"Hey roomie," Jimin says with a big smile from the couch in the living room when I step in from my morning run. My neck slick from sweat.

My cheeks burning red.

"How was your run?"

"Good," I say with a nod, untangling the bandana from my head as my unkempt hair fall on my face.

"Looks like it." He chuckles as he twists in his spot on the couch, bringing his knees tighter to his chest as he turns the page in his book.

"I don't know how you do it."

"What do you mean?"

"The running," he says, waving at my outfit and the glow of sweat on my skin. "Who actively chooses to go running every morning?"

My lips curl up. "Me?"

He shakes his head in disbelief. "There's coffee in the kitchen."

"Yum," I hum as I move towards the kitchen, grabbing a mug from the cabinet. "What about you? You surf as well."

"That's not the same," he argues. "Surfing is fun."

I laugh. "Running is fun too."

He shakes his head. A shiver courses his body like he's appalled I would ever suggest such a thing. "You're crazy."

"Only a little," I say as I move toward the stairs, coffee in hand. "I'm going to get ready for work."

"Not before joining us in the mud bath."

"But?" I argue.

"Taeri announced a break for us before noon. So the pier is closed before two and its only nine right now. We have four hours to ourselves." Jimin protests almost whining. "Moreover your promised."

"Well I didn't promise." I retaliate.

"That's not the point but I wanna spend time with you. Friends on friends for a while apart from work." Jimin adds and I can't just say no to that.

"What should I wear for..umm you know that dirty bath."

Jimin laughs so loudly that he unintentionally falls from the chair.

I rush to catch him from the ground but stop mid tracks when I see him rubbing his head and still laughing so loud.

"What's so funny?" I ask slightly chuckling at him.

"No one ever called it a dirty bath. ever" And he starts laughing again rolling on floor.

"Whatever!" I turn on my heels to climb the staircase when he yells from behind me.

"Wear whatever you are comfortable in." he says in between fits of laughter.

I stop for a second smiling before jogging inside my room to change.

I select a white button-down shirt and a brown shorts for the little dirty play we were going to do in the festival.

After I freshen up, I come out and wear the dress while I hear Jimin shouting from downstairs. I totally ignore the presence of Yugyeom when he snorts at me. I cant do this right now. I turn to look at him when he is digging holes in my face. I open my mouth to say something when-

"Jungkook we will get late. Are you ready or not?"

"Yeah, coming in a minute." I reply yelling loudly. After a minute I rush as put my phone on the side table.

When we reach the beach, the festival has already started. I saw people screaming and playing in mud and pushing and pulling each other in the big mud slides and mud pools.

Scrunching my nose at this, "Who enjoys this?" I ask Jimin.

"We do." And he pulls me along with him as I jerk back before following his steps.

"don't we need like passes for these?" I ask Jimin while he is smiling at the festivity in front of him.

He turns to answer me

"Naah! We are free as we are actually one of the sponsors of the mud festival. So, you need not to worry abut the passes. Where the hell is Tae?" Jimin replies coolly while looking for Taehyung and Seokjin hyung.

Even I look around for them but couldn't find them. I look for Yugyeom around but after yesterday's event and today's negligence he was still mad at me so I tried to avoid the situation. I don't know if I should feel relieved or scared.

"Booh!" I jump as someone suddenly grips my waist from behind making me jump in fear.

"What the-" My train of thoughts is interrupted as I turn around to see Taehyung flashing his megawatt smile at me while Jimin snickers besides me.

Taehyung looked ethereal in those white shirts and the way he tucked that scarf on his head made me feel things I shouldn't feel.

"I was searching for you only. Where is Jinnie hyung?" Jimin asks while I still scowl at him.

My eyes trail from his head to his eyes to his lips. My eyes search for something on his face when he steps towards me again and I step back when I bump into someone. Before I could fall in the mud pit, Taehyung catches my hand and pulls me towards him.

"Sorry." I hear someone saying from behind me but my eyes are trained on Taehyung's lips as they move and my mind can only formulate the words as 'are you okay.'

