You awoke in the car as it was stopped at a gas station. Sam stayed inside the car as Dean ran in for snacks and to pay for gas.

"Hey Sam?" He turned to face you with a hum. You rubbed your eyes to rid the sleepiness. You wanted to talk to Sam about what he said in the closet, but in private.

"Do you truly mean what you said while you were locked away from Dean?" He quirked a brow at you in slight confusion.

"Which part?" He softly asks as he still was sulking after what happened.

"The dark pit inside you and how it's a choice to fall into it or not. To not be the monster that you are but be normal by what you do."

"After Jack... I don't think it holds much weight to it anymore."

"You're trying to be the example though?" He looks down as his hands played with the edges of the map.

"Yea I'm trying." You send him a gentle smile.

"There may not be examples to prove it to you, but I'm glad you're mine." Sincerity lacing your words which causes Sam to furrow his brows. You wouldn't dare to explain to him right now but the notion was enough.

As Sam was preparing to question you, Dean interrupts as he opens his door and throws snacks at the two of you.

"I didn't know what you wanted Sleeping Beauty, but you're just gonna have to deal with it." He gruffly states before getting in and shutting his door closed.

"Thanks." You and Sam say in unison. Small smiles on your faces at the unity between you two.

"So where are we headed?" You ask as you snacked on the random chips that were tossed to you.

"Nearest motel to sleep and we gotta find a case." You nod before slumping down in your seat.

"So what are you good at that can help us?" Dean asks as he drives off.

"I'm good at reading people, talking to others, I'm more trustworthy to open up to because I look less threatening than you two giants, I can defend myself well in a fight... I don't know against monsters though, hand me a gun- I get the job done, let's see what else... I know a lot about anatomy, other different facts too, I can handle bloody situations, I can tend to wounds, Michelle taught me how to cook and bake if that helps- I don't know." You ramble as you continue snacking.

"Where did you learn all this?" Dean was skeptical of your skills. You shrug as he watches you through the rearview mirror for a moment.

"My father was in the military when I was younger, when I got into high school he wanted me trained to defend myself and know how to strategically think through situations. Took me shooting when I was fourteen. My mother was a doctor. She trained me to know different terminology and how to handle different situations in case an emergency happened and paramedics weren't fast enough. They had me later in life so they died when I was a college student. I got my mixology degree."

"Wait... you're trained to be some type of law enforcement or doctor and you chose a mixology degree?" Sam asks in disbelief.

"When you're forced to follow in your parents' footsteps- you tend to resent what they pick out for you. It's hard to resent your parents for wanting what they think is best. So those kids tend to gravitate to something that's like a slap to the face." You reason the opposite of your reaction. Instead you followed along and grew to resent them.

"Sammy here knows all about that." Dean scoffs.

"Yea well not anymore."

"What do you mean?" You missing the point of their comments naturally.

"I had a full ride scholarship to Harvard, I was practicing law 'til this guy came around when I was twenty two and got me back into hunting."

"All in all, we needed to find our dad. We went and finished his last hunt. Came back to drop him off, his girlfriend was killed by the same demon that killed our mom... and dad. And now we are here." Dean tiredly explains peeking at the rearview mirror to make eye contact.

"The more you guys talk, the more plot holes need to be filled. Demon? Those are real too?"

"Oh yea, and angels too... surprisingly. Sam can list more but quite frankly I don't want to be the one to catch you up. I'd rather teach you how to fight the creatures then give you a lecture about them."

"Ok and yea like sparring with you would be fun?" You roll your eyes as a smirk grew on his lips.

"Sweetheart, we can wrestle any time you want." You and Sam rolls your eyes at his comment.

"Let me think about it... absolutely not." You sarcastically begin before shooting him down.

"Yea but you thought about it." He gives you a successful grin.

You were starting to get annoyed by this guy.

"You can keep dreaming, anyways Sam would you please give me your beautiful knowledge on supernatural beings?" He bashfully smiles before ranting about each creature, their habits, and what kills them.

"And well... you know about Rougarous already. Quick thinking with the hairspray by the way." You genuinely smile at him.

"Thanks, I was kinda hoping the movies I've seen didn't lie to me." You pass it off.

He laughs as Dean wore a small smile.

