This Love is Golden
Author: aryanpel

Here comes my insights about your story. 🐱🐱

Plot - So first your plot I must say this is really rare for me. Minsan lang ang ganitong klasi ng plot. Usually ang common na plot is yong magbestfriend nagka-inlaban then 'yong gangster-gangster sa school tapos si nerdy nandyan tapos na fall si boy. It is very common kaya boring na siya minsan basahin but your plot is amazing. As an adult, type na type ko ang ganitong klasi ng plot. Nakaka-engganyo siyang basahin kaya no offense ako sa plot mo. Ang ganda ng idea mo dito.

Switching P.O.V - Dito naman alam kong isang p.o.v lang yong ginawa mo but isang p.o.v nga siya pero sa dalawang cast mo binabase kaya minsan nalilito ako sa sinasabi mo sa kwento. Mostly kasi kapag nag-s-switch ka ng p.o.v merong identification kung kaninong p.o.v yon dito masyadong nalito ng kunti but I'm not suggesting you to change your way of writing this is just my opinion.

Emotions of your Characters - May nabasa akong author note mo and you're right you are lacking in putting emotion to your characters but you are improving midway. Sa chapter 1-5 I think kulang sa emosyon yong mga characters mo hindi ko ramdam yong galit or selos ni Dulce kay Raphael medyo kulang siya. Pero sa Chapter 6-19 masasabi kung nag-i-improve siya. Ramdam ko nang may spark sila at ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat emosyon ni Dulce at Raphael sa eksena ng chapter na ito. Entense na entense yong dating para sa'kin. Damang-dama ko talaga yong sakit na nararamdaman ni Dulce.

Setting - Hindi masyadong klaro yong paghahayag mo ng tagpuan ng bawat scenario sa kwento mo kaya medyo nalilito ako, kasabay kasi siya ng pagpalit mo ng dinidescribe mo sa p.o.v kaya hindi ko masyadong maimagine 'yong tagpuan minsan ng cast mo.

Dialogue - I love your way of constracting your dialogue. Connected talaga sa bawat chapter ang sinasabi ng mga character mo. Wala akong masyadong problema dito.

Descriptive Words - Dito naman sinali ko ito. Isa kasi ito sa mga nagpapa-engganyo sa readers na magbasa pa. Lalo na pag ginamitan mo ng mga descriptive words. Meron ka non kaya thumbs up ka para sa'kin dito. Keep it up.

Technicalities - This is normal to all writers. Hindi maiiwasan ito kaya talagang meron kang mali dito. Pero wag mong pansinin masyado yon you can edit it after you finish writing this story. Hindi naman kasi siya bothering kasi para sa'kin normal lang iyon.

Cover - Nagdadalawang-isip pa ako nito kung isasali ko ba ito pero isasali ko na. I don't believe in the saying 'Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover' well it's totally nonsense kasi parte ng paghakot ng readers ang book cover. I think for me your cover doesn't fit your title and the content of your story. This is just my opinion it is up to you to change it.

I give you 97/100%

So this is the end of my insights about your story. 🐱🐱

Suggestion - If you want to improve the emotion of your characters you need to feel the flow of your story. Basahin mo kung ano man 'yong sinulat mo at ilagay mo yong sarili mo sa kwento that way you can tell to  yourself kung talaga bang ramdam mo yong emosyon nila. Ganon then kasi ang ginawa ko sa kwento mo and mostly writers done that. You need to read your own story and feel it. Ikaw mismo ang makapagsasabi kung ramdam ba yong emosyon nila. Sinasabi ko ito base na rin sa experience ng pinsan kong writer.

My advice: Continue on writing. You have a great masterpiece. Don't believe on such a bad criticism about your story. You're here to write because that's what you like. I know everyone here wants to be famous but don't stick to that too much. Just enjoy writing that's all I can advice to you.

I hope this critique of mine help you a lot. If you want to know my insights again about your story you can come back here anytime.

❤❤