~~~ Panic at the disco - House of memories ~~~

"What have you been doing upstairs? It sounded like you were not alone, talking with someone," Ellen gave me small smile, while I was glaring at the TV.

"I was calling with my friend," I lied quickly. I'm surely not going to stat explaining her that our house ghost just kind of told me he is planning to use me for his own benefit. Then I thought of something.

"Auntie, was there someone else living in this house except our family? I mean long time ago? I was just thinking about how old this house must be," I turned my head towards Ellen, who was not taken back by my sudden question.

"As far as I can remember, no one but our family occupied this house. Maybe in distant past, but even when I asked my mother and she did hers, I think our family lived here ever since this house was built. I see that we are alike with the curiosity," and Ellen was right, I was hungry for all possible information I could get about this place and people that used to live here before. I never cared for my ancestors, but thanks to him, I was dying to know as of why I am tangled up in his destiny. How could I not want to know more, when I just found out there was a girl which looked exactly like my twin, except her choice of clothing and overall aura.

"You know while I was upstairs in the attic and found tons of old photographs and pictures," I confessed to Ellen.

"They were there even before my own mother was born, but I last saw them when I was small, I completely forget about all the gems the attic is hiding. My mother used to tell me stories being bound to this house though. I think she made up some of them, but who knows there might be seed of truth in them, nevertheless I used to love them when she was telling me tales before bedtime," Ellen smiled, probably remembering those times.

"Do you remember the tales?" my attention was all on Ellen and whether she can tell me something more.

I kept on pestering her to tell me some and she eventually told me almost the same story that was Damon feeding me with. Though there was something more that probably maybe even Damon didn't know.

Ellen told me that what happened was very unfortunate. There was a man that was killed in this house, he was killed by other man who was courting the same woman as the killed man. After that was done, the big scandal happened. The fiancé of the killed man got married for the killer, not bothering to wait until the mourning times will end. This all happened, while no one knew how it was for real, it got all revealed much later, when no one cared anymore.

I was listening to Ellen, realising my heart began to soften for him again. I put hold to my silly behaviour quickly. He doesn't deserve to be pitied, when he uses me like this. I was screaming at my damned curiosity, my damned heart and thought of wanting to know everything.

I don't care!

Ellen decided to go to bed not long after she told me the story and I followed her upstairs, closing the door to the attic, before hiding myself in my room.

He didn't dare to appear, he must have picked up the hint, I gave out. I didn't want to talk to him, or anything else.

At least he was smart enough and I could be finally alone... the thing was, inside of me I was still weirdly tensed and it didn't feel good.

Maybe the fact that even though he might not be right next to me, he was present somewhere in the house for sure.

And I'm starting to be paranoid.

The next day I went to school as normal, meeting Liz and Chris by the lockers. They were informing me about all the fun things they did during the weekend, including their visit in my house, being all excited about it, already thinking about next time they will come to see me.

After the school time I told them not to wait for me as I had one exam I didn't do yet, scheduled for the afternoon. When I was excusing myself from the friendly activities before, saying I needed to focus on the school, as I just transferred in the middle of the semester, I was being honest. When I was done for the day, I walked down the corridor towards my locker to leave my books there, but before I could ever reach my destination, someone had bumped into me in such a manner, I ended up crumbling to the ground.

"What a hell?" I snapped, feeling my bottom hurting as I ended up hitting the floor hard.

"You were in the way," the person snapped right back at me. I looked up seeing no one else but Melanie, rolling my own eyes as I knew who I am dealing without having to guess.

"If you looked where you are going you could have simply overtaken me," I told her as calmly as I could now, when I got back on my feet. I was giving her glare, suddenly the feeling of déjà vu washed over me. But I was too enraged to focus on that, forgetting about it instantly.

"Who do you think you are, talking back at me? Do you know who I am?" here she goes. The queen Bee herself, almost like walking right out of the movies.

"Nope and to be quite honest, I don't really care," I retorted, not giving into her game. She looked furious, for a second, I thought Melanie is fighting with an urge to slap me, but that was probably because that was her first time dealing with rebellious act. But I was not one of those, simply going with the flow and I was not planning to start now. She can try and pick up the fight, I was ready to fight back.

