Author: _cloudsleeper

Here come my reviews about your story. 🌼

Title
You have a very simple title—too simple, actually. As a reader, it doesn’t have that much impact on me. I hope you can consider changing it and making a title that is more impactful to grab your audience's attention.

Cover
A cute and simple cover. It was a bit catchy because of its adorable appearance. Since your book talks about transmigration or so, just like in webtoons, manwhas, etc. The cover should have that fantasy feel.

Story Description
Your blurb sounds too assertive and formal. There are also a lot of questions in your blurb. In writing a blurb, it is important to use the right words to ignite your audience's attention, interest, and curiosity. It should be short and concise. There shouldn’t be a lot of questions in the descriptions since the aim of your blurb is to pique the interest of your readers, not to ask them.

Actually, these two paragraphs right here are enough for your story description.

Plot
It was a bit messed up. The starting point of your story was not that good. It lacks information and important details. Your story is the transmigration of someone from another dimension to the novel. Sinali mo sana ang detalye ng buhay niya bago siya pumasok sa novela. Like what happened before she suddenly transmigrated as a character in a novel she once read. Hindi masyadong nabigay ‘yong mga importanteng bagay sa kwento mo, andaming gaps sa plot mo, which you need to improve. It was mentioned that the character that Era transmigrated to doesn’t have any role in the story, so why does she get that much attention from the main leads of the story? That’s another questionable part of your book that has not been properly explained so far. Napaka-importante ng unang limang kabanata mo sa daloy ng kwento. If the plot was not totally written that well from the first five chapters expected that there's a lot of gaps. The plot was not thoroughly planned out. I was actually looking forward to it since you mentioned transmigration in your form, and I love reading that kind of story. Your plot is interesting, but it needs a lot of improvement to be more impactful and comprehensive.

Characters
You have a lot of characters, but I’ll give my reviews to some important ones in your story.

Era, I love her personality. I mean, she’s so funny in the story. I love reading her point of view because she’s the most perfectly created character in your book. The consistency of her character is also good. But then I am still confused about her having to lose memories because it was not explained well in the story and some details about her are missing.

Rex is always hot-headed. I love the consistency, but I also want to know where his hatred for Era came from. Galit kasi siya kay Era sa kwento at walang nakasaad doon sa unang limang kabanata mo kung bakit. Hindi lang siya pati na rin ‘yong ibang kasama niya na nakaaligid palagi kay Snow.

Snow, an angel described by Era I can’t grasp her characteristics that well. I’m confused about her role in the story since she does not have that much exposure in your first five chapters. Also, the question about her losing her memories after Era regains her own.

Another one is that I love the differences between your characters, especially in their personalities. That’s a good job for you.

Technicalities
You have a lot of technical errors and mistakes. Let me help you fix some of it.

•Sa mga salitang 'nya', 'nyang', at 'sya' kung maaari dapat nakasulat sila ng ganito 'niya',  'niyang', at 'siya'. Mas mabuti kapag walang letrang nawawala sa mga salitang ginagamit mo lalo na kapag Filipino. Sa salitang 'yon' naman at 'yong' dapat sa unahan nila may apostrophe dahil tinanggal mo 'yong 'i' na dapat nandoon sa salitang 'iyon' at 'iyong'.

•Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon mas mabuting 'estranghero' ang ilagay mo diyan huwag na ang stranger sapagkat purong Tagalog ang ginamit mo sa pangungusap na iyan.

•Sa salitang 'teenager' din na paulit-ulit mong ginamit sa kwento, pwedeng dalaga or binata na lang ang gamitin mo lalo na kapag purong Tagalog ang iyong pangungusap.

Aside from that, you have a lot of typos and misspelled words, especially in Tagalog. You can fix it after you finish your story. Just take your time; there is no rush.

Suggestions
I suggest you add a prologue to your story because I think your book needs it. In the prologue, you can talk about the time when she hadn’t transmigrated yet into the novel. It can be a good start for you as an introduction to the main story of your book. Also, refrain from using redundant words in your sentences.

Advice
Enjoy writing to the fullest. Don’t be pressured, and just take your time to process anything. Remember that writing is not a race. Continue your passion for writing. I am rooting for you. Bless your career in writing.

I hope this critique of mine helps you a lot. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to read your wonderful work. 😊🌼