Buffy's POV

She won't leave me alone.

I walk down the hall toward my mother's hospital room.

Every time I go somewhere. Every time I blink or turn around, there she is. I just can't get rid of her. I don't need this crap right now, no matter how much my friends say differently. So what if she saved my life? If she hadn't been there to distract me, I probably would've been able to save myself, whether I was rusty or not. I can't believe what she said last night. She acted like killing Dawn was okay just because it SAVED the WORLD. She's such a bitch.

I step out of the way of a gurney being wheeled the opposite way I am going.

The world is a cold and lonely place without Dawn in it. If Dawn hadn't died then my mother might be doing better than she is. Mom would have an extra reason to fight and be healthy. But she doesn't, thanks to Faith. Because of Faith, Dawn is dead and I will never forgive her for what she's done. She can say anything she wants, feel any way she wants, it will never change how I feel... EVER.

I stop just outside my mom's room, taking a deep breath.

You can do this. You can do this without bursting into tears, no matter what the news is. Just because the doctor wants to talk with us this morning doesn't mean it's bad news. It could be good news. Maybe they've figured out a way to make my mother better. A way for her to heal and be okay.

I take another deep breath.

I won't know until I go in though.

I reach out and push the door open, going inside. My mother immediately looks to me as I come in, a look of concern on her face as she tries to smile.

"Buffy..."

It's bad news, I'm almost positive by the way she's look at me. She looks tired.

I go up to my mom's hospital bed and lean over it, hugging her as gently as I can without hurting her.

She's been weaker than usual lately. I can't risk hurting her with all my strength.

She hugs me back.

"Hey mom..."

I pull back and smile at her.

"How are you?"

Mom takes a long deep breath, closing her eyes for a few moments as she does.

"I'm a little tired, but otherwise fine."

"Are you comfortable? Can I do anything?"

She smiles at me, reaching out and I take her hand.

"No I'm feeling really comfortable thank you. The nurses here have been really taking good care of me."

They shouldn't be the ones taking care of her.

"You're sure?"

"Yes Buffy... now sit down and spend some time with your dear sweet mother."

I pull the chair behind me and sit down, never letting go of my mom.

"So how was the patrolling last night? Did you stake any vamps?"

The image of Faith staking a vamp flashes in my head. I shake it off.

"Uh, yeah... I did. A couple of them actually."

My mom looks at me with a questioning look of concern.

"What is it?"

I try and smile at her before looking away.

"Uh, it's nothing..."

She lets go of my hand and uses her own to pull my chin up to look in her eyes.

"Honey, it's me. It's Mom, whatever it is you can talk to me about it."

I take a long deep breath.

"It's, Faith..."

"Oh..."

"She was watching me on patrol last night."

"I see... how do you know?"

"I could feel her watching me in the graveyard and so I called her on it."

"What happened?"

I look at my mother.

"We fought, what do you think happened?"

She starts trying to look me over for bruises.

"Are you all right? Did you get hurt?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Good, what about Faith?"

It takes me a minute to answer.

"She's fine... fists were exchanged but it was mostly verbal fighting."

"Oh... I guess I don't have to ask what you two fought about."

"Nope, she tried to make what she did to Dawn okay. It was pathetic."

Mom's hand reaches for mine and squeezes so weakly that I barely even feel it.

"I'm sorry honey. Do you want to talk about it?"

I let my eyes meet my mother's.

"No, it's not important. Whatever she said, I don't think I'll ever understand what she did, and I don't want to."

"Maybe you should try."

What?

"Mom, what?"

"Buffy, you're my daughter and I love you but all this anger and resentment you keep holding in towards Faith is very unhealthy for you. When your father and I broke up and we had filed for divorce, I was very angry with him for a long time. It got so bad that I absolutely refused to speak to him. I made you and Dawn do it for me."

I look down at the hospital floor.

"I remember..."

"But over time I realized that it just wasn't good for me, or my children. Keeping all my anger locked up, it was killing me, and I can see what your anger is doing to you."

I force myself to look at my mother. She reaches out and touches my face again.

"I don't want that for you honey. I don't want you to grow up bitter, angry, and cynical."

She's really worried about this.

"I won't mom, I promise. But the situation with you and Dad is completely different from Faith and I. Dad didn't kill Dawn."

"No, but the anger you have for her is the same. Faith hurt you and you don't want to let go of that. I didn't want to either, but I did."

I close my eyes and breath.

"I'm not sure I can."

"It's all right, I have fai..."

She stops in the middle, waiting a moment before smiling sympathetically.

"I believe in you Buffy. I know you'll find a way somehow."

We fall into silence together.

This means a lot to her. I don't know that I can just let go like that. Maybe I can... maybe I can't... I do hate being so angry all the time, especially when SHE'S around. I'll never be able to forgive her, but maybe I can be... less angry? I don't know.

Just then the door opens and the doctor comes in.

"Hello ladies... how are you?"

I look to my mother.

"My mom is really tired doctor, what's going on?"

He moves through the room so he can face us both. He stays silent for a few moments before responding.

"Buffy, Joyce... we recently got the latest test results back, I'm afraid the news is not good."

I don't believe it.

"How bad is it?"

"I believe it may be necessary to schedule you for surgery as soon as possible."

Surgery?

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this Mrs. Summers, but your weakened artery hasn't healed as I had hoped from the treatment. The less healed portion of your artery has caused terrible strain to your heart. Surgery appears to be the only option left to try."

Oh gosh, but...

"But you said you didn't want to try surgery because it was risky."

"Yes, you said it was dangerous."

"It is dangerous, because of the weak state of your heart there could be complications. Unfortunately though it may be your best chance of survival."

My mother takes a long tired breath.

"Buffy what do you think?"

I look from my mother to the doctor and back to Mom.

"You should do whatever is going to make you better."

She stares at me lovingly for a moment before turning to the doctor.

"When can we do it?"

"The earliest available time is the day after tomorrow at noon. I'll make the arrangements."

He starts to leave.

"Thank you doctor."

Mom turns to me once he's gone.

"It's going to be okay Buffy."

I bite my bottom lip to keep the fear from making me cry.

"I know, I'm just scared..."

"I am too honey, but it'll all work out."

"I hope so."

We fall into silence together for a moment.

"It would probably still be a good idea if one of us made the call."

The call?

"What call?"

It takes me a moment to know what she means.

"Oh..."

I sit back in my chair and avert my eyes. She picks up the phone next to her hospital bed.

"You promised you wouldn't stand in the way."

"I know, I just... I didn't think it would come to this. I was hoping that they wouldn't have to do the surgery."

"So was I Buffy, so was I. But it has, and we have to deal with that. So..."

She holds out the receiver.

"Would you mind?"

I look at the phone in her hand.