"You should not play with me, girl. It could be the last thing you do," she threatened me, gaining back her calm self and leaving me be for now. I thought to myself, that this girl is even more crazy than I am. She looked insane, but she was a beauty and I guess she was not dumb as well, and that was probably the reason she was being tolerated around here.

I forgot about her and set on the journey back home.

I didn't feel like going there, I was afraid of what is waiting for me there. I didn't have to be concerned, because the house was as empty as always. Ellen went out and I realised that thanks to her sociable life, I only see my aunt in the evenings. When it came to the other renter of this house, he was nowhere to be seen and I really hoped there is not a second ghost, because I would have to be placed into the mad house.

I've decided to spend the rest of the day in the living room, watching the television. Trying my best, I kept my focus on the movie, but it didn't feel right, not as relaxing as it should be. I kept on lifting my gaze away from the screen, looking around. I was suffering from paranoia. I couldn't bear it anymore, I stepped out of the house and sat down on the steps which led out of the back door towards the small green yard, feeling more relaxed, when not being surrounded by the walls of this damned house.

I was remembering the times living in Alpena, my friends and one person who was more than a friend, but it didn't last long. We both knew long distance relationships are pointless. Now that I think about it now, if I could leave him behind this easily, it was not real, telling myself there must be the right somewhere in the world.

I somehow ended up with image of Damon in my head... again. He seemed to be simply perfect, despite his ridiculous arrogance, he had everything I find attractive on the guys. I admired the fact he had some manners, which were his second nature.

I didn't mean to, but I imagined his face in front of my eyes. To be honest he was way too handsome for an ordinary mortal. Those sharp features of his face were telling me about his aristocratic origins. I could see those azure blue eyes almost like he was right in front of me. I never saw eyes similar to those, with thick black eyelashes around.

I even got used to his pale skin, which was in contrast with his red, full, by artist craved lips.

God, why was my heart beating so fast suddenly? What a silly question, I knew the exact reason, why was I being like this and I didn't like it at all.

That person was dead for more than one hundred years, I must be going crazy. This was against the natural flow. I shouldn't be knowing about his existence whatsoever and here I am, creating fantasies about him.

The thing was that this was no fantasy anymore, I was seriously screwed. I already liked him. How could this happen to me? I don't even know him long enough. Yes, I don't know him and he doesn't know me, yet he was asking me to go fetch his Dad's diary from their family tomb and bring him back to life. I didn't have anything against this part of the task, even though I didn't feel like having a trip on the cemetery, if I could take someone with me, that would be great.

What I didn't appreciate on all this, was that I'd have to be watching him getting himself some dates and more, probably helping with all that. This was enraging me.

But finally, I find out why was I acting so irrationally back up in the attic.

My only distraction now was Ellen and her arrival home, not giving me any more space to think. She had a chatty mood, while I helped in the kitchen to prepare the dinner.

The next few days were dull. Nothing was happening, at least nothing exceptionally paranormal. I was almost starting to think that all that happened after my arrival to this house was only the outcome of my tired mind. There was no ghost to be seen, no sign of his presence, he must have taken my outburst very seriously. I was glad for about a week, but then I was starting to feel bad, almost like I was missing him. Everything was working just fine at school, adapting to the life of a student in the Californian clime. Despite all that, having good friends and class mates, perfect aunt at home, who just let me live my quiet life, I felt the emptiness spreading inside of me.

I was realising that every passing day without him being around. When he was here I was feeling full, having something exciting to live for. This was missing now. I was going back and forth from being angry at myself, not at him anymore. It was me who was acting like an absolute idiot. Even Liz didn't miss my mood swings, but except giving me looks full of compassion, she didn't comment on it.

It was second week after the happening up in the attic. I was lying on the sofa in the sitting room, reading a book. Ellen was downstairs, getting ready for her gathering with her elderly friends, as always on Wednesdays.

That was when I felt the familiar whiff of cold air rushing around me, making the hair on back of head stand up, despite the general hot weather going on outside, I should be sweating, but this gave me chills and hope. I lifted my head up in anticipation, but I was alone. I imagined his face in front of my eyes, his name slipping out between my lips.

Then there he was standing right in front of me, appearing out of nowhere.

I blinked rapidly, thinking that I must be dreaming. It was supposed to be a dream, seeing a creature like him in front of me. But I didn't care much, I saw him and that's what mattered. I felt the familiar fluttering in the pit of my stomach, as always when he appeared before me. We stared at each other in silence for few long seconds, until I could not bear it anymore.