"What about what's going on now? You guys said there are bigger problems going on than hunts." You looked between the two of them as they turned to each other for a moment. Dean finally inputting with certain details about everything leading up to this point.

"Ok hold on now, so you think you're partially evil because you have demon blood in you and you've become an addict to drinking it?" Your jaw hung as you stared at the brunette boy.

"Yea that's why I said what I said in the closet."

"Sam, you know you're still a good person, right?"
That's still to be completely determined.

"The demon blood makes it harder
but it doesn't mean you fit under an 'evil' label. Everything isn't black and white, gray areas exist too. I won't lie to you and say that you're in the right, but you're not in the wrong either and that's good enough."

Dean fidgets in his seat, slightly uncomfortable with the topic. Sam on the other hand, simply felt reassured. He finally had someone who could understand to some degree and not make him feel stupid about it. You were glad to be that for him.

"Ok no more chick flick moments, you two, I might drive us off a cliff."

"I honestly think those angels you speak of, wouldn't allow that."

"Oh they'd save me, maybe even Sammy, but you're on your own."

You roll your eyes as he wears the same stupid smirk.

"Just because they'd save you doesn't mean you can't die. I'll strangle you myself if I have to."

"Didn't know you were into that, sweetheart." Dean Winchester may not be that much of a criminal as you thought but he for sure was the most annoying man you have ever met.

"Dean-" Sam scolds him in your favor. You simply cross your arms and stare out the backseat window.

"Chivalrous as always... we're here by the way so calm yourselves. I'll go get the key."

"Dean, I'm not staying in the same room as you." He scoffs.

"Why just me?"

"Because Sam is much more tolerable and respectful than you." You get out of the car as soon as Dean parks and you walk to the front desk.

"Hey sweetie, what can I do for you?" An old drunk smiles at you, his teeth were yellow with a few missing. He was obviously a smoker as well. You grew uncomfortable with the way he looked at you.

"My wife and I would like two rooms please, my brother is getting our bags right now but I'm sure he'd hate to be in the same room as us. A king and two queens would be perfect." Dean smiles as he puts an arm over your shoulder.

"Two queens? Trouble in paradise?" The man didn't cease his attempts.

"Our buddy will be bunking with my brother in law." You force out with a fake smile.

You pay with cash, but you place the cash on the desk so he wouldn't touch you.

The man huffs before handing you two keys which Dean snatches before the man could get close. He noticed how you avoided the physical contact. If Dean wasn't as annoying as a pesky fly, you'd appreciate his protection. But you knew this would fuel his ego that 'he had to protect you' like you couldn't protect yourself.

"C'mon sweetheart." Dean says as he leads you out of the main building.

"Open your hand." You tell him in a stern voice.

"Well if you wanted to hold my hand too, you could've just asked-"

"No- I want the damn room key."

He rolls his eyes before giving you the one for the king bed. As soon as you walked out of the man's line of sight and into Sam's, you shoved Dean off of you.

"Woah, I was just helping."

"I can take care of myself, Dean." You turn to Sam who was holding your carry on, you grab it from his possession muttering a small thanks. And both boys watch with wide eyes as you walk away to your room.

"Dude what happened?"

"Some pervy front desk worker was hitting on her so I stepped in." Dean shrugs as he curiously watches you enter your room.

You kick your shoes off and go straight to the shower, not even bothering to bring your bag with you for clothes.

You try to destress as you're under the shower head, thinking back to when Spencer washed your hair. You felt better about the eventful day after the memories flooded your mind. But then you grew upset because you really missed him.

You don't think you could ever go back home knowing what you know now. You can't necessarily prove that they're innocent. You'd sound crazy.

How the hell are you supposed to get off this case?

If you say they died and they get caught again then you're screwed.

If you say they never showed, you'd go back and wait, then track them again, and have to explain to the boys why you simply reappeared. You'd be untrustworthy by then.

Will hunting be enough from this point on?

Dean makes your blood boil, how are you supposed to accept this life when you're with someone you completely can't stand already?

You can't just settle, the BAU will find you easily then you would have to give more answers; ones that you don't have.

You started to shiver under the cold water. How long have you been in here?

You step out, drying your body before wrapping it around your hair. You grabbed a second towel, wrapping this one around your body.

