Class 304
Author: PinkenMix19

Here comes my insights about your story. 🐱🐱

Plot - Very common. There are many plot like this of yours. Marami siyang similarities sa ibang mga kwento at isa pa wala kang bagong plot twist na ginawa para maging kakaiba 'yong plot mo. When I say very common... the content and the main theme of your story is not really rare and unique to the readers. Gangster-gangster, away-away sa pagitan ng mga babae at lalaki hindi na bago iyan. Sobrang dami ng ganyang plot. For me it is okay for you to continue the plot but I want you to add some plot twist that will hook your readers to continue reading your story. Napansin ko kasing mahina ang paghakot mo ng mga readers. Kaya kinakailangan talagang pag-isipan mo ng mabuti kapag gagawa ka ng plot.

Cover - Para sa'kin okay na 'yong cover mo. Halata naman sa cover mo na basagolera at warfreak 'yang female protagonist mo. May koneksyon na rin siya sa plot mo at sa title kaya okay na kahit wag mo muna siyang palitan.

Title - Fit na fit sa content ng kwento mo. Simple but it's good. Honestly speaking the title is very common but I'm not suggesting you to change it because for me that is the suited title for your story.

Blurb - Two words I can say to your blurb. Not attractive. Pagbasa ko pa lang ng plot mo may idea na ako kung ano ang nilalaman ng kwento mo. And I'm not mistaken, my hunch was right. When you are writing a blurb you should plan it well that you can hook readers into reading your story. It is okay if your blurb is long and it's okay if it is short as long as it has an impact to the readers, so they can continue reading your story. Remember blurb is a very important part in writing a story.

Technicalities - Too many to mention. First of all you have many technical errors, typographical graphical errors and a few grammatical errors.

- First of all you are a bit confused in using "ng" and "nang". Me too I admit I'm not really at it. Mostly all of the writers are not good at it. I suggest you should research more about it. What are the rightful way to use it.

- Second you're confused also in using "rin/din" and "raw/daw". I'll explain this briefly. In using "rin/raw" the word before it should end in vowels and in using "din/daw" the word before it should end in consonants. Very easy right?.

- Third, you are using too much exclamation point. Not all the time you need to used it. And also not all the time you need to let your characters to shout at each other. It is very unrealistic and it might bore your readers.

- Fourth, please learn more about the dialogue tag and action tag. It is one of the reason why your dialogues seems off.

- Fifth, use dash (-) whenever you are going to combine English words to Filipino words.

- Sixth, if you are going to use a coma (,) leave a space before adding another word. Example: Laila, let's go to the beach. Also if you are going to use ellipsis. Example: I want to... never mind.

- Lastly, you have a few typographical and grammatical errors. You can edit everything after you complete your story. I believe you canbut for now don't stress yourself too much about this.

Vague and Vividness - This is an another term of show and tell. Your show and tell were very unbalanced. I've noticed that you are more into telling than showing what's going on in your story. If you are going to show what will happen of course you need to create a mental images inside the mind of your readers. I know it's not easy because it is really hard to make a mental images. You need to improve more in writing to completely achieved it but I know you can. Just trust in yourself.

Connection to the Genre - I'm not really sure if it is a Fanfiction indeed. Hindi ko kasi alam kung saan inspired 'tong kwento mo at 'yon ang mali ko kasi hindi ko sinali ito sa form. Well, you know your story more than I do so I think we don't have a problem in this.

Writing Skills - You need to improve more your writing skills. Masyado ka pang kalat magsulat. Marami ka pang mga errors and mistakes. Nourish more your writing skills and the effective way of that is to write, write and just write.

I give you 90.8/100%

So this is the end of my insights about your story.

Suggestions - Nourish more your writing skills. Learn more from your errors and mistakes then improve along the way. Also try reading some other works of other writers. Learn from them and add what you learn in improving yourself as a writer. At ipapaalala ko lang na sariling opinyon ko lamang ito. Nasa sa iyo iyon kung susundin mo ang payo ko. Hindi kita pipilitin sa bagay na ito. May sarili kang desisyon at rerespetuhin ko iyon.

My advice - Don't stop writing. As long as you can still write just continue your passion. Writing was never been easy. Lahat nagkakamali at lahat nag-i-improve kaya ikaw trust your skills and yourself. Kaya mong mag-improve in the future. Fighting lang tayo, okay. God will always there beside you guiding you towards your passion.

I hope this critique of mine help you a lot. If you still want my insights about your story you can come back here anytime. ❤❤