Author: Olivia_Benedetti

Here come my reviews about your story. 🌼

Title
After reading the first five chapters, I could immediately see how your title related to the plot of your work and the genre you chose. Congratulations for a job well done.

Cover
Simple but catchy cover. It's encouraging to see a book on the cover considering that your story is written in a manner akin to a diary. You deserve praise for including that kind of detail on your cover. Your cover conveys a sense of intrigue, so congratulations.

Story Description
Short but straight to the point. It's nice that your description includes information about your book's background. Your description contains a few technical issues, but if it's okay with you, let me fix a few of them.

Previous
Olivia Winter is a famous you-tuber, who has been through a lot, losing her father, to getting a job in the FBI, so when she starts getting creepy letters, starting that every move she makes, he knows about.

She needs to find out who this stalker is before it's too late.

Before he plans his attack.

New
Olivia Winter's a famous YouTuber who has been through a lot, from losing her father to getting a job in the FBI, so when she starts getting creepy letters, he knows about every move she makes.

She needs to find out who this stalker is before it's too late.

Before he plans his attack.

Plot
In writing a mystery or thriller, the most important part is the plot. I'm amazed at how you came up with your plot. There's a spice of reality in it despite being written in fiction; kudos to you for that. We have lots of different kinds of stalkers nowadays, especially in the showbiz industry. The mystery and the thrill are actually there in your story. Reading the letters written by the stalker really gave me excitement and chills. But I think the chapters are short-lived; that's the only concern I have with your plot. It is really nice to make the letters more detailed and intense since they are from the stalker's perspective. Show how obsessive that stalker is toward Olivia. Make the chapters longer; let's say a minimum of 300 words and a maximum of 500 words is enough, I guess. You don't need to make the letters long; just add some details of the story in each chapter, whether it's from Olivia's perspective or from the stalker's perspective, so that it can add to the thrills of your audience. Plot holes can be seen in your story as well. The details and reasons behind the stalker's obsession with Olivia were not given in the story. It could be a good start; let's say it can be in the synopsis or prologue as an opening to your story. Also, the part where the stalker was in the attic of Olivia's house for five months already is quite questionable. It is not that detailed. I suggest we improve that part to avoid any confusion in the story.

Let me also help you improve your first five chapters by correcting some of your technical mistakes. You can decide if you want to make these changes or not. The decision is still with you, dear author.

Chapter 1
Hi, my name is...

Oh, do you really think I am stupid enough to mention my name? You really thought I would say that? I'm laughing at you right now.

You are probably wondering what I am doing right now. Well, I am going to my crush's house. I know what you're thinking. Who is my crush?

Well, her name is Olivia, and she is a YouTuber who sings songs on her channel. She sings rap, pop, and a lot more. She is very talented singer, whom I adore so much, but she never really notices me. I've always sent her packages, but she never notices them!

But today will be different, as I am in her house, I'm setting up cameras around the house, and I'm going to leave her a box of letters that I wrote to her.

I hear the door opened, and yapping sounds are coming up the stairs. I realize they are home, so I stick back into her attic, where I've been living for the last 5 months. I don't make a sound when I'm in there, as I don't want her yapping as dogs to hear me, or they would start to bark and bark.

Then my cover would be blown; I don't want that. I start going on my laptop. I was watching Olivia undress as she goes into the shower.

I just want to touch her so bad.

But I can't.

I can't wait to open my gift.

She will never do this again to me.

She will open these letters, and she will read every one of them.

Chapter 2
Dear Olivia,

You don't know me, but I know you. I've been watching you for over 5 months now.

You keep ignoring my gifts, so I leave you.

Your two mutt dogs are ugly as hell. Like, you should just get rid of them. Why would you even have those dogs?

You should reply to these letters.

Because if you don't, there will be trouble.

Chapter 3
Dear Olivia,

What are you wearing today?

I want to know because I am very obsessed with you!

I want you to be mine!

You have a very good singing voice.

Chapter 4
Dear Olivia,

I saw what you were wearing today. I found it very interesting that you were wearing this.

You look very beautiful with this dress on! Where are you going? You belong to me! And me only!

Just because you are going on dates doesn't mean you can't get a boyfriend.

I am your boyfriend.

You are mine. You belong to me and me only!

You can't go on dates. Because I will find them and kill them, do you understand me?

Chapter 5
Dear Olivia,

I saw you with Lil Durk! My question is, what were you two talking about? He is way older than you!

You know that you can pretend that you are not dating anyone. But you are dating someone and that's me.

You don't remember when we went on a date?

Characters
Since the stalker is the only one that has been introduced in your story, I'll give my insights about him. Actually, the stalker is the perfect character in your story so far. I love how you molded the stalker's character well. I love how crazy, obsessive, and delusional the stalker is toward Olivia. It gives me excitement and chills while reading.

Technicalities
I just noticed some typographical mistakes and such errors, but they can be fixed with time. Aside from that, I already provided some parts that need to be improved and corrected, so I don't have much to say in this part.

Suggestions
I suggest that you strengthen your plot and give it more careful thought. As I have already said, there are numerous plot gaps. I'll put my trust in you to use the resources you already have since I know you have them.

Advice
Have fun while you're learning. It doesn't happen over the course of one night; improvement takes time. I believe you have a better future in the writing field if you keep up your interest. May you keep getting better and excelling in this field.

I hope this critique of mine helps you a lot. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to read your wonderful work. 😊🌼