I am just breath away from him when his other hand comes and slightly stroke my cheeks. I look into his mesmerising green eyes. His lips pulls up in a smile and I notice the mole on his lower lip as his gaze is still trained on me.

"Taehyung?" Jimin's voice brings me back from the enchantment I was in. Taehyung coughs and straightens while I dust the non-existent dirt on my clothes.

"umm...well he went to Seoul this morning for some work so maybe he wont be able to join us." He replies as I hear a shutter sound going off. I look up to see that he was shooting me.

Jimin turns towards one of the pits and drags my hand along with him.

I ask him if Taehyung isn't joining us to which he says, "He will only capture the festival. He don't play in mud after..." Jimin suddenly halts and gulps.

"After?" I ask looking at Jimin to continue but he turns to me smiling and starts laughing, "Look at you. You are already muddy. Taehyung did great work with your cheeks."

He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Was he hiding something from me?

"let's go we don't have whole day to do this." Jimin takes my hand and drags me to one of the mud pools.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After hours of playing in mud I was darn tired. Jimin took me to every sport we can go. I lost Taehyung to the crowd on the beach. I would get glimpses of him but he will disappear within seconds from my sight.

I don't know why I wanted to play with him in the mud. Why I was searching for him in the those slides or pools or mud pits.

We were laying on the mud alongside the beach when I turn towards him, "Jimin do you ever feel like you are alone in the crowd?"

The question was out of context but in my stay of a few days with him I came to realization that Jimin is so full of life.

He is that person who can bring smile on anyone's face and I feel drawn to his smile. He reminds me more of yoongi hyung back at home. He reminds me that I am safe with him.

He remind me of home. He reminds me of Yoongi hyung. My best friend. My brother.

Jimin's muddy face turns to me as he smiles. His pearly white teeth on display as his whole face is what like clay-ey. The only visible thing on his face his his crescent brown eyes and pearl white teeth.

He hums as he plops on his arms before sitting straight and looking at the horizon.

"Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and do things which I wasn't able to do. But you know life doesn't give you seconds chances. It goes on. Whether you like it or not. And there comes a point where you start living with the things you have and forget about the things you can't have. The only things remain are memories. Memories you cherish of your loved ones. Life never stops for anyone. Whether you like it or not."

He plops his head in the sand while heaving a rugged sigh, "And as for your question. Yes, I do feel lonely sometimes. Sometimes it gets too much that I can't breath or..." he coughs suddenly like he was being awake from the sleep, "but...anyways...Life goes on."

I sit looking at the vast ocean while there are screams of people coming from behind us. 'Life goes on.'

"Yeah, you are right life goes on but does it really?" I ask looking at him. I cannot see his face but I can feel the sadness in his voice.

And I think are people with most vibrant smiles also feel sad and lonely. Did they lose someone dear to them too? I look around the crowd for Yugyeom but he isn't here anymore.

Jimin smiles and looks at me, "life goes on. It does. Really it does."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/////~~~~~~~~~~'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After cleaning ourselves in the sea we rush back to home.

"Lunch rush today?" he asks.

"You have off hyung. Lucky you."

A laugh falls out his mouth as I hurry up the stairs, brushing my stray hairs back as I move into my room and pick out my clothes for the day.

There's an ache in my stomach as I look around my room, taking in how settled I've become. It's the longest I've ever been in one place since leaving, and the urge to get up and run hasn't hit yet.

There's a sense of security knowing that feeling may not come. That maybe I finally found where I'm supposed to be to heal.

My shower is quick, spending as minimal time under the water as possible. It's been hard to spend much longer than a few minutes under the hot water­­, afraid that when I open my eyes, I'll see the steady stream of red pooling around the drain.

The image of blood dripping from my skin, haunting my dreams nearly every night.

A chill runs over my skin as I step into my room, drying off quickly before getting dressed in my usual; a combination of black sweats and a blue shirt and some kind of long sleeve hoodie. Something to hide the truth from everyone, including myself. It's easier than facing the harsh reality that my wrists write.

My sad truth.

