana : Hmm .....

Person : Where's your husband ......?

Sana : He's ....... he's not here ......

Person : May I know why ...?

Sana : Uh.....

Person : You know sometimes talking to strangers is good ..... they don't judge you......

Sana : I know ...... I hope you'll not judge me as well ........

Person : I'll try not too .....

Sana : It's just that ..... he thought that I was cheating on him with multiple men ......

Person : Why did he think like that ......?

Sana : Firstly he's somewhat insecure and secondly he was informed by his ex girlfriend......

Person : Where's he now .....?

Sana : Mumbai .....

Person : Then you .....?

Sana : I wanted space ..... I wanted to heal ......

Person : From what .....?

Sana : The police interrogation I went through for two consecutive months ......

Person : And .....

Sana : And what ?

Person : I don't think that's the only reason. .....

Sana : I had a  miscarriage ......

Person : How old .....?

Sana : Seven ..... Seven weeks......

Person: That was early...... you know there are times when life gives us unexpected twists that are hard ..... Really hard to cope up with but if you can do that then you'll be a true winner......

Sana : Hmm .....

Person : Did you husband call today ...?

Sana  : No ......

Person : Okay  .......

Person : Are you upset about that ....?

Sana : Somewhat after all today's my birthday. ......

Person : Oh ...... By the way Happy Birthday ......

Sana : Thank you .......

Person : What about your own family .....?

Sana : No .....

Person : They forgot ....?

Sana : They disowned .......

Person : Love marriage .....?

Sana : No ..... accidental marriage.....

Person : Okay......

Person : You know there are times when you'll get  hurt , you'll break apart but if you can overcome those hurdles then you are a true hero ......

Person : Life may always throw hardships at us but we need to overcome that and move forward ...... Isn't it what life means ......

Sana : Yes....

Person : Today you are hurt ...... you're sad at your loved ones but there will he a time when you'll forgive them ......

Person : Not today , not tomorrow may be in the future .......

Person : Take your time , take as much time as you want to heal yourself , let your family get a taste of their own medicine .......

Person : But at the end of the day everyone needs a person to rely on ...... Not today but in the future when you'll grow old and won't be able to work .......

Person : You'll need a friend , a friend who would stand by your side till the day you die .....

Sana : You are really wise .....

Person : I don't know about that ...... All I know is that you must think of my words ......

Sana : I will .....

Sana : By the way why are you here sir ....?

She looked at the man with a serine smile on his calm and collected face to know the answer when she heard a female voice.......

Receptionist  : Patient number 6 .....

Sana : Yeah ...  that'll be me ...... ( she said while turning her head ) .......

While getting up from the chair she was sitting in she once again turned her head to bid the old man goodbye but where was he .......

He wasn't there ...... She stood up and looked around the whole place but where did the man vanish ......

She walked towards the Receptionist and asked ......

Sana : Did you see the old man that I was talking too .....

Receptionist  : Man ....? But you were sitting there alone ma'am .....

Sana : Sitting alone ....?

Receptionist  : Yes .....

Sana : Oh .....

She turned around looking at the empty waiting room and smiled before murmuring......

Sana : Thank  you sir ..... thank you for your kind words ......

Flashback Ends
…

…

…

It was the very next morning ....... Shehnaaz had just finished her morning yoga and was about to go inside the washroom and take a shower when her phone rang........

Thinking that it was from the hospital and may be there was some emergency she picked it up in an instant ......

Phone Call 📲

Sana : Hello ..... ?

Sid : I missed you jaan ......

Sana : Sidharth  ...?

Sid : In the begining I thought that everything was okay but it's not ....... it's really difficult staying away from you .........

Sana : Sidharth I have already told you that I want some time to myself ....... I want to explore myself ......

Sid : Please come back ...... please come back to my life baby....... this is tough......

Sana : I know it is ....... I have loved you too Sidharth and I know the pain of staying away ......

Sid : Please Sana ..... please .... I'm  sorry ..... I'm sorry ...... I'm insecure.......

Sana : If you are insecure then you should talk ....... talk to your partner about your problems rather than jumping into conclusion........

Sid : Listen Shehnaaz .... you are too strong baby.  ....... you are so strong but I ..... I can't...... I can't stay away from you ......

Sana : You have too Sidharth ..... you have to....... I need some space..... I want to heal ..... please ....... ( her voice cracked )

Sid : Share it with me ....... share the pain with me Shehnaaz  ....... I'll take it ......

Sana : No....... I don't think I can ..... May be after all the things you'll say that I'm too broken and leave me .......

Sid : Shehnaaz ........

Saan : Please some time...... please .......

She declined the call and sat down on the floor with a thud while tears followed down her cheeks ........

She wanted to scream that she knows ..... She knows the pain of staying away from the people she loves the most but can they heal her....... Can they heal the nightmares she's facing ....... No ....... They can't......

All the therapy sessions,  yoga and activities she had joined was proving of no use then what were they going to do ....... She would have gotten more traumatized seeing a pregnant woman infront of her ........ She would have blamed herself day and night , she would get mad thinking that it was all her fault , all her fault that she couldn't save her beloved child she had already dreamed about so many times ........