Exiting the bathroom to grab clothes; finding the nightgown that the girls had gotten you for your birthday last year after opening your suitcase. It was navy blue and made out of silk.

You started to feel nostalgic so you took it into the bathroom and dropped your body towel to put it on. It went a couple inches below the knees. Smoothing it out as you let it subconsciously ease your wild emotions.

You missed Michelle, she loved this on you.

You broke out of the mini trance, taking the towel off your head to manually dry it. You heard a knock on your door so you walked over.

You checked the peephole, spotting Sam nervously waiting. You crack the door open and send him a small smile which he returns.

"Hey Sam, is everything okay?" You step aside to let him in as it was freezing outside; closing it after he entered.

"Uh yea," he pauses quickly scanning you, "I just wanted to talk but I don't want to bother. You are clearly ready for bed and was definitely not expecting any visitors." He rushed as he never allowed his eyes to look at anything but your own.

"I'm open to talking, if you want me to throw something else on I can. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"As long as you're ok, I'm good- I'm not Dean." You laugh as you nod in agreement. He sits down on the empty chair near the small table while you sat across from him. Quickly tossing your towel over to the bed.

"Speaking of... is he asleep already?" You ask wondering why he wasn't here if whatever Sam wanted to talk about was important.

"No he's showering, I just got out." You nod as you finally notice the red and black plaid pajama pants and gray shirt.

"Ok, so what's going on?" You were slightly concerned.

"I don't want to intrude but what did you mean by me being an example for you? I'm really glad that you have a better understanding of what's happening with me than Dean does but I'm worried about you."

His eyes had shown great sincerity and curiosity, yet worry was etched all over his face as a slight frown appeared.

"Sam, what I'm about to share shouldn't get passed onto Dean. I trust you enough to hear this but it's too personal for Dean to know." You shook your head as you maintained eye contact. He softly smiles before bring his pinky up. You match his smile before linking your pinky with his.

"I have undiagnosed anxiety that causes me to disassociate and lose track of time. People I love have gotten hurt and worse because I was in my head too much to pay attention. I have even killed people. It was self defense but I still have taken lives. And now I've helped you kill my best friend's husband. Granted- he was a monster and has hurt people but still. When Michelle got tied up in her own home, I was just next door unaware of it all. It's like I don't have panic attacks, I just become dormant or something. And I'm useless. I've been put in awful situations due to the fact that I'm completely unaware when my mind wanders off- I have to consistently move to try and stay out of it- I've tried distracting myself but I fall back into it, and it has turned me into a monster. And I may not be evil, and actively trying to hurt others, but I'm not a saint either. I have enough blood on my hands to say that."

You tried your best to keep the details out of it, for obvious reasons.

"I didn't even flinch to kill Jack or watch him snap some dude's bone. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I'm not a good example of one either. I allow things to happen- intentional or not. I'm in the gray area... and so are you. I just hope you don't feel as alone in this than you may think. No pun intended... but we all have our demons, Sam. We either learn to live with them or we get consumed by them. I don't know about you but right now I'm closer to the latter than the former."

"Thank you for telling me this and trusting me for that matter. I'm glad I have someone who understands to a certain degree and is doing this with me. With Dean it's like pulling teeth to be understood."

"Can you blame him though?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well think about it, he's raised as a good soldier wrapped in self righteousness. He's trained to kill and hate any type of evil or anything bad but right now his brother is going through something he has never experienced... he's fighting against all he's ever known right now because he cares. But he doesn't exactly have the utilities to understand because he was never given them."

"I can understand that, it just makes things a whole lot harder. We aren't in the best place right now. I know he partially blames himself; he thinks that if he was around I wouldn't have listened to Ruby. But I just want to save as many lives as I can."

"I know."

"Me and Dean have always had different views. We both can get pretty stubborn over them as well, but I wish he could just trust me."

"Sam, I'm sure he does but he had just came back from the dead and all this has happened in the span of seconds for him. Which is such an odd sentence to say for me- I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this and-"

"Heart... the point?"

"Right, sorry, the point is... he loves you and cares about you but you switched up for him while this was a full process for you. He's gonna be quick to judge because this was quick for him. I'm not defending what he may have said or done but you both need to try to see each other's perspective. No matter how hard that may be. Dean's a real pain but he isn't hopeless... for you at least."

