The Beauty Within
Author: arkiteknikowl

Here comes my insights about your story. 🐱

Plot - First of all your plot is not new to me but you give an appealing part. Which is Park Soojin having a problem with her face that's an interesting part together with Andi Lee being a blind guy. Readers will continue reading it especially like me I want to know how will Park Soojin overcome this problem of her's. Will she became beautiful or stay like that forever and to Andi Lee will he can see again or will he stay blind forever? But I don't know what's next since you are the one holding the story. That's amazing you know. Keep it up. You have an amazing plot.

Setting - Your setting is not bad cause I can imagine it but sometimes you're not explaining the settings very well. Hindi naman siya masyadong napapansin. So don't think too much about this.

Technicalities - You have so many problem with this. Especially these, you're combining English and Filipino in your sentences it's quite annoying. Like this, "She's beautiful and I'm ugly pero wala akong pakialam don." Instead of this why not turn it to English or Filipino. "She's so beautiful and I'm ugly but I don't care about it." See? It's nice that way. And one more thing you're using these too much, example. "Nag-drive" kung maaari 'yong mga ganyan mo i-Filipino mo na lang lahat. Instead of nagdrive why not nagmaneho. It's comfortable that way. Pero may mga words naman sa English ang pwede mong i-combine sa Filipino kasi mas bagay siyang gamitan pero lagyan mo lang ng (-) to indicate na kinombine mo 'yong Filipino and English. So it depends in a sentence.

Emotions of your Characters - You're lacking too much in emotions. Hindi ko ramdam yong sakit na pinagdadaanan ni Park Soojin sa tuwing binubully siya. I really want to feel her but sadly I can't. But on Andi's side I can feel him. That's good I praise you for that. My only problem is Park Soojin since she's the main cast of the story. The story revolve around her so you need to improve her emotions so that every one of your readers can feel her frustrations and sadness.

Dialogue - You're good at making dialogue between your characters but since you have a problem with technicalities some of them seems off for me.

Descriptive Words - I praise you
for these. You have so many descriptive words. Not all writers have them. Descriptive words is really appealing cause they give color to your sentences and paragraphs since you have these thumbs up for you.

I give you 93.5/100%

So this is the end of my insights about your story.

Suggestions - Avoid combining English and Filipino words in a sentence and improve the emotions of your characters especially Park Soojin. Also I'm not asking you to change your way of writing okay? This is just only my opinion. It is up to you to change everything.

My Advice - Be who you are as a writer. If you encounter such opinion that can hurt you don't feel bad about it. They are just helping you to improve but usually that's just there opinion. The desicions still up to you. Continue writing dear author. You have such great ideas don't waste it and don't worry you can improve in time just now enjoy writing.

I hope this critique of mine help you a lot. If you still want to hear my insights again about your story you can come back here anytime. ❤❤