Alphabetical Death
Author: MajestyVein

Here comes my insights about your story. 🐱🐱

Plot - Literally it's not common anymore. Marami na akong nabasang ganito at 'yong iba napanood ko pa. I don't know if you put some twist in this story of yours because so far there's still no thrilling part for me in your story. One more thing the flow of your story is too fast and it's not constant. I'm a little confused what's happening. Also you're not focusing in the Mystery or Thrilling part of your story cause I notice you focus too much in introducing your characters.

Tone of your Male Characters - They don't look manly to me. The tone of their voice is the same as the tone of the girls. Except Keiffer he's sometimes manly but there are times that his tone is totally the same with the girls.

Emotions of your Characters - You are lacking in these part. I can't feel that some of them are afraid, that someone is happy or what. Your not putting too much emotion in these while writing don't you? Well you should.

Dialogue - Many dialogue in one chapter. Don't include some dialogues that are not important in the flow of your story. If you put many dialogue in chapter one then in chapter two reduce your dialogue not as many in the chapter one.

Technicalities - Of course everyone have these. You have some grammatical and typographical error. But it's not too much just a little. You can still edit it after you complete your story or now if you have time.

Descriptive Words - Totally lacking. This is a mystery/thriller right? Then you should apply more descriptive words to make your sentences and paragraphs appealing. Like this, "When they heard that their teacher is dead some of them are frightened and some of them start celebrating." In this I used frightened instead of afraid and I used celebrating instead of happy. If you feel like the word is common find some synonyms of it and use it. That's an example of descriptive words.

Title - I'm a little confuse to this. Why it is titled as Alphabetical Death if the first one to die does not start its name in letter A? Well this is your story to be told not mine but give justice to your title so that no more question to be asks.

Cover - I don't think it's suit the content and title of your story. It's more like a horror to me.

I give you 92.4/100%

So this is the end of my insights about your story.

Suggestion - You should reduce your characters. They are too many. And some of them are not really that important to your story. Kung napagdesisyonan mong wag silang bawasan then dapat ang bawasan mo na lang ay yong dialogues nila. Masyado kasing maraming dialogue kaya minsan nawawala 'yong thrilling part. Kasi 'yong mga dialogues mo walang thrilling part. Your plot is nice but the way you express it, it is lacking. And also if possible don't bold the sentences of your dialogues it's distracting.

My Advice - These is all my opinion okay? You have the pen in this story of yours. It is up to you to change anything. I also advice you to read more mystery/thriller stories so you can have more ideas and knowledge to be added to your story if possible you should watch movies about it. And imagine, imagine, imagine until you arrive to the point where your ideas of your story flows. Then feel it give your emotion to it so that the emotion of your characters can be seen and feel by your readers. Don't just write without putting yourself into it. As a writer you should feel your story.

I hope this critique of mine help you a lot. If you still want my insights about your story you can come back here anytime. ❤❤