"I see what you mean. I think it's hard just because we don't really stop and let ourselves process things. We're always moving and doing stuff that we can't fathom taking a moment to think."

"Grass looks greener on the other side."

"Yea... it does. I guess we're the opposite in that department." He smiles at you humorously.

"Guess so." You were going to add on until a knock was heard at your door.

Again.

Sam gets up to go check who it was. He huffs before answering it.

"Dude what are you doing here... oh never mind. Sam, you dog, I see why she keeps turning me down." Dean starts before his eyes land on you with a smirk adorning his lips soon after.

"Dean, it's not like that so shut up. Go back to your room or something." You groan in annoyance before answering.

"Why don't you join me?" He raises his eyebrows, dropping them soon after as he suggestively nods.

"You are the worst- you know that?"

"Guys please, c'mon Dean let's go. Goodnight Heart and thank you." Sam rushes out before turning to speak and close the door.

"Goodnight Sam. No problem." You play it off as you get up to take the towel off your bed and placing it onto the chair you were just on.

Hearing the door shut, you walk over to lock it before going straight to bed.

You sighed in relief as you turned your bedside lamp off.

At least you can become relatively close with one of the boys. You were still unsure of how innocent they were, they broke certain laws to save lives but what were you supposed to tell your director? He's probably wondering when you might call,
it's been around a week.

You lost track of how many days you've been gone since it has been too hectic to count. Of course you missed your old life, but you loved spending time with Michelle, so you tried not to dwell on it too much. You let everything going in this "life" distract you from counting.

If there was anyone who you wouldn't mind arresting, it was Dean. He's cocky, arrogant, flirty, selfish, and closed minded. You can defend him on some degrees but he was too infuriating for you to like.

Sam reminded you a lot of Spencer, minus the emotional intelligence. Yea Spencer opened up to you about how he felt for you but that was it. He didn't know how you felt and was able to understand and talk about it. It was nice to have a male figure who was open about that kind of stuff. And Sam cares so so much. He's trying his best while trying to help you. It's a sweet notion really. You just hope that you can figure this all out soon.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty, me and Sam wanna get breakfast. You comin'?" Dean asks as he shakes your shoulder.

"Dean? How the hell did you get in my room?" You mumble into the pillow as you turn to face his direction.

"I swiped your keys last night-", he shrugs, "anyways... you joining us or not?"

"Give me ten minutes."

"To sleep or get ready? Because if you take too long then we're leaving and you're walking." You rub your eyes then roll them at his disregard for you. You sit up and fix your fallen spaghetti straps.

"Get out."

"What?"

"I have to change." You raise an unamused brow at the man.

"Sweetheart, I don't mind a show-", he smirks as he puts his hands on his hips.

"Get out." His face falls before tossing you your keys and walking out.

You quickly change in casual clothes, ones you're not used to wearing due to your normal attire at the BAU. It was more comfortable in regards to texture but you wished you could casually wear your dress pants and button ups. You weren't used to it when you lived next to the Montgomery's and you're not used to it now.

It felt improper.

You had no clue why the boys were obsessed with flannel but you decided to fit in alongside them. A thin black tank top tucked inside your navy blue jeans, red flannel that you tried smoothing out over the shirt, and your converse that looks very worn down- you dressed like someone with no responsibilities.

Or the responsibility to save people by hunting things. Funny how that checks out...

You still couldn't wrap your head around all of this. It felt like a fever dream really, but you knew once you'd process this, it's all gonna fall apart. You were aware that it seemed freakish for you to just accept everything on the forefront. By this point, the boys expected you to run away screaming or call them insane. But you didn't... you were going with the flow and it was weird for them to see such calmness.

You finished getting ready while looking the most "natural" you have been for years. You even let your hair down- which makes you more anxious of your surroundings but you had the boys.

A soft knock sounded off at your door which you quickly opened. A relieved smile made its way onto your face as you recognized Sam.

"Hey, Dean was about to take off but I made sure to come get you." Sam says breathlessly as he rushed his words. You look past him to see Dean sitting on the hood of his car, he looked like he was trying to act unbothered and cool... which bothered you.

"Thanks, Sam. What diner are we going to?" You ask as you shut the door, following Sam out to the car.

