My Gay Bestfriend Is My Husband
Author: crossy_G

Here comes my insights about your story. 🐱🐱

Plot - Your plot is not that common. Pero sigurado akong may ganitong plot na rin yong iba kaso hindi ko lang nabasa. Ngayon lang kasi ako nakabasa ng ganitong plot. Na bakla siya tapos dahil sa love naging lalaki siya. It's quite interesting to read for some teen readers. But the flow of your story is quite confusing sometimes. Maybe you can check it if you have time.

Setting - You're not giving the readers the appropriate setting of your story. Paano nila ma-i-imagine yong setting mo kung hindi kagagawa ng mental image sa utak nila. You should improve this. Hindi dapat puro tell dapat ipakita mo rin sa kanila kung ano yong imagination mo.

Dialogues - Medyo dull minsan ang mga dialogues mo at isa pa napakarami mong dialogues sa iisang chapter. If ever in the chapter 1 you wrote many dialogues of your characters then in chapter 2 you should wrote a few dialogues between your characters not as many as the chapter 1. Para hindi masyadong maapektuhan 'yong plot mo dahil minsan 'yong ibang dialogues mo ay hindi importante sa daloy ng kwento mo. So refrain from writing too much dialogue in one chapter.

Cover - I think your cover doesn't fit your story's content and title. If you have time maybe you can change it.

Technicalities - In here I notice you are using too much exclamation point. Hindi naman lahat nang sinasabi ng characters mo ay dapat mong lagyan ng exclamation point. Maglalagay ka lang ng exclamation point kapag galit siya, sumisigaw o napu-frustrate siya. Pwede mo yon gamitan ng exclamation point. Tapos okay lang naman na mag-conyo ka minsan sa dialogue mo kaso hindi maayos yong pagkakaconstract mo ng conyo sentence mo. It's annoying in the eyes.

Emotions of your Characters - You should improve this cause you are lacking with their emotions. This is an important factor so you better improve this. Para next time na mabasa ko ito ulit. Ramdam ko na yong emosyon ng mga characters mo.

Descriptive Words - Kung maaari maglagay ka ng mga ganito para maengganyo mo pa 'yong readers mong magbasa sa kwento mo. Kasi kulang na kulang ka sa descriptive words. Like these... instead of 'good' use 'amazing or you nailed it'.

I give you 92/100%

So this is the end of my insights about your story.

Suggestion - If you really want Kiana to talk conyo improve your writing. Kaso medyo hindi magandang basahin 'yong conyo minsan. But if you don't mind why not remove the conyo in Kiana's dialogues. Kahit wala 'yon mukha na man rin siyang bakla magsalita. I can say that he's gay base on the tone of his voice. So conyo is not necessary anymore. Aside from that refrain from putting too much exclamation point in your story. All of this is just my honest opinion from your story okay? All of the changes is up to you.

My advice - Keep writing as always. Enjoy it. Imagine more cause that's the big knowledge you have, your imagination. That's your weapon as a writer. Having writer's block it's like losing your imagination. So don't stop. Keep dreaming and imagining things. So that you can have a brilliant ideas you can put in your stories. If you have writer's block I suggest you listen to music. Mellow music to be exact. Let the music flow in your mind and you can have your imaginations back again. God bless you always.

I hope this critique of mine help you a lot. If you want my insights again about your story you can come back here anytime. ❤❤