Jai
I've been in here for 2 weeks so far and I've had 3 calls from Luke that lasted 5 minutes, which isn't enough time at all.
My friend situation isn't the best either. I've only made one friend, Mattew.
I'm sure that if we weren't room mates in a rehab that we wouldn't have talked to each other at all, but we find ourselves caring for each other.
Just the other night I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning, which woke Matt up. He asked if he could help me, but I shook my head no.
He got up anyway and handed me a bottle of water. I took a big drink of it and say it down on my bed side table.
He knew what I needed when I didn't.
We're close enough that he told me why he was in here.

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"Hey Jai" Matt randomly said after coming out of the bathroom.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"We've known each other for a while now and you haven't asked why I'm here." He said as he sat down on the edge of his bed.
"I respect your privacy." I stated.
"I think it's time for you to know. We talked about talking about it with other people in my meeting today and I think you'll be the perfect person to start with." He explained.
"If you're sure then alright."
"I'm sure." He took a deep breathe and rubbed his hands together.
"When I was about 6 years old my mom passed away from cancer. I was so young that I didn't know what was happening, but as I got a little older I understood that she was gone forever. A couple of days after she had passed my dad started to drink. He would come into my room and wake me up until he middle of the night.
I can still smell the whiskey on his breathe as he said "It's going to be okay, I'm not going to hurt you." He began to touch me and after a couple of months
I had gotten used to it. I would stay up and wait for him to come in my room. Not one night did he not come in drunk and proceed to touch me. I got to where sleep wasn't even an option and every time I ate I would throw up. A year passed and I was starting the 1st grade. I had built up so much anger over the past 365 days that I knew for sure that I was going to tell someone. The next morning I walked into my classroom and asked Mrs. Smith if I could tell her something.
She probably thought I was going to say something cute and funny. But when I found the words to say her face was filled with shock, guilt and confusion.
She walked me to the principals office and told me to sit. After a while the police came and asked questions.
It took 2 months to put him away. As they hand cuffed him his head dropped. And in the moment he was being out in the car all I could think about was my mother.
That was the last time I smelt his whiskey breath. The last time I was ever touched by a man. The last time I saw my father.
The next few years I was a decent kid, but teenage life hit me hard.
I was angrier then ever and I turned to drugs and drinking.
The foster family I was with gave me up and I went to an all boys home.
I was in and out of juvenile detention. After I turned 20 I checked myself in. I had lived on the streets for 2 years and I couldn't live like that any longer.
So here I am."
I sat in silence not knowing what to say.
"I'm very sorry." I said.
"Everyone is." He said before walking out.

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I didn't know what to say. This guy has literally been through Hell. For him to trust me enough to tell me amazed me.
I would've ended my life a long ago.
How was I supposed to tell him about my baby boy or my big brother yet. I'm too afraid that I won't stop crying. I sound like a wuss compared to him, but he's had years to recover and I've had 4 months.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I should start by telling my therapist first. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Whatever he says I'll do it.