.^^ Morning Vanya ^^

— Josef —

'Why... can't I look away?' I asked slowly, unable to even look away from her chest to check on the sword in my heart.

'You've been charmed! Ooooh that skanky nympho-bitch!!! I'll show her a fucking CHARM!!!' The Messenger snarled, and I paused as I felt my nether region stir, then slowly grow to full mast, straining against the material of my leather pants.

'That is entirely inappropriate, and I disapprove. Stop that immediately!' I frowned at the messenger's actions, which only added fuel to the fire.

The Fae woman slowly looked down, and then her jaw dropped.

'Well... fuck. Now it's a tie. I'm sorta lost, here, I didn't think that through...' the Messenger grumbled.

'Oh really, you don't say?' I grumbled.

The king cleared his throat slowly. "Well... that was... an unexpected outcome, for sure."

"I am not dead yet, Sir... and while this confounded charm has me ogling this woman's chest like a fucking Luddite, I assure you I did not do that part on purpose." I pointed in a vague direction downwards.

"Ah, Good, I was worried for a moment she'd killed you with man's one universal weakness, the ultimate weapon of womenkind." He chuckled crudely.

I snarled softly, and then punched myself in the face, physically forcing myself to look away, then casted the ancestral shield over my eyes, blocking the effect of her Charm Spell, and finally rounded on the King as my own Charm was sheepishly turned off by the Messenger.

'Now to get a little sheepish submission from him, to smooth our dealings in the future... and correct him on being an asshole.' I decided swiftly.

"Only to stupid, mouth-breathing, pathetic, gutter-minded pigs, would breasts be considered an 'ultimate weapon'!!!" I snapped at him harshly.

"Now, one moment, there-" He began, frowning at me.

I cut him off with a savage growl, and pulled the sword out of my chest, tossing it aside as the wound healed quickly. "Furthermore!!! Propagating such moronic, disgusting, and downright DISRESPECTFUL rhetoric is beneath the ruler of any self-respecting nation!!! You, as a Ruler, are expected to be a proper and Respectful role-model to both Men and Women, educating them all of the dangers of viewing any one gender, race, or group of people as superior to any other, a task you have clearly failed at, consistently, considering the state of your kingdom, as well as its so-called 'nobles'!"

He subsided, and sat back down. "Perhaps I spoke in a crude manner. I meant no disrespect." He allowed, nodding slowly, as the male soldiers in the balcony muttered to themselves, confused by my sudden vehemence, while the females chuckled, though in agreement or shock was currently unclear.

The Fae woman hummed softly. "You're surprisingly resilient. Most people wouldn't even be able to talk in front of me when my biggest 'Beholder' Spell is active... also I appreciate the unneeded defense of my honor, but would remind you I don't need your help."

"Fruälein, I did not correct him to protect your honor, nor because I thought you needed help. I corrected him because <I> was offended. I have four daughters whom I managed to raise into strong, independent women in a strictly patriarchal nigh-theocratic society whose religion reviled women. Also, gods willing, I will have new children here in this realm; therefore I will not stand for the existence of any anti-femme cultural poison in this society. Lastly: Your Breasts are nice, my dear, yes, but I've raised four girls through womanhood and I have two granddaughters already; I am totally blind to that nonsense, without the influence of mind-altering magic." I snorted at her, and raised my sword.

She grinned and picked up her own from where I'd discarded it, and when she turned back to me, her curves had given way to a well-muscled but still clearly feminine form, with all accompanying attachments, still displayed casually. "Well Thank you, I do appreciate a man raised in the Elven way."

I raised an eyebrow slowly. "Elven? Are elves and Dwarves the only races that actually raise their children correctly, here?!? That's a depressing thought."

She shrugged. "You get used to it. Back to the fight, then?"

"Sigh... Yes, let's." I nodded, and darted forward, letting our blades clash and catch at the guard, then attempting to win by force, as my patience was worn thin by my releasing all that steam at the king for his ignorant display of casual misogyny.

I understood, of course, that he was attempting to seem companionable, and that as a fellow soldier or companion, he would be expected to make comments and jokes that soldiers, with their crude humors, would likely find amusing. I also understood that he, with his high-born upbringing, knew damned well how to fucking behave, and I was disappointed in the manner in which he chose to disrespect his own family name, by portraying himself as that type of crude man.

The Fae Woman gritted her teeth, growling at me unintelligibly, and attempted to kick me away, but the weakened foundation of only one supporting leg meant I could push her down to her knees, the swords grating loudly between us.

"You're an incredible woman, and were less on the line, I'd ask for your surrender again, in an attempt to not have to hurt you, but instead, I will do the respectful thing, and simply defeat you. Don't hold a grudge, please?" I smiled, and then let her sword come towards me, taking one hand off of it and Summoning my skinning Knife, stabbing her up under her ribs, into her heart.