"We're just gonna find one nearby- your shoe is untied by the way." You look down as you both stop beside Dean. You huff before placing your foot on the grill of the car.

"Thanks-"

"Woah nuh uh- we aren't crazy 'round here." Dean quickly interjects before smacking your ankle as an attempt to get your foot off his car.

"What?" You ask before placing your foot back where it was, only for Dean to smack it away again.

"This is a 1967 Chevy Impala- what do you mean what? Baby is a classic-"

Your jaw drops as you're quickly reminded of your conversation with Spencer.

"I'm sorry- did you name your car 'Baby'?" You quirk an amused brow as you couldn't help but allow the giggles to spill past your lips.

"Yes- what? Why are you laughing?" Your fit of laughter only grew at the confirmation.

"Wait how old are you?" You place a hand over your mouth trying to stop yourself from getting too far ahead.

"What does that-"

"Just answer the question, Dean." Sam cuts in with a smile.

"I'm 29?" You were losing air by the second at this point. You accusingly point at Dean, making fun of him.

"You fuck your tailpipe, don't you?" Sam joins in once he realized your endgame.

"Wha- I do not. You know what? I will leave you both here. I will." He starts but you and Sam calm down and get into the Impala as you both shook your heads in dismissal. Your laughter had died down as you tied your shoe in the back, a wide smile on your face as you thought about telling Spencer about this.

But the smile quickly dropped at the realization that you may never get the chance to.

You keep your eyes trained on whatever was outside your window, not even acknowledging Sam or Dean. The drive was quiet despite the fact that Dean was playing his classic rock tapes.

You only let your eyes drift as soon as you saw droplets fall onto the window. It was raining and you didn't have a jacket.

The car stopped at a parking spot. Sam quickly got out to get past the rain but Dean looked at you through the rear view mirror.

"What?" You ask nervously, you didn't know what to expect with this guy. Especially when he takes his jacket off wordlessly and tosses it at you before exiting the car himself. It was a kind gesture, but you were stubborn. You grabbed the jacket, got out, tossed it back to him as you rounded his car. You were cold as you got inside the diner but you were persistent with your decision.

Dean scoffs as he passes you to sit on the chair diagonally across Sam. You wanted nothing from him. What's the big deal?

You sat by Sam as he watched you curiously as you and his brother had water splotches all over one another.

"Why didn't you take my jacket?" Dean asks.

"I don't need it."

"But if it was Sam, you would?" You shrug already knowing the answer was yes. Clearly they both did as well as one scoffed and the other smiled.

"Um- I'm just gonna use the restroom." Sam states before getting up from the wooden seat and walking away.

"Why do you hate me?" Dean's interlocked fingers rests on the table like a businessman.

"Why do you not want me hunting with you guys?" You match his posture, testing him.

"Answer my question first." He leans forward as his eyes furrow at the fight for dominance.

"Technically, I did." You mirror him once more. You're not willing to back down as this man does not scare you whatsoever.

You both were face to face. Eyes searching one another, trying to find your answers. The eyes don't lie, you could profile him but would it be considered cheating? This game that you both played should be fair but you knew he wouldn't pass up the chance to have a head start.

His eyes flickered to your lips quickly. Now you were the one smirking as you backed away from the close proximity.

He really is a douche that doesn't get why you pass on his advances. He probably thinks you simply are attracted to Sam more. But he knew that couldn't be it... you were obviously older than Sam. And while that may not be a deal breaker, you are clearly not making any moves on him either.

"Are you gay?" His eyes widen with his assumption.

"What?" You were baffled and you began to shift in your seat.

"If you are, then I get it- it's not a bad thing but-", you had to cut him of.

"I'm not gay- do I look gay?" Your eyes widen in a panic as he gives you a quick once over.

"Dressed like that, yea." He shrugs as your jaw drops. You looked like a fish out of water as you were processing what he just said.

"Just because I'm not into you, doesn't mean I'm gay-", you exclaim as Sam comes back to sit next to you in confusion.

"What's going on guys?" Sam warily asks as his eyes shift back and forth between you and his brother.

"Your brother is being a dick because I don't want him." Sam tries to hide a smile, coughing to cover up his amusement.

"She's gotta be gay..." Dean mumbles more so to himself.

