I don't own Helluva boss if I did then Moxxie would take shit from anybody

somewhere in a city, at the Immediate Murder Professionals building, where the cars honking are heard from outside the building. Inside one of the rooms in the building, a business called "Immediate Murder Profession" a sign was taped on the closed door saying "Meeting in progress". Inside, Blitzo is walking by a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees.

"Alright, now, I know business has been a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay, I'm not naming any names here. . . Moxxie." Said Blitzo and Moxxie give him a "What the hell?" look then flipped him off.

"Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?" Asked Blitzo as he looked at his employees.

"What about a car wash?" Asked Millie as she raised her hand smiling. Moxxie couldn't help but picture mIlle in a bikini but that was ruined.

"Millie, this is Hell, no one will care about cars being clean here,what about a billboard?" Said Blitzo as he smiles and a sparkle in his eyes.

"We can't afford a billboard, sir." Said Moxxie as he crossed his arms. "Dumbass" Moxxie thought

"Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right no

"Oh I know, how about a brand new tv commercial?" Asked Mille said

"Now that's a great idea Mille!" Said Blitzo

"We can't afford a new commercial either, " Said Moxxie as he rolled his eyes

"Helpful, Moxxie, really glad you're in the room right now, and making me look like a failure." Said Blitzo and he pushes Moxxie away." Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"

Blitzo turns on a TV that shows the I.M.P. crew brutally murdering people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzo whacks a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie is blown away firing a shotgun through the mouth of a man tied to a chair, Loona swings a man back and forth in her mouth, Millie decapitates someone with a harpoon and laughs. Loona, Millie, and Blitzo eating popcorn as they watch the tv.

"Ahh, those were the good times." Said Blitzo as he smiles.

"I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week." Said Moxxie with annoyance in his voice." One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches."

"Yes. What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, all right?" Said Blitzo as he smiles." It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!"

"People love musicals, sir." Said Millie as she smiles.

"Exactly, Millie, And we're basically doing' a musical." Said Blitzo as he smiles and frown at Moxxie." Are you gonna crush my musical theater dreams like my dad did?"

"Maybe" Said Moxxie

"Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me!" Said Blitzo as he frowned." Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside."

"Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?" Asked Millie as she looked at her husband.

"What?" Asked Moxxie as he looked at Millie.

"I thought I knew you." Said Millie as she playfully sticks her tongue out at him and Moxxie rolls his eyes affectionately.

"I can't believe you, Moxxie, after I made you employee of the month!" Said Blitzo as he holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it.

"Okay, sir, I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes jingles!" Said Moxxie as he frowned.

"I liked it." Said Millie.

"Do not agree with him in front of me!" Said Moxxie as he pointed at Millie.

Commercial:

https://youtu.be/fLVQ2LVN1tA

Meanwhile back at the boardroom, Millie and Moxxie are sitting across from Loona, who has her feet up and is watching a video on her phone.

"I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault." Said Moxxie as he frowned at Loona." Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple."

"Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie." Said Loona as her rolled her eyes.

"I would but you already did that for me have ya" Moxxie said smirking at Loona's glare.

"Hey, now, we don't blame our screw ups on Loona, okay, she didn't do anything wrong." Said Blitzo as he hugs and nuzzles Loona, who appears to strongly dislike his affection. Moxxie gave him a look.

"What the fuck are you smoking? she's awful!" Said Moxxie as he frowned.

Loona is sitting at her desk, reading a magazine called "Hellhound Monthly". Her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking as the ringtone, and Loona answers.

"Hello, I.M.P." Said Loona as she answered the call.

Millie: Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox. . .

Loona suddenly hangs up the phone and looks disinterested in the conversation. But then a pissed off Moxxie burn her magazine and went to save his wife.

Loona is in Blitzo's office as he presents her with a gift in his hands smiling.

"Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie, I got you a little somethin'." Said Blitzo as he smiles.

"Is it a cure for syphilis?" Asked Loona as she glared at Blitzo.