She hadn't been able to see the future with her skill, when she'd originally blocked my sword, because I'd waited about ten seconds as I'd talked, so she hadn't known that she was unable to dodge. All in all, by the time she figured it out and got the premonition, it was unavoidable. She blinked slowly, and looked down. "Oh... well that is unfortunate... but not enough to kill me, yet."

"Oh!... well, that's pleasant news, but I'm currently holding metal to your heart, and I can fill said metal with lightning at a thought, SS+ level lightning... so, surrender, and I'll heal you? Is that an option?" I asked timidly.

She chewed on her lip for a moment, (very distracting, that, though I tried to focus, it might've been residual effect of the Charm Spell,) then nodded. "Alright, Fine. That's a good point. I concede defeat, but I don't surrender."

"Understood. Now, deep breath, this'll hurt." I pulled the knife out, and placed a hand on the wound, using healing magic to stitch her heart back together, then the connective tissue and bones I'd broken. (... as an after thought, I also repaired her shirt, which she'd not bothered to close after she ripped it open.)

The king clapped slowly, and a few courtiers hiding behind what I'd thought were simply ornamental tapestries clapped politely as well, before silencing, but I'd gained a good idea of their locations.

"Well! Despite your lecturing me in the middle of the fight, -which I agree that I deserved, and I am suitably chastised and repentant,- that was a decisive battle, and I believe that means that you, Red Duke Of Kerrigan... are due the headsman's block." He frowned at the Duke for a moment, then shrugged. "But first, a word with my new Red Duke..."

I took a seat, groaning softly at my sore muscles, and the Fae woman sat next to me, cracking her neck briskly. "I'm open to questions, I suppose." I shrugged.

"Good! So, I'm quite curious: how did you create this new metal I'm hearing about?" The king asked calmly, apparently delaying the inevitable out of boredom and the sadistic pleasure of watching Kerrigan twitch in his seat as time progressed.

"I just used a different coal, which you don't actually have, here, and I'm the only one who knows how to create it, I think. I'm now growing it in both of my Barony properties, one an old coal mine and one in an altitude field. I'm also creating Magical White Steel by mixing Magic-Stones with Wood from a special Tree I'm breeding." I grinned.

The king hummed. "And this... Magic Stone, How is that made?"

"That is a secret that no living beings other than myself and the God of Wisdom are aware of." I shook my head.

"Hmm... I suppose from a negotiation standpoint, your value is entirely in the fact that you have these recipes for these materials... yes, fine. Keep your secrets." He shrugged.

"Also, the forging method for the metal, which not even the Dwarves knew, that was mine. Now the ArcBrand Forge has it, as well. They are probably best labeled as a national resource." I nodded.

"Oh? Why is that?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"They train blacksmiths for the Guild, so you should be aware of every Blacksmith who apprentices there, and then see if they'd like to work for the Military, or the Guild can simply offer you first crack at their works, if you negotiate with them. Good luck with that." I smirked.

He laughed, and nodded. "Indeed, the Guild is rather fun to negotiate with... well, we've taken long enough, no more torturing him." He sighed, looking at Kerrigan.

I nodded and drew my bow, using the string and a hand holding his hair to cut his head cleanly off before he even realized he was about to die. The body then disappeared into my Hidden Space, and I sat back down, sipping the fresh coffee someone had brewed.

The king blinked slowly, and then looked away from the suddenly empty chair, at me. "What... the hell... was that?!?"

"My bow is called the Bow of Sorrows. It eats the bodies of those I kill with it, and gives me their Mana. It's a bow worthy of someone called the High-Warden of the Wild Hunt." I smiled at him, and winked, hopefully conveying that I wasn't being entirely honest.

He nodded slowly, completely missing the wink. "I see... that explains some things about the speed of your progress and the presence of the rarest breed of Therianthrope, the Red Dragon, seeing as you've hunted Adult Warm-Blooded Fire Wyverns with that bow."

I smiled, deciding to let it be. "Amongst other things. Now, if all of this is done and finished, I would like to go share a drink with this woman, who is legitimately and surprisingly amazing."

She raised an eyebrow at me, rubbing her stomach self-consciously. "You definitely owe me a stiff drink."

I gestured at my chest, which, while healed, was now scarred heavily by the two swords I'd allowed to clash into my chest so I could stab her. "Don't complain, Alright? Let's go before these courtesans decide to bother me, Yeah?" I chuckled and stood as the king waved, apparently dismissing me.

"Well, I live here, so there's not much we can do about that... and you now own this estate, remember?" She gestured at the entrance, where a red banner stylized with a conical mountain symbol was settled.

I hummed, and then looked over as the king placed a small scroll in front of me. "That's yours. Plant it now, wait for later, your choice. The tree is underground, currently."

"Curious... I'll do that now, then. Sorry, our drink will have to wait a few minutes." I glanced at the Fae woman.

She shrugged, and I noticed the gold of her eyes had faded to a deep amber/brown. "That's fine. You're my master now, so I don't really mind waiting a bit for you."