"Where the hell have you been the whole time?" I snapped at him straight away, but I was in right, he didn't show up for this long, not even bothering to apologise.

"I am sorry," he spoke. Okay, he said sorry and I kept on staring at him and waiting for him to say some more.

"From the outburst, I judged that you don't wish to see me," he answered my question calmly. I bit my lip, remembering how I regretted it, wanting him to come back almost instantly.

"I apologise for that, I shouldn't have behaved that hastily," I admitted my share of fault, apologising for my unreasonable behaviour. I kept on gaping at him, realising I can't get enough of him.

"I shouldn't have asked for something like that, it was not fair on you. It is my own burden, I was being selfish, wanting you to share it with me," he told me so remorsefully, trying to hide his own emotions from me. Dear lord, what have I done? I wanted to tell him something to make him feel better, but I found it hard to look for the right words.

"It will be better, if I'm not going to be getting into your way anymore. It was going well the whole two weeks, so you won't have to see me anymore, I promise you that," he informed me, and my heart has stopped at the same moment.

"No!" I shouted, making him jerk up in surprise over my abrupt reaction. I heard small voice in back of my head, advising me to not make another mistake, but didn't stop me from talking more. The way I felt when he appeared again, was so elated that there was no way I would let him go away again. Even though I knew it might cause me a pain, it was worth to make this decision and help him.

"I will do it," I breathed out. He was gaping at me for few long seconds until he realised what I said. He frowned, cocking his head on the side.

"But...," I stopped him from saying anything yet. I raised from the place I was sitting on, it was surprising how at ease I felt, walking towards him. I stopped before him, close enough to feel his icy breath on my face.

"I have one condition," I stated. He was looking at me with patience, I noticed the corners of his mouth twitched, restricting himself from smiling. He must think I am mentally slower, which was not so far from the truth, due to my constant changes of mind. I was almost like the weather in England.

"What condition?"

"I won't go alone," I revealed, whilst he narrowed his eyes, making me gulp.

"I cannot go with you naturally, although I'd be delighted," he shook his head, thinking hard how to make my wish come true. The thing was, I already knew what I want to do.

"I was thinking to take Liz with me. That means I would need to tell her about you. I guess she would believe me...," I was not sure about the last part of my statement, but I was willing to risk that. His face was unreadable, and I could tell he was not very keen to reveal himself to anyone else.

"You want me to show myself to her?" he questioned me. I nodded my head, it was brave idea, but they should try everything. I was also concerned for my friend's mental health.

"I'm not certain if this is a such a good idea," he murmured, his forehead frowned as he was thinking hard about my suggestion. He looked adorable to me, when he did that.

"Just take it this way, I'm not setting my foot on the grounds of the cemetery, with no one having my back," I gave him sweet smile, while he returned it with the same enthusiasm. Woah, I am so screwed. He stayed quiet for a while, it looked like he really doesn't know what to do with me. I cut off the flow of his thoughts.

"Where have you been the whole time anyway," I asked.

"I was here the whole time, in the house, I only made sure you never bump into me. Even after what happened, I could not leave the premises of the house. I hope you understand," he bowed his head sheepishly, then gave me another small smile, almost like he was afraid I will flip out again. I realised he was watching me the whole time, however creepy that sounded, it made me weirdly delighted.

"Yes, I do. So, and when should we proceed with the plan?" my stomach protested over the image of me going to the tomb at last.

"I heard downstairs, that your aunt is going to the trip with her father. I believe that is our chance," he stated.

"Sunday... alright then. You will have to describe me the way there and how the house... eh looks like. But before that we need to settle things with Liz," I started to shiver, when my body realised the impact my decision put me into. I needed to get hold of myself. If I came out of meeting a ghost alive, then the adventurous journey in the style of Indiana Johns, should be piece of cake.

"You don't have to force yourself to do it," Damon must have noticed my expression, he leaned closer to me, gazing into my eyes.

"I said I will do it. I just have to prepare myself mentally for it," I explained, erasing a fear from my features and giving him as convincing smile as I could.

He took my hand into his, covering it with the other one that It was hidden in his gentle hold, I forgot about my concerns, trying not to give into the sensation, his touch created in me. My heart went crazy, like always in his near proximity.

