Author: NickfEast

Here come my reviews about your story. 🌼

• I didn’t involve the title, cover, or your characters because I don’t have any comment on them. These three were already good.

Story Description
Your blurb was too direct, assertive, and very curious. And upon reading it, I see that you have a lot of major characters in the story. Your description was a bit catchy, but it’s not really that appealing to pique the interest of your audience.

There were a lot of errors in your description, so let me fix it for you.

• Before everything, it's assumed there was nothing, but what if there was no real difference between the two? Just two extreme philosophies from the first conflict.

The planet Huom has been under observation for longer than should technically be possible. The primary watcher, a bitter black hole, is excited to see that there is finally proverbial darkness at the end of the tunnel.

Meanwhile, on the planet, in the freezing mountains of Empris, Lyeasrakardsul, the oldest living sorcerer, suffers from devastating nightmares. At the same time, far away in the sandstone desert of Zenon, Herschel, a man filled to the brim with weird ideas, is escaping a prison filled with strange old men.

What does all this have to do with arsehole Gods, hairy Dwarfs, frustrated Afreets, curious Knomes, lizard women, and nude ettar? Perhaps Nothing, perhaps Everything... But why can't it be both?

• Your dashes in the description were used incorrectly and are unnecessary.

• In this part, 'a bitter black-hole, is excited to see that there is finally a proverbial darkness at the end of the tunnel.' I removed the hyphen because it is unnecessary, and the determiner 'a' was removed because it will become redundant when used with the uncountable noun darkness in your sentence.

Plot
To be completely honest, I was unable to understand why the novel was created in a particular setting or what its primary goal was. You tend to switch views more frequently, which makes it a little confusing. Your story's progression was erratic and hazy. Many of the terms in your narrative don't seem to be defined in dictionaries. To prevent misunderstanding, you should include information and specifics about any words you've invented to characterize certain aspects of your story. When creating your plot and structure, you should keep your audience in mind. Therefore, it's crucial to avoid saturating them with information that they can't process. In that regard, the narrative won't have much of an impact and will only create additional misunderstanding. Your plot has some good points, but it might use some more work.

Technicalities
Your first five chapters contain a large number of technical flaws. So allow me to provide you with some solutions.

As I said a while ago some of your dashes are unnecessary. We have different kinds of dashes with different functions.

• When we say en dash, it is used to express date and number ranges. For example, in the school year 2022–2023, and the duration of your practice is on May 10–15, their team won with a score of 4–0.

• Another one is the em dash, which is used when you want to separate a phrase or a clause such as to provide extra information or signal an abrupt change. For example, my mother likes sweets—candies, cakes, and ice cream.

• Another is the hyphen which is used to form compound words such as mother-in-law, editor-in-chief, well-being, etc.

Chapter 1

• Em dashes were used incorrectly in this part. Using a comma is much more appropriate.

• Adding 'own' to the sentence was redundant since we already have the pronoun 'their'.

• You use the wrong preposition in this part; it should be, 'At first glance'.

Chapter 2

• I improved this part: 'Do you know why? His self-doubt mocked him. You'd just been released from Administration, and like every sorcling discharged from Xefef's mandatory grades, you were allowed to choose your new name, and you went ahead and chose something as pretentious as possible. Didn't you? Shame bloomed on his wrinkled cheeks.'

 Chapter 3

• The verb 'had' appears to be unnecessary here.

That's just a few of your mistakes and errors that I corrected. There's way more of it in your first five chapters, and maybe also in your other chapters. I will trust you to fix them on time. Accuracy is important, especially in writing.

Suggestions
I suggest reading up on the many types of punctuation marks and how they are used. Given that you appear to be unsure about their purposes, it may be of great assistance to you when it comes to writing. Additionally, I recommend that you strengthen your plot. Of course, what I stated is purely my opinion. You, dear author, will still decide whether to include these changes in your work.

Advice
Continue your passion or hobbies in writing. Enjoy learning and practicing, because that’s how you can acquire more knowledge and understanding. Bless your career in this field. I’m rooting for you.

I hope this critique of mine helps you a lot. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to read your wonderful work. 😊🌼