I heaved a deep sigh.

"Mas mabuti na lang sigurong hayaan na natin siya," sambit ko.

Naalala kong nagalit si Jhon Rey sa akin nang malaman niyang alam ko ang private life niya. I don't want that to happen again.

"I see. Are you going home now?" tanong ni Derrick.

Umiling ako. "Let's go to see Doctor Patricio. The university nurse said I should probably go there for a follow-up check-up since my wrist bled again."

Napanganga siya. "Right, you were bleeding earlier. I'm sorry if I couldn't help you; your father told me not to intervene between the two of you."

"Tsk. Paano kung nasa bingit na ako ng kamatayan tapos hindi ako tulungan ni Jhon Rey, hahayaan mo akong mamatay?" Para akong batang nagrereklamo sa kaniya habang nakanguso.

He shrugged. "Jhunel will help you."

I squinted. "Parang sinasabi mong ganoon ang ginawa mo no'ng nagpakamatay ako sa cr, ah.."

Hindi siya nagsalita. Silence means yes. Ganoon ba siya ka-loyal sa ama ko?

"Don't worry. Jhon Rey may protect you since he already gave you a ring."

Napatingin ako sa kamay ko. Oo, suot ko na, pero hindi ko maiwasang mainis dahil para pala ito sa iba at hindi sa akin. May araw din talaga sa 'kin 'yong taong 'yon. Babawi ako sa lahat ng pananakit niya sa akin.

Sumakay na ako sa sasakyan ni Derrick. Ilang oras lang ay nakapunta na kami sa bahay slash hospital like na pamamahay ni Doctor Patricio. Derrick was again left behind outside because, as he told me, he didn't have any business inside.

I wonder, how can he remain calm and detached from things like this?

Derrick never meddles with anything and obeys what he is just told to do, no more and no less. That was why I was surprised when he said it pains him to see me cry that loud. It was so unusual for him to show his emotions.

When I entered Doctor Patricio's office, he greeted me with a sigh. Pinagalitan pa nga niya ako dahil bakit daw ako maglalaslas, eh, may baby ako. Bakit pa daw ba ako nagpa-check up noong nakaraan kung may plano naman akong magpakamatay.

Binigyan ko na lamang siya ng nag-aalangan na ngiti. I was embarrassed and couldn't even look at him because his statement was true. My actions could be more precise, and, ironically, I am not practicing what I preach. I wonder if he also treats his son like this. I never received such fatherly treatment as this from my father. Minsan, hindi ko maiwasang magkumpara.  I hope to also experience this kind of affection from my father, but that's impossible.

"Make sure you take care of yourself. Hindi na lang sa 'yo ang katawan na 'yan. Before you make any decisions, you need to think first and consider if they will be good for your baby."

Naikwento ko rin kasi ang nangyari kanina kung bakit dumugong muli ang kamay ko. Hinanap niya si Jhon Rey at tinanong kung bakit hindi ko raw ito kasama. I guess alam na talaga ng lahat kung sino ang mapapangasawa ko at ang anak ng dinadala ko. Hindi na dapat ako magtaka.

Sinabi ko na lang na hindi ko na nabanggit kay Jhon Rey na pupunta ako dito dahil sa pagmamadali kung kaya't hindi siya nakasama. Nangako akong isasama ko na lang siya sa pagbalik ko rito.

Mabilis lang naman ang check-up ko kung kaya't nagpaalam at nagpasalamat na ako kay Doctor Patricio. Makakahinga na ako nang maluwag. Mabuti naman at maayos ang lagay ni Kento.

"Siya nga pala doc, nand'yan po ba si Rod?" pahabol kong tanong.

"Yes, he's in his office. Go there so he can take a break. He was so busy preparing for their upcoming exam and didn't come out for a second."

Tumango ako. Gusto ko lang siyang daanan para alam niyang pumunta ako rito. Kahit papaano ay tinuturing ko na rin siyang kaibigan. Isa pa, kung hindi dahil sa kaniya ay hindi kami magkakaayos ni Anne.

Naglakad na ako papunta sa office ni Rod. Sasaglitin ko lang naman siya. Napatigil ako nang may marinig akong nag-uusap sa loob. Hindi lang nag-uusap kundi nagtatalo. Dalawang lalaki.

"So, ikaw 'yong naglabas ng article tungkol sa amin ni Sheen May? Why did you do that? Anong gusto mong mangyari?"

Napaatras ako. Boses 'yon ni Jhon Rey. Kaya ba hindi niya ako naihatid kanina ay dahil dito siya pupunta? Kaya pala ang seryoso ng mukha niya, kanina noong tingnan niya ang phone niya.

"I never thought you'd be the one to spread the news about how irresponsible I am and those malicious statements about me. The majority of it was not true. You're my friend, Paolo. I never imagined you'd do this to me."

So Rod was the one who spread that news? Kahit ako; I never thought he would do that for me and to his friend.

