Jungkook's pov

Even stalkers eventually settled into a routine.

After Taehyung left his apartment in the mornings, I'd go for a run. It was four miles back to my place, and I usually sprinted half of it, fueled by the frustration of watching him walk away each morning.

The late-night snacks had stopped a week ago. He didn't even look in my direction anymore. I suppose I should have been grateful he was only giving me the cold shoulder. His threat had been all I could think about lately. What the hell would I do if I watched him walk into his building with another man, and he didn't come back out? The thought made me run faster.

How long would it take?

Fuck.

It wouldn't take long.

Even though I normally ran the same route across town, today I didn't. It wasn't a conscious choice; my feet just led the way while my mind was busy with thoughts of Taehyung.

When I get out of my thoughts I realized how far off course I was. And where my subconscious had taken me. Little East Open Kitchen.

The shelter where Sehun had volunteered.

Where Eddie had eaten every day.

I hadn't been down this block in almost five years.

I stared at the window for a long time, my eyes dropping below it to the empty spot where we'd frequently found Eddie sitting. The place had aged, but not much had changed.

I hated the sight of it. It made me angry and brought back that feeling of helplessness I'd had when I'd gotten that last phone call from Sehun. Powerless and weak. It made me feel like a victim.

Yet I wandered inside, unsure what I was looking for. It was early, and the place was practically empty. Only a couple and their two children were eating breakfast. A few volunteers kept busy going back and forth.

Looking around, I had no clue what the hell I was doing inside. Then the framed pictures on the wall caught my eye. When the interior was redecorated all those years ago, each volunteer had donated a poster of an inspirational quote. Sehun never did get to show me his. I walked around the room, reading some of them.

You don't need to climb the whole staircase. Just take the first step.

You have two hands-one to help yourself and one to help others.

The next one got me thinking.

If you don't change direction, you may end up where you're heading.

Where the hell was I heading? Thanks to Frick and Frack, I wasn't sitting in a bar anymore from dawn to dusk. Instead I was sitting outside a man's apartment from dusk to dawn. I owned a successful company that I hadn't been to in weeks, and I'd lost a man who was the best thing that had happened to me in years. Maybe lost wasn't exactly the right word. Given up, unfortunately, was more like it.

My anger was heavily laced with regret. I hated that I felt so undeserving of everything I had, and that because of it I'd sabotaged the things that meant the most to me. But I had no idea how to change what I felt. Right or wrong, the emotions were real.

"I stare at that one every morning when I get in." Nelson, the shelter manager, slapped me on the back as he came to stand next to me. "How you been, Jungkook?"

"Hanging in there." By a thread. "You?"

"Not too bad. Not too bad. I'm so sorry, man. Some crazy shit, cops finding out after all this time that it was Eddie, huh?"

I tensed but somehow managed to nod.

"Nelson!" a man called from the kitchen.

"Gotta finish up breakfast. Good to see you, Jungkook. Don't be a stranger."

He slapped me on the back and began to walk away. Turning back, he called to me. "Have a framed picture of Sehun in the back. Think I'm going to hang it there next to his quote."

He lifted his chin in the direction of the framed poster in front of me. Sehun's was the last in the line of inspirational quotes, the only one I hadn't read.

Don't focus on the what ifs. Focus on what is.

-

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That afternoon, I felt like a stranger showing up at my own office-like I should've called ahead to let people know I was coming, even though I own the company and have no one but myself to answer to. At first, people were hesitant to approach me, which worked to my benefit since I really had no desire to make idle small talk.

The pile of messages and emails I found would take a week to return. I specifically left the blinds drawn to attract as little attention as possible while I worked, but, of course, that didn't stop Sam. The woman was a bloodhound with my scent in her nose.

"You look like shit."

She should have seen me before I showered and shaved a little while ago.

"Nice to see you, Sam."

"Are you back for good?"

"I'm working on something at night. I'm not sure how much I'll be in."

"Oh? A new product?"Years of dating had taught me the art of avoidance when being pinned down.

"Have you found someone for the vacant IT director position yet?"

"I have a few candidates. But I've been busy...trying to fill an open marketing position."

She could open the door all she wanted. I wasn't walking in. Not today.

"Good. Glad to hear it. Not paying you to sit on your ass all day."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I like obnoxious, sober Jungkook better than drunk, nice Jungkook."