"I. . . Oh. . ." Said Blitzo nervously.

"THEN I DON'T WANT IT!" Shouted Loona as she snatches the present and throws it on the floor and a swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and cover Loona up to her neck." UGHHH!"

"I'm sorry! It was spiders!" Said Blitzo as he was suddenly hiding outside of the office window

"Goddammit." Said Loona, annoyed.

Loona is at her desk, watching an online video of Charlie Morningstar performing "Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow," Then Moxxie approaches her with a flyer for "Chub B Gone".

"Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?" Asked Moxxie as he looked at Loona.

"No." Said Loona, not looking away from the video.

"Well the other workers didn't appreciate it." Moxxie said as he looked at the flyer.

"What other workers?" asked Loona.

"FUCK YOU that who." Moxxie said as he burned the flyer.

Loona was rummaging through the break room fridge looking for something to eat.

"Whoever left the fucking. . . Avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now!" Said Loona as she got our a red box in hand, she shuts the fridge door with her foot, an rips off the lid and drinks the salad, which for some reason is in liquid form.

"Why would you drink on a work night?" Asked Millie as she looked at Loona.

"I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!" Said Loona as she stops drinking and frowns at Millie, and Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with his box.

"Isn't that my lunch?" Asked Moxxie and Loona drops the box on the floor.

"Y'know what?! I can't take this assault right now, I need to blow off some fucking steam!" Said Loona as she kicks the box at Moxxie, but he caught it.

Then Loona runs out of the break room and out into the street screaming. Then Loona runs up to a demon lady passing by, pushing her baby in a stroller. She kicks the stroller high into the air and storms off, while the demon lady stands there in disbelief.

~~~~~~

Loona is sitting at her desk while she was holding her phone up to ear, and turns to tell Blitzo about a caller.

"Blitzo, that clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you!" Said Loona as she looks at Blitzo." Sounds a little DTF-y."

"Oh, GOD, it was ONE TIME!. if I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world." Blitzo

"You what?" Asked Moxxie in shock.

Flashback

Inside the Goetia Mansion, inside a bedroom, Stolas was sleeping naked in bed, he was hooting like an owl and there were feathers everywhere. Blitzo, who is partially nude with his trench coat on, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand.

"Got the book, got the book!" Said Blitzo to himself." Got this fuckin' heavy book!"

Blitzo reaches Stolas' balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, he attempts to step up on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both him and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony.

"Oh- Oh, SHIT!" Shouted Blitzo as he falls.

Blitzo lands in a cake that Stolas' wife Stella and her friends are having, splattering pieces of it all over them.

"Sorry, I fucked your husband." Said Blitzo as he look at Stella.

End of Flashback

"Oh, so that would've explained why you came to the office almost naked." Said Moxxie, trying to forget that memory

"BLITZO!" Shouted Loona annoyingly.

"I HEARD YOU ALREA--!" Shouted Blitzo annoyingly.

Then Blitzo is inside his office, talking with Stolas in his phone, and was playing with a bobblehead of Moxxie.

"So, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?" Said Blitzo as he smiles nervouslyz

Stolas is sitting on a fancy couch inside his bedroom as he was talking on his phone from his fancy mansion. Stolas was also wearing a feathery tophat with a regal gold crown on its front. He also wears a red tunic with six golden buttons, gray trousers, and a plush burgundy surcoat with a white fur collar and puffed striped sleeves.

"There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates." Said Stolas talking through his phone." He's trying to convince people global warming exists!"

"Doesn't it?" Asked Blitzo as he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes, but more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here." Said Stolas as he leaned over the coach.

"Okay, well, yeah, that makes sense." Said Blitzo as he looked bored.

Stolas: You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?

"Oh, god-fuckin'-damnit." Said Blitzo in annoyance pulls his phone away and talks to himself annoyingly.

"When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red **** of yours... **** your ***** and lick all of your *****, before taking out your *****, and **** with more teeth until you're screaming ********** like a FUCKING baby!" Said Stolas as his eyes glowed red.

Blitzo, who's visibly disturbed, hangs up. He breaks his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitzo turns and hands the blender to Loona, who was standing nearby.

"Eat this!" Said Blitzo as Loona drinks the blended cellphone mixture." And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?"

"Yeah?" Asked Loona as she looks at Blitzo.

"Shit off it!" Said Blitzo as he frowned.