She didn't want to take the responsibilities of the kids just yet , although that little boy was someone who she always loved as if her own but could they heal the emptiness she was feeling ......... Wouldn't her mind taunt her saying that she had given chance to man who thought that she had cheated on him and torchured her for days mentally ......

It wasn't just about the physical scars that needed to be healed but mental too ...... She needed to leave behind all the insults , taunts and badmouthing and move forward ...... She needed to heal herself from all the taunts she had faced from her family , the family in which she was born  ........

Wiping away her tears she put a smile on her face and stood up from the floor before looking at the body length mirror infront of and saying . . ....

Sana : I'm strong and I'm doing the right thing ......

Getting ready for the day she went to the hospital she's working in and walked inside the premises .......

Wishing good morning to the staffs she came across , she moved towards her cabin and placed her bag on the table ......

Checking the lost of the appointments he had for the day , Shehnaaz wore her coat and walked out of the room ......

She took a round inside the children's ward and checked on her patients consecutively talking to their guardian before coming back to her room ......

Getting herself a coffee around the mid day during her shift she sat down on the empty seat in the cafeteria ....... Sipping the coffee from her cup at regular intervals ,  shehnaaz was just going through her phone when she heard the sound of the chair opposite to her being pulled .......

Taking a deep breath she looked at the person wanting to give a peice of her mind for not asking permission before sitting there .......

Just when she was about to talk  her mind out , she recognised the person sitting there wearing a fake long beard and baseball cap ......

Sana : What are you doing here ?

Sid : I just wanted to take you back home ......

Sana : Sidharth in which language should I talk , that'll make you understand I don't want to stay with you now ......

Sid : Is it permanent  .....?

Sana : I don't know .... May be .....

Sid : It shouldn't  ....... I'll not let you go away from me ......

Sana : Sidharth..... I'm undergoing therapy ....... I want to forget everything that happened with me .........

Sid : Then tell me ...... Aren't you the one who always said that sharing something with your loved ones lessens the pain ...... ?

Sana : Yes ..... I did ..... I still do .... But please understand that I don't want to talk to you ......

Sid : Why ....?

Sana : You want to know ...?

Sid : Yeah ......

Sana : Everytime I see your face it reminds me of the day when you accused me of adultery.......

Sid : I have said sorry for that ..... I'm really sorry ...... Please forgive me ......

Sana : I will ....... Infact I have forgiven you .....

Sid : Then why can't you stay in Mumbai ....?

Sana : I said I forgave you but did I ever say I forgot .......?

Sid : Sana ..... please it's difficult  ......

Sana : You know what Sid..... you are just seeing everything from your side can you please keep yourself in my shoes and think .......

Sid : Shehnaaz .....

Sana : You want me to go and stay with your pregnant sister .......

Sid : I want you to stay with me .....

Sana : Are you staying in a separate place where Neetu Di doesn't enter ....?

Sid : No ....

Sana : Then .....?

Sid : What do you mean ......? Neetu Di was among the first person who was always by your side ........

Sana : I know and that's why I want to save her from me ........ It will really hurt me to see a pregnant woman infront of me Sidharth ......

Sana : I know it hurts you too that you lost your baby ......  But please understand my dilemma.......

She didn't even know how much pain she was going through untill she spoke her mind out , her tears flew out of her eyes as if they were trying to support her mentally......

Sid : Oh Sana .......

He stood up from his seat and hugged her .......

Sana : I love you so much ...... I know you are insecure ....... I want to make sure you feel loved but please..... please understand me .......
( she cried )

Sana : Seeing ...... seeing Neetu Di getting all the love and affection because she's pregnant with her child will just kill me ......

Sid : Baby ..... I'm sorry .....

Sana : I don't want to be that attention seeking bîtchy sister in law that makes everything about herself ....... She deserves all the love Sidharth  .......

Sana : She has gone through so much but I can't...... please understand me .... . I can't  bear with it .......

Sid : I love you ...... I love you so much for this mindset of yours  ......

Sana : Sidharth  ...... I ..... I lost our baby ......

Sid : I know .......

Sid : I'm sorry that I didn't go .... I'm sorry that I couldn't help you ........

Sana : .....

Sid : Give me punishment  ....... I'll take it ..... please just don't leave me .......

Sana : What did you think when  you learnt that I was cheating on you ?

Sid : I was angry ..... I was so angry but then I realised that I'll give you soo much love that you won't need another man apart from me  ..... 

Sid : I'm..... I'm obsessed with you Shehnaaz  ..... I can't stay without you .....

Sana : Sid .......

Sid : Please tell me ..... please give me my punishment  ......

Sana : I'm not the almighty to punish you Sidharth but can you please give me some time ......

Sid : Okay ...... can I drop you off to your apartment  ...?

Sana : No..... please......

Sid : Okay ....... But can you keep a simple request of mine......

Sana : I'll  try if I can ......

Sid : I get it you want to stay away ..... far far away from me but can we atleast talk ........ I have lost my baby too ...... I ......

Sana : Yes ...... please talk too me...... I feel lonely ...... So lonely. .....

______________________________________________

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