We talked for another ten minutes When my phone buzzed on my desk, I caught the time. I was going to be late to Taehyung's if I didn't get moving. Surprising me, Sam took the hint

"Well, I'll let you go."

"Thanks, Sam. I'm kind of in a rush to get out of here."

She took a few steps toward the door and then turned back. "Oh. One other thing."

Here it comes. "What's that?"

"Pink Cosmetics wants a reference on a former employee. They asked to speak to you personally. Jung Hoseok from Natural care is the VP now. Remember him?"

"I do. Good guy. Sure, I'll give him a call."

"I'll text you the number."

"Thanks. They're in States, right?"

"Yes.Chicago Downtown."

"Who left Seoul and relocated to Chicago?"

"No one...yet."

We locked eyes. Mine asked the question, even though I already knew the answer.

-

-

That night, I sat on the steps across the street from Taehyung's apartment. The warm sun from a late Indian summer day was gone, but the heat was still oppressive. It was humid, hot as hell, and my heart was beating rapidly.

Before today, I'd been wallowing in self-pity and guilt, but ever since Sam told me Taehyung was considering leaving Korea for a job, a new emotion had taken over: fear.

It was about an hour into my shift when a man who looked familiar approached his building and went inside. It took a minute for me to place where I knew him from. My fists balled when I remembered he was the guy who'd been in his apartment the night the alarm went off.

A second date.

I knew how my second dates always ended.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fifteen minutes later, the two of them emerged from the building. Taehyung wore a blue and golden silk shirt and black jeans His hair seems messy and fluffy. and the humidity made it fuller and sexier. He'd never looked more beautiful. Stopping as they reached the sidewalk, The ache in my chest grew almost unbearable when he open the first button of his shirt revealing his milky collarbone that was shining due to sweat.

Beads of sweat dripped from my brow as I watched it all play out in front of me. I was in my own private hell. The man stood beside him and put his hand on his shoulder. My heart thudded away, and it was all I could do to not run over and tell him to get his fucking hands off of him. Yet I sat and did nothing but grind a layer of enamel off my teeth.

I have no right to stop him from doing anything anymore. Although it felt like that man was touching something of mine.

Watching them walk down the street, I stayed frozen on the step until they reached the corner. Then I grumbled a string of curses and got up to follow them. New duties added to my security detail. Apparently I was taking this stalking shit pretty damn seriously.

I walked on the other side of the street for four blocks, keeping a safe distance behind them as I focused on their body language. They walked closely, like two people who had a certain comfort level with each other, yet they didn't hold hands or touch any more. When they strolled into a small restaurant, I thought I'd have to wait around for an hour or two before the continuation of the show. Lucky for me, the hostess sat them right in front of the picture window.

After a few minutes, I wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that I would have to watch them all night.

They ordered and it looked like there was no shortage of conversation. Each time Taehyung laughed, I felt happy seeing his beautiful boxy smile. Then a crushing feeling would slam down on that momentary joy when I remembered it wasn't me who'd put that smile on his face.

At one point, I watched in slow motion as his date reached out and touched his face. His hand cupped his cheek in an intimate gesture, and for a second, I thought he might lean across the table and kiss him.

Fuck, I can't take it anymore.

I had to look away. My head fell into my hands, and I struggled to figure out how I was going to move on from this. How could I let him walk out of my life? I needed to break free from him.

I'd been trying for weeks, yet something kept holding me back.

Suddenly it hit me.

It was my heart.

He was already inside my damn heart.

I could physically walk away from him, but he was already inside of me. Distance wouldn't change that. He'd be in my heart, even if he wasn't in my life. How could it all be so clear when five minutes ago I couldn't see any of it?

It had to be the threat of losing him. Up until now, I hadn't actually believed he would move on. But seeing it with my own eyes was a wakeup call. Now it was a matter of what I was going to do about it.

What if we were together and something happened to him? What if I wasn't there to protect him? What if I failed him? Failed us? What if...he left me someday like Sehun had? I wished I had the answers. Wished I knew how things would turn out. What if I failed him? What if he needed someone stronger than me? What if...he was already starting to move on?

I looked up just as Taehyung threw his head back in laughter at something the asshole sitting across from him had said. As I closed my eyes in physical pain, something from earlier in the day flashed in my memory-the framed quote Sehun had chosen to hang up at the shelter.

Well, it was a sign in the literal sense. Now I just had to understand its figurative meaning.

Don't focus on the what ifs. Focus on what is.
-

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To be continued......

What actions Jungkook gonna take??