"Maybe if I shove my foot up your ass enough times, you'll be gay yourself." You sarcastically smile at him. Sam snorts as Dean scoffs, leaving you to soak in your victory.

"Hello, I'm Sadie. I'll be your server for today- can I start y'all off with some drinks?" A sweet old waitress comes to your table with a notepad and pen.

"Black coffee please."

"Same here."

For fucks sake you just wanted to fit in.

"Black coffee as well please... thank you." You immediately reminisced sweet drinks. Now understanding that the boys, when it comes to coffee and probably alcohol, are bitter. They have a dark and bleak outlook on life, you understood why of course. The supernatural isn't for the weak... and you've only been on one case. But you wanted them to believe you were fit for this. You needed them to.

It's not like you can go back... this was it.

"Ok what is up with you?" Dean asks as the waitress leaves.

"What?" You snap out of it, quickly glancing at Sam who is already cautiously looking at you.

"One moment, you're talking and focused and the next it's like you've entered the Twilight Zone... theme song and all." He says as she shrugs his jacket on.

"Dean, maybe you should-", Sam tries to interject.

"No, Sammy, we haven't even tested her yet and you both expect me to just allow her to join us? What are we doing, man? We're better than this- she torched her best friend's husband and didn't blink. She's pretty vague about her history, she somehow has no family or friends to keep her in one spot. Something ain't right here, okay?"

Sam quiets down at the realization that he may have trusted you too easily.

"Can we not talk about me like I'm not right here?" You say in disgust towards the man.

"Heart, why should we trust you? Why are you even with us?" His brows furrowed as he confusingly looks at you.

"Look- you both can 'test' me later, whatever that means. But I'm here because of what you guys do, saving lives. I'm aware of the risks and dangers of this job. I'm not an idiot," Dean scoffs, "I'm someone that wants to do something that has meaning. I'm tired of gigs at bars and diners. I get that it's hard to trust but I want you to look me in the eyes right now and tell me if I'm lying."

You and Dean stared into each other's eyes once more, testing one another.

"You don't seem like you are but something is off, we can't afford to misplace our trust." Sam finalizes before grabbing a flask from his jacket pocket and handing it to you.

"I'm not drinking before breakfast-"

"It's holy water." Sam cuts you off causing you to grab the flask and cautiously taking a sip. The thought that it may be poison had crossed your mind. You taste the familiarity of the liquid, handing it back to the younger brother.

"Ok... so not a demon," Dean starts off, "that ring, ain't that silver?" You nod while sticking your hand out for the boys to inspect it.

"You married?" Dean gives you a quick glance.

"Just fits perfectly on that finger." You shrug, you technically weren't lying due to the fact that you tried to put it on another one and it was either too loose or too tight. But the ring was a sign of commitment... one of which you no longer possess.

"That discredits every dog... here-" Dean grabs the salt shaker and shakes some onto your outreached hand. You remain bored at his science experiment.

"I think she's good, Dean. Just drop it." Sam gives his brother a disapproving look.

The waitress then comes back with each coffee. You cringe slightly at the bitterness as you take your first hesitant sip. She takes each of your food orders and walks away again.

"Well, now that you're tested, I found a case last night that's worth checking out."

"When did you find a case?" You take sufferable tastes of your coffee as Sam questions his brother.

"While you were in Heart's room after I finished my shower." Dean shrugged as he took steady drinks of his dark caffeinated drink.

"Wait so you noticed I was gone, you found a case, then went looking for me?" Sam scoffs at the blatant disregard to his safety.

"Actually, I was looking for Heart... was gonna see if she wanted a strong man to accompany her." He winks at you while you roll your eyes. He was so back and forth with you, it's distasteful.

"Where to?" Sam wanted the spotlight off of you.

Dean slowly grows an eager smile.

"Oh don't do that." You say in discomfort and full of dread. This guy may be the death of you.

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Author speaks!!
A little filler to allow y'all to get to know Sam and Dean the way I see their characters. Most assume that once you tag along with the Winchesters you aren't seen as an option. I think Dean would automatically assume he'd get a consistent fuck buddy where Sam would think he might have a chance to have a life partner that understands the hunting life.
Also you were totally having a gay panic moment with Michelle. I can confirm.