Author: PeeMad

Here come my reviews about your story. 🌼

Title
Your title is cute; it gives off an anime feel. So I don’t really have that much to say about this one.

Cover
I am deeply in love with your book cover. It’s simple yet appealing to look at. The fonts and background you use really fit the story. Kudos to you.

Story Description
I really love your description; it is short yet very concise. It also sounds admiring, which piques my interest in reading your book. But you made a lot of errors in writing your blurb, so let me fix some of them for you.

• Lonely young woman Elaine Hidalgos is stuck being the richest person without her parent's guidance, but after dying in a car crash, she awakens in a fantasy world... as a ghost! And possessed the body of a beautiful woman, Elaine Suarez, who had the loving family that she desired. As she acclimates to her new existence, she explores the realm of magic and finds out her duties as a Supreme Spirit, which will change her new world forever.

Plot
Your plot's progression astounds me completely. It is really thorough and easy to understand. Every chapter of your story is really intriguing to read. Well done for making the first five chapters memorable and compelling. Your plot has a comedic and fantasy atmosphere. Actually, I don't read a lot of fantasy, but after reading a few books that truly captured my attention and had a well-written plot, I couldn't help but become engrossed in them. Your story has the proper pace, and it follows your storyline line exactly. After reading the first five chapters, I didn't find any gaps in the plot or extraneous details that might have disrupted the seamless flow of your story. You totally nailed this part,  so kudos to you.

Characters
In this section, I’ll just give my review of some of your characters that I read in your first five chapters.

•First, Elaine Hidalgos: I do love the consistency of her characteristics. Hindi ka talaga mako-confuse sapagkat nasulat mo ng maayos kung ano ang pagkatao niya. The way you molded her character really amazed me. Nakasaad din ng maayos sa kwento ang kaibahan nila ni Elaine Suarez, which is really a good thing.

•Esang, her little sister, nakakatuwa ang interaksiyon nilang dalawa ni Elaine sa kwento. I also love her consistent character in the story. Siya lang din kasi ang may maraming exposure na kasama si Elaine sa kwento.

•Lord Diego, I really love to crush this man into pieces. This guy really gets on my nerves. Kuhang-kuha niya talaga ang inis at galit ko. And that’s actually a good thing. Ibig sabihin lamang na maayos mong nagawa ang responsibilidad mo bilang isang manunulat dahil pati ako na isang mambabasa mo nagawang makaramdam ng iba’t-ibang klaseng emosyon habang binabasa ang iyong kwento.

Aside from that, I’m curious to know the brother of Erisse. So I might continue reading your story to find out more about it. I’m looking forward to your character's improvement.

Technicalities
I noticed a lot of technical errors and mistakes upon reading your first five chapters. Let me help you correct some of it.

•Sa mga pangungusap mo na purong tagalog ang iyong ginamit mas mabuting huwag mo nang haluan ng ingles.

•Imbes na ‘theory’ ang gamitin mo rito gawin mo na lamang itong ‘teorya’.

•Sa pangungusap ding ito imbes na ‘Sun’ gamitin mo na lamang ang salitang ‘araw’ sa tagalog.

•Ilan lamang ito sa mga purong tagalog na pangungusap mo na may halong ingles. Napansin ko kasi na halos tagalog ang ginagamit mo kaya mas nakakabuting huwag mo na itong haluan ng ingles lalo na at third person p.o.v ang iyong ginagamit.

•Sa bahaging ito ‘yumukom ang mga kamay nito’ at ‘yumukom ang kamay ni Elaine’ dapat ang salitang ginamit mo diyan ay ‘kumuyom’ sapagkat walang salitang yumukom sa tagalog.

•Sa salitang buntonghininga dapat nakahiwalay silang dalawa. Pwedeng ganito ‘buntong hininga’ o ‘buntong-hininga’ na may hypen sa gitna. Ang napakunotnoo ay hindi rin dapat magkadugtong. Ang mga salitang iyan ay isang compound words sa tagalog na ibig sabihin iisa lamang ang kahulugan nila pero hindi sila magkadugtong.

•Sa diyalogo ring ito, ‘Kumusta ang lagay?’ mas nakabubuting ganito, ‘Kumusta na ang kalagayan mo ngayon?’ o ‘Kumusta ang kalagayan mo?.

•Sa bahaging ito, wala dapat ang tandang pananong diyan. Hindi naman kasi tunog na nagtatanong si Diego sa diyalogo na iyan. Kaya pwedeng lagyan mo lang ng comma, as a sign of a stop in the sentence.

•Napansin ko rin na kulang sa ‘g’ ang salitang nanggagaling mo na ilang beses kong nabasa sa ganitong porma ‘nangagaling’.

Aside from that, some typographical errors and mistakes can be seen in your story, but they can be fixed in time. If ever you decide to revise your story.

Suggestions
Iwasan mong haluan ng ingles na salita ang purong tagalog mo na pangungusap maliban lamang kung walang translation sa tagalog ang salitang ingles na iyong gagamitin. But then, the decision is still yours in this matter. If you want to make these changes or not, then the freedom is yours.

Advice
Don’t be pressured by my reviews, okay? It is not my intention to do so. You can take your time with writing; there’s no rush. Enjoy your time practicing, learning, and writing. Continue your journey in the writing industry. Bless your passion and career in this field.

I hope this critique of mine helps you a lot. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to read your wonderful work. 😊🌼