"Yes, I'm your friend, so I couldn't tolerate your unlawful actions. I was just concerned about that girl."

"Who are you talking about? Do you still have a secret crush on your best friend?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. Sinong pinag-uusapan nila?

"No, I am not talking about Quency, but since you mentioned her, don't you feel sorry for her? You are deceiving her too. Are you planning to marry my best friend while you have a child with someone else? Can't you see it was unfair to her knowing she really loves you?"

So their concern was about that Quency and never mine. I heaved a sigh. Hindi ko na dapat pang pakinggan ang pag-uusap nila.

I was about to turn my back on that door when I suddenly heard my name.

"And it was unfair too for Sheen May dahil magpapakasal ka sa ibang babae gayong nabuntis mo siya at may anak ka na. At least have the balls to face the responsibility of what you did."

"Aren't you the one who told me to choose to be happy?" I can hear how desperate Jhon Rey is. From what he said, it only proves that he will never be happy with me too.

"Yes, but not everything that causes you happiness is right. Look at the situation. May karapatan ka pa bang mamili ng bagay na ikasasaya mo kung may responsabilidad ka na? Sometimes you need to weigh what is the right thing to do. Your priority now is not yourself but your baby."

Napaatras ako. Maging ako'y tinamaan sa sinabi niya. 

"And I know there is nothing you can do to get out of your situation. Quency broke up with you because she was devastated by what you did. She already forgave you for sleeping with somebody else and making someone pregnant; do you think she can handle that pain?"

A deep sigh left my lips. Alam ko ang pakiramdam na 'yon, na makita mo ang boyfriend mong may kasamang iba, na may ginagawang hindi dapat ginagawa. Liliit ang tingin mo sa sarili mo at magkakaroon ka ng maraming tanong, 'Anong nagawa ko para makatanggap ng ganitong klase ng sakit?' 'Hindi ba ako naging sapat?'

And then you'll question your whole existence and start having an inferiority complex.

"Look, your father will kill you if you don't marry Sheen May because your marriage is a must-do to deal with your family's business. You also have a death threat against Velasco's family. And most people in business today don't like you because of the spreading news. Sa tingin mo ba may gusto pang magpakasal sa 'yo? Paniguradong lalayuan ka na ng mga babae. Your days as a womanizer have ended."

Hindi ko makuhang tumawa kahit pa dehado na si Jhon Rey. Totoo, mahirap ngang kalabanin ang kaibigan lalo na kung si Rod ang kaibigan mo. Masyadong matalino at kahit si Jhon Rey ay walang magagawa para makatakas.

"It was because of you that I ended up marrying her," rinig kong bigkas ni Jhon Rey.

"I just did what needed to be done. Someday, you'll thank me for this."

"Tsk. I don't think so."

"Too early to say that."

Was it really too early to say that when he already knows to whom his heart is beating?

"So paano? Kailan ang kasal?" tanong naman ni Rod. Did they finish arguing and move on to the next topic? Is this how guys discuss issues they have with each other? Ang bilis maka-move on?

"I don't know. I'm still pursuing her. She rejected my proposal."

Is he talking about me?

I somehow felt awkward about eavesdropping because the topic is me now.

"Why? What did you say to her that made her reject you?" Rod feels like teasing his friend.

"Marry me?"

"Yun lang?"

"Oo."

"Did you even give her a ring?"

I can't help but look at the ring I am wearing now. Tsk. It was recycled.

"I gave her one. It just slipped from my mouth that I was supposed to give that to Quency, and I ended up giving it to her because I wanted to annoy her, but it was really new. I already disposed of the other ring."

I was too stunned to speak. So Jhon Rey just said that to annoy me? But it is really new. Tsk. Such a moron!

"That's why she rejected you. Why would you say that in the middle of your proposal?"

"I just did that for my ego because I can see that she's fine even without me, she told me herself. And she never begs me to marry her."

Yeah, I never did, even when I told him the first time about my situation. I just went to his unit to warn him of my father's death threat. Wala naman sa akin kung hindi niya ako gustong pakasalan. Kung saan siya masaya, doon ako.

"See? And yet you're blaming her for everything? It was you who grabbed her that night. I saw you. Tell me honestly, do you really love my best friend, or are you falling for someone else?"

Bigla akong sininok sa narinig ko. Sandali. Hindi ko yata kayang marinig ang sagot ni Jhon Rey.  I should leave now, or else this will be my death day. Kailan ko nang sumurender.

Pero huli na ang lahat dahil biglang bumukas ang pinto at bumungad sa akin si Jhon Rey. My jaw dropped. Gulat din siya nang makita ako. Napansin ko naman si Rod na nakaupo sa couch habang umiinom ng tsaa, na parang alam niyang kanina pa ako nandito gayong hindi niya naman ako nakita o sadyang kalmado lang talaga siya?

"Sheen May? What are you doing here?"