Hey guys. So this chapter will be very angsty (although I bet that's a surprise to no one) and I just wanted to mention that this isn't specifically Moxiety and could basically be any ship with Patton in it but I like to think of it as Moxiety. Also, since I am back at school now (😩) I may not post as often and when I do, the time may he a bit all over the place depending on the day but probably around 9:00 BST on weekdays and around 9:30 weekends. Also, this is fairly short cause there wasn't much to write about. So yeah. Enjoy

Patton's POV

I put on a fake smile. I put on a fake laugh. I throw in a couple of puns and dad jokes and they don't even notice anything wrong. To them, I'm just their happy pappy Patton. I put on this happy, bubbly facade and they think I'm fine but deep down, I'm not fine. Deep down, I'm hurting. Hurting really badly.

As soon as they turn their backs, as soon as they're gone, the real me is released. The tears gush down my face like a waterfall and the sadness never ends. But it will never end. I can never stop the sadness from coming.

I keep telling myself that if I pretend to be happy for long enough then maybe, just maybe I will be. If I fake my happiness then maybe I will be happy someday. I wish that for just one day of my life, I don't have to fake all of this. Just one day, that's all I ask for. One day of happiness. But that will never happen.

I keep thinking that maybe if he was here, maybe if he was actually mine things would be better. I would fall into his arms and sob into his chest as he rubs my back to sooth me. He would litter my face in kisses, bringing warmth to my cheeks. We would snuggle up close to each other as I rest my head on his shoulder and I would actually be happy for once. He would bring me joy whenever I'm near him and I would have someone to share my feelings with instead of bottling them up and pretending I'm fine. But that will never happen; that is merely a fantasy. He will never be here. He will never be mine. After all, no one could ever love someone like me. Someone worthless. Someone useless. Someone imperfect. Someone stupid. A failure. Besides, I don't want to burden the one I love with my existence. I couldn't do that to him. At least I still get a slight burst of joy whenever he smiles but that never lasts long because I am hit with the reality that he doesn't and never will love me.

Instead, I'm forced to fake my joy and happiness. Hide my true feelings. Pretend to be fine when I'm actually not fine. I'm never fine. I'm hurting deep down inside. But if they all knew that, what would they think of me? I know that they already secretly hate me but if they knew what happened behind closed doors, they would hate me even more. They would shun me out. They would reject me. And I would be lonely. Alone forever. But then again I've always been alone. When they pretend to like me, they're just pretending when in reality, they can't stand me. I suppose that's fair. I can't even stand myself most of the time. I just wish all of this was over. I wish I could just be happy for once. Is that too much to ask for?