My chest aches as I ring out my hair, drying it the best that I can, before pulling it backwards with a head band when my phone rings, and without looking at it, I know it's Yoongi hyung.

Despite my efforts to ignore him, it hasn't stopped him from calling, and my guilt for not answering has slowly gnawed away at my heart.

"Hello?" I ask, zipping my hoodie as I hold the phone with the other. My pulse racing as I rest the phone against my shoulder, holding it in place with my cheek as I look out of the window.

"Gguk! You picked up."

"Yeah, well, you keep calling."

There's a moment of silence, like he's deciding what to say next before his laugh fills my ear. A light laugh that I've heard a thousand times over, but somehow sounds new.

"It got you to pick up the phone, didn't it?"

This time it's my turn to be quiet.

"Where are you, Jungkook?"

He finally asks and I can imagine exactly where he is—in his car on break from the hospital, pulling at the ends of his hair in frustration.

"Does it matter?"

"You need to come home."

"I'm okay, hyung," I say as I tie off my hair in low bun. "Truly. I have a place to live and I got a job. Things are finally feeling... normal again."

"Things won't be normal until you're back here," he argues. "Busan is your home, Jungkook. This is where you should be."

I shake my head, biting down on my bottom lip. "It's not my home. It hasn't felt like home in a long time."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth."

He sighs. "I need to know where you are, Gguk."

Turning on my bed, I let my legs dangle over the side as my gaze moves to the alarm clock on the side table, the bright red letters reading the time.

"If I tell you where I am, will you promise to stop calling me? I need to do this on my own."

"Yes," he says. "If you tell me where you are, I'll stop calling."

"Daecheon," I tell him. "I'm safe, okay? I promise."

"Jungkook..."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm a big boy now."

"You're my little brother," he argues. "I'm always going to worry about you."

"I have to get to work, Yoongi hyung," I say as I get up, the knot in my stomach growing tighter. "I love you and I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay."

"Okay." I nod and pull the phone away from my ear, staring at the blank screen as he ends the call and the full realization of what I've done hits me.

This gnawing, gut-wrecking feeling I have all the time—that's what Yoongi hyung has been feeling.

The blame.

It eats and eats, and eventually, nothing will be left. I'll just be numb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi hyung is still on my mind when I get to Love Maze and he doesn't seem to leave it when I clock in, taking over two sections instead of my typical one. It's busier than usual, and while that normally helps keeps my thought on work, I haven't been able to shake him.

His words echo around me as I move from table to table, running order after order.

My thoughts so distracted that I barely realize it's Seokjin and Taehyung at my next table until Rapmon's nudging my leg with his nose.

"Busy?" Seokjin asks when I snap out of it. A gentle smile rested on his soft features.

"Yeah, a little," I say, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear as I scratch under Rapmon's chin with my free hand. "Hi buddy."

"Is it short staffed?" Taehyung questions.

I hum softly, nodding my head as I look up to meet Taehyung's eyes. "What are you waiting for? Go clock in."

Taehyung gasps, resting his hand over his heart. "Was that a joke I hear, Busan?"

"Maybe," I say, my lips curling up slightly. "What can I get you guys to drink?"

"I'll take a lemonade." Seokjin answers first.

"Taehyung?" I shift my gaze.

"I'm good with water." I wanted to ask more about where did he go when we were at the fest but thought against it.

"Okay, I'll be right back," I tell them, petting Rapmon once more before heading for the bar where Minjae's buried with drink orders. "Hey, can I get a lemonade and water for Seokjin and Taehyung when you get a second?"

"Yeah, sure," Minjae says, shuffling drinks onto anders tray at the edge of the bar. "You holding up okay, Jungkook?" he asks, still making conversation despite having a million and one things to do.

I nod. "Yeah, nothing I'm not used to."

"Good! I'm glad to hear it," he says as he sets my tray up with my table's drinks before helping me bring it to my shoulder. I shoot a smile in his direction and head to drop the drinks off, manoeuvring easily between tables.

I'm halfway to Seokjin and Taehyung's table when a customer reaches for my free arm in passing, halting me in my steps as dark spots fill my vision.

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