~~~~~~

"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family." Said Blitzo as he looks at Moxxie and Loona looks up from her phone and smiles, touched by Blitzo.

"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!" Said Moxxie as Loona slowly flipped Moxxie off, while she was still looking at her phone. Which he was temp to burn it as

"That is offensive! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!" Said Blitzo as he walks over to the window and raises blinds.

Blitzo puts his face up against the window, cracking it, and sees a homeless demon, looking sad and holding up a sign that reads "Monee helps. Satan bless." A female demon is on her cell phone and ignores the hobo. Blitzo smugly waves at him, before lowering the window blinds.

"While we're on the subject of "family", can you stop fucking finding me and Millie outside of work?" Said Moxxie as he looked annoyed.

"Come on, sweetie, it's not that big a deal!" Said Millie as she reassured her hushed

"Excuse me. . . WHAT?!" Shouted Moxxie as he exclaimed.

~~~~~~

Moxxie and Millie preparing dinner in their kitchen inside their apartment, and Moxxie was cutting up a carrot.

"Honey, can you get me the butter?" Asked Moxxie as he looks at Millie.

"Sure, sweetie." Said Millie as she opens the fridge door.

"Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled!" Said Blitzo as he hands her the gross, viscous butter and Millie giggled.

"What's funny, honey?" Said Moxxie as he look at his wife.

"Really impressive wordplay." Said Blitzo inside the fridge smiling innocently.

"WHAT THE. . . WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!" Shouted Moxxie in shock seeing Blitzo inside the fridge.

~~~~~~

Later that evening, Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed. The former is tossing and turning as the sound of a cat purring can be heard. Moxxie opens his eyes and sees Blitzo standing on him, looking him right in the eyes.

"Whatcha dreamin' about?" Asked Blitzo as he look at Moxxie.

"I was dreaming my parents were being murdered, but now. . . I'd like to go back to that." Said Moxxie as he frowned at Blitzo.

~~~~~~

Moxxie is singing the end of "Oh, Millie" to his wife, as Millie joins in on some parts, smiling at her Moxxie.

Moxxie: Of all the imps in hell, it's for her that I fell

Moxxie and Millie: It's for her/him that I fell

Moxxie: Oh, Millie

They close their eyes to kiss each other, but Moxxie notices Blitzo outside the window holding a camcorder.

"Are you fucking filming us right now?!" Said Moxxie annoyingly and glare at Blitzo.

~~~~~~

"Just. . . Stop. . . Doing that!" Said Moxxie as he growled at Blitzo.

"I don't see what the issue is!" Said Blitzo as he shrugs." There somethin' you don't want me seein'?"

"No!" Said Moxxie as his eye twitches in anger.

"You a baby-wiener-haver?" Asked Blitzo

"NO SO I WON'T HAVE TO KILL MY FUCKING BOSS!" Shouted Moxxie angrily as he stands up from his chair.

"I AM CALM!" Shouted Moxxie in anger while looking back at Blitzo.

"Shh-shh-shh. There, there." Said Millie as she comforts Moxxie.

"Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours." Said Blitzo as he motions his hands to imply sexual activity." So don't. . . Judge. . . Me!"

"Oh, I do judge you, sir, quite a lot, actually!" Said Moxxie as he glared at Blitzo.

"Mox, he's our boss!" Said Millie as she frowns and places her hand on Moxxie's shoulder.

"For now,"Moxxie muttered.

"No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just. . . How do I say this without being offensive. . . Retarded." Said Blitzo with a sly smile.

"Oh I'm sorry I thought we're talking about me?" Said Moxxie as he frowns.

