here, i'm gonna explain why i wish to follow the teachings of ahimsa and how i physically can't be horrible to anyone.

a lot of people tell me that i'm too nice. they say that i'm never mean and that sometimes that comes to my disadvantage. i forgive almost everyone (even when they don't deserve it) and let things slip that i probably shouldn't. thing is, there is a reason for this that i will explain. i know it's not a huge reason to be reckoned with, but it really has inspired me a hell of a lot.

when i was younger, my younger brother was really quite mean to me. he's a year younger than me and has autism and severe adhd. he would beat me up, call me names and make me feel like i was a bad guy. my parents would never believe me when i told them, and would end up telling me off. i refuse to ever let anyone feel the way that he made me feel, and i don't want to go anywhere near being mean to others, even as a joke.

i feel as if the world is a bad place. people are horrible to each other and they don't seem to care. they can kill another human being, another one of their own, and be okay. governments force children into wars. they force young girls into marriage. they abuse others so they can fulfil their "sexual desires" and leave the victim traumatised for the rest of their lives. they can be so horrible to others that they make them want to kill themselves. some do. some harm themselves because of what other people say and do.

when i was in middle school, i got a lot of shit for being smart and being well behaved. people would force me to let them copy from my tests, they would call me ugly and spread rumours to try and destroy my relationships. once my self harm was revealed it spread like wildfire. they made fun of me for my scars. they forced me to show them. leaving public school was a blessing. i feel so much safer being away from the hassle of hundreds of students.

i refuse to let anybody feel the way i did while growing up, because it has well and truly fucked me up to this day.

edit: i love my brother. a lot. don't get me wrong.