John Pov
When I got news of Alex having cancer, I didn't have a breakdown and I didn't cut myself out from the outside world. You could call it denial but it also..
wasn't? I'm not sure.

I knew something was wrong the second he was on his knees in the elevator, I just didn't question it.

I know he starts chemo soon but I'm not sure when. I knew I was going to go to the hospital today to see him.

Today's Friday.
I thought Friday's were supposed to be happy.

I grabbed my keys and started to walk out the front door. "

"John? Where ya going?" Patsy asked, running down the stairs.

"..The hospital." I hesitantly told her. "Why?" She asked, slowly to a stop as she stood next to me.

"Alex is there."
I said, avoiding using the word boyfriend and just friend in general.

"Can I come? Why's he in the hospital? Can I come?" She asked.

"..I guess. I..ask mom,"
I said, slowly closing the front door.

I watched her scurry off and within five minutes was dragging me out the front door and to the car.
This was a bad decision.

I started off to Lenox Hill Hospital. "Why's he at the hospital in the first place?" Patsy asked.

"He...He has cancer." I told her quietly.

She was quiet for a moment.

"Oh.
What kind?
Stage?" She asked.

Damn she is too smart for her age. She's like..eleven now right?
Holy shit I'm the worst brother in the fucking world.

"Lung cancer. Stage three I think."
I told her.

"Oh my,"
She whispered.

"There's also another thing I should tell ya sis." I said, biting my lip.

"Yeah?"
She asked.

I slowed to a stop at a red light. "Alex..he's more than a friend." I said.

"..He's your best friend. I mean I thought Laf was your best friend. Or Peggy but I dunno.." She trailed off.

I chuckled a bit, shaking my head.

"No, but we were for a while. He's my boyfriend Patsy." I said, feeling my eyes get a little glassy.

"..oh."
She whispered.

"..So you're..
gay?"
Patsy asked.

"Mhm."
I hummed, starting to drive again.

"Do mom and dad know?" She asked.

"No. Please don't tell them either. Dad..jee, dad would rip the cross off my neck if he found out." I said.

Patsy nodded, watching the world go by out the window.

"Must be scary."
She said.

"What do you mean?"
I asked.

"For your boyfriend to be in the hospital with cancer and mom and dad can't find out or they'll be real upset with you." She said.

"It is," I whispered, trying my best to keep myself in one piece.

We were silent the rest of the way to the hospital. Wait. It's Friday. Fucking I have D&D campaign today.

They'll understand, right?
Right?

Why is my life fucking falling apart?

I drove into the hospitals parking lot and parked. Patsy and I got out, walking inside.

As we walked inside I couldn't help but think of what Alex had told me  just a few weeks earlier.

The hospital is where people go to die.

When I went to the front desk and requested to see him, while I was saying his name, my mouth felt dry. When I went to his hospital room I wanted to turn around and fucking bolt.

But I can't do that to him.
Not when he needs me most.
Not in front of my little sister.

When I walked in, I saw Ed asleep in a chair and Tom by his side, reading a book. I looked at Alex who was fiddling with a switchblade.

There was wires or cords taped to his inner arms and on going to his bare chest.

"Hey John."
He said, looking to me.

I smiled and asked,
"They let you play with a switchblade?"

He snickered, shaking his head.
"Nah. Ed brought it." He told me.

"Who's this?" He asked, his eyes shifting to my sister.

"I'm Patsy. Johns younger sister."
She said.

Alex gave a wave.
"Can I ask a question?" She asked.

"You just did." Alex muttered.
"Can I ask three questions?" She asked.

"Oh shit she broke the system." Alex said with a smirk.

I sat down a chair diagonal from Tom and Ed.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked, sitting next to me.

"You mean the wires or-"

"The scars."
She replied.

Alex gave a breathy laugh.
"Fell our of a tree. Didn't go so well." He replied.

I felt myself relax a bit.

"You're a liar." My sister said, crossing her arms.

Alex gave a shrug.
"Who's not?"

My sister seemed stumped by that question.

"Is that your dad?" My sister asked, pointing to Tom.

Tom looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow, looking at my sister then to Alex. He gave Alex an amused smirk, crossing his legs.

Alex sighed exasperated.
"I mean sort of." He muttered.

"What was that Alex?" Tom teased.

"Fine, he's my dad!" Alex exclaimed, glaring at Tom.

The glare didn't last for long before he violently coughed into his arm. Alex sat up, wheezing, his eyes wide, as his hands ripped at his chest.

"Oh shit," Tom said, getting up. I watched with wide eyes, stuck in my seat.

My knuckles turned white as I clutched the chair. Tom got a nurse to come in who gave Alex a breathing treatment and checked his vitals.

"You alright?" My sister asked, loosely grabbing my arm.

My shoulders relaxed a bit as Alex lied his head back down, lazily flipping me off.

"Calm your ass Johnny," He said, his voice slightly muffled by the oxygen mask.

"I ain't gonna die that easy." He said, rolling his eyes a bit.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom, okay?" Patsy told me.

"Okay, be safe."
I replied, not looking at her.

"Be safe?"
She asked, getting up.

"If you see Bill Cosby, run and never stop running." I told her.

Alex burst out laughing, clutching the mask on his face.

"I..
Don't get it."
She said.

"Rapists.
He means rapists."
Tom elaborated.

She narrowed her eyes, and walked out.

Alex and I were silent until Tom said, "You want me to leave so you can embrace the gay?"

"That's be nice, yes." I muttered.
Alex gave a thumbs up.

Tom stood up, not looking away from his book for a second and grabbed Ed's collar, practically dragging him out.
Ed woke up and punched Tom, stumbled out of the room.

The second they were gone I was done for.

"Fuck Alex."
I said, putting my head in my hands, tears already spilling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," He said, pulling the bars of the bed to help him sit up.

"No, don't be sorry you didn't know you would.." I trailed off and stifled a sob in my hands.

"Come here and sit with me,"
He said, taking the mask off his mouth as the air in it sputtered to a stop.

It took everything in me to pull myself together, but because I'm a man™, I gathered my broken pieces and lied down in the hospital bed with him.

His nose was brushing mine and he smiled.

How can he be smiling?

"You know people are always saying they'll die for each other but you know what?" He whispered, his blue eyes staring to me.

"What?"
I asked.

"I'll live for you."