"We are." Said Blitzo as he leans towards Moxxie.

"The only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage!" Said Loona as she looks away from her phone to glare at Moxxie and Millie slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger.

"No he's not, you bitch!" Said Millie as she flips Loona the double bird and Loona growls at Millie.

"Do not talk to my receptionist that way!" Said Blitzo as he frowned at Millie."she's sensitive!"

"Yes, I am!" Said Loona as she snaps her jaws at Millie.

"Sensitive my red ass" Moxxie. snarled.

"You guys are all fucking assholes." Said Eddie.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona look at Eddie, the boy Moxxie accidentally shot. Eddie is lying on a table with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach.

"Oh, shut up, kid!" Said Blitzo as he frowned. "you're lucky to witness this!".

"Ugh, this company is such a mess!" Said Moxxie as he groaned.

"Alright, let's go back to talking about my outfit." Said Blitzo as he smiled at his outfit.

"Nobody was talking about that Blitzo!" Said Loona as she looks at Blitzo.

"Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?" Said Blitzo as he looks at his employees and then Eddie points at Blitzo while he detaches the tubes of the heart monitor.

"It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now I want that. I want death!" Said Eddie as he frowned as he once again points at Blitzo." You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!"

"Then you a fucked up kid." said Moxxie as he was about to speak till Eddie point at him.

"If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit." Said Eddie as he glared at Moxxie and Millie slam her hands on the desk.

"That's my husband you're talkin' to!" Said Millie as she glared at Eddie and he laughed.

"That's your husband?!" Said Eddie making Moxxie and Millie snarl at Eddie." I figured you for a slut, but I didn't know you needed dick THAT bad!" Eddie said smugly." And you!"

"What? What about me?" Said Loona as she looks at Eddie.

"Nothing." Said Eddie as he crossed his arms." I don't talk to dogs, I'm a cat person."

Loona gives Eddie a wide-eyed glare, and whines at Eddie with anger, and goes back to looking at her phone.

"Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit." Said Blitzo as he glared at Eddie.

"Yeah, after all. He's kind of a piece of shit." Whisper Moxxie and then Loona receives a text message.

"Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all!" Said Loona as she smiles.

"Who?" Asked Blitzo as he look confused.

"Him." Said Loona as she points at Eddie.

"Me?" Asked Eddie as he pointed at himself.

"Yup." Said Loona as she smiles.

"They wanted us to kill an actual child?" Asked Blitzo in confusion.

"That's what they're saying'." Said Loona as she smiles.

"Well, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a God." Said Blitzo as he draws a flintlock pistol and fires it at Eddie, killing him instantly.

"OWWWW!" Shouted Eddie as he got shot.

Blood covers the screen, and reveals Blitzo and Moxxie kicking Eddie's corpse, Millie stabbing him, and Loona recording everything on her phone.

Blitzo: Y'know, folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people!

Blitzo and Moxxie are wearing full hazard gear, dismembering Eddie's body with a hacksaw and chainsaw respectively. Blood splats all over the place again, and the group all arrived by a dumpster putting Eddie's body parts in a garbage bag.

Blitzo: So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.

Then Blitzo hugs Moxxie, Millie and Loona, the latter's phone flying out of her hands, and they all smile at Blitzo, as he wraps his tail lovingly around the group.

Blitzo: Y'know, even though this kid was a target... he's still a child. And it's important that we handle this going forward respectfully.

Meanwhile back at the living world, the newscast were showing Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of her son. A male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says "Mom sucks at drawing own kid", while the ticker bar constantly reads "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!"

"Please!" Said Eddie's mom as she sobbed." If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at. . ."

Then Eddie's bloody body bag suddenly falls into her arms, causing her to scream. Eddie's mother and the news reporter look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Blitzo, Moxxie,and Millie are shown looking down on them through a portal.

"You're welcome!" Said Blitzo as he smiles and waves,

"Your kid a piece of shit lady." Moxxie said, then all three disappear in the portal as it closes.

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