"You do not know have an idea how grateful I will be to you,"

"But what then, when you come back as a human?" it was my attempt to divert the flow of the conversation, with a reasonable question. Ellen will hardly understand, when to her a complete stranger, will be occupying this house, with not obvious reason.

"We must come up with something. We still have some time to figure out the details," he said quietly, "I still cannot grasp why you got so upset, earlier," he added up after a while of staying silent. He was watching me carefully, while I didn't know what to tell him. Should I be awfully honest and make him uncomfortable, by saying I developed some kind of crazy feelings for him, despite the fact he is dead for some time now and I don't even know him that well?

Something like... "You know, I fell in love with you and now I can't stand the idea of you trying to chase after another skirt, to find that true love you need, to stay here"

Even thinking about it made me feel so damn embarrassed. I didn't know how it awakened inside of me in such a short time.

"I just got shocked, that's all," I mumbled the first believable excuse that has come to my mind, but he didn't look that convinced, his eye boring into mine like he was trying to read in them.

"I really feel regretful I'm forced to pull you into my business. I understand if you don't want to do it," he repeated what he said before, with calm and melodic voice. Without warning he bowed his head, lifting the hand he was holding, his face just above the back of my hand. Then he placed short, but sweet kiss at that exact place. I gasped for the air, meanwhile the organ in my chest started to be freaking out even more than few seconds ago. My body was shaking, and it didn't stay unnoticed by him, when he raised his eyes at me, I realised he doesn't have a slightest idea, what is going on with me. I pulled my hand out of his grasp, standing there, just by the mere power of my will.

Over the mist that clouded my mind, I thought about his words. Would he understand, if I refused to help him? Could I be facing him ever again if I did so? Whether I liked it or not, I had to go through this, because my own conscience would not let me walk away from him.

"I think I thought of an idea. I will tell Ellen, you are my friend from Alpena, who came to visit me," that was me acting out of desperation and to hide my own discomfiture. He liked the solution I suggested, judging from the sparks I saw in his eyes.

"Excellent, you have very keen mind," he complimented me happily, making my insides warm up. Under the grin he was giving to me, I was melting slowly but surely. I shook my head to come back to my senses.

"I only have to make sure Liz is ready for this, because I really can't go without her," I defended the lack of my fearfulness. His expression was understanding, but still hesitant.

"I'm not sure of her possible reaction. What if she starts panicking, or worse, loses her consciousness," he shared his concerns with men. I don't know why, but I had a hunch that her taking the issue in a wrong way, won't be the problem. Even though she was pretending to be scaredy cat in front of Chris, Liz was secretly liking the idea of the paranormal. I will just have to hope, she will take it well.

"Do not worry," I assured him, turning around to pick up a book I had in my lap before and that had fallen on the floor, when I jumped up. I felt the cold air rushing around me, thinking that he might have left. I was about to sigh in relief, because the electrifying tension in the air, when he was around me, was literally sucking the life out of me. Damon was still present though, when I looked back in the room, he just changed his position, now being closer to me. I glanced at him in confusion.

"What do you read?" he asked with interest. Why was I just gaping at him, like he was speaking in alien language? I don't know. But I was losing it.

"Pride and prejudice," I let out in daze. The sight he was fixing on me was nerve wrecking. Now that I was thinking about it, it would be better if he just puffed into the thin air and let me breath.

"Jane Austen. Nothing for me, I used to enjoy mister Victor Hugo," he smiled as he told me about his preferences. Gosh are we about to slide into a deep literature discussion.

"I like him too," I stack to the flow, but I wished to be alone, I was feeling way too many things to feel comfortable at the moment. The fact he kept his gaze on me, didn't help me to calm my hormones either. The wave of hotness rolled over me, as he was looking at me. He didn't care I knew he was studying me my face, like it was a precious object in the museum. I shivered once more. Can he stop with the staring?

"What?" she couldn't bear to be quiet. What he said next was just hilarious.

"I just cannot believe, what kind of daily garment is worn these days. I of course saw a glimpse of it in the television, when Ellen turned it on, but see it this close... it's certainly something I will need to get used to. It is scandalously revealing," when he was done with his explanation, I was only able to gape at him in disbelief.