"Hmm? Ah, right, the servant thing. Weird, but useful. My first Giftee, a boy named Jano, he's a B+ now, because I gifted him when I was a Baron, and now I'm a Duke Elect... what comes after 'Young Knight'?" I looked at the king.

"In Rank? He would be an A-, so he would gain the Rank 'Knight Errant', until he swears to a house... and seeing as you're the Red Duke of Ker-well, of Eisenberg, now,- he would be 'Sir Jano of House Eisenberg', and also a 'Knight of the Red Order', as all of your servants would be. He would be technically Noble-Born, as will his family going forward." He answered after a moment of thought.

"Good, then I'll be off to Claim my rewards." I nodded to the king, and then wandered off into the Estate.

After a few minutes of wandering around, the Fae woman spoke. "I'm not sure I didn't tell you, but my name is Sir Vanya Ossilka, I'm a Paladin of the Red Order, but the Duke kept me Hidden, in case he ever needed to duel another noble. Every noble has someone like me, just rarely SS+ Rank." She explained casually.

"Vanya? That is an interesting name, I like it. I am Josef... and I do hope there are others, I enjoyed the challenge." I nodded, and stepped out of the stairwell, into a large underground room that was mostly filled with a thick, rapidly decaying tree.

I buried the scroll in the center of the tree, and stepped back, jogging back up the stairs as the tree ripped the roof open to accommodate itself.

By the time I'd reached the top, a literally massive tree towered about 500ft above our heads, and the gazebo sat primly in its branches, even a little staircase leading up to it, zigzagging between two pieces of the roots and then the tree itself, like a fire escape.

I chuckled and picked up Vanya, growing my wings and launching us up into the branches. We landed next to the king, who frowned at me. "I would prefer some warning, next time. It is a hell of a view, though." He gazed out at the city around us, and then even the mountains in the distance, visible from our unique vantage point.

"Isn't it?" I nodded, and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the cellar with a thought. "So, Vanya... drinks in the clouds, or drinks in the city?" I asked.

—

I woke up slowly, my head pounding, and sighed. 'Any reason my regen isn't fixing that?'

'Because you're stupid and you went on a date with the girl who tried to kill you.' The Messenger harrumphed testily.

'She was doing her job. Now stop being a brat and let my head clear up! What if an assassin attacks me in this state!?!' I frowned.

'Then that was your choice.' She grumbled.

I ignored her and cast healing on myself, feeling my head clear slowly but surely. A soft groan to my left surprised me, and I nearly lept out of my skin, finding Vanya in the bed, still clothed (just barely) in underclothes.

I looked around, and found a large room, with all the amenities that someone of her stature could appreciate at her Rank, all decorated in different shades of green, silver, and blue. "Huh... Alright then." I slowly got up from the bed, and found my clothes, discarded nearby, shoving them into my Hidden Space, then started up some food, for when she woke up fully.

'You're cooking her BREAKFAST?!?' The Messenger growled, offended.

'You stop your shit, Messenger!!! Do you understand me?!?' I snapped back at her mentally, done with her attitude. 'You have literally done nothing but act like a little brat who needs a spanking ever since we met this wonderful woman, and I will not have it, do you understand me?!? And That rude, invasive stunt you pulled with the Charm Spell and the Boner, specifically, THAT was outa line in every single way possible!!! You will NEVER act like that again, or so help me, I will tell the Wisdom God to give me the automated system announcer again, DO YOU HEAR ME CLEARLY?!?' I growled.

'... sorry.' She muttered despondently.

'Don't you dare sit there and pout, Young Lady, you deserved every bit of that! Now think about your reaction to her, and be silent about it until you're ready to be reasonable again!' I frowned, and then went back to stirring my batter, which I intended to make pancakes with.

The smell of food slowly filled the little room, and Vanya sat up slowly, revealing nearly her entire body, and clutching her head. "Fucking hell... what kind of whiskey did you give me?" She groaned.

"It's called fireball, suitably enough. Pancakes?" I offered her one of the freshly cooked flapjacks, and she took it, staring at it for a moment in confusion. "It's just bread, Vanya. Eat it, it'll help with the hangover." I chuckled.

She smiled and took a bite out of the pancake, then paused, and swallowed. "It's sweet? What did you put in this?" She asked.

"Little bit of honey and vanilla extract, eggs, flour." I shrugged.

"Eggs? We have chickens here?" She raised an eyebrow, then groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"No? I had them with me. Anyway, eat up, soak up the alcohol in your stomach... do you remember much about last night, because... I don't. It's been a while since I got drunk like that." I chuckled, and finished the second, chomping on it while it was still hot.

She smirked. "We wrestled, and I won. Then you won... then I won again... then we both won."

I cleared my throat. "Oh... I hope you were sober at that point..."

"Oh, definitely. The heavy drinking started after that, don't you remember?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No, I don't, but I'll take your word for it. The headache doesn't help thinking too hard about all this." I sighed, and poured the last of the batter in the pan, just as a loud knock reverberated from the door, and she leapt up to answer it with a growl.