So, he was staring at me, because of my choice of clothing? I quickly checked what I am wearing, seeing comfy sweatpants and tank top. What exactly am I revealing right now? Then it hit me, of course he is not used to this style of clothing, my aunt is wearing her older lady classic dresses, which are perhaps perfectly fine with his image of decent fashion. I frowned, there is no way I will be wearing something uncomfortable in this hot weather just, so he is not offended. He is used to corsets, long skirts and plaids, but he seems to forget a little detail, those times has passed a while ago. I supressed the urge to start laughing like an idiot, knowing he managed to lighten the mood.

"I don't think, what I'm wearing right now is as outrageous, trust me there are much worse pieces of wardrobe out there," I giggled.

"What are you laughing about? True, I am from a different age than you, but do not think of us as such puritan," he dared to blink at me cheekily, taking all the air out of my lung. He could keep this bit of information to himself. My mind was ready to create many images to his suggestion, what did he mean by his statement...god...

"What do you mean by that?" I kept my voice as stable as possible, glancing at him with curious eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut, but no I had to go and show him, how much I was dying to know more.

"Well we didn't behave in such an uptight manner you are most probably imagining. You perhaps know from your history class that first British immigrants to America, were puritans, but it wasn't such a truth as you might think. The men usually had the right to be more... free. There were many so-called seducers," he explained as detailed he could, his eyes glinting cheekily. I was asking myself if he was just messing around with me, or he means everything what he just revealed. This time I bit my tongue determined to not let lose anymore and say something ridiculous.

"Wait, does that mean, it was not the same for women?" I couldn't stop myself from saying this much.

"You are guessing right, if similar behaviour was seen by woman, she was automatically casted on the edge of the society. There was no help to the girls who got into trouble with some man, they were usually called fallen women," I understood what he meant by the part, when the girls got in trouble with men. It was insane, when I thought about that the guy just escaped any consequences, yet the female where considered so below men, and no one would bother to save them from life, being point at and talked about.

"Of course, the girls lose her value the moment she loses her virginity, that's sick. I'm happy I didn't have to live in your age," I got mad, pouting my lips in disagreement. Realising which way has our conversation flown, I looked at him to check his reaction on me getting angry, but he was smiling at me, which has confused me.

"I hope you do not think, that was the way I used to think. It was different time, like it is now. I think I understand that the freedom for both genders is solved and much more is allowed. Now that I'm thinking about it, you would be great member of the suffragette community, fighting for the right for women," his smile grew wider, when he studied my face. The flood of uncomfortable waves came back, but I somewhat knew he just tried his best to calm me down.

I kept on returning his gaze, thinking that he just didn't fit the era of colonisation of America. He fit in my era so much better, even know while wearing what he was, he looked more like one of the favourite boys in the school, who everyone wanted to be friends with. The next fact that came to my mind was he was too handsome, for anyone in her school to be able to breath in his presence. I was short on breath just when staring into his beautiful eyes. It didn't matter, they didn't have any colour in them right now, I knew which one it is, when we touch and that was enough.

Apparently, he noticed me breathing too fast and thinking I'm about to get asthma attack.

"What is it, you do not look too well. Should I get lost for a while again?" he asked me with audible concern in his voice. I realised he will see through my not so good mask, over which I tried to keep calm. I never was very good in keeping my facial expressions on hold. I should get better soon, otherwise he might find out that I allowed myself to get emotionally involved with him. And I was scared he would take it as a hint to really disappear. How was I able to get from wanting him to get out of the house immediately, to this point? I had no damned idea.

Is there an antidote for love?

I will make sure to google this later.

"No there is no need, I'm perfectly fine. I will go call Liz now, if you excuse me," I mumbled quickly, when he didn't stop giving me looks full of worry. I didn't glance at him anymore, before leaving the room and grabbing the phone on the way out.

I called Liz, telling her in advance that I need to seriously talk to her tomorrow, preparing her slowly for what was about to come her way. She was begging me for at least fifteen minutes to tell her my secret, but I didn't budge. This was not a matter I could tell her over the phone call.

When I managed to get rid of Liz on the phone, I went back the room where I left him before, but he was nowhere to be found. I was kind of relieved he retreated for today, because I was so ready to just jump into my bed and sleep all through the night. In fact, I had to use all the free of ghost time, to rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day...